EPILOGUE

IN HER WILL Alison had chosen to leave me the most precious gift of all—she revealed the whereabouts of her and Richard’s child. She lived in Manhattan Beach with an androgynous woman who was about my age: Adrian Raven, an attorney.

On a beautiful Saturday morning a little more than a month after Alison’s funeral, I called Adrian before driving down for a visit. The child, now an adolescent on the verge of her conversion, was walking the beach. Adrian had told her I was coming to visit, but she hadn’t told her much more.

“I didn’t have to,” she said. “It’s why we named her Sage. She’s a remarkable girl, precocious, wise, often clairvoyant, and, as you will soon see, quite beautiful. We’re all very proud of her.”

We spoke a little about Alison and Nicholas, as well as other Androgyne we knew. Adrian was a very bright and successful attorney. She had a beautiful beach house. Alison had placed the child well, I thought.

“What does she know? What have you told her?”

“I never told her she wasn’t my daughter,” Adrian said. “I didn’t have to. One night just recently, while we were sitting out here after dinner, she turned to me and said it herself. Naturally, when I didn’t deny it, she asked about her real mother and I told her the truth. I had the sense that she would discover it on her own anyway.”

“How did she take it?”

“With that same quiet acceptance she takes nearly everything. It hasn’t changed our love for each other. She hugged me to her and said I would always be her mother and she would always love me as much as she could love a mother.

“I’m very glad I adopted her,” she continued. “It would break my heart to lose her.”

“Oh, I’m not here to take her from you,” I said. “You must not worry about that.”

“I’m happy to hear it. She knows all about you. Instinctively, she has followed your career from the moment she could read.”

“Really?” I looked to the beach. “Sage,” I said.

“Yes. Why don’t you go to her? She’s waiting for you, I’m sure.”

I thanked her and walked down to the beach. The water was rolling in gently, the whitecaps barely a foot high. At first I didn’t see her, and then suddenly, there she was. She looked so much like Alison, she took my breath away. But as I drew closer, I saw she had Richard’s eyes. It gave me the strangest, and yet most wonderful feeling. It was as if I were meeting Richard for the first time outside myself.

“Hello,” I said.

“Hello. You’re as beautiful in person as you are on the screen. More beautiful,” she added.

“Thank you. You’re becoming a very attractive young lady yourself. You look a lot like your mother.”

“Did you know her well?”

“Oh yes. We were the best of friends. We grew up together, went to school together and lived together for a while in New York.”

“I want to go to New York someday too,” she said.

“You will, I’m sure.”

“Adrian’s taking me there for a visit next summer, but I think I want to live there.”

“You’re going to want to live in many places.”

She laughed.

“I know. I feel that way already … about everything. Is it unnatural?”

“Oh no.”

“I want to taste everything, see everything, do everything. Adrian laughs at me and says I flit about like a bird, but I can’t help it. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and my heart is pounding for no reason.”

I smiled.

“That’s not unusual. It happened to me the same way.”

“Did it? Adrian says that too, but…” She stared at me. “I’ve wanted to meet you for a long time. I’m so happy you’ve come.”

“I’m happy I’m here.”

“Will you tell me about my mother?”

“I’ll tell you everything I can.”

“Will we be good friends? Oh, I don’t mean as friendly as all Androgyne are to each other. I mean special friends.”

“Of course.”

“Did you come now because it’s almost my time?”

“I suppose, although to be honest, I didn’t plan it.”

“It’s wonderful how things just happen for us sometimes, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” I said, and I had to laugh at her exuberance. How much she reminded me of myself now.

“Let’s walk along the beach and talk. Will you hold my hand?”

“I’d love to,” I said and took her soft hand into mine. Then I hugged her to me.

“Are you going to stay overnight?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Very much. I think … maybe it might happen tonight and I’d want you to be here to meet him.”

“Yes.”

“Do you know,” she whispered, “I know something that Adrian says usually doesn’t come until after the conversion.”

“Really? What?”

“I know his name. It’s just there; it’s always been there like an egg waiting to hatch.”

I laughed. “It could be.”

“Oh, it is.”

“What is his name?”

“Richard,” she said. “Do you think I’m right?”

“Yes. I do.”

“You know a lot, don’t you? Will you tell me all you can? Will you?”

“I’ll tell you everything.”

“It is going to happen tonight,” she stated firmly. “I’m sure now. And do you know,” she said as we continued down the beach, “I’m not afraid … not anymore … now that you’re here.”

I hugged her to me again.

A tern swooped down before us, then soared toward a passing cloud. In the distance we could see a sailboat emerging on the horizon.

And suddenly I felt there was nothing as precious as life, and nothing as confusing.