Chapter 14

Lisa

Harlan’s foot is over my lap, as he lays on the couch next to me. We’re watching a romantic comedy, something I bargained for, in exchange for watching the baseball game with him. The romance is centered around a couple who have a rather one-sided relationship. Had I known that that would be the main story arc, I would have chosen a better movie. One that didn’t ring so true to our life. Harlan has no idea how badly I want to marry him. The proposal was made more than six months ago, and no date has been set yet.

At least we’re engaged. The couple in this movie aren’t there yet. Harlan will stick that in my face later, should I choose to pick a fight with him over it. I love him to death, and he loves me, too, but he’s waiting for more. And the fear in me doesn’t want to explore or confirm my suspicions on what that more is. But I have a gut feeling.

“Baby, rub my foot, would ya? My dogs are killing me tonight.” Harlan asks kindly. “I’ll rub your back later.”

Everything with Harlan is fifty-fifty. Give and take. But there are some things that he can give me, that I can’t barter with. And that’s the painful truth.

“Sure, baby.” I say, rubbing his feet.

As we watch the movie, Harlan drifts off to sleep, and thank God for that. It’s just an awful story. Next time I’ll pick an action flick. Forget these chick flicks and girly themes that get me into trouble. When he wakes finally, as I shut the television off for bed, he murmurs. “That must have either been one boring movie, or you gave me one hell of a foot rub, sweetheart.”

“I think it was a combination of both, Harlan.” I chuckle. “You didn’t miss much. He proposes to her, they get married, and it ends with them having a baby.” I regret the words the minute that they pop out of my mouth.

“Say, do you think we ought to go get checked out, you know…since we aren’t having no babies yet?”

“Harlan, I told you, with me it’s going to be difficult, sweetheart. And we’ve only been trying for a couple of months.” I reason. “Besides, shouldn’t we get married first, before having a child? Isn’t that the way couples are supposed to do it?”

Harlan ignores the question. “I think you ought to switch doctors, baby. Even your parents aren’t keen on that quack you go see out there in Dallas. Plenty of fine doctors over here in Huttonville.”

“I like my doctor, Harlan. I’ve told you that.”

“Yeah, but if we have to truck it all the way to Dallas and back to see about having a baby, that’s not going to be fun, Lisa.”

I stare at my lap, treading carefully. “Some people say that it’s a psychological thing, baby. Maybe I’d feel better if we were married first, before getting pregnant.”

“Well, I don’t want to get married first, baby.” He states. “You got the ring. That’s all you need. You know I’m going to marry you. I don’t see the problem.”

“The problem is, Harlan, maybe in my mind I need to be married first.”

He laughs without a trace of humor. “Lisa, fine, we’ll set a date and all, but…what’s that going to prove?”

Unconditional love for me? That you don’t need a baby first? If I can’t get pregnant, you just want a way out, is it? These are all things running through my mind, but I say none of them. I know in my heart that that’s what’s holding Harlan up. He wants to make sure that I can deliver the goods first. Harlan comes from a large family, and he doesn’t want to mix with, much less marry, a woman who can’t give him just that. I try to change tack, lightening the mood. “We don’t have to set anything, Harlan. It’s just fun trying, after all, isn’t it? It’s only been a few months. Let’s give it six months…huh?”

“Six months.” He tests the words on his tongue. “Okay. Six months it is.” He smiles. “You want to go try again, baby? Let me give you that back rub I promised?”

“A back rub won’t get me pregnant, Harlan.” I play along.

“Well, let’s start with that.” He says fairly, kissing me.

 

***

 

Kurt looks so handsome standing up at the altar. He’s mere feet away from me, and he’s clad in his best suit and tie. The smile on his face when he sees me could light up the night sky. I can’t take my eyes off him, and he can’t take his eyes off me. I’ve seen that look before. It’s love. Kurt is head-over-heels in love with me. And the best part is that I’m very much in love with him, too. For the first time since forever, I can honestly say that I love the man that I’m with. But it’s not that easy. I’ve been down this road before. And I know how it ends.

Grayson first appears, riding on Trixie. Lloyd is in a suit and tie, and he’s got a rope attached to Trixie’s bridle, guiding her slowly down the makeshift aisle, which is essentially a gap between two families of arranged picnic tables and chairs. The horse is calm, and Chip is trotting alongside the horse, as well-behaved as ever. When he dismounts, Grayson shakes Lloyd’s hand and Lloyd guides the horse away from the crowd, while the groom takes his place next to his brother, in front of the priest, at the altar.

Moments later, Laura comes from around the corner, riding Weasel sideline, with the modest train of her dress flowing freely in the quaint breeze. Her veil covers halfway down her back, and her bouquet is a simple collection of sprigs of roses from the front porch. Simon leads Trixie with a rope, but Trixie has a big red bow attached to her bridle, and a matching one on her tail.

As I watch Grayson stand next to his brother, waiting for his new bride to come down the aisle, carrying his baby, carrying his future, giving him all the things that a man could ever want out of life, I think to myself…Kurt deserves those things, too. But does he want kids? Let’s be real here. Every man who grew up in a big family wants the same for himself. It’s the ultimate show of integrity, of masculinity, of pride. A man isn’t a whole man unless he’s got children to show for it.

I don’t even have to ask Kurt. Without even seeing how he behaves around children I know he wants them. They all do. And if I can’t give him what he wants, then why would he want me? Harlan didn’t. Why should Kurt? Why don’t I ask him, you say? Because I can’t stomach the pain of being told yes. If I don’t ask, then it can’t be real.

Laura walks down the aisle in the most classic style gown I have ever seen. It might as well have been made for her, because is suits her so well. One would never know that she’s been throwing up all morning. Her face is aglow with happiness, especially when she sees Grayson’s smile. I never thought I’d see the day that Laura Warner would finally move on. She and my brother Quentin were like two peas in a pod. I thought that Laura would never get over my beloved brother, and for so many years I prayed to God that she would. She doesn’t deserve to be alone for the rest of her life. She deserves a wonderful man like Grayson, who will give her everything that she needs.

As they join hands and say their vows, Kurt’s eyes are on me, and mine are on his. I love him. God, do I love this man before me. I’ve felt it before and I never thought that I’d feel it again, but I knew it the first moment I saw him. That Kurt Thomas was going to be the man for me. That’s why I couldn’t look at him. That’s why I couldn’t talk to him. Because I knew. Now as I stand, witnessing my best friend’s wedding, the second that I’ve been blessed to be here for, I ask myself, do I see myself doing this? I absolutely do.

With brief vows, the ceremony is over, breaking my reverie. Laura and Grayson are wed, and the clapping and wooting is heard for what seems like miles. Clint pulled out all the stops and invited practically the whole dang town. Everyone pitched in and brought a dish, making this the largest celebration that Huttonville has seen in years.

“Do you want to dance?” I hear Kurt ask, as I take another shot of the bride and groom.

“Luellen, can you take over for a moment?” I ask my assistant, who is only too eager to take the camera from me. I’m such a perfectionist, the poor girl hasn’t had more than ten minutes behind the lens.

“Certainly, ma’am.” She says, her eyes bright. “Would you like me to snap a shot of you two?”

Kurt answers. “Sure.” As he pulls me close. We’re cheek to cheek as Luellen takes the photograph.

“Do it in sepia, too, darlin’.” I say, knowing how nice both color and sepia look with the peachy tone that I’m wearing. Kurt’s got a peach boutonniere to match my dress. I grabbed his and Grayson’s when I rented the altar.

When the picture is done, Kurt leads me to the dance area. Laura and Grayson are dancing in the center of it all. As Kurt wraps his arms around me, I drink him in. “God, I didn’t think I’d ever get to hold you today.”

“My thoughts exactly.” Kurt says, and then he kisses me. I love it that he isn’t afraid to show affection towards me in front of people, especially his family. I’ve never had that before. It’s like he’s proud to show his feelings for me, regardless of who is watching. It’s odd seeing dozens of Texan men walking around without their cowboy hats on. Kurt especially. He has the curliest hair when he’s not wearing his Stetson. Not that he isn’t as sexy as ever with it on, but I’m just saying.

The way he holds me close, almost cherishing me as we dance, it makes me warm and fuzzy inside. My hands slide through the sides of his hair while we’re nose-to-nose. His eyes are hooded, as he stares at my lips and then my eyes, and then back again. He’s an incredible dancer. Over the soft din of the music, his voice is a murmur when he says. “You’re something else, you know that?”

“You keep saying that.” My voice is soft and thick.

“Well, I mean it, Lisa.”

“I know you do, darlin’.”

“Never…thought that I would feel like this about anyone.”

“Especially about a girl who could barely speak to you when she first met you.”

He smiles warmly, chuckling softly. “You were a little schoolgirl trapped inside a woman’s body is all. Cat had your tongue.”

I smile and kiss him.

Kurt’s eyes slide over to Grayson and Laura. Grayson is dipping Laura, and then kissing her, responding to the catcalls of the crowd.

We both laugh, and then he holds me close again. “You see yourself doing that?”

“What…getting married?”

“Yeah,” he searches my eyes.

“I’ve been down that road before, Kurt. I told you that.”

“I know.” He kisses me. “I just wondered if you’d ever go down that road again.”

“Maybe.” I say, and then I break into a smile. “But he’d have to be rich. And he’d have to have a Nobel Prize, you know…because I’m not getting shafted on that again.” I can’t help but chuckle. I can’t keep a straight face after saying that.

He chuckles with me, and then he shakes his head. “God, I love you.” He says it like he’s just said I was funny. I try not to respond at first, waiting for him to add something like, ‘you’re such an ass’, lightening the sentiment. But he doesn’t. He’s silent. And I think he’s waiting for me to say it back, but I’m not sure if he really meant it.

Kurt rests his forehead on mine, and then he closes his eyes, as if drinking me in. Then he pulls me closer, so we’re ear-to-ear, in an embrace. It’s like I reciprocated the sentiment with my eyes, and he doesn’t need to hear it come from my mouth. As the song comes to a close, Laura comes up to the microphone. “If you can all grab a seat please, just for a moment, before we get started.”

Grayson stands next to her at the DJ table. Kurt and I take a seat as well.

“You all received a little envelope upon arrival, and I bet you’re all thinking that it’s your Thank You cards, but I must confess…we didn’t make any!” she laughs and gets some laughs. “We didn’t have any time!”

More laughs. “Inside the envelope is just…a little something from Grayson and I. I think you’ll all enjoy it. Go ahead and open it. All of you.”

Kurt goes into his suit jacket pocket, and pulls out his envelope. He looks at me expectantly. “You didn’t get one?”

I grin. “No.”

Chip is just losing his mind with all the rattling of ripping envelopes going on, and Grayson heels him, silencing the dog. As the noise settles, we hear hoots and hollers and whistles. “Way to go, Grayson!” Mitch shouts, as if Grayson scored on a hockey pool.

Watching Kurt’s face, I can feel my heart pound. As he opens the envelope, inside there is a smaller, handwritten note that says, ‘see you back here in six months for our first baby shower!’ and the ETA of the baby’s arrival.

“I knew it, son!” Grayson’s mama shouts out. “I knew she looked a little green last weekend!”

Laura leaves the DJ table, and everyone gathers around for hugs and congratulations, while the music starts up again. Kurt has a smile on his face. “I had a feeling.” He says.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “I mean…something didn’t add up. Why did they have to get married so fast.” He points out.

“Actually, Grayson proposed before he knew about the baby.”

“Well, I didn’t figure Grayson would marry out of obligation.” Kurt clarifies. “I know he’s crazy about her. I just figured that there was a little too much haste in putting the wedding together. I mean, who gets married in a week, unless there’s something else going on.”

“Are you happy for them?”

He changes tack. His face brightening. “Oh, of course. I’m ecstatic for him. Grayson’s been wanting kids for as long as I can remember. He and Kelly never had them, but I know that he wanted a family.”

Surprising us, Grayson comes up to the microphone again, interrupting the low din of music. He has a grin on his face like someone called his bluff on something. “And just so you all know, Laura told me about the baby five minutes after I proposed. Let the record show.” He winks, giving a thumbs up.

“Told you.” I say, satisfied.

“I already believed you, baby.” He says, giving me a kiss.

“I know. I’m just saying.”

After I take more pictures of people dancing, and a handful of family photos while everyone is all dressed up, Kurt pulls me to the side. “You must be exhausted.”

“No, I’m fine.” I insist. “I love doing this kind of stuff.”

“I’ll say. The alter is beautiful, too.”

“Thanks.”

“You think I can pull you away for another dance soon?”

“Soon, darlin’. I’m just about done. Just need another few shots of them cutting the cake and I’m through.”

“Okay.” He says, satisfied.

Will approaches me. “Hey, my mama’s got the cake ready inside. should I go bring it out now?”

“Sure. I’ve got the camera ready.”

The cake, which is a three-tiered white and milk chocolate fondant, with a huge lasso wrapped around it, also in fondant. On top of the cake are a bride and groom on top of a set of horses, which are essentially a Barbie and Ken doll on top of toy horses, only in a smaller scale. It’s very cool. I take a dozen shots of the cake before the bride and groom are even in them.

Laura picks up the cake cutter, which has a motif of a lasso on the handle, a gift from the baker out in El Paso, and she sets it next to the cake. After a dozen or so pictures of them cutting the cake are done, we serve it up. It’s so delicious it melts in my mouth. I begged Laura not to do the whole ‘feed each other the wedding cake’ bit. Always thought that was gross and terribly inappropriate. So she didn’t. She did, however, smear a finger full on my nose, which Kurt playfully ate off it. Luellen caught it all on camera, as Laura had prepared her for it, in thanks for disallowing Laura to feed her new husband at her own wedding.

After all the hoopla starts to wind down, Laura approaches me. Kurt is over talking to his brothers, by the barn. “So, do you think you and Kurt are next?” she asks me.

“Oh, please. Laura, we’ve been together two weeks.” I point out like what she’s suggesting is utterly ridiculous.

“We’re not twenty anymore, Lisa. It’s not like we have to wait a year and then move in together, and then forcefully keep the relationship in increments, until society dictates that it’s appropriate to move to the next step.”

“Hell, I know that.” I bark.

“He loves you.” She says.

I look at him. He’s talking to Mitch. He has his arm around his shoulders, and then he sees me looking at him, and he winks. It gives me tingles in my stomach. “I know.”

“Do you love him?”

I hesitate. “I…”

“Oh, don’t you lie to me, Lisa Warner.” She warns. “I know you better than you know yourself sometimes. You love him. You’re just afraid. Of what, I don’t know. Kurt is just about the sweetest man alive, aside from my husband.”

I look at her and the ghost of a smile creeps up on my face. It’s infectious. “How long were you waiting to use that phrase…or, more particularly, that title?”

“Husband?” she checks.

“Why, Laura Thomas, are you blushing?” I tease.

She smacks me playfully. “Stop it.”

“What? With the ‘husband’, or with the ‘Laura Thomas’?” I giggle. “Now we can say, ‘Doctor and Missus Thomas’.”

“It’s got a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”

I look at her pointedly. “Yes, it does.”