CHAPTER 11
ll the poker players had arrived by the time Jacob Two-Two got home, but they hadn’t started their game yet. “Hiya there, Jacob,” sang out Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse. “I was just telling the gang that you enjoy my school meals so much you insist on double portions every day.” And then he laughed heartily at his own joke.
Jacob Two-Two retreated to the kitchen, where he was soon joined by Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse, delighted to catch him alone. “I brought you a present,” said Perfectly Loathsome Leo. “Put out your hand and close your eyes.”
An apprehensive Jacob Two-Two did as he was asked, and then Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse popped a wet slippery peach pit out of his mouth and dumped it into Jacob Two-Two’s hand. “Tricked you again, didn’t I? Now be a good kid and drop that in the garbage.”
Jacob Two-Two got rid of the disgusting peach pit, washed his hands, and then entered the living room. His heart thumping, he said, “Now I’d like to show you a trick, Mr. Louse.”
“Ho ho ho. That’s rich,” said Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse, winking at the other card players. “What kind of trick, kid?”
“A card trick,” said Jacob Two-Two. “A card trick.”
“Wowee!”
As everybody, including Daniel, Noah, Emma, and Marfa, watched, Jacob Two-Two lifted the deck of cards off the poker table.
“I want you to pick a card,” said Jacob Two-Two, as the others gathered round, “any card. Show it to me, and then I will phone my friend the Clair-voy-ant, and he will tell you which card you picked.” And to himself, Jacob Two-Two added, please, please, let this work.
“Oh, yeah? Great,” said Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse. “How much money have you got on you?”
“Don’t tell him, Jake,” said Noah.
“A dollar eighty-five,” said Jacob Two-Two.
“Okay. I’ll bet you a dollar you can’t do that.”
“Don’t do it, Jake,” said Marfa.
“Leave my kid brother alone,” said Emma.
“Do I need the kid’s dollar?” asked Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse. “No.” Then, turning to the other poker players, he said, “I’m just trying to make things interesting.” Next, Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse picked a card and showed it to Jacob Two-Two. It was the seven of hearts.
Jacob Two-Two, his heart pounding even harder, went to the phone and dialed the number he had memorized. “Hello,” he said, his voice trembling just a little, “can you tell me if Mr. Clair-voy-ant is there, please?”
There was a pause.
“Is that you, sir?”
There was another pause.
“Somebody would like to speak to you,” said Jacob Two-Two twice.
“This is going to be good,” said Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse. Wiggling his eyebrows at the others, he scooped up the receiver, all smiles, and barked, “Okay, Mr. Clairvoyant, what’s the card I’m holding?” And he held the receiver away from his ear so that the others could listen in.
Eerie, outer-space music could be heard over the phone.
“This is the Clairvoyant,” said a man in a low, menacing voice. “Only the Clairvoyant knows where the dinosaurs have gone; why the earth continues to go round the sun, which must be boring, considering how many trips it has already made; and how many glasses of water there are in the Atlantic Ocean. The Clairvoyant can interpret the past and predict the future. I also sell Canadian military secrets at bargain prices. Your card, amigo, is the seven of hearts.”
“Atta boy, Jake,” said one of the poker players, slapping him on the back.
“Way to go, kid,” said another player.
As everybody roared with laughter, Perfectly Loathsome Leo, his cheeks burning red, slammed down the phone and turned on Jacob Two-Two. “Okay, you were lucky once,” he snarled. “But I’ll bet you can’t do it again.”
“Shouldn’t you pay up first?” asked Jacob Two-Two’s father.
Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse dug into his pocket for his thick wallet and dropped three dollars on the table. “We’re going for double or nothing. If you can do it again, Jacob, four dollars will be yours,” he said, “but, if not, all the money is mine.”
“You don’t have to do that if you don’t want to,” said Jacob Two-Two’s father.
“I want to. I want to.”
Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse picked another card, the jack of clubs, and showed it to Jacob Two-Two. Then he watched closely, as Jacob dialed the number again.
“Sorry,” said Jacob Two-Two, “but may I speak with Mr. Clair-voy-ant again?”
There was a pause.
“Hello. Is that you, sir?”
Another pause.
“Somebody wants to talk to you.”
Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse took the receiver and clamped it to his ear.
“Hey, no cheating,” said one of the poker players.
“Yeah, hold that phone away from your ear,” said another player, “so that we can hear what the Clairvoyant has to say.”
The eerie music began to play again, and then the low, menacing voice was heard: “The Clairvoyant knows if there is life on other planets; why wolves howl at the full moon; and how many miles per hour angels can fly on stormy nights. Beware of the Clairvoyant who can catch comets and throw lightning bolts. Your card, hombre, is the jack of clubs.”
Everybody began to cheer.
“All right, then,” said Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse, slamming down the receiver and forcing himself to smile.
“Hey, Leo, go look in the mirror.”
“Yeah, take a look at your face.”
“I’ve never seen a tomato that red.”
“The money is yours, Jacob,” said Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse, glaring at him, “for being such a clever little fellow.”
Then Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse sat down to the poker table and quickly lost the first hand. The other players were hard put to control their glee.
“Poor Leo.”
“Made to look like a monkey by an eight-year-old.”
A rattled Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse lost money on the next hand as well.
“Hey, Leo, what’s the matter with you tonight?” said a player, gathering up all the money in the pot.
“Maybe you ought to consult the Clairvoyant before we play the next hand.”
“Very funny. Ho ho ho,” said Perfectly Loathsome Leo Louse, and, to himself, he added, You made me look like a fool, Jacob-Two-Two. And I’ll get you for this, oh yes I will.
That night Jacob Two-Two skipped off to bed happily, unaware that he had made an enemy, and that there was real trouble in store for him. I did it, he thought. I got something right. I got something right even though I’m still little and have to say everything twice, because nobody hears what I say the first time.
(If you want to know how Jacob Two-Two did that trick, and how you, too, can amaze your friends by playing the Clairvoyant’s Gamble, turn to page 161, but not yet, please.)