Chapter Ten

On Saturday night, Alex returned to the northeast. After the runaway success of Playing with Pride, which had now hit the number one spot on the general book chart, Fernando Inglesias had hosted a celebration party at a hotel in the heart of Newcastle. The week had gone by in a blur. Alex had spent most of it on the phone or in Zoom calls, giving interviews to newspapers, magazines and radio stations. A year after he’d come out in public, Fernando was the man of the moment again and everyone wanted a piece of him. With Fernando tied up in training, it had fallen to Alex to deal with most of the press.

He’d been too busy to think about Ethan. They had exchanged a handful of text messages across the week—friendly, a little flirty, but nothing more serious than that. Alex no longer knew how he felt about Ethan or what Ethan wanted from him, if anything.

He would be there this evening. The party had been arranged in a hurry. In their last message on Thursday, he’d asked Ethan to come along. Ethan had replied saying he’d already received an official invitation and couldn’t wait to attend.

What the hell is that about? Did he think it would impress Alex that he was such a big deal that his name was already on the guest list? It seemed at times that Ethan’s ego knew no boundaries. The more Alex thought about him, the deeper his reservations became. He had to admit that the chances were high that the last weekend had been nothing more than a casual distraction…a bit of sexy fun. If he’d thought Ethan was interested in something more meaningful, he’d been wrong. The only thing that meant much to Ethan was Ethan.

But as he checked out his appearance in the bathroom mirror ahead of the party, Alex couldn’t stop thinking about the guy. What would happen when they came face to face again downstairs? He’d like things to go back to how they had been before Ethan had got the phone call from his agent and his head had been turned by the promise of Strictly Come Dancing. He wanted the Ethan who’d taken him for a walk along the beach, who’d cooked a fabulous lunch and treated Alex like he was the only important things in the world, if only for a few hours. Was that person even real, or was that just a small facet of a far more complicated personality?

With a sigh, Alex brushed his hair and sprayed his neck with cologne. He had to stop thinking about Ethan and get back to the reason he was here—to celebrate Fernando and his biography.

When he entered the function room, Alex discovered the party was even more lavish than the one they’d had in Manchester to launch the book, and there was no reason it shouldn’t be. The hotel was owned by Fernando’s handsome boyfriend, Joshua, and it looked like Joshua had pulled out all the stops. There were a lot of famous faces there. He recognised most of the players from Barnard FC, Fernando’s club, as well as the majority of the Newcastle United team and Chris Hauer, who’d won gold at the athletic tournament last weekend. There were sport journalists and TV presenters, editors and PR people from the publishing house and a lot of other familiar faces who might have been soap stars or reality TV personalities.

He couldn’t see Ethan.

Alex grabbed a glass of champagne from the tray of a passing waiter and gulped it down. Feeling better, he set about mingling.

Lanita, exuding glamour in a black and gold dress, was one of the first to congratulate him. “Well done, babe,” she said, leaning in for an air kiss. “I bet your phone hasn’t stopped ringing all week. They’ll all be desperate to have you write the next big book. Who will it be? Have you decided?”

“No. There have been a few offers,” he admitted, “but I haven’t had time to consider them yet. It’s been hectic. Besides, Fernando’s story is unique. That’s the reason this book has taken off the way it has. Another bio might not catch on.”

“Who cares if they do or don’t? You need to take advantage of every opportunity you’re offered. Make the most of it while you can. You’re hot right now. Take the money before you go cold.”

“You know that’s not the way I operate. I have to be invested in the subject of a book. It doesn’t work otherwise.”

“Like your Ethan Bower book, eh?” She grinned at him. Lanita knew all about his weekend with Ethan. She’d coaxed the details out of him during the midweek podcast. “Why don’t you do a revised and updated version of that? I’m sure it would be fascinating.”

“I don’t think so,” he said, uneasy at the mention of the man’s name.

“He’s here, by the way. Have you seen him?”

Alex froze. “He is? No, not yet.”

Lanita nodded, licking her lips. “I can see the attraction. He looks h-o-t tonight. He always did, but he’s even better now. Maybe it’s you, babe. Maybe you’ve caused him to bloom.” She laughed.

A waiter came by with a tray of drinks. Alex helped himself to another. “I hardly think so. He hasn’t bothered with me all week. It was nothing, I’m sure. Just a shag.”

“Don’t play coy with me. I know you better than that. You like him, and you should do something about it.”

He shook his head. “I don’t think he likes me. Not enough, anyway. And I don’t want to play second fiddle to his career.”

“What?” she howled. “What century do you think you’re living in? People can work and have meaningful relationships, you know. The two don’t have to be mutually exclusive.”

“I know, it’s just… Oh, I don’t know.”

“I do. I know exactly what is wrong. You expected too much too soon. He didn’t immediately live up to your unrealistic expectations, so you withdrew. You ran away and pretended like it was nothing. That’s not the way things work, not if you’re serious about someone. Relationships take effort and compromise on both sides. I’m pretty sure you do like him, but you’re just afraid of taking a chance on him.”

Her words haunted him for the rest of the evening. Alex made his way around the room, shaking hands, reaping praise and smiling until his face ached, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Lanita’s observations. Is she right? Do I expect too much? Why shouldn’t Ethan be excited about his future career prospects?

What’s he gonna do? Drop all his long-term goals on the off-chance things might work out between us?

Alex groaned. Shit. I have been an idiot.

He had spotted Ethan across the room a couple of times, but whenever he made a move in his direction, someone would intervene and drag him into another conversation.

Lanita had been right about another thing, too. Ethan did look incredible. From the fleeting glimpses Alex had caught, he was a knockout tonight. He appeared golden, as though he’d spent a lot of time outdoors this week, and the white, open-necked shirt he wore set off the suntan. Memories of the past Sunday stirred Alex further, and he knew he had to make amends for the aloofness he’d exhibited since. He should have called and congratulated Ethan properly on the potential Strictly gig, instead of behaving like a stroppy teenager.

He resolved to make it up to him later tonight, if all went well.

“Hey, man, how’s it going?”

Alex turned as a hand tapped him on the shoulder.

Rory Evans beamed at him, his face up close, right in Alex’s personal space.

“Hi, there.” Alex sort of knew Rory. They’d met a handful of times over the years, most often at events like this, but hadn’t ever said more than a few words in passing to each other. Rory gazed at him now like he’d just been reunited with a long-lost brother.

“Cracking book,” he said. “Finished it last night, I did. I tell you, man… I couldn’t put it down.”

Rory’s aftershave caught in the back of Alex’s throat. He hadn’t skimped on the amount he’d used. He wore a skin-tight pale blue shirt, displaying a wealth of bare chest, and slim-fitting black satin pants which did nothing to hide his massive bulge. Alex remembered Rory had earned the nickname ‘The Saveloy’ in his athletic days, for the huge appendage, which would waggle from side to side in his tight lycra shorts as he pounded along the track.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Alex said through a fixed smile, looking for an escape route.

“I loved the way you told Fernando’s story. You really got the heart of things. As an openly gay sportsman myself, I can totally relate to it.”

“Thank you.” Alex couldn’t remember when Rory had ever been openly gay. He’d always been a closest case. It was one of the worst-kept secrets in athletics.

“I was thinking,” Rory said, moving closer. “Have you thought about who you’re going to write about next? You know a publisher has been after me for years to tell my life story? No? Well, they have. I’ve been trying to write it myself, you see, only I’m not so good with putting the words down. I know what I want to say, but I just don’t know how to tell it. I started, like, five years ago, and all I’ve got to show for it is twenty pages or so.”

“Talk to your publisher about your concerns. They’ll put you in touch with some excellent ghostwriters.”

“That’s the thing, see? I don’t want just anybody. I need to trust the person I’m going to work with. I need to know they get me and have the right kind of attitude to tell my story the right way.”

Alex tried to back away, but there was nowhere to go. There was a table behind him. Rory pushed closer and Alex was certain that was his cock pressing against his thigh.

“I want you to write my book,” Rory said, an enormous grin plastered across his face. “Come on. You must admit that it will be the perfect follow-up to this one with Fernando. Another celebrated openly gay sporting hero. I feel like you’re the only one who can tell my story. What do you say? Yes?”

Oh God, how to handle this?

“I’m honoured, really, that you feel that way. But I’m not ready to write another book just yet. Fernando’s story was a lot of work in a short period of time. Intense. I need some time to come down from that. To decompress, if you like.”

“Oh.” The smile lost some of its brightness. Rory was silent, then said, “Well, we don’t have to get started straight away. I’m in no hurry. Take a couple of months off, if that’s what you need, then we can get cracking in the new year. I’m sure it won’t be as hard as this one. Like I said, I’ve already written some of it. It would be an editing job as much as anything.”

“And like I said, I’m flattered—”

“You don’t have to say yes right now.” Rory brightened again. “Of course not. Why don’t we spend a bit of time getting to know each other better, eh? We can take it from there.” He put his hand on Alex’s waist.

Alex flinched, but Rory pressed on undeterred, moving his hand until he cupped Alex’s arse.

“What are you doing?”

“Are you staying here at the hotel?” Rory lowered his voice. “I am. I’ve got a room right upstairs. How about you come up later and we discuss things in private? Just the two of us. Give you a chance to see what ‘The Saveloy’ is all about, eh?”

His cock twitched against Alex’s leg.

Alex brushed his hand away and side-stepped him. “Let’s pretend that never happened, eh?”

“Don’t play hard to get. I know you’re not above sleeping with your subjects. I can give a guy like you a much better time than Ethan Bower can. I promise you that. I’ve got a good four inches on him.”

“Ethan?”

“Sure. Me and him go way back. He’s not bad in the sack. A bit passive for my liking, but he’s got a lot of plus points, but I don’t need to tell you that, do I?” He chuckled. “But I can do things with this big dick that will make your cum spurt all over the ceiling. That’s not a promise. It’s a bona-fide guarantee.”

Is this arsehole for real?

“You’ve got the wrong guy,” Alex said, pushing through the crowd to get away from him.

Alex forced his way to the bar and ordered a double vodka. He needed something a lot stronger than champagne to cool his nerves after that encounter. When he caught up with Ethan, half an hour later, he was locked in conversation with his agent, Melanie, a pushy blonde with shifty eyes.

“Hello,” Ethan said, sounding strangely formal. “Congratulations on the book. Number one… That’s amazing.”

“Of course,” the woman said. “I keep forgetting you know each other. You wrote Ethan’s bio, didn’t you?”

“This is Melanie Porter,” Ethan said. “My agent.”

“Extraordinaire,” she added with a chilly smile. “So, pleased to meet you. Listen… You’re not interested in sprucing up Ethan’s book, are you? Putting out a revised edition. A lot has happened since the first volume came out, and a lot more is about to happen, I might add.”

Ethan gave a hollow laugh. “I think Alex is too busy for something like that,” he said. “He’s not interested in my story anymore.”

Oh, he doesn’t want her to know about us. It was plain from Ethan’s body language that he wanted to distance himself from Alex.

“I don’t think I’d be interested in revisiting that story,” Alex said, his voice flat.

“I’d think twice about it if I were you,” she added, before excusing herself to use the bathroom.

“Sorry about that,” Ethan said, his face reddening. “Melanie’s a tough cookie. She’s got me on a short leash until the Strictly deal is done.”

“Then she sounds more like a taskmaster,” he said.

“Maybe, yeah.” Ethan looked very nervous. “Look… I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch much. This week has been crazy. But I’ve thought about last weekend so much. And I was delighted when I heard about the book going to number one. I’m so pleased for you.”

Despite Alex’s earlier intention to cut Ethan some slack, facing him now, under these circumstances, he couldn’t control the anger that simmered inside him.

“Did you tell Rory Evans about last weekend?” he asked.

Ethan’s smile wavered. “Rory? No, of course not. Why are you asking?”

“Because he seems to know all about it.”

“I told no one, I swear.”

“So how does he know then? Does he have psychic abilities as well as a huge cock?”

“He probably guessed. That’s what Rory is like. He’s an old blabbermouth. Plenty of people saw us drinking in the hotel bar last Saturday. Word must have gotten around, and people have drawn their own conclusions. You know what the industry is like with rumours and gossip. Anyone could have started it. Why are you being like this? This is your night. You should be on top of the world.”

Alex deflated. Ethan was right. He was being a dick, and yet that knot of anger continued to tighten. “He just came on to me.”

Ethan rolled his eyes. “Is that all? Rory tries it on with every good-looking man he meets. Don’t get hung up on it. He’ll be hitting on someone else by now, I’m sure of it.”

“That makes sense, especially as he told me about you and him too.” Stop it. Shut your mouth. You don’t have to go there.

“That was nothing, less than nothing, just a couple of mates with benefits. If he told you anything else, he’s lying. Though I’m not sure why he had to tell you anything at all, but like I said, blabbermouth. And a shit-stirrer too, if I’m honest.”

“Why did you pretend to Melanie that you didn’t know me?”

“I didn’t. I just introduced you to her, didn’t I?”

“But you played it very cool, no mention that I was anything more.”

When Ethan’s face reddened, this time Alex knew it was anger more than embarrassment. “Why would I tell her that? ‘Hey, Melanie, this is Alex. We fucked each other last weekend, then he all but ghosted me afterwards.’ Is that what I should have said, eh?”

“If a weekend fuck is all it meant to you, maybe you should have said that.” What the hell am I saying? Stop this now. Alex’s inner saboteur had already done the damage.

Ethan’s mouth tightened into a thin line. “It meant a lot more to me than that. Last Sunday was the happiest I’d been in a long time—longer than I can remember. Then the next morning you fucked off at the crack of dawn. I thought maybe you were scared, that things had moved too fast for you. Let him be, I told myself. Give him some time. But you know what I think now? You didn’t run off because you were scared. You went because you’re selfish, because you can’t deal with anyone other than yourself.” He turned and walked away.

“Ethan, don’t. I—”

He spun around and came right back at Alex. “I ought to thank you. I was falling for you, Alex Schaefer. Whatever it was, my feelings were getting strong, but, boy, did I dodge a bullet or what? So, thanks for cutting this off before it ever had a chance to start. You’ve saved me a whole lot of grief.”

Then he really was walking away.

Alex stood in shocked silence. What the hell had he just done? And why? He hadn’t meant to hurt Ethan. He hadn’t wanted to say any of those shitty things, but they had just spewed out of him like poison.

“I was falling for you, Alex Schaefer.”

Those words might haunt him forever. How could he ever win Ethan back after that?