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“Is this the place?” my father asked as he pulled into the parking lot of the large and imposing building that was St. Luke’s Academy.
“Yeah,” I said with a nod.
Night school was set to get started in a couple of days, so the school was hosting an orientation event in order to familiarize people with the entire process and what it was like. After talking to my father that night and learning about his cancer, I felt lost. I was feeling so much towards him that I felt like I would explode. More than that, I also felt like I had to take his words into consideration. I knew that he was being serious when he said that he wanted me to take better care of myself, so I decided that I could at least go back to school and finish my GED.
I ended up staying out for most of the night that night. He’d called me a couple of times, but I didn’t answer. My anger towards him was still pretty high. I’d ended up at a park where I sat alone all night, trying to get my thoughts together. I ended up looking up the school and it’s program and found that it would probably be a good fit after doing a little research.
My father and I both climbed out of the car and headed towards the building. “This place looks like a church,” he remarked as we got to the double doors that led inside. There were signs in the hall leading us toward the event.
“It should,” I said, “it’s a faith-based school.”
My father stopped walking and his eyes grew huge. “I...I didn’t know that,” he said.
I patted his shoulder to get him walking again. “A school is a school,” I said to hm. “Pops, you know you didn’t have to come, right?”
He shook his head. “Well, now I’m here now.”
I sighed quickly. “I’m serious,” I said. I knew I might have been sounding like a brat, but I wanted him to know that I wasn’t joking. “Look around, none of these other grown ass men or women have their parents coming with them tonight.”
My father let out a long sigh. “It’s just a habit,” he stated. “You know how it’s always been. Where you go, I go. Even when you were younger and on set, I knew better than to leave you around all those people. You don’t know the kinds of things that go on when you don’t have someone around to protect you.”
I understood where he was coming from, but at times, he could come across as too overprotective. “I know what you mean, but I’m older and I can look out for myself,” I said.
We turned a corner and were standing outside the auditorium where the orientation was actually taking place. I looked inside and saw that there was a decent sized crowd, most of the people gathered in the front. There was also a woman who appeared be leading it.
I was about to head inside when my father put his hand on my shoulder to stop me. I turned to him. “What is it?”
He let out another long sigh and when he looked up at me, his face appeared as old as he was. It looked like he had something serious to say.
“I know you can take care of yourself, but like I said, sometimes it’s better to know that someone else is there for you,” he repeated. He seemed to get a little emotional, but he took a deep breath before speaking again. “When I was younger, your grandmother sent me to a Catholic school and I got...molested by one of the priests.”
My mouth dropped in horror. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. “What?” I asked in shock.
He slowly nodded his head. “It’s not something I’m proud of, but I also know it wasn’t my fault. I never told your grandmother. Hell, I didn’t even tell your mother until right before she passed. It’s the reason why I’ve always been so protective of you. I never wanted you to go through what I went through.”
I didn't know what to do or say. I was giving my father a strange look because I honestly felt as though I didn’t know who he was anymore. Between revealing his cancer and now the fact that he’d been touched by someone at some point during his life, it felt like I was losing my grip on who I thought he was.
“Why are you telling me this?” I snapped.
“Because I need you to remember to keep your head up,” he said solemnly. “I won’t always be here to look out for you, so I want you to keep in mind that not everyone has your best interests at heart.”
“Look, I don’t know what kind of stuff you went through, but I’m good,” I said a matter-of-factly. “Maybe that priest touching you is why you have colon cancer now.”
The words slipped out before I could stop them. I was upset with my father for keeping all of these secrets from me and dropping them out of the blue but I hadn’t planned on hurting him like that. I could tell from the look on his face that he was crushed but more so, above all else, angry. He put his hand on my shoulder with a tight grip. I’d forgotten just how strong he was.
“Look,” he said in a loud tone. He took a second or two to calm down and spoke again a bit quietly. “Look, that’s just stupid. These things just happen. We can’t blame someone for these kind of stuff.”
“Whatever,” I mumbled.
“Whatever?”
“Yeah, whatever,” I repeated. “I wonder sometimes what you really think of me, Pops. You don’t think I’m capable of watching my own back, and once again, you’re calling me stupid.”
“I’ve never called you stupid,” my father said. He had a sad look in his eyes, but I didn’t care as I went on.
“You never had to say it,” I countered. “It’s how you’ve made me feel. You always had to help me read through my lines. Even when I started messing up on the show and getting into trouble, you never once punished me ‘cause you thought I was too stupid to know better. I would have thought that me going back to finish up school would be enough to prove to you that I’m more of an adult that you think I am, but I guess I was too stupid to know that wouldn’t be the case.”
Before he could say another word, I shook his hand off of my shoulder and walked into the auditorium where the orientation was just getting started.