ONLY IT DIDN’T quite work out that way. Micki was a delightful companion, but when Todd held her while they were dancing, he felt nothing beyond a comfortable pleasure. The wild excitement that Jane engendered just by looking at him with her big blue eyes was totally missing.
“It was nice of you to invite me,” Micki said with a smile. “But won’t Jane mind?”
He scowled. “Jane is my employer,” he said stiffly.
“Oh. Sorry. It was just that the way she looked...”
He pounced on that at once. “The way she looked...?” he prompted, and tried not to appear as interested as he was in her answer.
She laughed apologetically. “I thought she was in love with you,” she explained.
His face was shot through with color. He stopped dancing. “That’s absurd,” he said slowly.
“Not really. You’ve obviously been kind to her,” Micki continued, “and she was badly hurt in the wreck, wasn’t she? I suppose it’s inevitable that a woman will feel something for a man who helps her when she’s in trouble. Mr. Kemble, her attorney, said that you’ve literally pulled her out of bankruptcy in a few short weeks and helped her get the ranch back on its feet.”
He looked troubled. “Perhaps. The ranch had plenty of potential. It just needed a few modifications.”
“Which you’ve accomplished. Jane is lovely, isn’t she? Our advertising people are ecstatic about building a television campaign around her because she’s so photogenic.”
“She’s easy enough on the eyes,” he said non-committally.
“And surprisingly modest about it. I’ve known of her for years, of course, since I grew up in Jacobsville. I’d heard that Dr. Coltrain gave up when you came to the Parker place. He’s been going around with Jane for a long time. He’s not a man I’d find easy to think of romantically, not with his temper, but Jane was fiery enough to stand up to him. Everyone thought they’d make a match of it eventually.”
His face tautened. “Did they? Well, he only comes out to the place once in a while to check on her.”
Micki hid a smile. “Oh, I see.”
His broad shoulders shifted. “I’m certain that she could have gotten married long before this if she’d wanted to.”
“I don’t know. Most men seem to think a woman as lovely as Jane has more admirers than she can sort out, and a lot of pretty women don’t even get asked out because of that perception. Actually I don’t remember Jane dating anyone seriously. Except Dr. Coltrain, of course.”
He was getting tired of hearing about Coltrain. “At her age, she’s bound to have had a serious love affair.”
“Do you think so?” Micki asked with studied carelessness. “If she has, it’s been very discreet. Her reputation is impeccable.”
He swung her around to the music. “What do you think of the band?” he asked with a pleasant smile.
She chuckled to herself. “It’s nice, isn’t it? I do enjoy a good two-step.”
TODD WAS OUT of sorts by the time he drove Micki home, leaving her at the door with a chaste kiss before he sped back toward the ranch. It had been a pleasant evening, but he hadn’t been able to get Jane’s hungry kisses out of his mind. Then there was Micki’s careless comment that she thought Jane was in love with him. That had set his mind spinning so that he took Micki back long before he normally would have.
When he drove away from her apartment house, it was barely eleven o’clock, and he was damned if he was going home that early. He stopped by a small bar out in the country and had a couple of beers before he drove the rest of the way out. By then it was almost one, and a more respectable hour for a man who’d enjoyed himself to be getting in.
He’d planned to go straight to the little house where he and Cherry were staying, but the lights were still on in the ranch house and he didn’t see Tim’s car out by the garage.
Frowning, and a little concerned, he went up to the front door and tried it. It was unlocked. Really worried now, he opened it and went in, closing it with a quiet snap and then working his way cautiously past the empty living room and study, down to the bedrooms.
There was light under only one door. He opened it and Jane gaped at him. She was sitting up in bed reading, wearing a low-cut blue satin gown with spaghetti straps. Her hair was loose around her shoulders and the firm, silky slopes of her breasts were bare almost to the nipples in her relaxed pose.
Lamplight became her, he thought helplessly. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. His whole body clenched at the thought of what lay under that silky fabric.
“Why the hell is the front door unlocked?” he asked shortly.
“It isn’t,” she faltered. “I locked it and left the lights on in case Meg needed to come in...”
“It wasn’t locked. I walked right in. And they haven’t come back. Did you check the answering machine?”
She frowned. “No. I took a couple of aspirin because my back was hurting, and then I lay down,” she began.
He averted his eyes from her body. “I’ll check for any messages.” He went out, grateful for something besides the sight of her to occupy his mind. He went to the telephone in the living room and pressed the Play button on the answering machine. Sure enough, Tim had phoned to say that he and Meg would be spending the night with their daughter so that they could go to church with her the next morning. A distant relative was visiting and they wanted to get reacquainted.
He listened dimly as the machine reset itself and beeped. His heart was beating furiously in his chest. Two beers didn’t usually affect him, but he hadn’t eaten in a while and his head was reeling with the sight of Jane in that gown and what Micki had said about Jane being in love with him. What if he went into her bedroom and slid that silky gown off her breasts? Would she welcome him? If she loved him...
He muttered a curse and ran a hand through his damp hair. He should get out, right now, before he did something really stupid.
He got as far as the front door. He couldn’t force himself to go through it. After a brief struggle with his conscience, he gave in to the pulsating need that was making him ache from head to toe. She could always say no, he told himself. But he knew that she wouldn’t. Couldn’t. He put on the locks, turned out the outside light and then the living room and study lights.
Jane had put down her book. When he walked back into her bedroom, she was sitting just where he’d left her, looking more vulnerable than ever.
“Did they...call?” she asked, her voice as choked as her body. She, too, was remembering the heated kisses of earlier in the evening and hungry for more of it. From the look on his hard face, so was he. She loved him so much that all thoughts of self-preservation had gone right out of her head in the hours since he’d left for his date. She had no pride left. Loneliness and love had eaten it away.
“They won’t be home until morning,” he said stiffly.
She looked at him with wide, helpless eyes, a little frightened and a little hungry. Everything she felt lay open to his searching eyes.
With a smile that was part self-contempt and part helpless need, he slowly closed and locked the bedroom door. He held her eyes while his hand went to snap off the main switch that controlled the bedside lamps.
The room went dark. She sat, breathing unsteadily, waiting. She saw the outline of him, big and threatening, as he came around the bed and slowly sat down beside her. Then she felt his lean, strong hands, warm on her arms as he slid the straps down and let the gown drop to her waist.
She felt herself shiver. Her breath caught. She felt the air on her body and the need for him was suddenly the most important thing in her life. She arched back with a faint moan, imploring, coaxing.
“I should be shot,” he breathed. And then his warm mouth was on her soft, bare breasts, his hands gentle on her body as he eased her down on the bed.
She’d never known a man, but her responses were so acutely hungry that Todd didn’t realize it at first. Her headlong acceptance of his deep kisses, of the caresses that grew more intimate as he eased her out of the gown and the faint briefs under it, made him too reckless to notice her shy hands on his chest.
She smelled of flowers and her body was the sweetest kind of warm silk under his mouth. He smoothed his lips over her from head to toe, enjoying her in a silence that trembled with sensation and sensuality.
When he was near the end of his patience, he divested himself of his clothing and drew her gently against the length of him. She caught her breath and tried to pull away, but his mouth on hers stilled the feeble protest.
“Are you using something?” he asked feverishly against her mouth.
“Wh-what?” she managed shakily.
“Are you on the Pill?” he persisted.
“N-no.”
He groaned and reached down for his billfold. Thank God he was prepared. He’d never felt the blind need she kindled in his tall, fit body.
His question had almost brought Jane back to sanity as she realized the enormity of what she was doing, but his mouth found hers again, gently, while he did what was necessary. And the tender, passionate kisses and caresses weakened her so that all she felt was an aching emptiness that cried out to be filled.
“I’ll be careful, baby,” he whispered as he drew her to him, on his side, so that he wouldn’t jar or injure her back. His long leg slid between hers and his hands positioned her gently so that he could ease into intimacy with her. “Easy, now.”
Her nails bit into his shoulders. She wanted him, but it stung. She buried her mouth against his collarbone.
He wasn’t so far gone that he didn’t realize what was wrong. He stilled, breathing roughly, his hands like steel clamps on her slender hips. “Jane...?” he whispered, shocked.
She was struggling to breathe. She moaned.
His powerful body shivered with the effort to hold back, even for a space of seconds. “God, baby, I didn’t know...!” He groaned harshly.
He surged against her, blind with a need as old as time.
There was a fierce flash of pain. She cried out. He heard her in the back of his mind, and hated himself for what was happening, but he was totally at the mercy of the white-hot need in his loins. Tormented seconds later, the painful tension in his body snapped and blinding, furious pleasure lifted him to heights he’d never known in his life. Then, he fell again to cold reality and felt the guilt and anguish of the trembling body containing his.
He kissed away the tears, his hands as gentle now as they had been demanding only minutes before. “Forgive me,” he whispered piteously. “Oh, Lord, I’m sorry! It was too late by the time I realized.”
She lay her cheek against his cool, damp chest and closed her wet eyes. It had been painful and uncomfortable, and now her back was hurting again.
“You’re twenty-five years old,” he groaned, smoothing her hair. “What were you doing, saving it for marriage?”
“That isn’t funny.” She choked.
He drew in a sharp breath. “I suppose you were. You’re so damned traditional.”
She bit her lower lip. “Will you leave, please?”
He kissed her closed eyes. “No. Not until I give you what I had.”
“I won’t let you do that again!” she said hotly, hitting at him. “It hurt!”
His lips brushed against hers. He drew her hand to his mouth and kissed it, too. “The first time usually does, or so I’m told,” he said gently. “But I can give you tenderness now.”
“I don’t want...!”
His mouth covered hers softly, slowly. He coaxed it to open to the lazy thrust of his tongue. His hands slid over her tense body, soothing her even as they began to incite her to passion. She didn’t understand how it could happen. He’d hurt her. But she was moving closer to him. Her arms were lifting to enclose him. Her breasts were swelling under his hands and then his mouth, and she felt a tension building inside her that made her legs start to tremble.
He was gentle. He lay on his back and smoothed her body completely over him, deftly joining their bodies while he whispered soft, tender commands at her ear. His steely hands on her hips pulled and pushed and shifted her, so that she felt the fullness of him inside her building into an ache that blinded her with its promise.
She sobbed helplessly, clinging to him. “Oh...no,” she whispered breathlessly as she felt her senses begin to climb some unbelievable peak.
“Don’t fight it,” he whispered at her temple. His voice was soft, but his breathing was quick and sharp, like the tug of his hard fingers and the thrust of his hips.
She whimpered as the pleasure caught her unaware and she stiffened on his body.
“Yes, that’s it,” he whispered feverishly. “That’s it! Give in to me. Give in, Jane, give in! Let it happen!”
She heard her voice rising in sharp little cries as he increased the rhythm. Then, all at once, she went over an edge she hadn’t expected, into realms of hot, black pleasure that took control of her body away from her brain and made her oblivious to everything except the hard heat of him filling her.
She pushed down as hard as she could and shuddered endlessly, frozen in pleasure, deaf and blind to the joyous laughter of the man holding her. Only when she was completely satisfied did he allow himself the exquisite pleasure of release.
He smoothed her long, damp hair over her spine and lay dreaming of the ecstasy he’d shared with her for a long time, until her faint weeping ceased and she lay still, trembling a little, on his spent body.
Her breasts were as soft as down. He shifted a little, so that he could feel them rubbing against his chest. His hands slid down to her hips, where they were still joined, and he pressed her closer into him.
She gasped. The touch of him was unbearably pleasurable, even now.
He mistook the gasp. “It’s all right,” he said gently. “You were protected, both times. I don’t take that sort of risk, ever.”
She was too embarrassed to know what to say. Her fingers clenched against him and she lay still, uncertain and hesitant in the aftermath.
He stretched stiffly and laughed. “But it was a near thing, I’ll tell you that,” he confessed. “Is your back all right?”
She bit her lip. “Yes.”
He eased her onto her side and pulled away. Her teeth went deeper into her lip as reality fell on her like a cold brick.
He felt on the floor for her gown and briefs and laid them on her breasts. He bent and kissed her tenderly. “You’d better get your things back on,” he whispered. “It’s chilly.”
She fumbled into them, listening to the rustle of fabric as he dressed by the side of the bed. She felt tears sting her eyes and hated herself for the one lapse of a lifetime. She hadn’t even had the presence of mind to protect herself. Thank God he’d thought of it. And now there was the future to think of. How could she ever face him again, after this? He’d know how she felt about him. But whatever he felt was well concealed. He hadn’t said a word while he was making love to her, except for soft commands and endearments. But there hadn’t been one confession of love.
While she was worrying, he tucked her under the sheet and pushed her hair away from her face. “Sleep well,” he said, trying not to betray how awkward he felt. Her cheek was wet. Did she hate him? Was she sorry? She’d tried to stop him, but he couldn’t stop. Did she understand? Then, afterward, he’d wanted to make amends in the only way possible. He knew he’d given her pleasure, but would it be enough to make up for what he’d taken?
She turned her face away with a faint sigh and he left her. There would be time enough in the morning for talking, for explanations and apologies.
JANE WAS STIFF and sore when she woke up. She opened her eyes and blinked from the brightness, and then she remembered. She sat up in bed, flushing with memories that made her feel hot all over.
She moved the top sheet away and grimaced at the betraying faint stains on the bottom one. She got out of bed and stripped away the sheet, throwing it on the floor, and her gown and briefs along with it. She went into the bathroom and showered herself from head to toe before she dressed in jeans and a round-neck yellow T-shirt and sneakers. Then she bundled up the laundry and put it into the washing machine, starting the load before Meg came in.
“Hey, that’s my job,” Meg complained gaily when she got home and found the drier running and another load of clothes going through the spin cycle in the washer.
“I didn’t have anything to do,” Jane said with a poker face and a smile. “Everyone’s gone for the weekend except Todd. He was late getting in last night. He took Micki Lane to a dance.”
“She’s pretty,” Meg said, frowning. “I thought maybe you liked him.”
She shrugged. “He’s very nice. I think he’s a great accountant.”
Nice. Meg sighed mentally at her dashed dreams of a romance between the two of them, and shooed her charge out of the kitchen while she saw to lunch.
But when Meg put it on the table, Todd still hadn’t come to the house. Jane had been dreading it since dawn, uncertain of how she was going to face him. She was ashamed and embarrassed and a little afraid of having him taunt her with her helplessness.
“Where’s Todd?” Meg asked when she had the salad and bread on the table.
“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him today,” Jane said.
“It isn’t like him to miss lunch.” She went to the window and looked out. “His car’s gone.”
“Maybe he had a date with Micki today,” Jane ventured, not looking up.
“Wouldn’t he have said?”
Jane smiled. “He doesn’t have to report to us.”
“I guess not. Well, I’ll call Tim and we’ll eat.”
It was a brief, pleasant lunch. Meg talked about their daughter and the distant cousin who’d come to visit. And if Jane was unusually silent, it went unremarked if not unnoticed.
JUST BEFORE DARK, Todd drove up with Cherry. Obviously, Jane thought, he’d gone up to Victoria to get her even though she’d said she was going to take the bus. Perhaps he was as uncomfortable as Jane now, only wanting to forget what had happened and needful of putting some space between them.
She was sitting on the sofa watching the news when they came in.
“How was your weekend?” Jane asked Cherry.
“Not very pleasant,” Cherry said, without saying why. She smiled at Jane. “You look pale. Are you okay?”
She had to fight not to look at Todd. “I’m fine. I’ve had a lazy day.”
“I need to check some figures. I’ll take the books back over to the house with me, if you don’t mind,” he said, addressing Jane for the first time, his tone formal and remote.
“Of course,” she said to his chin and even smiled. “Have you both eaten?”
“We had supper on the way,” Todd said shortly. He went to get the books and came back with them tucked under one arm. “Say good-night, Cherry.”
“Good night,” the girl said obediently, aware of a new tension between the two adults in her life. She was too sensitive to mention it, though. And anyway, her dad had been quiet and unapproachable. Probably, she thought sadly, there had been another argument. It saddened her that her father and her new friend couldn’t get along.
Jane called good-night and went back to her television program. She hadn’t looked directly at Todd, or he at her. She wondered if things would ever be the same again.
THE BUILDERS WORKED diligently at the repairs and finished right on schedule. Inspecting the new barn, Jane was amazed at their progress. It was a good job, too, not a slipshod effort.
The next step was to buy brood mares. Jane and Cherry went with Todd to an auction at a well-known horse ranch outside Corpus Christi. Todd and Jane looked at the catalog, not at each other, and Cherry enthused over each horse as it was led into the rink.
Jane had an excellent eye for horseflesh. Before her father’s death, even he had deferred to her on buying trips. Todd quickly realized her ability, and he followed her father’s example. They bought three good brood mares and a colt with excellent bloodlines. Todd arranged for them to be transported to the ranch and rejoined Cherry and Jane.
“Can we stop and get an ice cream on the way back?” Cherry asked, wiping away sweat. “It’s awfully hot!”
“If Jane isn’t too tired,” he said stiffly.
“I’m fine,” she said carelessly, putting an affectionate arm around Cherry. She was walking without her crutches now, although not as quickly as before. Two or three times, she’d had to fight the impulse to get on her horse and ride like the wind. Perhaps that was a realizable dream, but not just yet.
“Then we’ll stop down the road a bit,” Todd replied.
There was a small ice cream shop in a stand of mesquite trees, just off the main road. Although it was a bit isolated, there were plenty of cars surrounding it, and the small picnic area was full.
“We can sit under the trees,” Cherry said. “Jane and I will grab the seats while you get the ice cream, Dad. I want a chocolate shake.”
His head turned and he looked at Jane. “What would you like?” he asked politely.
“I’ll have the same, thanks,” she said, avoiding his eyes. She turned and walked away with Cherry.
Todd watched her hungrily. He’d handled the whole situation badly, and now he didn’t know what to do. His conscience had tortured him over the past few days. He didn’t sleep at night for it. He hadn’t forced her to do something she didn’t want to, but she couldn’t now give her chastity to a man she married. She might have loved him once, but he no longer thought she cared at all. She wouldn’t look at him. If he came into a room, she found an excuse to leave it. She was subdued and withdrawn except when Cherry was around. And it was his fault. If only he hadn’t touched her in the first place.
The man asked him again for his order and he snapped back to the present long enough to give it. He took the paper tray of milk shakes when the man came back and paid for them.
Minutes later, the three of them were sitting under the tree with the breeze playing in Jane’s hair, sipping the cold, refreshing shakes.
“Don’t you love chocolate?” Cherry said enthusiastically.
Jane smiled at her. “Yes, but it doesn’t love me. Sometimes it gives me migraines.”
“Why the hell didn’t you say so?” Todd demanded angrily.
She glanced at him, startled by the venom in his tone. “I love chocolate.”
“Which is no reason to deliberately bring on a headache.”
She glared back at him. “I’ll eat what I like. You’re not my keeper!”
“Uh, what do you think of the colt, Jane?” Cherry interrupted quickly.
“What?” She was staring into Todd’s furious eyes and he was staring back. The anger slowly began to fade, to be replaced by something equally violent, simmering, smoldering hot.
Cherry hid a smile. “I’ll get some more napkins,” she said.
Neither of them seemed to notice her leaving. Jane’s face was getting redder by the second, and Todd’s eyes narrowed until they were gray slits, full of heat and possession.
His hand reached out and caught hers hungrily. “Shall we stop pretending that nothing happened?” he asked roughly.