CHAPTER 5
is TOP SECRET letter hidden inside his shirt, Jacob Two-Two ran home and made immediately for the first-floor bathroom, where there was a huge mirror. The door was locked.
“Buzz off,” said Noah.
Then he dashed upstairs to try the bathroom on the second floor, where there was also a mirror – and privacy! – available. That door was also locked.
“Beat it,” said Emma.
Entering the living room, out of breath, frustrated, and still flushed with excitement, Jacob Two-Two told his father about some of the fantastic things he had seen and heard at the home of their new neighbor, the master spy.
“Nonsense,” said Jacob Two-Two’s father. “Mr. Dinglebat appears to be just a somewhat goofy, but harmless old man, who enjoys wearing disguises. But a master spy? Not on your life, Jacob.”
“Then how come he has a letter from Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, praising him for bravery in action?”
“Have you seen the letter?”
“What letter?” asked Daniel, barging into the living room, followed by Noah, Emma, and Marfa.
“Never mind,” said Jacob Two-Two. “Never mind. Excuse me, I have to go to the toilet.”
“Aw, come on,” said his father. “Have you seen the letter?”
“Yes! Yes!”
“What did it say?”
“I can’t tell. I can’t tell.”
“Is it a secret?”
“If it is,” said Marfa, smiling sweetly, “you can certainly trust me.”
“And me,” said Noah, who was wearing his fearless O’Toole costume.
Jacob Two-Two bit his lip.
“Is it a secret or not?” asked their father again.
“Not exactly. Not exactly.”
“Why can’t you tell us what it said, then?” asked Emma, who was attired in her intrepid Shapiro outfit.
“I think I’d better go and wash my hands before dinner,” said Jacob Two-Two, leaping out of his chair.
“Come on,” said Daniel, shoving him back into his chair.
“I can’t tell you because it was written in invisible ink,” said Jacob Two-Two twice.
Daniel whistled.
“Wow,” said Noah.
“And he has another letter,” said Jacob Two-Two, his cheeks burning red, “this one from the president of the United States of America, thanking him for preventing World Wars Three, Four, and Five from breaking out.”
“What did the president’s letter say, Jacob?” asked his father.
“I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you. Now if you’ll please, please excuse me.”
“Oh, sit down,” said his father. “You mean to say this one was also written in invisible ink?”
“No,” said Jacob Two-Two impatiently.
“I was talking to Daddy,” said Jacob Two-Two.
“Aw, come on,” said Daniel. “We’re all family here.”
“Okay, okay,” said Jacob Two-Two, heaving a great sigh. “I can’t tell you what the president’s letter said, because it was written in code.”
“Imagine that!”
“Yeah. Imagine that,” said Jacob Two-Two. “And he has a sword cane, a cigarette lighter that squirts hot pepper, a secret code book, a tape recorder the size of a small bar of soap that fits into a shoe he has with a hollow heel, and a signet ring that holds a container of itching powder.”
“But anybody can buy those things, Jacob,” said his father, lifting him onto his lap.
Jacob Two-Two wiggled free. “Mr. Dinglebat is a master spy and that’s what I’m going to be when I grow up.”
“Jacob, do you know what a spy is, exactly?”
“Sort of. Sort of. And now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to wash my hands.”
“Hold on a minute,” said Jacob Two-Two’s father, and, taking him by the hand, he led him into the library and dug out his Oxford English Dictionary, and read aloud to him that “spy” meant, “One who spies or watches a person secretly; a secret agent whose business it is to keep a person, place, etc., under close observation …”
Then Jacob Two-Two’s mother came in and announced, “Dinner, everybody!”
“Oh, I think I’d just better wash my hands before I sit down,” said Jacob Two-Two.
“Now there’s a good boy,” said Jacob Two-Two’s mother, surprised that he didn’t have to be asked to do it.
“Yeah,” said Jacob Two-Two, and he raced for the first-floor bathroom, locked the door, pulled out his TOP SECRET letter and held it up to the mirror at last.