EIGHT

“You are truly amazing, Mrs. Rexer,” Christian whispered as my lips trailed down his chest and over his perfect stomach. He jumped when my tongue reached the top of his jeans and his fingers wound in my hair at the top of my head.

I raised my head enough to gaze into his eyes as my fingers fumbled with the button of his pants. As I slid the zipper down, my stomach turned and jumped and my fingers started trembling as I pushed his pants down his muscular legs. I never thought a man could make me feel as if every time with him was the first. It had been different with Ian, not because I hadn’t wanted him that way, but because his passion seemed more like an act than true desire. Had I felt that then and was just blinded by what I thought we had? Christian kicked his pants off the bottom of the bed and sat up. “Lily, what’s wrong? Why are you thinking about him?”

Guilt turned the fluttering in my stomach into a tight knot. “I don’t know. Believe me; the last thing I wanted was for him to pop into my head.”

He took my arms and gently guided me to sit by his side, taking my face in his gentle hands, so unlike Ian’s. “Do you still feel love for him?”

“What are you talking about? How could you ask me such a question?” I grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands off my face.

“Please don’t be angry, it’s just that…Well, he was your first love. It’s only natural that you should still feel something for him, and…”

“And what?” I said though gritted teeth.

“Lily, I love you and I know you love me. That is not even an issue. But Ian was a huge part of your life, of who you are and how you became what you are. I would totally understand if you still feel something for him.” He touched the back of my hand with his fingertips, asking my permission to hold it in his. I looked at his calm face and relented, entwining my fingers with his.

I swallowed hard before I answered. “I’m honestly not sure what I feel for him. I know I should hate him. I want to hate him for everything he did, for all the losses we suffered because of him, but something inside me won’t let me.”

He nodded and stayed silent, waiting for me to continue. If I were in his shoes, I don’t think I could listen to any of this. The man should be sainted. “I know the connection between a vampire and a maker is supposed to be stronger than any other, but, he’s dead. He caused so much pain and anguish. I should hate him. Instead, I feel sorry for him. I pity him for his past and for what he became. I pity him for his loneliness and selfishness. He died because of his selfishness.”

“You have to remember one thing,” He turned my face to look into my eyes. “He only wanted you back when you fell in love with me. It was like a game to him, a challenge. Before that, he stayed away for years. He left you, remember, not the other way around.”

“I know. If I can figure out why he left me in the first place, maybe then I can finally hate him,” I suggested, still feeling guilty for my feelings, whatever they were.

“If that’s what you need to get some closure on this, I will do whatever I can to help you,” he smiled before continuing. “But, Lily, I still don’t think you could hate him. Regardless of what he did, your heart is too full of love to fit hate in it, no matter who it’s for. That is just one of the many things I love about you.”

“I do love you. I never loved him the way I love you. I feel like my love for you could consume me, all of me. It was different with him. I think I just felt like I needed him. I was young and inexperienced and needed him to take care of me. I think I thought that if he didn’t love me, I was nothing. I don’t feel that way now. I know who I am but I want you to love me, not need you to. Does that make any sense?”

“It makes perfect sense and you don’t have to worry. I will love you for the rest of eternity. That’s not even a question in my mind. You are the air I breathe, but our first loves often feel like the true thing, no matter how real they truly are or aren’t. Ian was your first love. Let me be your last.”

My stomach welcomed the butterflies back in full force and I reacted without speaking. I moved to straddle his legs and pulled his face toward mine with more force than I intended. My mouth crushed his as my legs pulled me up and positioned me where I needed to be to be one with him. As he kissed me back with as much force as I kissed him, I saw Ian’s face as he smiled and winked at me, and then it rippled and wavered before disappearing from my mind.

Let me go, please…

For now…For now, my love…his voice echoed in my ears as I made love to my husband like I never had before, without holding anything back, without an ounce of guilt.

The front door crashed against the wall and footsteps echoed on the metal stairs. I jumped out of bed and grabbed my robe from the back of the door, locking the door as I slipped it on with one hand. “What is it?” Christian asked, sitting up and pulling the sheet up to his chest.

“Smells like Aloysius, but something’s wrong,” my answer was cut short by the knock on the locked door. I unlocked it and pulled it open a crack. “What is it? Is it Jose Luis?” I asked and moved aside so he could enter.

“No. I called the hospital a few minutes ago. He’s sleeping peacefully. It’s…I think we might have seen Leilani tonight,” He placed his hand on the door knob. “May I come in?”

I turned to make sure Christian was covered before pulling it open. “Where? How?” Christian asked but didn’t meet Aloysius’s amused gaze.

Aloysius looked between Christian me, and smiled before continuing. “Fiore and I decided to go to a café after we fed. We liked the taste of coffee and decided to enjoy a cup while we talked. Anyway, as we were sitting there waiting for a second cup, we happened to glance across the street. Do you remember the witch I followed one night, the one I bit?” I nodded, remembering the night he came home with his shirt covered in someone else’s blood. “She was walking across the park and toward the sidewalk, holding a little girl by the hand. She didn’t notice us watching her until I stood. That’s when she panicked and ran, dragging the girl with her.”

“It could’ve been anybody. Maybe she has a kid,” I suggested, trying not to get my hopes up.

Aloysius shook his head. “I thought about that too, but, why run?”

“I’m sure she didn’t forget what you did. After all, you cornered her in a dark alley and bit her. She was probably afraid of you,” Christian said. He stood with the sheet wrapped low around his waist. The butterflies invaded again as soon as I glanced at him.

“We weren’t close enough to them to do anything. Besides, there were a lot of people around, too risky. She has powers she could have easily used from that distance.” He shook his head again. “She was more concerned about protecting the girl.”

“So what did you do?” I asked.

“There was a glass wall separating us from them. We had to go through the restaurant to get back out onto the street. By the time we got outside, they were gone, probably jumped into a taxi.”

“Shit!” I balled my hands into fists as I walked toward the closet.

“What is it, Lily?” Christian asked.

“Well, now at least we know she’s alive,” I walked into the closet and threw on the first outfit I found, not caring whether or not it matched. “The problem is we don’t know where she is. If they know we know, and by the woman’s reaction I’m almost positive they do, then they will be moving her off the mountain tonight.”

“If she was being kept on the mountain, we don’t know exactly where. It could take hours, if not days, to find the right house and, by that time, they’ll be gone,” Christian still stood with the sheet wrapped around his waist and turned to me. “Are you going someplace?”

“Um, no. I figured some clothes would be good considering Aloysius is in our room. Actually, think they’d let us into the hospital to talk to Jose Luis?” I knew it was a long shot but I needed to know more about Leilani.

“Those nurses are stricter than nuns on Sunday. I would venture to say no,” Aloysius backed toward the door resting his hand on the frame. “We will find a way to get to her. I think our first priority right now is Jose Luis. Have you made any decisions yet?”

I looked at Christian but he remained silent. “I want to turn him,” There was no hesitation in my voice.

“Very well. If that is your decision, I will support it.” Aloysius turned to leave then stuck his head back into the room. “Have you ever done it before?”

“No, not on purpose, anyway,” I thought of how I accidentally turned Christian. “Do I have to do it myself?” I asked with a bit of doubt.

“Yes, unless you want his attachment to be to someone else. When the time comes, I can guide you. There is nothing to be afraid of.”

“But…What if it doesn’t work? I mean, what if I mess it up?” I was suddenly panicking at the idea.

“Believe in yourself, Lily. If you only believed in yourself half as much as the rest of us do, your life could be very different.” He hurried down the hall without another word.

“What was that supposed to mean?” I turned to Christian, who had finally dropped the sheet and was picking his clothes up off the floor.

“I have no idea. But then again, that man is always cryptic,” he said with a smile that betrayed his frustration.

“I was wondering,” I paused on my way out the door and turned to Christian. “Ian drained your blood and I gave you mine, unknowingly, of course.” Christian nodded. “Technically, we both made you.”

“Yes. I suppose that is true,” he smiled as he understood what I was hinting at. “Do you really think we could?”

“I don’t see why not. It worked for you.”

“True. But if in fact you both did make me, shouldn’t I feel some kind of a connection to Ian too?” He leaned against the dresser and ran his free hand through his hair.

“I didn’t think of that,” I walked back into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Thinking about Ian was something that required me to sit so I couldn’t wear circles into the floor. “Are you sure you don’t?”

“I’m sure. I feel nothing for him, well, besides disgust. It’s your blood that made me what I am,” he explained with a sudden look of disappointment.

“Maybe it’s because you didn’t spend any time with him afterward. Maybe it’s because…”

“Lily, I think it was just you that made me. He killed me and that was his only role. There was no blood exchange between us. Even when he was drinking from me in Ireland, I never tasted his blood.”

As much as I wanted to analyze what he said further, though I was happy he felt no attachment to Ian, I had to agree with him. Ian took his life and planned for that action to be permanent. “So basically, only one of us can transform Jose Luis?”

“I think so,” He moved to stand in front of me and take my hands. “It doesn’t matter. If you want it to be both of us, then it will be. We’ll figure out how. I don’t care who he has the greater attachment to anyway. We are a family and we will both play a part in his transformation.”

The phone rang as I waited for Christian to dress so we could join Aloysius in the living room. Aloysius’s voice boomed up the stairs as he yelled at whoever was on the other end. He spoke so fast I could make no sense of what he was saying. My stomach dropped as we ran down the spiral stairs, dread filling the silence as Aloysius slammed the receiver down hard, shattering the base unit.