CHAPTER

11

Behavior 8: The Habit of Being Responsible

Ninety-nine percent of all failure comes from people who have a habit of making excuses.

George Washington Carver

Making excuses each time we are faced with taking responsibility for some action or lack of action is a very bad habit. It can easily derail our life and will likely prevent success. If we take responsibility for our lives, it can often be a shocking experience, because suddenly we have no one to blame. Jesus said that many are called and few are chosen (Matthew 20:16). I think that may mean that although many are called to do great things for God, few are willing to take the responsibility for their call. Being responsible is what makes us honorable people. It is the price of greatness, according to Sir Winston Churchill.

Excuses are nothing new. They have been used by humans to avoid responsibility since time began. After Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, they both made excuses when confronted by God. They both blamed others. Adam blamed Eve and God for giving him Eve, and Eve blamed the devil. People make excuses for their sins all the time instead of simply admitting them, confessing them, and asking God to forgive them. Taking full responsibility for our actions is possibly one of the most emotionally painful things that we face in life. We desperately want to think we are good, and we feel that to fully admit we have made a mistake and not done what we should have done spoils our goodness. We all have things to face about ourselves, and it is a brave man or woman who is willing to do it. We should never be afraid to admit that we are wrong about something or that we have made a mistake. The truth is what sets us free (John 8:32). Avoiding, evading, and making excuses keeps us in bondage.

Because the truth makes us free, our enemy the devil will fill our heads with excuses and ways to blame other people and things for our shortcomings. He knows that we will remain trapped in our problems if we refuse to take responsibility for our actions.

Take the example of being late. When people are late for an appointment or for work they rarely simply say, “I’m sorry I am late. I didn’t manage my time well and I didn’t leave my house when I should have.” Instead we say things like, “I’m late because I got caught in traffic. I didn’t know I needed to get gasoline. My kids were being impossible and my husband misplaced my car keys.” That may well be true occasionally, but when it happens all the time, there is a definite problem that needs to be addressed. Even if some of those things did happen, it was still our responsibility to leave early enough to accommodate for traffic, to make sure we had gasoline or time to get it, and to manage our households well enough to avoid the other issues.

Did you know that when you’re late, you are sending the message that your time is more valuable than the person’s who is waiting for you? At the very least, call that person and tell her you’re running late and when you expect to arrive. That is being responsible!

Making an excuse for being late is minor compared to all the excuses that people make for an endless list of things. But excuses are never pleasing to God because He loves the truth and wants us to love it too. Making excuses can easily fall into the category of lies, and that causes us to break the commandment “Thou shalt not lie.”

When we make excuses we are actually lying to ourselves as well as others. We are keeping ourselves in deception through reasoning. We can easily find a reason for every error, but it is better to simply take responsibility for our actions.

There are, of course, reasons why things happen, and sharing those reasons is not always a problem unless we are using them as an excuse to not change. I love it when I hear someone say, “I take full responsibility for that mistake.” It immediately causes me to respect and trust them.

People in the Bible Who Made Excuses

Jesus tells a parable of a man giving a great supper who invited many to come, but they all began to make excuses. One said he had purchased a piece of land and had to go out and see it. Another said he bought some farm animals and needed to go examine them, and another said he had gotten married and because of that he was unable to come. All of these excuses were just that—excuses. The truth was that they didn’t want to come. This parable is representative of God inviting people into a relationship with Him and all the excuses they make when the truth is that they don’t want to. They want to run their own lives, even though they are doing it badly, and they don’t want God interfering.

Even among those who are believers in Jesus we hear ample excuses for not serving Him fully. People don’t have enough time; they are busy working or running their children back and forth to sporting events. What we do with our time is a matter of choice, and the truth is that we do what we really want to do. If we want to do a thing strongly, then we find time for it. There is one truth that none of us will be able to avoid. The day will come when every person will stand before God and give an account of their lives (Romans 14:12). On that day there will be no excuses.

Moses made excuses when God called him to service. He said that he wasn’t eloquent enough and could not speak. God finally became angry with all of his excuses. King Saul made excuses about why he didn’t fully obey God by completely destroying the Amalekites. Felix made excuses when Paul was speaking to him about righteousness and self-control. He said, “Go away and come back at a more convenient time.” The road to hell is paved with the good intentions of those who made excuses for not doing the right thing now but said they intended to do it later.

Peter may have had many excuses in his mind for denying Christ. I doubt that he simply said to himself, “I am a coward.” We all make excuses, but it is time to deal with them and form a habit of being responsible.

Integrity

Integrity is vitally important. It is part of being an excellent person. People of integrity take responsibility for their actions. They keep their commitments instead of making excuses for not keeping them. They keep their promises. They do what they tell people they are going to do, and if for some reason they absolutely cannot, then they contact the person, give an explanation—not an excuse—and ask to be released from the commitment.

We expect God to keep His promises, and He expects us to keep ours. Some people today don’t even know what the word integrity means. It should be taught in schools and colleges, and if it were, we would have more people in the world with good character. As I mentioned earlier, God told me that if I wanted to be a success in ministry, then I must be a person of integrity. To us at Joyce Meyer Ministries, this has been a top priority. I know there have been times when we have not been able to do what we said we would do, but it was never intentional. I have learned over the years to be more careful about the commitments I make. When we make them rashly or emotionally, we often end up wishing we hadn’t made them at all and sometimes find that we cannot keep them. Be very careful when you give your word that you will do something. It is better to not commit at all than to commit and then make an excuse for not following through. Don’t even tell someone that you will call them back on the phone unless you intend to do so.

Traits of a Responsible Person

When a person is committed to being responsible, you can count on them to be dependable. They finish what they start and do what they say they will do. They rarely give up on anything because they are steadfast and dedicated.

Responsible people pay their bills on time. They think ahead and don’t spend more money than they earn. If they do fall on hard times, they don’t ignore their responsibilities, but they are truthful with those they are committed to and make arrangements to make things right as soon as they can.

Responsible people don’t have to worry about the future, because they have planned ahead. They have prepared for the future by saving a portion of what they earn for emergencies or retirement. In Proverbs chapter 31, we meet a woman who is the perfect example of what a responsible person looks like. She gets up before sunrise to plan for the day. She works hard, and although she wants to expand, she always seriously considers whether expanding would be prudent. She spends time with God so she is strong for whatever life may bring. She helps the poor and needy. She doesn’t fear bad weather because she has already made proper clothing for her family.

Responsible people take good care of what they own. They are good stewards of what God has blessed them with. They take care of themselves because they know their life and health are gifts from God that they need to protect. They take care of family obligations, including meeting the needs of elderly parents or grandparents. When they have a job that needs to be done, they do it. They do it without having to be prodded or reminded multiple times. They are self-motivated, and that means they don’t need outside influence to make them do what they should be doing.

I believe that helping the poor and those who are less fortunate than we are is not only a nice thing to do but is our responsibility. The Bible teaches us not to forget them.

He who despises his neighbor sins [against God, his fellowman, and himself], but happy (blessed and fortunate) is he who is kind and merciful to the poor.

Proverbs 14:21

Helping people who are hurting is not something we can do or not do depending on how we happen to feel at the time; it is something God has commanded us to do. It is our responsibility. Anyone who has anything is responsible to help someone who has less than they do.

I have been blessed with a responsible nature, and I have seen the benefit and rewards of it in my life. My brother, who is now deceased, was not responsible, and I can honestly say that his entire life was one big mess after another. I loved him, but he was lazy, mediocre, and irresponsible. He had every opportunity in front of him that anyone could have had, but he wanted others to do for him what he should have been doing for himself. Everyone who is successful is also responsible. Success and personal responsibility cannot be separated.

It doesn’t matter how many opportunities we have in life if we won’t be responsible to do what we need to do to take advantage of them. I boldly ask you to examine your life truthfully. Are you a responsible individual? Are there areas in which you could improve? Do you make excuses when you do something wrong? Are you defensive when you are corrected? As I said, facing truth is often emotionally painful, but it is one of the most powerful and freeing things that we can do. If you don’t already have the habit of being responsible, are you willing to start right now developing it?

Responsible people do not have to feel like doing the right thing in order to do it. They cease asking themselves how they feel early in life because they know there will be times when they won’t feel like doing what they should be doing, and they have already decided not to let how they feel make their decisions. When a mother has young children, she must take care of them no matter how she feels. She doesn’t even consider not taking care of them because she knows that she must do it. We should look at more of our responsibilities like that. Let’s stop seeing our responsibilities as options and instead see them as things that we must do.

Five Steps to Stop Making Excuses

Face the truth

The first step in dealing with any bad habit is to admit that you have a problem. Don’t put off confronting it, hoping it will go away on its own. Everyone else knows that you are just making excuses, and it is time that you knew it too. State your problem out loud. Say it to God, say it to yourself, and it may even be helpful to tell a trusted friend. The apostle James said that we are to confess our faults to one another that we might be healed and restored (James 5:16).

Don’t have unrealistic expectations

Before you make any commitment—even a small one—ask yourself if you truly believe you can and will follow through. Some people set unrealistic goals and they always fail. A little bit of forethought could have saved them lots of trouble. Be realistic about how long it takes to do things, and allow yourself enough time to do them without being stressed out about them. If you need to say no to a request, don’t hesitate to do so. We are responsible to follow God’s expectations of us, not everyone else’s.

Stop complaining

As long as we complain about the things we need to do, we are likely to find excuses not to do them. Complaining about a task actually drains our energy to do it. If you want to exercise, don’t complain all the time about how hard it is. Just do it. The Israelites complained about many things, and they remained in the wilderness for forty long years. Complaining keeps us from making progress.

Be aggressive

Don’t procrastinate in taking care of your responsibilities. It is often best to do the things first that you like the least. That way you have no time to dread them, and you can do them while you have the most energy. Approach them aggressively, and don’t let a lethargic attitude take over. If you put something off too long, you will get tired from other activities and find yourself making an excuse for not taking care of your main responsibility.

Find a solution to obstacles

Instead of complaining and making excuses for not doing something, use your energy to find a solution to your obstacle so you can more easily take care of your responsibility. If you’re late for work frequently and it frustrates you because traffic is heavy, think about leaving earlier. Years ago, Dave worked at a company that was far from our home. He got to work half an hour early just so he would miss the heavy traffic. He used that time to study and read. We can find a solution to most problems if we truly want to.

No Excuses, Just Results

At the gym where I exercise they sell shirts that say “No Excuses, Just Results.” Any time I even start to murmur, my coach says, “No excuses, just results.” They know how apt people are to make excuses of all kinds for not being at the gym regularly. Some of the exercises are very hard, and it is tempting to make excuses not to do them.

Our flesh has an aversion to thinking that there is no excuse for not meeting our responsibility, but if we truly want to succeed in life, we must learn to believe that and practice it. If we make excuses and blame others for our mistakes, we give up our power to change. Truth is a powerful weapon, and when faced squarely, it will help you become the person you say you want to be.