IT’S FRIDAY AFTERNOON and tomorrow morning Austin and Luca are going to meet us so we can all drive to the Catskills to meet with Warwick.
I put off thinking about this meeting for weeks after I agreed to it, but this week the looming reunion finally caught up with me. It’s playing on my mind all the time, and I keep trying to tell myself that it’s just one day, and then I can get back to enjoying my life with Abby.
This afternoon, she rang me at the office and suggested that I take off early and go for a walk with her. A good half foot of snow fell over the city last night, and after a gloomy, freezing morning, the sun has emerged, and the city looks like a winter wonderland.
“Are you seriously suggesting we go outside? In this weather?” I gasped.
“I’d only ever do something so drastic for you, Marcus Ross.” She laughed.
We took the subway uptown and now we’re walking through Central Park, our gloved hands entwined, enjoying the way the carpet of snow has muted the harsh sounds of the city. Instead, the air is filled with musical sounds: people laughing and chatting, and children squealing with happiness as they play in the snow. There’s something magical about a sunny afternoon like this after a fresh blanket of snow falls. The park is teaming with joy this afternoon, and no one seems alone. Couples like me and Abby are strolling hand in hand. Families are sledding, the children dressed in their bright winter coats, the colors so much bolder against the blinding white backdrop of the snow. Hell, even the pigeons are busy in their flocks, even if they are just huddling together for warmth.
“This is nice,” I say, but the words are woefully inadequate. After a tense, anxious week, I’m looking around at the life that’s bustling here in the park today, and my heart feels so full it could burst.
“It is nice,” Abby agrees through chattering teeth. I laugh.
“Did you suggest this to distract me from tomorrow?” I know that’s what her little “let’s watch a comedy” routine was about last night, and the gesture meant the world. This one is even more extreme, and maybe I actually love her for it.
“Is it working?”
I glance at her, and she’s breathtaking—the tip of her nose is a little pink from the cold, but she’s beaming despite her protests. I lean over and kiss her gently, then go right back to walking.
“It really is,” I say softly. She squeezes my hand, hard.
“You’re going to buy me the biggest hot chocolate in the city after this, right?” she asks a few minutes later.
I laugh. “Yes, I will.”
“Good. Because I think I’m getting hypothermia and I’m going to need to defrost.”
Looming meeting with Warwick aside, I’ve never been as happy as I am right now. I’m not entirely sure I’ll ever be able to admit this to my mother, but being with Abby feels like a missing piece of my life has finally fallen into place. We’ve been officially together now for a few weeks, and somehow, every day with her feels better than the one before.
No one told me it would be like this. Then again, I probably wouldn’t have believed them if they did.
Maybe the intensity of my feelings will change with time. The infatuation will wane, we’ll even argue—God knows we’ve done that in the past and it’s only a matter of time before it happens again. But I’m starting to realize that no matter what she throws at me, one important thing is never going to change.
Everything I want in life now can be summed up in a single word... Abby. I want it all with her—I want to build a home with her, and to make a baby, and I want to raise that kid with her. I want to suffer through sci-fi movies for however many decades life gives us together. I want the highs and the lows. I want the arguments and the makeup sex. I want to live it all, and I want to share it with her and only her.
I need to tell Abby that I love her. If I’m the luckiest guy in the fucking universe, she’ll tell me she loves me, too. And then I’ll promise her I’m in this for the long haul, that the word forever doesn’t scare me anymore—in fact, forever now sounds too damn short for what we share.
It’s just that every time I try to say those words, something kind of sticks in my brain. Resisting commitment is a habit, even now that I’m with someone I desperately want to keep by my side. I’m not sure what to do about that. Things are still new with Abby. Maybe once I settle into it some more, I’ll get over this bewildering hesitance.
We finish our walk and I make good on my promise of hot cocoa. Now we’re cuddled up together on the single free chair in this crowded café in Columbus Circle. I all but inhaled the chocolate bouchon I ordered, but Abby took the time to savor her assortment of tiny macaroons. She’s perched on my lap and, in typical Abby fashion, she’s sipping her hot cocoa while she stares around the room, her big brown eyes taking it all in.
“Recovering?” I ask her wryly. She laughs, then kisses me quickly. I taste the chocolate on her lips, then catch her and kiss her deeper, harder. The woman beside us makes a sound of disgust and stands, then walks briskly away. Abby breaks her mouth apart from mine, shoots an apologetic glance at the retreating back of the woman we have offended, then settles happily into her chair while I laugh.
My phone buzzes and I reach into my pocket to read the message.
Luca: Not that I’m doubting you, bro, but you didn’t forget about tomorrow, right?
I sigh.
Marcus: I wish I could have forgotten about tomorrow. But no, I’m still coming. Abby’s coming, too.
Luca: Good. By the way, if we get there and he’s an asshole, I call dibs on being the one to tell him to fuck off.
Marcus: Deal.
“Hey,” Abby says. I glance up at her, and she smiles. “Whatever happens tomorrow, it’ll be closure, and then you can get on with the rest of your life.”
I reach for her hand and bring it to my mouth, gently kissing my way along her knuckles. I really hope she’s right, because it’s not just the rest of my life I’m wanting to get on with. It’s the rest of ours.