I’m bent over at the waist, laughing so hard my ribs hurt and my eyes leak.
My heart feels so big that I swear it’s beating outside my body.
It’s the last night of my weeklong Soul Fire retreat,
and we are on a break from the Closing Ritual.
The raucous room is in a celebratory state of disarray,
filled with feathers, rose petals, dirt, leaves, glitter, chocolate wrappers,
miscellaneous items of clothing, strewn cushions, tipped-over water bottles,
and twenty-three sweaty, Soul-Saturated women,
twelve of whom are receiving an impromptu lesson
on how to “twerk” from another participant.
The others are milling about, busy snacking, chatting, hugging, dancing,
and being with each other in a natural and truly loving way.
My two gifted and hilarious friends who make up the soul-support team
are next to me discussing important things such as the reality of
Soul hangovers, tomorrow’s breakfast, and if there is enough toilet paper left.
The doors are wide open,
welcoming the warm, fragrant mountain air
and a symphony of crickets, frogs, and goats.
I sense my first parents’ presence
and feel their delight and admiration of us all
(my mother’s especially with the twerking).
In this moment, after this week,
where each of these brave women
embraced and embodied their Soul,
(all of whom make Jesus and Magdalene’s daughter
just another kid on the spiritual block)
I Know in every cell of my body
that we really can do This:
Incarnate True Love.
And more than that,
we are doing It.
A few weeks later, I’m eating dinner with my
remarkable, supportive, and loving present parents
who are respectfully asking me about my past parents
and then making hilarious jokes about what to tell their Church group.
A few weeks after that I’m hugging
my heroic, big-hearted partner
as my two dogs wriggle against my legs
and my parrot squawks, “Sera, I love you . . . nice ass.”
And there are bills to pay and dishes to clean
and delicious food to eat and neighbors to meet
and jokes to tell and arguments to be had
and friends to call and stories to share
and mistakes to be made and lessons to be learned
and more trauma to heal and feelings to feel
and shadows to own and retrievals to mine
and beaches to dance on and bodies to love
and tears to shed and joy to be expressed
and
so,
so,
so much gratitude to be felt . . .
for being Alive.