There comes a time after a long pursuit of a goal, when you can finally reflect on and appreciate what you have accomplished. Sometimes it is publicly celebrated; other times it is more privately contemplated. My father told me that after he graduated from flight school he thought to himself, “If for no one else, this memory will be with me forever. I will be proud of it for all my days.”
I gave you a sense earlier of what some military pilots go through to earn their wings, and of the difficult skills they must master in order to be able to pull off dangerous assignment after dangerous assignment, so you can imagine why those feelings welled up in him. He also felt that way after he accepted his Army commission. “There were just so many of us in my school and I was the only engineer,” he explained. Engineers, of course, were among the most sought-after graduates in the military.
Understandably, there were times when processing a moment before he tucked it away and moved on didn’t come quite as easily to him. He once confided, “When I left my unit in Vietnam for the first time, I didn’t understand how to do it. I wanted to hug every guy there, though it wasn’t possible.” How do you not become so completely overwhelmed by the gratitude you feel for your very survival together? I don’t think I would have known a way to do that either.
There is a reason that the military has a deep history and elaborate customs surrounding the awarding of promotions and the public presentation of medals. Insignias do more than just reflect rank, for instance. They indicate and honor the level of responsibility and accountability the wearer bears. Moving up warrants a show of respect. It’s a really big deal.
Medals, ribbons, and badges help acknowledge, communicate, and celebrate merit, honor, bravery, service, and sacrifice. They enable recipients to grasp and cope with the enormity of what they have accomplished and of what they’ve just been through. Decorations stir pride and confidence and they can sometimes heal what may have broken inside during the effort.
The military awards decorations for a wide range of achievements. There are personal medals. Perhaps the most well-known of these are the Medal of Honor, awarded for acts of valor; the Silver Star, awarded for gallantry in action; the Bronze Star, awarded for heroism in combat; and the Purple Heart, awarded for wounds suffered in combat. But there are also others for heroism outside of combat, extraordinary achievement in a particular discipline, and distinguished or meritorious service. There are unit awards including Presidential Unit Citations, Meritorious Unit Commendations, and Efficiency Awards. There are a host of service awards as well—from Prisoner of War, Good Conduct, Reserve, and Expeditionary medals to Special and General Service Awards. In addition, there are recruitment and training awards, guard ribbons, and professional development ribbons. And for sure, there are awards for marksmanship, too. My sincere apologies for any categories I may have missed, as the list is as exhaustive as the efforts of those who’ve earned such honors.
The point in telling you all of this is that there will be times certainly in the military and in life, when you will be called upon to reach beyond what you think you may be capable of doing. In those moments when you surprise yourself and you succeed, you may also be called upon to let others thank you in a more public setting. When this happens, I ask that you please, please, please stand up and be counted.
That may sound like an odd request from someone who writes about making decisions for no other reason than because it’s the right thing to do, but sometimes accepting credit for your hard work is the right thing to do. It is not the time to be modest or the time to express your discomfort with formality. These commemorative events tell others that what seems impossible may not be impossible after all. And that is an important public service message, especially to those whose fears are totally justified in the face of war. In addition to being a symbol of bravery, you are also an example of perseverance and survival. I call the willingness and the act of receiving such honors with the requisite grace “owning your moment.”
While my father didn’t much like the fuss surrounding these ceremonies, he definitely understood the importance of them, and that motivated him to rise to the occasion.
Today he chooses to own the collective moments in his life by being an example to others in more interactive ways. Now that he is retired, he seeks out opportunities to connect with others who could gain something from his experiences in one-on-one conversations. For instance, when he was recently visiting a young cousin in Malakoff, Texas, he stopped off at the school he attended when he was a young boy growing up in that town. You will recall that while he felt he had received an excellent education from the four very dedicated teachers and the supportive school principal there, the facility was as tiny and grossly underfunded then as it is today. “Most graduates of that school feel as if they’ve come from nowhere,” he told me. That is why he returns from time to time to give the current students the kind of heartfelt encouragement he received. He knows many of the students’ parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents from previous visits. He has been returning there on and off for years. The children will say, “I know you. You’re that pilot. You’re that engineer. You’re that lieutenant colonel from the Army,” and they also know that he was a graduate of that same school. The hope is that he will inspire at least one of them to see that goals are attainable even in difficult circumstances. He is really rooting for these kids, and hoping that they will have many occasions to own their moments in the future too.
PAYING IT FORWARD
Mentorship is such an important function in life. It inspires those coming up the ranks after us to grow and acquire the skills necessary to continue the work we’ve done when we move on to bigger challenges. Because our reach can’t extend to all those looking for direction on a day-to-day basis, we must take advantage of recognition when it comes. It’s important to share inspiring words and accumulated wisdom with the larger captive audience that gathers to celebrate our success with us. You never know how something you say will affect an eager listener or who that listener may someday become. They may be a general in the making or even a future commander in chief.
“Own Your Moment” is on my list of rules because I do have occasion to speak publicly a lot and I know the impact other public speakers have made on me. Who has not been affected by a rousing TED Talk, graduation speech, or pep talk from a Hall of Famer accepting a lifetime achievement award? Gratitude for the opportunities afforded to you is best shown in the way you pass the ball, the baton, and your knowledge on to the next person.
A TEACHABLE MOMENT
I have vivid and magical memories of the battalion ceremonies my mother and I would attend when I was a little girl. We watched with pleasure as the various medals my father had earned were pinned to his uniform. My mother was as proud of the way my father would comport himself at these events as she was of the honors he was being given. She knew better than anyone that he did not like to be center stage. He’s a very humble man. But he would carry himself with such poise in these situations because he knew what his predecessors’ example had meant to him and he wanted to be a good example for those he commanded as well.
On the morning of these events my mother would remind him that if ever there was a time to stand up and own his moment, it was then. She used to say, “If you’re going to rise, you may as well shine.” When she was preparing me for the day and describing what would happen she would tell me that receiving acknowledgment for your accomplishments is an act of leadership. It’s never self-congratulatory if you accept the honor in the right spirit. She would explain that it is vitally important for other people who aspire to do good work to see your efforts being appreciated and held up as something worth emulating. To shy away from this recognition is to somehow diminish the value of what you’ve achieved in the eyes of those looking on.
Mom also believed and told me it was part of the natural rhythm of success. Enjoying our moments in the spotlight enables us to stand down when it’s time for others to shine. Once we’ve received our accolades, it’s only fair to let others take center stage. When we’re in sync with the ebb and flow of giving and receiving credit, there is never a reason to get jealous of other people who are advancing too. And that’s extremely important, because jealousy is the opposite of integrity. Hearing the wisdom in these talks, my mantra regarding owning your moment became Until the sun falls from the sky, we will have enough light to bask in and share. Believe me, when people perform at their peak, it raises everyone so there is always enough adulation to go around.
You can see this practice embraced by the most admirable leaders. They know how to graciously accept credit, but they also know how to graciously give it. Paving the way for others to rise is the role they’re meant to fulfill after they’ve shined for a while themselves. The highest achievers in society know they have further to go. They know that leadership is not the final destination. Every general I’ve ever met has been looking for that next step, even though it appears as if they are at the top of the stairway. They’re determined to progress even if they have to create that next level themselves. From the moment they’ve met their goals, they’re looking for new challenges, wondering how their accumulated knowledge and experience could be put to even better use. They’re also looking behind them to see who could be pulled up from the ranks to fill their present functions so the foundation they stand on in their upcoming capacity will be as strong as the foundation they upheld for their predecessors. That is how succession works. Success is built into the word that describes this passing of the baton for a reason. Both of the parties coming and going must have achieved success for the transition to occur.
If you doubt for a moment that leadership is not a final destination, check out how many generals were up for cabinet positions during the early days of the Trump administration. We haven’t seen that many since the days of President Truman. Opportunities to utilize the diverse abilities, strengths, and integrity of true leaders will always abound.
SHARING THE SPOTLIGHT
With my mother’s words and these generals’ examples in mind, I try to leave room for my peers to shine around me too. Naturally, I reach for as many opportunities to work as I can get. I do hours and hours of programming each week because I love it. I’m addicted to breaking news and I focus on winning my time slot in terms of ratings because that means I’m reaching more and more people with the facts they need to know. I read everything I can. I will invest every bit of energy I have to compete with the best of the breaking news anchors out there, but as my executive producers have noticed and commented on, I also have a habit—which I’ve consciously developed—of offering some of my air time so others can speak. I genuinely believe that people don’t pause long enough on television to let others have their say.
The former copresident of our news division brought some marketing personnel down to the set of Outnumbered one day to observe us, and was shocked to hear me say to another panelist, “I’m going to yield my time to you.” When he asked me why I did this, I explained that in some instances my moments of silence can further the conversation even more than speaking can. I won’t interrupt or interject when someone else is saying something salient. If a question is put on the floor and I stop the flow of conversation to hear myself talk, where does the conversation go for the rest of the six-minute segment? I certainly take my time to say what I have to say, but I know the importance of giving others their due. I learned the good graces of listening from the leaders I observed growing up—leaders who knew how to share the spotlight. And I must say that this skill has secured many exclusive interviews for me over the years.
Some people, especially in a competitive environment, may think I’m being overly generous, but the truth is everyone gains from doing this, including me. It can open up all sorts of doors to extend mutual respect and sit quietly when other people around you have something to say. Listening is just as strong an attribute of a good communicator as speaking well is.
I also heeded my mother’s advice to rise and shine on those occasions when I’ve been granted special recognition. I’ve been blessed to earn six Emmy Awards, including one for Best Newscaster and one for Best News Special in 2004, and I was bestowed with the Amelia Earhart Pioneering Lifetime Achievement Award for Humanitarian Efforts in 1998. On each of these occasions I tried to bear in mind the example of others who have impressed me with their dignity as they accepted praise.
A more recent moment that I especially enjoyed, and am grateful for, occurred during a spring 2017 event held by The Paley Center for Media to celebrate influential women in the television industry. Carol Burnett and Marlo Thomas were being honored and I couldn’t have been more excited to meet them both. I was also thrilled to be listed as one of the celebrity guests on the invitation alongside many other women I admire. As was perfectly fitting for a night that was intended to commemorate the strength of the female voice, each special guest was asked to comment on what feminism means to her as she walked the red carpet. I love red-carpet moments in general because they present such a wonderful opportunity to uplift others, to focus attention on a particularly relevant issue or topic, and of course to embrace one’s own career highlights. But this red-carpet walk somehow felt even more wonderful than most. When it was my turn to comment on what feminism means to me I said, “I want them [the upcoming generation of young girls] to feel the strides that women in my generation and previous generations have made for them. So you can label it whatever you want—I call it love.”
It was so nice to have a chance to express this view. On a night when I was surrounded by so many who had done so much, I wanted to use the moment to give a nod to the pioneers while also cheering on the women of the future. When writers for the blog MAKERS.com reported on the event, I was glad to see that my comment resonated with others enough to become a featured quote and video clip. It was as if I got to enjoy that red-carpet moment all over again, and I was happy that others who weren’t present got to hear my message too. My mother would have been very proud of me, I’m sure.
I not only use this rule whenever I can, I also tend to look for ways others apply it. You can never have enough inspiring examples of grace in the limelight to draw upon for later. I offer a few of my favorites below.
The Oprah Phenomenon
A lot of my understanding about ownership has come from observing megacommunicator Oprah Winfrey. No one owns a moment, aha or otherwise, like the queen of talk TV. Every minute she gave away a car to an audience member or connected with viewers over details of her abusive childhood, she owned it. Whether it is through her generosity, which became epic in TV history, or through her uncanny ability to join hearts and minds with her own, Oprah has found a way to imprint her brand onto any second in time as it is happening. Even when she makes mistakes they are like no one else’s. I was watching when she stepped into hot water with the beef industry after making negative remarks on her talk show. Their retribution was swift. A group of angry cattle ranchers in Texas filed a $10.3 million lawsuit claiming she defamed the entire industry. They lost. On that day in 1998, she exclaimed to reporters as she walked out of the courthouse, “Free speech not only lives, it rocks.” With her worldwide image at stake and literally on trial, she owned her moment by making it about free speech, something every American at the very least could grasp and in many cases support.
My favorite Oprah quote has to do with knowing when it’s your time to shine. She has said, “When you were built to be tall, you will endanger your position if you lower your perspective. We eat on the level of our vision. Giraffes eat from the top of the trees. Turtles’ view is from the ground.”
Thanking My Lucky Stars!
While I have only watched Oprah own moments from afar, I did have a wonderful opportunity to personally witness another fine celebrity display the kind of leadership and graciousness I admire. It was at a Hollywood event not too long ago. It occurred at the 21st Century Fox New York City Premiere of the film Hidden Figures.
As many of you know, the National Board of Review named the movie one of the top ten of 2016. Certainly one reason why so many of us loved it is because the film, and the book it’s based on, finally give long-overdue credit to three real-life exemplary African American women—former NASA mathematician Katherine Johnson, former NASA data supervisor Dorothy Vaughan, and former NASA engineer Mary Jackson—all of whom astronaut John Glenn and others have acknowledged were very instrumental in advancing the US space program during a crucial time in its history.
But we also loved the movie for the performances by its stellar cast—superstar Kevin Costner as well as actresses Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer, and Janelle Monáe. At the after-party that evening, everyone naturally gushed over Costner. Who doesn’t love him?! We could have listened to him talk for hours, but after obligingly and congenially answering a few of the crowd’s questions, he quickly turned over the mantle to his costars by saying, “Enough about me. Why don’t you ask what it was like to work with these fabulous women?” He has enjoyed being heralded by the media and by fans for so many years that at that particular moment he wanted to lift his costars up into the light instead. He recognized that each was a rising star and he wanted to be sure they were recognized as such. But even more than that he wanted them to bask in their moment. To enjoy the praise the film was receiving. They deserved it. Their performances were terrific. They brought their A-game to the film. It was a very special evening. I not only got to chat with Kevin Costner that night; I got to witness him invite others to rise and shine. That was an amazing moment!
A quick word on encouraging others to shine: The example above is the right way to do it. The moment is offered to those who have truly earned it. But increasingly in America, we are giving out awards to people just for participating in a challenge. This has certainly been the parenting trend of recent generations. Unfortunately, this doesn’t teach anyone to earn his or her moment, let alone own it. It’s a practice that breeds entitlement and undermines our goal-setting and goal-meeting capabilities as individuals and as a nation. It is also disappointing to see how often our culture elevates people who lack integrity or genuine achievement to celebrity status. If we fail to raise the bar high enough, over time we will certainly become less and less capable of achieving greatness. When we reserve these moments instead for people who truly deserve accolades, everyone’s standards rise and what the honoree offers is not just inspiring words, but a history of action that serves as a blueprint for others to follow.
Giving Personal Thanks
As many times as the military proudly hosts events to salute its troops—and as many times as we may be honored publicly in our careers—there are also times when rewards come to us with far less fanfare. That does not make them any less meaningful. They need to be owned just like any other moment of honor. I was reminded of this point when both Congresswoman McSally and Congresswoman Gabbard recounted such moments with me.
Representative Gabbard told me about when she had been deployed to Kuwait as a platoon leader to fulfill a variety of different missions. In addition to running security patrol for shipments coming into the ports, providing safe escort for them up to the border of Iraq, and conducting a variety of goodwill visits with first responders, disabled children, and others in the host nations where she was stationed, she and a few others were individually tasked with providing training to the Kuwait Army National Guard. This included instructing them on everything from weapons training, marksmanship, and a whole host of other basic Army tasks and drills.
What made this particularly challenging was that the Kuwaiti military doesn’t allow women on their bases at all. As Gabbard explained, “It doesn’t matter if you’re a janitor or if you’re the Kuwaiti general’s wife—no women allowed.” So when she showed up on the first day of training in her US Army uniform, her hair pulled back tightly in a bun, the Kuwaiti gate guards seemed puzzled about what to do. They checked her ID, looked around at each other, and kind of shrugged, but ultimately they waved her through. Later, as she made her way down the line of the soldiers she and her team would be training, and as she put her hand out to meet them, half of them refused to shake her hand or look her in the eye. “I was invisible to them,” she told me.
“It was as though I wasn’t even standing there. But rather than screaming or yelling at them, I understood where they were coming from and went about my business. I had a job to do.” In time, some of them started to notice that she knew how to shoot better than them. Some began to see that they could learn from her. As they got to know each other, she earned their respect. She worked with each of them until they all successfully completed their training. But what happened next was the kind of unanticipated reward I’m talking about. She told me that on their graduation day from this training course, their commander arrived and unexpectedly called her in front of the group, awarding her with a plaque of appreciation, thanking her for her help training his troops. She was surprised and proud of course, but the enormity of what just occurred didn’t really sink in until a few American contractors who had been in Kuwait for quite a while pulled her aside and said, “Tulsi, that was a really big deal. What just happened there has never been done before.”
I’m glad these contractors were there to point out the rare nature of this event and I’m especially glad that the congresswoman allowed me to retell this story here. It carries a strong message about this important rule. The lesson from my perspective is that even when you are doing something that seems totally natural and normal to you but is considered special to someone else, it’s worth taking a second to process the fact that you really made a difference. When others make a point of saying thank you, let their gratitude sink in. It keeps us in touch with just how much our actions have an effect on others.
Representative McSally’s moment happened after a very long and protracted battle to right a wrong, but it also took her a bit by surprise. The events in the story she told me began in 1995. It was when she was deployed to Kuwait that she first discovered female troops deployed next door in Saudi Arabia could not travel off base, even on official business, without wearing the customary head-to-toe gown, called an abaya, and its matching head scarf. Female troops were also not permitted to drive. They had to ride in the back seat of whatever vehicle they were in and they had to be escorted by a male soldier or officer at all times. According to the congresswoman, the troops were also directed to claim the servicewoman as the wife of the male soldier if stopped by the local “religious police,” in order to comply with sharia law. Discovering these rules absolutely enraged her. As she put it, “The military was essentially applying the seventh century norms of Saudi Arabia to our troops. It abandoned the American values that we all raised our right hand to die for.”
She proceeded to contest these rules for six and a half years. She quietly and diligently worked within the system to get them changed. There were times when the prospect looked bleak. There were times when she was operating under the threat of court martial. And there was the time when her orders took her to Saudi Arabia where she actually had to comply with these demeaning rules. To remedy the situation, she finally filed a lawsuit against Donald Rumsfeld, the defense secretary at the time. She wasn’t suing for money, but only to rescind these directives that degraded good order, discipline, and military effectiveness. Ultimately, she worked with members of the House and the Senate to overturn these denigrating policies. It was a great consolation to her when the legislation passed unanimously. The day President Bush signed the law into effect, she watched it on C-SPAN while deployed back in Saudi Arabia. Given the time difference, everyone around her was wondering why she was up in the middle of the night watching this. All she could say to her male peers was, “You don’t understand what just happened. It’s huge.” She didn’t say much more to them on the subject because as she explained, “The last thing you want to do is make a big deal about being a woman when you are in the military. As an officer, you need to shut up and follow orders when they are lawful, and you need to speak out when they’re not.”
But that wasn’t the only time she got to own her moment for the role she played in getting this policy changed. In 2003, roughly a year after the legislative victory, she was again deployed to Saudi Arabia. It was during the preparations for the Iraq war, and she recalled arriving on a C17 in the dead of night. “I was in-processed by a young enlisted woman, on the hood of a jeep with only a flashlight to help us see what we were signing,” she told me. “This enlisted woman handed me my room key, reviewed a copy of my orders, and then gave me a piece of paper saying, ‘Now here’s this legislation that says you don’t have to wear an abaya when you go off base.’ She had no idea who I was—but in my heart I was shouting, I wrote this legislation!” Congresswoman McSally added that what made the moment even more exciting was that she had insisted the bill include language mandating all female troops be given a written copy of the legislation within forty-eight hours of entering the theater, and the military was clearly complying. She said, “I remember just owning that moment . . . just looking up to the heavens thinking, Thank God it’s over. We finally won. This wrong has been righted, and I’m proud that I made it happen.”
What I took away from this event was that when you’ve faced a challenge, applied patience, or persevered and there is no one else around to applaud those efforts, appreciating them yourself is also in order. Taking that moment, even in private, shifts the focus from how daunting the task was to how rewarding it is in the end . . . which is something you will need to remember the next time you step up.
When the Work Is Its Own Reward
Unfortunately, there may be times when your hard work does not get rewarded in the way you hoped it would. Those are times when for your own sake and the sake of others you just have to keep on doing what you are doing.
Military spouse Paola Harrell told me about a three-star general who partnered with a four-star general to form quite a powerful team throughout much of their careers. They really were a dynamic duo. She says the three-star general should have been a four-star general by the time Desert Storm broke out, but the approval process often takes a very long time. That’s just the way it is. Nevertheless, the three-star general continued to be the committed leader he had always been. He went into the war with his teammate and throughout it all he showed the commitment of a leader with a whole constellation of stars behind him. When he retired a big party was thrown for him and everyone came. He really owned that moment. He stood tall and worked the room as if he really did have a fourth star. He remained humbled to serve. He did not wear his rank, because you just don’t do that. But everything about the way he carried himself told you that he was of the highest caliber. I would say from Paola’s description that this general is an example of somebody who had unleashed the power of integrity and owned his moment!
I hope that all of these shared experiences will help prepare you for those times when you will face a crowd and need to model the many attributes that got you to your place of honor. With so many examples of bad behavior around us these days, we need reminders of the real qualities that power success.
YOU DESERVE A MEDAL TOO
Have you ever owned a moment? I mean really owned it in some of the ways I’ve described above? We each have a history filled with opportunities to have been a role model for others. Take a moment to really reflect on the achievements you are most proud of in your lifetime so far. Even if these accomplishments did not come with some kind of public award, celebrate them by yourself or remember them with those who are closest to you, especially if those others were instrumental in helping you arrive at your success. This is a form of owning your moment, even if it is after the fact or done in private. It will remind you of how good it feels to excel and will also inspire you to create other such moments for yourself in the future.
Just as important, ask yourself if you have ever missed an opportunity to own your moment. Was there a time when you could have or should have owned it better? How would you do it now that you’re older and wiser? Perfecting the art takes time and some consideration, but it is well worth the effort because it can potentially impact a lot of lives.
While many successful people find that the real reward comes when you are engaged in doing something you love more than when you receive accolades for it, dreaming of getting top honors can still be a powerful motivation for us all. You can be humble and still use these existing benchmarks to set important goals for yourself. What are some of the awards or honors that indicate that kind of progress? Even if they typically take extraordinary efforts or a lifetime to achieve, make a list of them for inspiration. For instance, if you are a student, are you hoping to make the honor roll, achieve cum laude, summa cum laude, or magna cum laude, or graduate with distinction in your field of study? Do you wish to become a Rhodes scholar? If you are an athlete, do you wish to be named MVP of your high school, college, or professional team? Do you wish to win the Heisman Trophy someday? Or an Olympic gold medal? Is attaining a black belt in your preferred martial art something you are interested in instead? You get the idea.
Of course, I realize that not everyone lands these coveted top honors, but aiming for them still has the potential to build greatness in us. Each milestone we reach along the way to the goal instills important lessons and transforms us into more confident and capable people. What are the top honors you are reaching for? Keep your written list in a place where you will be certain to see it from time to time. Having reminders of your goals in plain sight is always helpful.
Also be sure to plot out all the benchmarks you will need to meet along the way to finally reach those highest honors. There are countless other kinds of awards between where you are now and being at the pinnacle of your career that will raise your profile, advance your goals, and also inspire others in the process. List those awards as well and work toward them individually. Achieving them one by one may very well help you accomplish your ultimate goals such as those listed above. Then imagine your acceptance speech in front of a mirror or when you are taking a shower. What will you tell others striving to reach the same heights? Giving that speech won’t be difficult at all when the time comes, because you will have visualized the moment and the generous ways you are going to share what you’ve learned.
Remember: You don’t have to wait for an honor to be bestowed on you to own your moment; you can create your own opportunities to shine too. Create a space to spotlight and share your knowledge about your work or a special hobby with others who aspire to be as good in that area as you are. Start a blog, vlog, or a YouTube channel. Those who give TED talks, for example, are not only owning their moment, they are grooming others to have a moment someday too.
If you are someone who has already achieved your goals, bear in mind that leadership is not a destination, as I said earlier. Climb higher; create a new level; refuse to allow any kind of ceiling to be placed over your head . . . Or feel free to branch out to a new or related field where your experience and different perspective can make a difference.
Ask yourself: What other endeavors could my skills be applied to successfully? Remember, you can own as many moments as your imagination and your efforts allow.
To help develop one of the best attributes a leader can possess, list all the possible times when you could yield the floor more often to others, especially if you have a tendency to monopolize conversations. What can you do better in meetings, in the classroom, in conversations with friends, or even at the family dinner table that would make you a better listener and overall communicator?
As you can see, all this advice doesn’t just apply to your career. While it’s true no one gives medals for best spouse, best parent, or best neighbor, there are things these loving people do to celebrate you every day. Noticing these deeds, large and small, for the rewards that they really are is important. How you give and receive gratitude to the people you love sets the tone for how they will own the big and little moments in their lives too. I can think of no better application for this rule.
By the way, I recognize that just by reading this book you are taking steps toward meeting your goals and owning your future moments and I gratefully applaud your efforts. Go conquer the world and share the experience with others along the way.