57

STEPHEN PULLED IN BEHIND ME in the driveway, and we walked inside and sat in the parlor together. We’d said little when leaving the condo building, things still so surreal.

“Again, Claire, I am so, so sorry. It never occurred to me that she would try to make contact with you, much less pull something like that.”

“Me either, though I sensed something off about her from the beginning.” Images of him with her in his car rose to mind, only now I had a face and a body to go with them, which made it all the more real and even more painful.

The silence lengthened between us.

“Who was the guy in the hallway?” I finally asked.

“Mark Lewis, my attorney, recommended by Jane. Susan kept showing up at the office, even when I’ve been out of town. She’s dropped off notes and letters. I gave them all to Mark. Unopened. He advised the restraining order, and—he called me on the way here—he’s going to get another that prohibits her from coming near you.” He bowed his head. “I’ve been such a fool, Claire. So selfish and shortsighted. I’ve sinned against you. Maggie too. But foremost against God. I know he’s forgiven me, but I have to . . .” He touched my arm briefly but tenderly. “No, you have to live with the consequences of what I’ve done to us.”

I swallowed hard, unaccustomed to such language from my husband—to such transparency. It made me want to be the same with him, but that very thought scared me to death. Had he really changed? Or would I just be opening myself to the possibility of being shattered all over again? I didn’t know if I could survive that.

We put our hope in the LORD. He is our help and our shield.

Like a compass, the whispered Scripture within me pointed once again to my True North. To Jesus. My perspective reframed through the lens of eternity. Whatever choice I made here would affect not only this life, but also the one to come. For me, for Stephen, and for our precious Maggie.

In that moment, I knew I could trust the Lord in what he was leading me to do. Not because he guaranteed the outcome I wanted, but because I knew he would never leave me or forsake me. No matter what.

Feeling poised on the edge of a precipice, I took a deep breath. “I do forgive you, Stephen. But I’m learning that forgiveness comes in layers. I’ll think I’ve dealt with it and put it behind me, only to realize there’s still more beneath. It’s an ongoing process. And it’s taking some time, but I think I’m getting there.”

He studied me, and I felt vulnerable beneath his scrutiny.

“Listen, I—” He cleared his throat. “I was going to do this Wednesday, but now feels right.”

He pulled a letter-sized manila envelope from his inner suit pocket and handed it to me, and for the second time that day, my world went full tilt. I knew what was inside. The divorce papers. Had he not heard me? Had I not been clear? Or had I misread him?

“Claire, I—”

I held up a hand. “Stephen, please, let’s do this Wednesday like we planned.”

He frowned. “But if you’ll just—”

“I can’t do this right now.” The emotion moving into his eyes nearly undid me. “Please,” I whispered, trembling. “Just go. We can do this Wednesday.”

He finally did as I asked. The front door closed, and I stared at the envelope, my heart breaking. Much as I dreaded what was inside, I opened the flap and pulled out the document that would end our twenty-two-year marriage.

I wiped my eyes and attempted to focus, then frowned. INTENT TO PURSUE was printed in bold lettering across the top of what appeared to be a cover letter paper-clipped to the rest, its first paragraph a curious blend of legalese and intimacy.

I, Stephen Lawrence Powell, do hereby declare my intent to pursue you, Claire Ellen Powell, with the goal of winning back your heart and re-earning your trust. With respect both for you and your decision, I have signed the enclosed petition for the dissolution of our marriage. However, I state with unyielding conviction that for the next ninety days—or until our divorce is legally granted—I will earnestly seek to persuade you to nullify this termination of the most precious relationship to me in this world.

The words on the page blurred yet again. This, this was the man I had married.

I have sinned against you and do not deserve to be given a second chance. The blame is solely mine, and there is no excuse for the pain and heartache I have caused you and Maggie. I don’t fault you in the least for wanting a divorce. But if you will allow me, I hereby pledge to pursue you with abandon, and I will cherish you above all others in my heart, save Christ’s place alone.

“Save Christ’s place alone?” I whispered, staring at the words. That was not the man I had married. But it was the man I’d long believed Stephen could be.

I pledge to work toward becoming the man God wants me to be. I have started attending a men’s accountability group at a local church and would like to start attending church together. Something I should have done with you and Maggie years ago. I realize it’s going to take time for you to see the change in me, and then for me to prove to you that those changes are authentic. But with all my heart, I pledge to do just that. I love you, Claire, and want to be with you—if you will still have me. Please say you’ll give me another chance to be the man you deserve.

In Christ alone,

Stephen

Fighting for composure, I hurried to the door, hoping I could still catch him. And there he stood on the front steps, his eyes filled with hope and uncertainty.

“Yes,” I whispered, hurrying to him. “My answer is yes, I will.”

We held each other, his own breath coming hard, then he leaned back slightly. “What do you say we call—?”

“Maggie,” I said before he could. “So we can tell her together.”