The meal is ready. The table is set. Family members all come to the table and sit in their usual places. Yes! That is quite an accomplishment. And the very routineness of the feat belies the tremendous significance of it, over time.
According to Miriam Weinstein, in her book The Surprising Power of Family Meals, research that has been accumulating from very disparate fields “shows how eating ordinary, average everyday supper with your family is strongly linked to lower incidence of bad outcomes such as teenage drug and alcohol use, and to good qualities like emotional stability. It correlates with kindergarteners being better prepared to learn to read. (It even trumps being read to.) Regular family supper helps keep asthmatic kids out of hospitals. It discourages both obesity and eating disorders. It supports your staying more connected to your extended family, your ethnic heritage, your community of faith. It will help children and families to be more resilient, reacting positively to those curves and arrows that life throws our way. It will certainly keep you better nourished. The things we are likely to discuss at the supper table anchor our children more firmly in the world. Of course eating together teaches manners both trivial and momentous, putting you in touch with the deeper springs of human relations.”
Let’s use Once-A-Month Cooking to help us to all that! But how can we promote an atmosphere of good conversation, above the chorus of chewing noises and the same-old talking about what happened at work today or which child misbehaved?
We like to, as we say, put a question on the table. The best of what we call Table Talk questions are those for which there is no right or wrong answer, and everyone at the table old enough to talk will have an answer. Once you get thinking this way, there is no end to the possibilities for conversation. Around the table we’ll learn a lot about what is important to each of us. But we must agree that it’s okay to disagree. No one’s answer is “stupid.” Here are some ideas to help you prime the pump.
For formal meals, it’s fun to use place cards, writing a table talk question on the inside of each card. For more conversation starters, go to www.once-a-monthcooking.com
What dream do you have that has not yet been fulfilled?
What is your favorite way to spend a Saturday morning? A Sunday afternoon?
Tell about a favorite place to which you’ve traveled and why you liked it.
Tell something about yourself that would surprise us—something that few people know.
Tell about a time when you were really scared.
Tell about a book that you have read that particularly affected you and how.
Tell about a job you had before your current one and something you learned from it that has proved valuable.
Tell about a person who has mentored you, or whom you particularly respect.
What were you known for in high school? Is this trait or activity prevalent in your life today?
Tell about a significant turning point in your journey of faith.
What is a particular strength that you bring to your job?
Tell something positive and something difficult about your childhood.
Are you primarily an extrovert or an introvert? What do you do that recharges you?
What is one of your favorite movies and why did you like it?
If you had to live somewhere other than the United States, where would you live and what would you do?
What are some other special foods we eat? On what occasion? Of what do they remind us?
Who do we know of that is in slavery now? What could we do to help bring them freedom?
What is something sad that you’ve experienced? How has that sad thing made room for something good?
What are some of the comforts you most enjoy?
(You’ll find these questions and more at http://www.happypassover.net/4-questions.html)
If you had been present at Jesus’ Last Supper with his disciples, what question would you have asked him?
Finish this sentence: Thanksgiving wouldn’t be complete without ________.
What difficulty have you faced in the past year for which you are thankful?
Where is one place you’ve gone this year that you were thankful to be?
What is a good memory from this year?
What is your favorite food on a Thanksgiving plate? What favorite food are you looking forward to at Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanza?
Tell us about a favorite Christmas ornament.
What is your favorite Christmas tradition?
If you could give one special gift to the person on your right, and money was no object, what would it be?
If you had been there in the stable, what is something you might have heard Mary and Joseph say to each other?
What is your earliest Christmas memory?
What do you look forward to at Christmas besides presents?
What did you like best about a particular past Christmas?
Whom do you see yourself as most like in the Christmas story?
What has been the best about this Christmas season?
Tell about a Christmas season that was particularly hard for you.
What is something you’re looking forward to in the New Year?
Our friend Nancy’s family plays the Guessing Game with their young children. Whoever suggests they play the Guessing Game goes first, unless they choose to give their turn to another. Not everyone at the table has to choose to play, but Nancy’s found that even if people don’t choose at first, they’re usually in the game by the end.
The person who starts thinks of a person, place, or thing. Other players shout out questions: what color is it? What sound does it make? Does it live in our state?
If someone thinks she knows the answer, she can shout it out. If it’s wrong, they keep going. If it’s right, that person can begin the game anew. They don’t keep score. They’re all winners!
The Guessing Game is fun when they have company at the table. For a child eating with a family they don’t know, it’s a great way for him to get involved in conversation. He doesn’t have to talk about himself.
The Topic Game is a spin-off of the Guessing Game. Whoever goes first picks a topic. They go around the table and ask each person a question about the topic. For example, if the topic is fruit, questions may be like Mommy, what are your three favorite fruits? Damien, name four fruits. Once they have gone around the table, it’s the next person’s turn to start a new topic.
At the table is a significant place to build family identity, security, and those warm memories that years later keep us coming back home, both in our thoughts and for visits.
For downloadable tools such as Shopping Lists and Menu Charts, an E-Newsletter, and helpful tips from other Once-A-Month cooks, visit www.once-a-monthcooking.com