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Shadows crawled under my pillow and across the underside of the lid to my sleep pod. Gentle tickles on my thighs made me kick and writhe to get them off. My sleep pod was squirming with leggy black dots. Wispy webs drooped in the corners. The bugs started to tangle in my hair and fall into my eyes. I clawed at my skin and tried to pry them off.
––––––––
I woke up with so much force, I sat straight up, wiping my face and neck. I threw my backpack across the room and slapped my palms over the metal floor where it had been.
Nothing was there. I checked my shirt and pants and ran my hands through my hair. The dream had felt so real, I still had the squirmy-creepy feeling some little spider hid where I didn’t want it to.
Leo and Nova slept soundly, their breathing rotating from one to another and back again. How long had I been asleep? I checked my wrist locator. Then I remembered the crystals on the ship blocked the signals.
After a nightmare like that, I wouldn’t be able to sleep for a week. My stomach growled, and I walked across the room for my backpack. I unzipped the front pocket to reveal a main course of weapons.
Asteran had the one with the food.
An idea zapped through my head like lightning in a storm. This would be the perfect time to speak with him without the others listening. I checked to make sure Leo and Nova weren’t waking up any time soon, then I jogged to the control room.
My heart rammed in my chest and blood pounded in my ears. Why did he have such an effect on me? He wasn’t just another guy. He was an alien from a different world, and a hot one at that. He’d given my brother something to hope for and had offered his help to save my people. He was so perfect. I feared what I didn’t know about him. Everyone had flaws.
The red orbs still lit the control room. Asteran stood at the center orb, staring at his home planet like a puzzle he’d never be able to solve. Tauren snored at the opposite end, curled up in a ball. Even though I walked silently, Asteran’s head turned at my approach.
His face brightened with interest. “Lyra, is everything all right?”
“Yeah. I just had a nightmare and can’t sleep.” I stood by the opening to the tunnel, not wanting to be too pushy.
“I hope it wasn’t too awful.”
Nothing I’d ever seen would be as awful as what had happened to him. “Nah. Just a creepy bug dream.”
“Come in and stand in the glow. It will lighten your spirit.”
I walked to the room’s center and stood beside him. “Are you hungry? I thought maybe we could eat something. I have food in the pack I gave you.”
“Of course. That would be lovely.” He reached down for the bag and gestured toward the far wall.
I sat, every centimeter of my skin ultra-aware of his presence. Asteran sat a hand’s width away from me and handed me my backpack. I unzipped the front pocket and dug out the soywafer bars. “Don’t judge by the boring wrapper. They’re really good.”
“Anything to eat would be much appreciated.”
I handed him two. I tore open the silver lining on mine, trying to summon the courage to talk of Tauren. This is what you wanted, girl. Go for it.
I took a deep breath, staring at the unbroken meal bar in my hands. “I’m sorry about what Tauren said about your people.”
Asteran took a bite of his soywafer and waved his hand. “It’s no matter. You can’t account for the thoughts of others.”
I glanced over. Even though his words were light, his mouth curved down and he looked away, staring at Tauren’s back with a sour expression. He looked younger than I originally thought, like when a guy is first learning to take responsibility and be a man. His cheeks were still clean, without stubble. Did his people even grow facial hair?
“I’m going to call off my pairing with Tauren.”
He blinked as surprise flashed through his eyes. He turned to me. “Why?”
There were too many reasons to name: Tauren was too serious for me, I wasn’t attracted to him, we didn’t get along, he was rude to my brother, and oh yeah—I had feelings for someone else. I couldn’t possibly tell him the last reason.
Another underlying issue came to the forefront. “I want to choose for myself.” I studied Asteran’s response, hoping to gain even a fraction of understanding of how he felt about me.
“Interesting.” Asteran rubbed his chin, telling me nothing. His eyes were blank, staring ahead like he didn’t care.
I leaned toward him, catching a closer look. The corners of his mouth had curved up slightly. Maybe he hid his true feelings.
I pretended not to notice and played along, biting into my soywafer. “It’s just that I keep procrastinating. He’s a little bit of a blowhard, as you’ve seen, and I’m afraid what he’ll do.”
“What can he do?” Asteran turned to me with sincere fear in his features.
I shrugged. “According to the late commander, Tauren can’t do a thing.”
Was that hope flashing in his eyes? Or just relief? “Then you should go through with it as soon as possible, Lyra.”
Like I hadn’t heard that before. I sighed. “I know. I’m building up the courage.”
“Just don’t wait too long.” His gaze returned to the globe within the orb. “That was my mistake.”
I almost choked on my soywafer. What? Hold on a second. Did he just say he’d made a mistake in love?
A darker thought surpassed the others. Maybe this was the flaw I’d been worried about. Logic told me to not probe into his personal backstory on such an important mission, but every nerve tingled with curiosity. I had to know. Something he’d said in our first meeting tugged at my memory.
I grew bold. “Lavisha?”
Asteran pulled back and stared at me with astonishment. “How do you know of her?”
Embarrassment heated my cheeks. “That’s what you called me when you first saw me.”
“The room was dark, and I was disoriented.”
I swallowed a hard lump and forced my next words. “Do I look like her?”
Asteran trailed a finger down my cheek. “You remind me of her, yes.”
I thought back to his ruined planet. Was she still alive? Was he trying to get back to her? Jealousy made my heart bleed. “What happened?”
“She was the female I’d chosen to bond with, but I never told her. I only watched from afar. We were both young. I’m considered sixteen in your years. I thought I had all the time in the world.”
Sixteen? That was one and a half years younger than me. Here I thought he was like twenty-five or something.
Asteran’s head dropped and he stared at his feet. “The arachnids took her soon after they landed. Before I could summon the courage to tell her how I felt, she was gone.”
My soul ached for him. “I’m so sorry.” How could I ever measure up to that? Asteran was more broken that I’d originally thought. I hadn’t been sure I could heal him before, but now it would be almost impossible. All I could do was sit beside him and experience his sadness along with him, hoping that between the two of us, it spread thinner.
“It was my mistake, not yours.” He crinkled the empty wrapper in his hand. “I just don’t want you to make the same mistake and wait too long to do what you have to do. You can’t count on tomorrow to do it for you.”
What happened if an asteroid hit our ship and we all died in the next moment? There were a hundred loose ends I’d leave open. Asteran was right. I couldn’t live in the prison I’d constructed around myself any longer. I had to break free.
“I’m not very consoling after your nightmare.” Asteran brought up his knees and spread his arms across them, slumping over. It was the first time I’d seen him so self-deprecating and vulnerable. He almost reminded me of Leo, drawing me closer to him.
I wrapped my arm around his shoulders. His lips looked as soft as velvet. “No, you’re perfect.”
I sat with my arm around him for so long, the place where we touched grew warm and tingly. I drank in his misty, manly scent, wanting to sit like that forever, but a light flashed from the orb.
Asteran leaped up, and my nerves jump-started.
“What is it?”
He ran over and studied the orb. “It’s Priavenus. We’re almost there.”