| |
Sara peeked into Ben's desk. It was immaculate. That was a surprise. His room was a hellhole, to put it mildly. Robbie was the neat one. Sara had congratulated herself, many times, on all the good habits she had taught Robbie. But by the time Ben was four his room was totally out of control. Sara had tried to instill the same good habits in Ben, using the same methods she had used with Robbie. It just didn't work. After Dan got sick, it just wasn't that important anymore. Maybe it was time to try again. There had to be some level of neatness Ben was capable of, given the state of his desk. Sara berated herself for the excuses she had been making. For two years now. It was time to make some changes.
Sara pulled out a pencil from Ben's desk. He had written her a letter and she was to write a response. It should be positive, affirming. She thought out the first sentence, put the pencil to the paper, and changed her mind. She looked around the room. Siobhan and Josh were at Abe and Levi's desks which were, Sara noted with a smile, about as far apart as two seats could be in the room. Ben was at Siobhan's house, with his friends and their babysitter. Robbie was home alone, a fact that Sara was not entirely comfortable with.
Some of the dads were standing behind their wives. There weren't enough chairs to go around. Not every kid had two parents there, but the vast majority did. Ben had asked again that night, at the early dinner they had scarfed down at home, before curriculum night, where Ty was on the tour. Sara had replied that the tour hadn't started yet. She was desperately hoping that Ben would just forget about the tour, and Ty, so she wouldn't have to explain it.
Ty had called several times. The house and Sara's cell. Once she had been home and not picked up, and the other calls she had seen on the caller id log. The calls to her cell she couldn't reject fast enough. Sara couldn't imagine what he wanted. He had made it pretty clear. He was breaking up with her for the tour. Okay, fine. But the idea that he'd just come back after the tour and pick up where they left off? No thank you.
Sara realized that she still hadn't written Ben his letter and most of the other parents, including Siobhan and Josh, whom she had ridden with, were getting ready to go. Sara dashed off a quick letter, read it, figured there was nothing in it that could irreparably harm a kid's self-esteem and got up to take a quick tour of the classroom. The first couple of days were full of "Getting to Know You" projects and Sara took the time to search out Ben's in every group. When Robbie had been in fourth grade she had carefully taken a picture, of each assignment, to show to Dan, when she had gotten home. There was no one to take a picture for now. Would she have taken a picture for Ty, if he hadn't left? She wasn't sure.
Sara joined up with Josh and Siobhan, who were looking at the twins creative writing papers. Under "What I Don't Like" Abe had listed Levi and Levi had listed Abe.
"Should have separated them this year," Josh told Siobhan.
"Two different sets of homework each night? No thank you," Siobhan replied, then she turned to Sara. "You ready?"
"Yes," Sara said.
She couldn't wait to get home and go to bed. Sara had spent most of the, precious few, minutes she had alone to herself every day, wallowing. She was depressed and tired and she didn't feel like doing anything. Finally, after a week, she had forced herself to face the fact that she had to get back on the housework. Today she had started in on her laundry, having made the boys do theirs the day before.
Sara wasn't prepared to find Ty's clothes mixed in with hers and she had buried her face in one of his t-shirts, smelling deeply. Then there had been more crying, and Sara wiped herself up and threw the load in the washer, without looking at it. She put a shopping bag in her closet, to store anything of Ty's, that came out of the dryer, in. Sara wasn't sure what she was going to do with it, but she was waiting until she got through all the laundry to decide. Probably what made the most sense was to drop it off at Ty's dad's house. It would probably be a couple of weeks before she was up for that or could find the time.
Sara slid into the back of Siobhan's SUV. Josh was driving. Josh made sure the women were all buckled up and then he joined the queue trying to get out of the parking lot.
"So I saw that Ty's band is going to play the opening of Inya's new club," Josh said.
"What?" Sara barely registered what Josh had said. She had been wondering if all the phone calls from Ty were cause he wanted his clothes back. And if she should just dump the bag in the donation bin at the church. Siobhan swiveled around in her seat to look at Sara.
"Didn't he tell you? It was on Yahoo this morning."
"Crap," thought Sara.
She hadn't told Siobhan Ty had broken up with her, before he left. In part because she still felt like an idiot over falling apart over the video a couple of weeks ago. In part because being dumped was humiliating and she didn't feel like telling anyone.
"He didn't tell me," Sara said, hoping that was the end of it.
"He didn't?" Siobhan's tone said more than her words. It said, "How dare he not tell you?"
"We haven't talked," Sara said.
"Well, he's probably really busy," Siobhan said, dropping her annoyance at Ty and focusing on pumping up her best friend's self-esteem. "The tour, they have to get ready."
"No, Sha," Sara said. She didn't want to tell them, but waiting any longer was going to make her look like an even bigger idiot, once they found out. "We're not talking, we're not together anymore. We..." not one hundred percent accurate, but there was only so much Sara was willing to put out there for public scrutiny. "Broke up."
"What? When?" Siobhan's tone was now one of disbelief.
"Before he left."
"You didn't tell me. You're just telling me now?"
"Sorry." Sara really wasn't, but it seemed like the right thing to say.
"Why did you break up?" Josh asked and Siobhan said, "Seriously? You don't ask that, don't answer him."
"Well, Josh," Sara said, ignoring Siobhan. "He didn't say exactly." So much for giving the impression that it was mutual, oops. "But I'm operating under the assumption that he thought screwing groupies across North America would be more fun than staying in a relationship with me."
"He said that?" Siobhan was furious.
"Not in so many words, no," Sara said. She was fishing in her pocket for a tissue. All the tissues were used. Well used. Sara desperately wanted to clean herself up, before they got to the house and she couldn't hide in the dark anymore.
"Honey, I'm sorry," Siobhan said and this time all Sara heard in her voice was concern.
"It's okay," Sara said.
That was her plan, Sara realized. She would be okay. Done. She didn't have a choice. She was a single parent, with two kids to support and take care of. She had to stop acting like a lovesick teenager.
"I'll be okay," Sara said. "I just need to...reset, a little."
Even Sara wasn't sure exactly what that meant, but she could see the silhouette of Siobhan's head nodding in agreement. Josh turned the car onto the road to his house. Sara leaned back and shut her eyes. She could rest for a minute. When Josh pulled into the driveway the motion activated lights came on and it was daytime all of a sudden. Seven hundred watt bulbs, Siobhan had told Sara once. Sara shielded her eyes with her hands. Josh stopped the car, while he waited for the garage door to open completely.
"You know, Charlie, from my office, he liked you," Josh said. "He asked me about you after the barbecue."
"Jesus Christ Josh," Siobhan admonished him. “A little too soon don't you think?"
"A little," thought Sara.