JANE FELT HIS fingers contracting, intimately interlacing themselves with her own. She couldn’t quite breathe normally, and her eyes were giving her feelings away.
“We’ve been dancing around it for days,” he said huskily. He held her eyes searchingly. “I still want you,” he added heavily. “More than ever.”
She tore her gaze from his and looked down at their hands. “It shouldn’t have happened.”
“I know,” he said surprisingly. “But it did. I’ve never had it that good, Jane. I think you and I could have a very satisfying relationship.”
She looked up, but that wasn’t love in his eyes. It was hunger, certainly. But it was an empty hunger. “You mean, we could have an affair,” she said quietly.
He nodded, dashing her faint hopes of something more. “I’ve tried marriage,” he said bitterly. “I don’t believe in it anymore. But you can’t deny that we go up like fireworks when we’re together. There won’t be any consequences, any repercussions.”
“What about Cherry?” she asked stiffly.
“Cherry’s fourteen,” he replied. “She knows that I’m no monk. She doesn’t expect fairy-tale endings.”
Her sad eyes searched his. “Doesn’t she? I’m afraid that I do.” She withdrew her hands from his.
His eyebrows arched. “You aren’t serious, surely? You don’t expect to marry a man and stay married for life, do you?” he added with a mocking laugh.
“Yes, I do, despite what...what happened the other night,” she replied, her chin lifted proudly. “I’ll be honest with him about it. But I do believe in love and I think people can stay together if they have common interests and they’re willing to work at it.”
He sat up straight, his mouth tightened into a thin line. “You don’t think Marie and I worked at it?” he asked in a dangerously soft voice.
“It takes two people, committed...”
“Committed is the right word,” he said on a harsh laugh. “People who get married should be committed!”
She saw then that his mind was closed on the subject, and all her hopes fell away. She smiled sadly. “I’m sorry. I don’t have a bad marriage behind me, and I still believe in fairy tales. I don’t want to have an affair with you, Todd.”
His eyes glittered narrowly. “You loved what I did to you.”
She shrugged, although it took her last bit of courage, and she smiled. “Sure I did. It was wonderful. Thanks.”
He looked positively outraged. His high cheekbones flushed angrily and he opened his mouth to speak as Cherry came back with a handful of napkins.
“Here you go,” she said, putting them down. “Isn’t it nice here in the shade?”
Todd bit off what he was going to say. He finished his milk shake and got up. “We’d better get back,” he said curtly. “I’ve got a lot of paperwork to catch up.”
“But, Dad...” Cherry protested. She grimaced at the look he shot her. “Okay, okay, sorry!” She finished her milk shake with a wistful smile at Jane, and they all went back to the car.
THE NEXT FEW days were strained. Jane watched Cherry work with Feather and she conferred with Micki Lane about the plans for the advertising campaign.
“We’ll need some publicity shots,” Micki told her. “When can you come up to Victoria to do them?”
Jane picked a day and Micki offered to come and get her. “No, thanks,” Jane said, “I’ll have one of the hands run me up.” She couldn’t bear to see Micki with Todd.
“Oh. Well, okay,” Micki said sadly. “How’s Todd? I haven’t heard from him lately.”
“He’s fine. Working hard, of course,” she added matter-of-factly. “They’re just finished putting up our new barn and he’s been working closely with the contractor.”
“I see,” Micki said. She sounded happier. “I guess it takes up a lot of time, hmm?”
“A lot.” More than he gave any other project, she thought, and probably it was just an excuse to keep out of Jane’s way. Even Cherry was complaining about the fervor with which her father had approached the barn building and repairs.
“Then I’ll see you Friday, yes?” Micki asked.
“Friday at nine,” Jane agreed.
She didn’t mention her trip to Todd or Cherry. She could ask Tim to drive her up, she was sure.
Meanwhile, she had to go to Dr. Coltrain for her checkup. He tested her reflexes, listened to her heart and lungs, checked her blood pressure and asked a dozen questions before he pronounced her blooming.
“Except for those bags under your eyes,” he added, his piercing blue eyes on her drawn face. “Burke getting you down?”
She glared at him. “Todd Burke is none of your business.”
He grinned at her. “I’m not blind, even if you are.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, you’ll find out one day.” He leaned back in his chair and swiveled around. “Don’t take it too fast, but I think you could start walking more.”
“How about riding?”
He hesitated. “Slowly,” he said. “For brief periods, and not on any of your usual mounts. That palomino gelding is gentle enough, I suppose. But don’t overdo it.”
“Bracket is gentle,” she assured him. “He’d never toss me.”
“Any horse will toss you under the right circumstances, and you know it.”
She’d forgotten that he practically grew up on horseback. He rode as well as she did—better. He’d done some rodeo to help put himself through medical school.
“I’ll be careful,” she promised him.
“What’s this I hear about you selling clothes?” he asked suddenly.
She grinned. “Meg told your mother, didn’t she?” she asked. “I thought she would. I’m going to endorse a line of women’s Western wear. It’s very well made and I’ll be on television and in magazines promoting it. In fact,” she added, “I’m going up to Victoria on Friday to do the publicity photos for the magazines.”
“How are you going to get there?”
“I thought I’d ask Tim...”
“Ask me,” he said with a slash of a grin. “I’m driving up to confer on a leukemia case at the hospital there. The patient is one of mine who moved away. You can ride with me.”
“I may be there all day,” she warned.
He shrugged. “I’ll find something to keep me busy.”
She smiled broadly. “Then I’d love to. Thanks.”
“I’ll pick you up at the ranch about eight-thirty. We can stop for coffee on the way.”
“Okay. I’ll look forward to it.”
“How did you get here?”
“Meg dropped me off on her way to the grocery store. She’ll be waiting in the parking lot. She only had a few things to get.”
“Why didn’t Burke bring you?” he asked.
She flushed. “Because I didn’t ask him to!”
He pursed his lips. “I see.”
She stood up. “No, you don’t. Thanks for the ride. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Jane.”
She paused at the doorway, turning to meet his level gaze. “Do you need to ask me anything?”
She went scarlet, because she knew exactly what he meant. “No,” she whispered huskily, “I do not!”
“Okay. No need to color up,” he said gently, and smiled with affection. “But I’m here if you need me, and I’m not judgmental.”
She drew in a slow breath. “Oh, Copper, I know that,” she said miserably. “I wish...” she said huskily.
“No, you don’t,” he mused, smiling. “I had a case on you a few years ago, but our time passed. A blind man could see how you feel about Burke. Just be careful, will you? You’re as green as spring grass, and that man knows his way around women.”
“I’ll be careful,” she replied. “It’s good to have a friend like you.”
“That works both ways,” he said.
There was a perfunctory knock on the door and Lou Blakely looked in. “Excuse me,” she said with a glance at Jane, “Mr. Harris won’t talk to me about his hemorrhoids. Could you...?”
“I’ll be with you in a minute,” he said shortly.
She closed the door quickly.
“You’re very rude to her, aren’t you?” Jane remarked quietly. “She’s a sweet woman. It hurts her when you snap, haven’t you noticed?”
“Oh, yes,” he said, and for a minute he didn’t look like the man she knew. “I’ve noticed.”
She let it drop, saying goodbye and pausing only to pay the receptionist before she went out to find Meg. Copper had been the kindest of boys when they were young, even though he was five years her senior. But he was different with Lou. He seemed to dislike her. Odd that he’d accepted her into his practice if he found her so irritating.
Meg drove Jane back to the ranch. She found Cherry waiting on the porch for her, beaming.
“I did it!” she told Jane excitedly. “I beat my old time! I wasn’t even afraid! Oh, Jane, I’ve done it, I’ve overcome the fear! I can hardly wait for the next rodeo.”
“I’m happy for you,” Jane said with soft affection. “You’re a great little rider. You’re going to go far.”
“I’ll settle for being half as good as you,” she said with worshiping eyes.
Jane laughed. “That won’t be hard these days.”
“Don’t be silly. You’ll always be Jane Parker. You’ve made your mark in rodeo already. You’re famous! And you’re going to be even more famous when you make those commercials.”
“Well, we’ll see. I’m not counting my chickens before they hatch!”
The photo session was the main topic of conversation at supper.
“I’ll run you up to Victoria in the morning,” Tim volunteered. “Or Todd might, if he can spare the time from that barn,” he added, teasing the younger man, who was taciturn over his chicken and mashed potatoes and beans.
Todd looked up at Jane without any emotion. “If she wants me to, I don’t mind,” he said.
“Thank you both, but I have a ride,” Jane said. She smiled. “Copper’s got to go up there on a case, so he said I could go with him.”
Todd didn’t say a word, but the hand holding his fork stiffened. “The good doctor gets around, doesn’t he?” he asked.
“Yes, he does. He’s quite well-known in these parts. He graduated in the top ten percent of his class,” she added. “He’s very intelligent.”
Todd, who’d never had the advantage of a college education, was touchy about it. He’d made millions and he was well-known in business circles, but there were still times when he felt uncomfortable around more educated businessmen.
“Dad’s smart, too,” Cherry said, as if she sensed her father’s discomfort. “Even if he isn’t a doctor, he’s made lots of—”
“Cherry,” her father said, cutting off the rest of her sentence.
“He’s made lots of friends,” Cherry amended, grinning cheekily at her parent. “And he’s very handsome.”
Jane wouldn’t have touched that line with a pole. She finished her chicken and reached for her glass of milk.
“The chicken was great, Meg,” she commented.
“It’s nice to see everyone hungry again,” Meg muttered. “I get tired of cooking for myself and Tim and Cherry.”
“I guess the pain takes away your appetite sometimes, doesn’t it, Jane?” Cherry asked innocently.
“Sometimes,” she agreed, and couldn’t look at Todd.
He tilted his coffee cup and drained it. “I’d better get back on the books.”
“A couple of faxes came in for you today,” Meg remarked. “One’s from someone named Julia,” she added with a twinkle in her eyes.
“Who’s Julia?” Cherry asked, then her eyebrows lifted. “Oh. Julia!”
Her father’s glance silenced her.
“I guess she’s missing you, huh?” Cherry asked, grinning secretively.
“I don’t doubt it,” Todd agreed, thinking of the thousand and one daily headaches that Julia Emory was intercepting on his behalf while he lazed around in Jacobsville working for Jane. He put down his napkin. “I’d better get in touch with her. I’ll, uh, reverse the charges,” he assured Jane. “I wouldn’t want to impose on my position here.”
Jane only nodded. So he had other women. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. He was very handsome and fit, and she knew now why any woman would find him irresistible in bed. She flushed at her intimate memories of him and covered it by taking a large swallow of milk.
When Todd was gone, the conversation became more spontaneous and relaxed, but the room seemed empty.
“Did you ever think about marrying Dr. Coltrain?” Cherry asked Jane when Tim left and Meg started clearing away the supper things.
“Well, yes, I did, once,” Jane confessed. “He’s very attractive and we have a lot in common. But I never felt, well, the sort of attraction I’d need to feel to marry a man.”
“You didn’t want him in bed, in other words,” Cherry said matter-of-factly.
“Cherry!”
“I don’t live in a glass bottle,” the young girl said. “I hear things at school and Dad’s amazingly open about what I can watch on television. But I don’t want to jump into any sort of intimacy at my age,” she added, sounding very mature. “It’s dangerous, you know. Besides, I have this romantic idea that it would be lovely to wait for marriage. Jane, did you know that some boys even feel that way?” she added with a giggle. “There’s Mark, who goes to school with me, and he’s very conservative. He says he’d rather wait and only do it with the girl he marries, so that they don’t ever have to worry about STDs.”
“About what?”
“Sexually transmitted diseases,” she said. “Honestly, Jane, don’t you watch television?”
Jane cleared her throat. “Well, obviously I haven’t been watching the right programs, have I?”
“I’ll have to educate you,” the girl said firmly. “Didn’t your parents tell you anything?”
“Sure, but since I never liked a boy enough...” She hesitated, thinking about how it had been with Todd, and her face colored.
“Oh, I see. Not even Dr. Coltrain?” she asked.
Jane shook her head.
“That’s really sad.”
“I’ll find someone, one of these days,” Jane assured her, and looked up, right into Todd’s quiet, interested eyes.
“Hi, Dad! I’ve been explaining sex to Jane.” She shook her head as she got up. “Boy, and I thought I was backward! See you later, Jane, I’m going to saddle up Feather!”
She ran out the door, leaving Todd alone with Jane, because Meg was in the kitchen rattling dishes as she loaded the dishwasher.
“Do you need a fourteen-year-old to explain sex to you?” he asked quietly. “I thought you learned all you needed to know from me.”
She bit her lower lip. “Don’t.”
He moved closer, a sheaf of papers in one lean hand, and stood beside her chair. “Why deny us both the kind of pleasure we shared?” he asked. “You want me. I want you. What’s wrong with it?”
She looked up into his eyes. “I want more than a physical relationship,” she said.
He reached down and touched her cheek lightly. “Are you certain?” he said softly.
She grimaced and tried to look away, but he caught her chin and held her flushed face up to his eyes.
“So beautiful,” he murmured. “And so naive. You want the moon, Jane. I can’t give it to you. But I can give you pleasure so stark that you bite me and cry out with it.”
She put her fingers against his hard mouth. “You mustn’t!” she whispered frantically, looking toward the kitchen.
He caught her wrist and pulled her gently up out of the chair and against him, so that they were touching all the way up and down. “Meg wouldn’t be embarrassed if she saw us kissing. No one would, except you.” His hand tightened, steely around her fingers as he used his grip to force her even closer. Something untamed touched his face, glittered in his eyes as he looked down at her. His mouth hovered just above her lips. “You can deny it all you like, but when I hold out my arms, you’ll walk into them. If I offer you my mouth, you’ll take it. You’re a puppet on a string, baby,” he whispered seductively, letting the word arouse explosive memories in her mind.
She meant to protest. She wanted to. It was just that his hard mouth was so close. She could feel its warmth, taste the minty scent of it on her parted lips. Of course she wanted to deny what he was saying. What was he saying?
He bent a fraction of an inch closer. “It’s all right,” he whispered, moving his hips lazily against her, so that she trembled with kindling fevers. “Take what you want,” he challenged.
She was sure that she hated him. The arrogant swine...
But all she wanted to do was kiss him, and it was a shame to waste the opportunity. It was so easy to reach up to him, to pull his hard mouth onto hers and feel its warm, slow pressure. It was so sweet to press her slender body into his and feel his swift, unashamed arousal.
He wasn’t even holding her. His free hand was in her hair, savoring its silky length while she kissed him hungrily, passionately. He tasted of coffee and he smelled of spicy cologne. He was clean and hard and warm and she loved the feel of his powerful body against hers. Her legs began to tremble from the contact and she wondered if they were going to support her for much longer.
It was a moot point. Her nearness was as potent to him as his was to her. Seconds later, he put the papers on the table and wrapped her up in his arms, so that not a breath separated them. His mouth opened, taking hers with it, and his tongue pushed deep inside her mouth in a slow, aching parody of what his body had done to hers that long night together.
She moaned with the onslaught of the pleasure, trembling in his arms as the kiss went on and on.
His hands slid up and down her sides until they eased between and his thumbs worked lazy circles around her taut breasts. He remembered the taste of them in his mouth, the warm envelope of her body encircling him in the darkness. One hand went to her hips and gathered her against him roughly, and she cried out at the stab of discomfort in her hip.
The sound shocked him into lifting his head. His eyes were blank with aroused ardor, but all at once they focused on her drawn face.
“Did I hurt your back?” he asked huskily.
“A little,” she whispered.
“I’m sorry.” He brushed the hair away from her face. “I’m sorry, baby. I wouldn’t hurt you for all the world, don’t you know that?”
“You did...” she blurted.
His eyes glittered. “Yes. God, yes!” He actually shivered. “I didn’t know until...” His eyes closed and he shivered again with the memory. “I thought I might die of the pleasure, and the shame.” His mouth smoothed softly over hers. “You don’t know what it’s like, do you, to want someone past reason, past honor? I wanted you like that. I would have killed to have you, in those few blind seconds that robbed me of reason. I was ashamed, Jane,” he breathed into her mouth.
She closed her eyes, drinking in the feel of him. “Afterward—” she hesitated, and her body clenched at the memory of afterward “—I... I think I understood.”
His mouth was hot on her eyelids, her cheeks, her chin. “I thought you were never going to stop convulsing,” he whispered. “I remember laughing with the pure joy of it, knowing that I’d given you so much pleasure.”
“So that was why...!”
“Yes.” His hands framed her face and he looked deep into her eyes. “Come to bed with me tonight. I’ll give you that pleasure again, and again. I’ll make love to you until you fall asleep in my arms.”
She wanted to. Her eyes told him that she wanted to. But despite the pleasure she remembered, she also remembered his easy rejection of her when his passion was spent. He’d left her as soon as he was finished, with no tenderness, no explanations, no apologies. He wanted her now, desperately. But when he was satisfied, it would be the same as it had been before, because he only wanted her. He didn’t love her. He was offering her an empty heart.
She closed her eyes against the terrible temptation he offered. That way lay self-destruction, no matter how much temporary relief he gave her.
“No,” she said finally. “No, Todd. It isn’t enough.”
He scowled. She was trembling against him. Her mouth was swollen and still hungry for his, her arms still held him.
“You don’t mean that,” he accused gently.
She opened her eyes and looked up at him. “Yes, I do,” she said quietly. She pulled away from him, slowly, and stepped back. “You’re handsome and sexy, and I love kissing you. But it’s a dead end.”
“You want promises,” he said shortly.
“Oh, no,” she corrected. “Promises are just words. I want years of togetherness and children.” Her face softened as she thought of a little girl like Cherry, or perhaps a baby boy. “Lots of children.”
His face went rigid. “I have a child.”
She searched his eyes. “Yes, I know. She’s a wonderful girl. But I want one of my own, and a husband to go with them.”
He was seething with unsatisfied passion and anger. “Wouldn’t it be a great world if we all got exactly what we wanted?”
“It certainly would.” She moved away from him, concentrating on each breath. She held on to the back of her chair. “And maybe I never will. But my dreams are sweet,” she added, lifting her eyes. “Much sweeter than a few weeks of lust that end with you walking right out of my life.”
His face went even harder. “Lust?”
“Without love, that’s all sex is.”
“You little hypocrite,” he accused flatly, and reached for her. He was kissing her blindly, ardently, when the door opened and a shocked Cherry stopped dead in the doorway.