Chapter 45

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Marc blinked in the early evening light that seemed like midday to him, smiling at the feel of sand beneath his feet and Dain’s attention to such minute detail. As his eyes adjusted, the light settled to the golden hue of pre-twilight, achingly beautiful. Waves crested, and rolled onto shore, pounding in a never-ending roar. The gulls overhead, screeching as they dove into the water, reminded him of Cadal.

That was all he had a chance to look at before Dain was on him, forcing him down to his knees. Marc made himself relax, which was a little more difficult than he thought it would be. Dain was more out of control than he expected, and all Marc could do was hold on. He was comfortable though. The sand was warm and it felt good to just lie there, held comfortably in Dain’s arms, watching the waves glide across the shoreline. Marc could feel Dain’s sense of revulsion growing in equal measure to the unstoppable craving for more. Marc knew that he wouldn’t understand that for him this was a natural extension of his own unique perspective.

Then Dain was inside him, and his hand closed around his soul, exploring that center of power with a quiet sensitivity that Marc found was immensely satisfying and surprising. He hadn’t expected this to feel good and it did. A surge of power coursed through him, shocking in its intensity. “How are you doing that?”

“I can’t stop.”

“Don’t. That felt great.” Marc smiled at his stunned expression. “I’m serious, and the only reason you can’t stop is because you waited too long. I’m all right. You’re not hurting me at all.”

“But it’s...I mean...”

“It’s not reality, Dain. Based on thought and nothing more than that. For you, I’d say it’s perfectly normal. I even wish I’d thought to do it this way myself. It’s one of the things I like about you most. You always manage to turn something like this into a better, more endurable experience. It’s the way you are. It’s your whole outlook on life. If it isn’t good, you change it. I didn’t think it was possible to change this, but you just did. So don’t stop. Relax already. This is working just fine for me.”

“You make me sick sometimes. You know that?”

“Why? Because I’m doing what you always tell me to do - look at things the way they are and admit that this just might be normal?”

“Normal? How can you say this is normal? You never felt this way.”

“You’re wrong. I know what it made me feel when I went through this. It’s just a little more intense for you because that’s the way you are.” He smiled then because Dain wasn’t driven by need any longer and he realized it too. “There, you see? You just won the first round.”

He didn’t look all that happy, but he nodded and let him go, almost pushing him away. That he was still unsure and mostly revolted by what he had done was more than apparent. Marc knew that was something he’d have to resolve for himself.

“Can we stay a minute?” he asked and stood, looking around at the reed covered dunes that marched in a long line down the beach.

“I thought you said you were hungry.”

“I am, but this is nice, and I’m sick of not being able to see.”

Dain seemed reluctant to agree, but he did. “I guess that means you aren’t supposed to use someone else to see then.”

“I can when I need to, but unless I need to I get the impression that I shouldn’t.”

“So this would be cheating right now.”

Marc nodded. “Just for a minute. Where are we anyway?”

“The Beach Manor. The house is beyond that stand of dunes. You can see the roof from here.”

“Yes, I do. Nice place. How many other homes do you own?”

“Me? None.”

“You know what I mean.”

“There’s one on Altair and one on Arel. Eventually we’ll have to go reclaim them I suppose.”

“What about Beren?”

“What about it? Last I heard it had burned to the ground.”

“I know that. I was there. Too close for comfort even. Are you going to rebuild it?”

“Like we can afford it.”

“Maybe someday.”

“Sure. Can we go back now?”

Marc glanced at him, wishing there was something he could do to make this easier. Dain had been through enough, and Marc was afraid he wouldn’t make it through this particular challenge. “We can, but before we do, I want you to promise me something.”

“No.”

“All right, then I’ll do it for you.”

“Do what?”

Marc smiled. “You’ll see.”

“Don’t try that with me. What?”

“Nope.”

“All right. I promise. What?”

“Don’t give up.”

Marc turned from the crashing waves, waiting for an answer. Dain was staring down into the sand. “What if I do?”

“I won’t let you.”

“In other words, I don’t have a choice.”

“Right.”

“So what’s new? For the last seven years...no, let’s make that my entire life, I’ve never had a choice.”

“Sure you have. You could have quit a long time ago. I just don’t want to see you do that now when we’re so close.”

“Close to what? You dying? You don’t have much right to talk to me about giving up.”

Marc didn’t answer him. Couldn’t. He hadn’t expected that particular argument to be thrown up at him. He saw the point, and even when Dain was right, Marc didn’t care to admit it.

“I don’t want you to die.”

“I’m not so crazy about the idea either, all right? You think what you’re dealing with is hard. You should try taking my place. You want your life back? You want to be rid of Maralt and everything he represents for good? Not just for your time, but your children’s time? For your son, Dain? Why can’t you let me give that to you? One life is what they want.”

“I keep hearing about what they want, these Gods of yours. Doesn’t what you want count for anything? What ever happened to free will? What do you want, Marc?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want.”

“Yes it does.”

“Why? It can’t happen. Wanting something that I know can’t happen doesn’t help me.”

“What is it?”

Marc pulled in an unsteady breath, really preferring not to have this conversation, but he could see Dain wasn’t going to let it go. “I want to see my parents and my brother. I want to know that they’re all right. There isn’t enough time to get from here to Cadal, if I’d even be allowed to go, so what I want isn’t possible.”

“No, I guess it isn’t,” Dain said softly and shook his head. “Will there ever be any justice?”

Marc held up the chain around his neck. “When this is gone.”

“Taking you along with it. That’s not justice. To me it’s murder.”

“I guess that’s why I have to accept it, so that it won’t be.”

“But you don’t accept it, do you?”

He shook his head because it was true. “I’m just afraid. I’m afraid I’m going to fail. I’m afraid I’m going to succeed. A really rotten position to be in.” He looked back out over the water, watching the light begin to fail, thinking that fear would drag him in and pull him under, crushing in its weight. “I don’t want to think about it any more. I want it to go away and it won’t. I want it to be someone else’s job and there isn’t anyone. I want to go home. I just want to go home and hear my mother tell me that I’m going to be all right. So much spit in the wind.”

Dain nodded, then clapped him on the back. “Well, at least you’ll make a good martyr. You’ll get a statue out of it.”

Marc stared at him, then laughed a little. “A statue?”

“Sure. Statues, monuments. All over the place. Big ones.”

“A statue would be all right.”

“With a staff of beautiful women to keep the bird shit off your head, polish the pedestal. That kind of thing.”

Marc shook his head and laughed because he couldn’t help it. An unquenchable spirit was Dain Telaerin and Marc was never more glad than now to have him around. “Can we go now?”

Dain nodded agreeably. The arm around his neck tightened suddenly, pulling him closer. “Just one more thing. If you ever tell anyone what happened here, your Gods will be meeting you a lot sooner than they expect.”

“They’re not exclusively mine and I doubt they’d let you do that, but I won’t tell anyone.”

Dain snorted at that. “I doubt they’re capable of stopping much of anything, Marc. They haven’t been doing such a great job so far.”

“You know, Maralt’s side isn’t the only one capable of producing a bolt of lightning that’ll take you right out. You could stand to be a little less irreverent.”

That produced a smirk, but when a swirling black thunderhead reared up over them, Dain stared at it in sudden fear. That changed to a glare and he turned. “You’re doing that.”

“Yes, but for a minute there, you didn’t think so.” A rumble greeted that statement and a moment later, lightning struck close enough to momentarily blind and deafen them. “I didn’t do that.”

“They’re aim isn’t so great either.” Another blast seared across the ridge of dunes behind them, and much closer.

“You were saying?”

Dain grabbed Marc and took them back. “You are such a ... Only you, the most powerful adept the world has known, could brew up a storm that you can’t control.”

Marc only laughed at him, but an impatient knock at the door stopped them and Shalis came in. “Are you coming to eat or not?” she asked, frowning because Marc had left her to wait for so long. “Dain, Father wants you to come too, and you’re not even dressed.”

“I think I just realized one huge drawback to having him around again.”

“I don’t think he’s the one issuing the orders right now,” Marc said and held out his hand to her.

“I learned a long time ago that my brothers don’t respond to anything except an order.” She set her hand in his, and he pulled her to him.

“Princes can be like that, little girl. Especially when they’re older.”

“Dain, get dressed, and don’t call me that.”

“Right away, Your Highness.” Marc heard him getting up, knew that he didn’t have any clothes on and felt Shalis turning. “Don’t mind me.”

“He is so impossible sometimes.”

“Sometimes?” Marc laughed, sliding his arms around her. “He only does it because he knows he can irritate you.”

“Oh, I know. I only let him get away with it because it makes him feel big.”

“I heard that.”

Marc stopped her from responding with a finger across her lips, followed by a long kiss that surprised her. He wondered if Ambrose would send someone else after his daughter, then decided he didn’t care. “Marc?”

“I was wondering,” he said slowly as he tightened his arms around her, “if you would maybe like to skip breakfast? Or delay it for a little while.”

She laughed a little when he kissed her again. “You don’t think he’ll know do you? My father?”

“I’m sure Dain can make up some excuse for us. He’s good at that.”

“It’s more likely that he’ll blurt out exactly what we’re doing.”

“Shalis, your father knows already. I was with him for two days, and he didn’t give me the impression that he objected. Not too much anyway.”

“He likes you, I know. He told me what you did to bring him back.” She kissed him for that. “I don’t know. With him here, I feel like a little girl all over again. I suppose I’ll have to get used to it though.”

“A little bit at a time. We don’t have to stay here. You want to spend time with him, and that’s perfectly understandable.”

“But I want to spend time with you too. You’ve been gone and the way Dynan was talking it didn’t seem like you were coming back. And at the ball I was acting like—”

“Like the spoiled little girl that you are,” Dain said as he emerged from the dressing room. “If you think I’m giving Pop an excuse for your maybe-maybe not presence, think again. And Marc, the first rule of acquisition is never give them a chance to say no.” With that, he left them, closing the door on his way out. Marc heard the locking mechanism click in place. Shalis gasped.

“He didn’t.”

“Yes, he did.”

“Sometimes I just want to...to...to...”

“Kiss him?”

She laughed then. “I guess he just made that decision for us.”

“I can get us out if you want.”

“Then you’d be breaking that rule,” she said and moved against him.

“Dain’s rules, Princess. Not mine. But, you can remind me to thank him later.”

Loren sat on the garden bench, looking at the new plants the caretakers had brought in, hardly seeing the beauty displayed all around her. A few paces away, Eyron was doing his job, constantly scanning the area for danger. The kind that existed for her wasn’t easily combated by just a guard. He certainly couldn’t do much if Maralt appeared. Neither could he help her with the other perils she faced.

She felt Dynan slipping away every day with each new complication, each new threat and each successive attack against them both. They’d walked right into Alexia’s plan to have Danetha take over the coronation and even while it hadn’t worked to the extent the Queen intended, her interference succeeded well enough. It came as a complete shock to Loren that Dynan hadn’t supported Bronwyn. She didn’t understand it. The difference between her attending a ball and managing the coronation plans for so short a time seemed inconsequential to her. The controversy over Bronwyn’s presence had already been thoroughly discussed, and Loren thought that leaving her in charge in the face of that talk would prove, not only that she was capable, but that she had Dynan’s support as well.

That she had so misjudged him and his reactions left her angry with herself and with him. She never should have lost her temper with Danetha and especially not so publicly. She’d allowed Alvuen’s condescending manner to unnerve her and when Dynan agreed with them, she hadn’t been prepared for that possibility.

It wasn’t the mess with Danetha that bothered her so much though, and it had taken her the better part of two days to realize it. There was no mistaking what she had seen in Dynan when he saw Liselle. It was a look Loren knew and one she had thought reserved for herself alone. Discovering that he still cared for her and cared deeply, shook her to her soul. She hadn’t been prepared for that possibility at all. It was a realization she wanted to deny, and a reality she didn’t want to accept. In Liselle, he had a way out.

She didn’t want to believe that Dynan saw it that way, but feared that he did. She kept seeing him holding her, looking at her, absorbed with her. She wanted to excise that picture from her mind, and the doubts that instant in time caused, and she couldn’t.

Dynan expected her to apologize publicly to Danetha, really to Alexia. Loren saw her entire existence pared down to that moment, and a decision on whether or not she would do it had to be faced. She wondered if it wouldn’t be so much easier on everyone if she refused. Danetha wouldn’t be allowed to take over the coronation plans, but Loren didn’t doubt that Liselle would. It was certain that Neithia Bairing couldn’t. She was a dear, sweet woman, but didn’t have the head for such minute details. Loren would easily fade from memory. Dynan wouldn’t be forced to marry Danetha. Without anything to hold him with, except the relatively minor infraction of where he’d been, Alexia’s threat was nullified. She’d learned long ago that already being married to him didn’t have any meaning here. Sometimes it felt as though it hadn’t ever happened.

Loren had until tonight to decide whether she could stand it any more. The fear that Alexia would win was horrible enough. The new fear that Dynan would give her up for someone he’d loved before, someone with an acceptable background, and someone who was now so easily available to him was intolerable.

Eyron was beside her then, offering her a folded cloth for the tears. He’d been doing that a lot the past few days and she suspected he knew why. “Liselle Telaerin has just come into the arbor, my Lady,” he said quietly.

Her hands started to shake even as she wiped her eyes dry. “Can I avoid her?”

“I don’t believe so ... unless you’re willing to have it look that way.”

She gritted her teeth together, wishing she could do just that, but such an action would quickly make its whispering way throughout the Palace. She almost didn’t care, but better sense prevailed. She didn’t need the added complication. “How do I look?”

Eyron smiled, and cleared his throat. “You look like you’ve enjoyed your visit to the fresh air, and are about to return to the Palace, my Lady.”

She nodded and stood. She saw Liselle walking with a young maid to attend her, coming around the far bend of the walk. She looked as though she had a purpose in coming here and as she neared, she indicated to her attendant that she should stay behind. That she had purposely come to seek Loren out was evident. Loren had the prerequisite smile in place by the time Liselle was close enough to see. She noticed that the expression wasn’t matched, and felt a chill of uncertainty seep through her.

“My Lady,” Liselle nodded easily. “I’m glad I found you. May I speak with you?”

The proper response would have been an equally easy agreement, but Loren didn’t want to see, much less talk to Liselle Telaerin. “I’m sorry, but I’ve duties to attend to that can’t wait. Perhaps I’ll be more available this evening. If you’ll—”

“I spoke with Prince Dynan shortly after your departure for the Beach Manor.” She glanced at Eyron, and came to a quick decision. “He told me a great deal about you. I think you’ll be interested in what I have to say.”

“I’m sure such a conversation would be interesting, but as I said, I have things to attend to.”

“When I learned that it was you leaving as I arrived, I began to think about what you witnessed, and what you might think of it. I’m also aware of a certain event that he hopes to have resolved this evening and I wanted to speak with you before you make a decision you won’t be able to change back.” She looked to Eyron again. “Would you excuse us a moment please?”

Eyron deferred to Loren and after a long hesitation, she nodded. She didn’t know what Liselle wanted, but knew now that she would have to find out. Liselle waited until Eyron was out of hearing, before gesturing to the bench.

“I know, perhaps better than anyone, what you’re trying to do,” she said after a moment’s pause. “I know how difficult it is, and how easy it is for misperceptions to lead to catastrophe.”

Loren wasn’t at all sure that Liselle could be trusted, or that she was telling the truth. It seemed odd that Dynan would tell her about their hopes, since they had once shared the same wish. It was highly likely that Liselle could have gleaned some knowledge of their plans and only sought to make Loren think her awareness came from Dynan.

Liselle smiled slightly, seeming to understand her apprehension. “In this place, trust is not something easily gained. I only wanted to assure you of two things. Dynan loves you. Anyone with eyes can see that. When you left, and he realized what you must have thought, I saw it quite clearly. While it’s true that I was once in your position, it isn’t true now, nor will it ever become true. It isn’t my intention to make it true again, and more importantly, it isn’t Dynan’s intention either. I wanted you to know that before you decide whether to make that apology or not.”

“Did he tell you to come say this to me?” she asked, admitting with that question the truth of what Liselle had said.

“No.” She shook her head, then laughed. “He would likely be horrified to know that I’m talking to you. I think he’s a little uneasy at having the two of us under the same roof, especially with what’s happened. He’s not sure what to think of it all. He’s still dealing with a very unpleasant situation that happened to us. He has you to think about and he’s afraid you won’t understand. Add Danetha into that equation, and it’s too overwhelming. He sees the same things happening again that happened with us. He didn’t know how to handle it then, and he’s not at all certain he can manage with this infinitely more complicated situation.”

Loren turned from her then, and stood, still feeling uncertain of Liselle’s motives. “If he didn’t tell you to talk to me, then why are you? Surely, you can see as easily as everyone else what a convenient position he suddenly has with you being here.”

“He can’t marry me, Loren. I can’t have children.”

That stopped her and a wave of relief flooded through her. Liselle smiled again, but there was un-disguisable grief in that admission, before it was masked. “You still love him.”

Liselle looked up and nodded. “I always will, but not in the way you think, or may even be able to understand. I’m not so certain I understand it myself, because for years I hated him for allowing what happened to us. I came to realize finally that he wasn’t responsible for it. I’m here because I don’t want to see you make the same mistakes I made. You see, I gave up on him. I stopped believing that he meant to marry me, regardless of what Dain thought. A misperception on my part. The single biggest mistake of my life. I didn’t trust that he would fight for me. I look at what I did, not just to myself, but to Dynan and even to Dain, and I still question what I was thinking. I’ve never been able to answer that with any kind of satisfaction until just recently. It was all because of fear and how fear eroded my trust in Dynan. If you can hold onto that trust, Loren, you won’t ever be faced with losing him.”

“Not so easily done,” she said after a silence.

“Yes, and what you face is far different than my situation.” Liselle smiled for a moment. “For one thing, Dain likes you. Of all the tests that this family and this place will put you through, that one may well prove the most important.”

“You blame him, and he claims that all you ever wanted was the Queen’s Crown.”

“No, I don’t blame him. I didn’t understand the bond between them. They did everything together. Dain refused to be around me at all. I did my best to make it clear to Dynan that I wasn’t going to compete with his brother. Dain and I both put him in the position of having to choose between us. I suppose I was jealous too, of the closeness they shared that I wouldn’t ever be part of. It was one long chain of mistakes that could have been avoided at the start. They can’t do without one another, and I didn’t know that, until it was too late.”

Loren pulled in a breath, and shook her head. It was all starting to sound too familiar with a slightly different set of circumstances. She changed her assessment of Liselle, thinking that doing this was maybe the bravest thing she’d ever seen. That Liselle cared for Dynan was obvious. That she was willing to help Loren was remarkable. “Dain was wrong.”

She laughed at that. “Well, I knew that, but I handled the entire situation horribly. I thought I had it all planned so perfectly. All it took was one call. When I told Dynan that I was pregnant and we meant to go to my father for permission to marry, Dynan’s guards wouldn’t let him leave Beren. He found out that Dain had gone to the King and when Dain came back, they nearly killed each other. He and I were shipped back to the Palace and I was given a test that showed that I wasn’t going to have a child and that I had never actually been with Dynan in the first place.

“I only succeeded in proving Dain right. It looked like I was trying to trap Dynan into marriage because I had so obviously planned it that way. The truth of it was that I knew Dynan would never knowingly compromise any Lady in that way. He couldn’t. He was taught from the day he was born practically that being the Crown Prince meant he wasn’t allowed to even think an improper thought about a Lady. I think he’s the only Crown Prince who never did.” Liselle smiled at her, aware again of what she was thinking. “Until he married you.”

Loren pulled in a breath, shocked that Dynan had told her. That was the one thing that Alexia didn’t know.

“What you have to see, what you have to understand is how easily actions can be twisted into something they were never meant to be. I never cared about the Queen’s Crown. At the time, it was such a distant event that would someday happen. Ambrose was healthy, and Telaerins are long-lived. No one had any reason to believe that it wouldn’t turn out that way. No one. I wouldn’t have received the Queen’s Crown until Dynan was crowned King himself. But Dain latched onto that thought and never let it go. My actions were turned into this horrible plot and Dynan was told that I never really cared for him. He believed it. I can almost guarantee you that your actions with Danetha will be spun into a bid for power and a challenge to Dynan’s authority. If you don’t apologize, you’ll be on a ship for Trea within the week. In Alexia Targon, you are facing an enemy more cunning than Dain would ever want to be. If you don’t apologize, she won’t tolerate your presence here and that’s what she’ll have said about you to force you out. Whether Dynan believes it won’t be at issue. He won’t have any choice but to do exactly what Alexia wants.”

“Are you sure he didn’t tell you to come down here and talk to me?”

Liselle smiled and shook her head. “I know that you’re angry that he didn’t stand by your decision. He could have, but he wanted to avoid the public uproar. Now he has one potentially more damaging.”

“But he let Bronwyn go to the ball. I don’t—”

“No, he let Dain escort her to the ball. That’s as far as he wanted to take it, but you decided to go a step further.”

“I told him I was putting her in charge. He said fine.”

Liselle didn’t answer to that, waiting instead in silence, which made Loren reconsider the timing and circumstances that she told Dynan about her intentions. He’d been preoccupied with Marc’s disappearance and the knowledge of where Maralt had taken his father. And there had been the argument over Shalis not wanting to leave. Loren closed her eyes, and nodded.

“You’re right.”

“If you apologize, it will only make you seem the better person. Everyone knows that Danetha had no business interfering. They’ll remember that instead.”

Loren grimaced at the thought, dreading actually going through with it because she could almost see the self-satisfied, haughty smirk on Alvuen’s face. Liselle laughed.

“It goes against your nature, I know. In this case, it shouldn’t be so hard. You don’t really have to mean it, just sound like you do.”

“It feels like she’s winning somehow. It doesn’t feel right to do this to Bronwyn.”

“Isn’t making Alexia look like she’s winning the point though, and I have a feeling Bronwyn cares less about all this than you may think. Her position here isn’t in jeopardy. She has Garan. Dynan has named him his heir. He won’t send his mother away. He only needs time to let her be accepted.”

Loren nodded, still wishing she didn’t have to do it. She looked at Liselle, wondering about her and her acceptance of her situation.

She only shrugged when asked. “I’ve had a lot of time to understand what happened and why. And something happened that I didn’t expect. I fell in love with Gauvin. He was the most patiently persistent man I’ve ever known. He took care of me.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“He was a good man. I miss him terribly. He wouldn’t know what to think of all this. He was never very fond of Dynan either, mostly because he knew that Dynan was never all that fond of him. They would have gotten along too, if they’d given it a chance.”

“It must be difficult for you, being back here.” She glanced down the path and saw Liselle’s maid, Adel, leaning to smell one of the blue roses that lined the walk. “Is she working out for you?”

“Yes. It’s been years since I’ve had a maid. She keeps to herself, which I appreciate. I’ve found since I’ve been here that I require a certain amount of solitude, and the fact that she can’t talk doesn’t bother me. She communicates well enough over a comboard.”

“She seemed like a sweet girl. It’s atrocious what happened to her, but she seems to be recovering.”

“We’re all recovering. Being confined to my rooms has actually helped, but now that I’m not, I feel almost afraid to venture out. Today is the first time I’ve willingly been outside that room.” She stood then, nodding to Adel who started down the walk toward them. “I think though, that I’ll return there now.”

“Will you attend dinner tonight?”

“If I may. I do want to see the look on Alexia’s face when you apologize.”

Loren frowned. “I can’t wait.”