As I approached Sirius Dynamics, I repeated my mantra. I could do this. My heart thumped while I signed for my fob and approached the heavy steel door.
I stepped into the time-delayed chamber and stood straight and tall while I counted down the seconds. I could do this.
Wobbling down the dreaded concrete stairwell, I gave my knees another brisk pep talk. I could do this.
I managed to greet Spider in nonchalant tones when I stuck my head into his lab.
He looked up with a smile. “Hi, Aydan, how’s it going?”
“Fine,” I lied. “Ready to roll?”
“Sure.” He held up the signalling device. “All set.”
He handed me the box containing the network key, and I propped myself in a chair. “I’m going in. I’ll let you know when I’m at the files.”
“I’ll monitor you from here,” Spider said. “I’ll keep the data record running in real-time so I can see what you’re doing.”
“So you’re saying I shouldn’t pick my nose.”
He blushed. “No.”
I was chuckling when I stepped into the simulation. He was such a nice kid. And so easily embarrassed.
The blip came so soon it startled me. I addressed Spider directly through the network interface. “Are we done already?”
“Yes. It’s five-thirty. I spoke to you through the interface, but I guess you didn’t hear me.”
“No, I was buried in this file. Lucky you’ve got the signalling device.”
I got up and stretched before realizing it was a pointless activity since my avatar was only a virtual body anyway. No point in stretching it when it was a creation of my own mind. I shook my head at my own silliness and stepped out the portal.
When I’d recovered enough to straighten up, I met Spider’s sympathetic eyes. “I really wish there was another way,” he said.
“Thanks, Spider. Me, too.”
I stood and stretched. My body had stiffened considerably after being propped motionless in the chair for three hours. God, and I needed to pee so badly my back teeth were floating.
I creaked and groaned my way cautiously to the door. “Tomorrow, signal me to come out every couple of hours or so.”
Spider gave me a cheerful salute. “Will do. See you then.”
The next several days blurred into a tedious round. Each morning, I worked a couple of hours at the Silverside Hotel, followed by a long day of intense concentration at Sirius Dynamics. At night, nightmares stalked my sleep while I ran with frantic slowness from faceless assailants. By Friday, my head was aching more or less constantly.
I hissed through clenched teeth and pounded my fist on my knee, eyes screwed shut. Despite my best efforts, some creative obscenities leaked out. As the pain subsided, I gradually squinted my eyes open and pushed myself up, hands braced on my knees.
Spider’s anxious face hovered in front of me, and I rolled my stiff shoulders and got up. “I’m out of here. I’m going over to the Greenhorn for lunch. Do you want to come?”
“No, I have to get some other work done, so I’m heading over to the shared office. Kane will meet you back here and take over the signalling device for the afternoon.”
“Okay. Are you working tomorrow?”
He shrugged. “Usually not on weekends. But if you want to come in, I could, too.”
“No, it’s okay. I could use a break.” I shuffled toward the door, massaging my head.
“I think that’d be a good idea,” Spider agreed.
I turned away from the concern in his eyes. “Okay, have a good weekend.”
I climbed the stairs, envying him the opportunity to work in natural light and real air. By the time I escaped the confines of the time-delay chamber, my hands were shaking and I gulped the outside air hungrily.
At the Greenhorn, the trembling didn’t seem to want to subside while I stood in the lineup waiting my turn to order. When I reached the head of the line, Jeff’s face lit up. “Aydan, hi! Good news, you won!”
I smiled at him uncertainly, racking my tired brain. “Hi, Jeff. Um... won what?”
“The raffle for the firefighters.”
“Oh!” The previous Monday seemed aeons in the past. I’d forgotten I’d even bought a ticket. “What did I win?”
“A firefighter.”
“What?” I stared at his grinning face, nonplussed.
He laughed. “I told you, it was a raffle for the firefighters.”
“Yeah, but...”
I realized I was holding up the line while I gaped at him. “Um, let’s talk about this later. I should order.”
I gave him my food order and wandered dazedly over to my usual corner table, mentally kicking myself. Dammit, I knew better than to sign up for something without reading the fine print.
As I stared into space, my eyes gradually focused on a colourful poster pinned to the bulletin board next to the door. ‘Firefighters Raffle’, said the headline.
I got up and drifted over to read the smaller print below. ‘Win a date with a firefighter’. Oh, shit. What the hell had I gotten myself into? I couldn’t back out now. Jeff and Donna would be disappointed if I did.
I relaxed as I read further down the poster. A ticket had been drawn corresponding to each of the local volunteer firemen, and the ‘date’ was a dinner sponsored by the Greenhorn and Blue Eddy’s. All the firemen and their dates would attend together.
Thank God.
I trailed back to my chair and sank into it with relief. Jeff and Donna had a knack for organizing successful events, and it seemed this would be no exception. Jeff had already told me the local volunteer firefighters were a motley crew of all ages and shapes and sizes. This would be good clean fun, nothing more.
I glanced up as Donna placed my plate in front of me. “So who did I win?”
“Tom Rossburn.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know him.”
“He’s a good guy. You’ll like him.”
“What do I have to do?”
“Just come here tomorrow at five-thirty. Unless you want him to pick you up?” I shook my head, and she continued. “We’re doing the dinner here. Dress western. It’s Stampede time down in Calgary, so we’re going with that theme.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. This wasn’t going to be so bad after all. I hate making conversation with strangers, but I could get through a dinner. I wouldn’t even have to dress up. Life was good.
I finished my delicious meal and hoisted myself out of the chair. Usually food made everything better, but I still felt weak and shaky when I headed for the door.
Back at Sirius, the hand tremor intensified while I waited in the time-delay. I switched to belly breathing, willing calm. A muscle jumped in my cheek while I walked down the sterile hallway to Spider’s lab.
Kane looked up when I tapped on the door. “Hi, Aydan.” He searched my face. “You look like you’ve had a tough week.”
I shrugged. “Same old, same old. I’d better get used to it. Are you ready for an afternoon of paralyzing boredom, waiting to press the button on that signalling device?”
He laughed. “In my life, paralyzing boredom is a nice change. I’ve brought some paperwork so I’ll be able to entertain myself.”
“You sure know how to have a good time.” I flopped into my chair. “Could you signal me in about an hour and half? I tend to lose track of time when I’m in there.”
“All right.” I caught the tail end of his nod as I closed my eyes and stepped into the network void.
It took me a few seconds to summon up the virtual corridor. Even in the sim, my avatar body felt sore and exhausted, and my brain responded sluggishly to my efforts to control the sim.
When the blip finally signalled the end of my day, I crept out the virtual portal feeling as though every ounce of blood had been sucked from my body.
Pain slammed through my head, and it took all my willpower not to curl into a ball and weep helplessly. I squelched the impulse and belted out a few good solid profanities instead. The last curse ended with a whimper, so I shut up and rocked back and forth instead.
The strong, warm hands massaging my head and neck brought tears anyway. I wiped them away under the guise of rubbing my aching eyes while I slumped forward, relaxing under Kane’s ministrations.
Finally, I groaned relief and sat up. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” He squatted in front of my chair and looked into my face. “You need to get some rest. Don’t push so hard.”
“I’ll get a break this weekend. I’m just tired because I haven’t been sleeping well.”
He eyed me dubiously. “All right. Let’s get you out of here.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice.”
Home at last, I walked out past the house and up the hill to the high land. I lowered myself into the rustling grass at the edge of the hay field and let out a long breath.
The wide vista of farmland opened below me, the big Alberta sky arching above. The breeze carried the warm sweet scent of alfalfa to me while the sun scorched my back. I let the song of the insects lull me into a trance, easing the week’s tension out of my muscles.
A movement on the distant hill caught my eye as a lone horseman rode silhouetted against the sky. He moved purposefully along his fence line, and I smiled. I’d seen him a couple of times before. He could probably see me, too, but we’d never acknowledged each other’s presence. I appreciated his respect for my privacy. Or his indifference. Either way, it worked for me.
When my growling stomach finally drove me down from my perch, I felt much better. A good supper and the knowledge that I didn’t have to go to Sirius the next day made my spirits rise even more. I puttered away the evening in my garden and slept reasonably well for the first time all week.
I spent a leisurely Saturday morning and afternoon doing a few easy chores around the house. By the time five o’clock rolled around, I was heartily regretting my commitment to Jeff and Donna’s fundraiser.
I sighed and headed for my closet. Thank God I could wear comfortable clothes. I put on a pair of my better blue jeans and topped them with a soft brown plaid sleeveless shirt with western detailing. I brushed my hair out and left it loose, then eyed my cowboy hat. Nah. No need to go overboard. I slid my feet into my battered, comfortable western boots and headed for the door.
When I arrived at the Greenhorn, I sidled in and took stock of the people packed into the tiny cafe. I wasn’t sure how many volunteer firefighters a small town like this normally had, but apparently there were at least a dozen, along with the women who would be their dates.
I felt underdressed when I surveyed the other chattering women. Their outfits ranged from bright western shirts and elaborately beaded jeans to full skirts and dangling jewellery. My hand went to my ear. Shit, I hadn’t even changed out of the plain stainless steel studs I usually wore. And the only makeup I had on was lip balm.
Oh well, story of my life. At least this wasn’t a real date. No pressure. I sighed, wondering how long I’d have to stay before I could make a graceful exit.
“Aydan!” Linda waved to me from across the room.
I made my way over. “Another lucky winner,” I greeted her. “I’m glad there’s somebody here I know.”
“You don’t know anybody?” She grabbed my hand. “Come and meet everybody, then.” A few minutes later, I was surrounded by a jovial crowd while I struggled to remember the barrage of names.
Everyone seemed in high spirits, and I relaxed while the jokes flew. This might turn out to be fun after all.