28 years earlier
University of Richmond
Richmond, Virginia
1989
I peered into the mirror as I glided the razor across my scalp. I was going out tonight, and I wanted to make sure that I looked my best. I found that having a clean-shaven head made me more handsome than having hair, so I kept my head shaved. The stares and compliments I got boosted my own opinion as well. I got winks and glances from both guys and females, and I knew I had it going on. I was 6 feet 2 inches and a pretty light-brown complexion. I have an athletic build since I spend most of my free time in the gym. My eyes are hazel, and my lips are nice and plump. I had all the girls at school going crazy. My eyebrows are thick, and my face is chiseled perfectly. I don’t have a single bump, scar, or any other imperfection on my face or body. I looked good, and I knew it.
I grinned arrogantly at my reflection in the mirror as I continued to work. My perfect white smile gleamed back at me. I grabbed the can of shaving cream and squirted a little more on the top of my head, then continued to shave. Aside from my looks, I am intelligent, and intelligence is definitely a sexy trait to have. I am studying for my Bachelor’s degree in marketing, and once I graduate, I plan to get my master’s. I am a junior here at the University of Richmond, and I live in one of the campus apartments. I have three other roommates, and we get along great. Life in college is full of nothing but parties, long nights of studying, and sex. I love it! Even though I don’t take part in the sexual escapades that my roommates get into, I still enjoy seeing all the girls they have streaming in and out of the apartment.
I wiped the remaining shaving cream from my head as I sat the razor on the sink. I turned from side to side admiring my handiwork. I did a great job. I turned on the water and rinsed the hair from the bowl and the countertop and shut the water off. I walked over to the shower and turned on the water as I undressed. I stepped out of my basketball shorts and tossed my t-shirt to the bathroom floor. I stepped under the hot stream of water and grabbed my soap. The water felt so soothing on my skin as the drops pelted my body. I washed and rinsed my entire body and exited the shower.
I grabbed my towel from the rack and toweled myself dry. I replaced the towel and squeezed lotion into my hands and rubbed it into my skin. My skin was smooth and flawless due to my daily care. I dressed in a pair of dark-blue jeans and a plaid black, white and blue button-down shirt.
“Aye, man hurry up in there. How long are you going to hibernate in there?” I heard my roommate Kevin banging on the bathroom door.
“Man, wait your turn,” I yelled back.
“Man hurry up. I have to piss. You can masterbate later. People need to use the bathroom.”
“Use the other one,” I shouted.
“Marcus is in there.”
“Wait. I’m almost done.” I answered, buttoning the buttons on my shirt quickly.
I wiped my hand across the mirror clearing the fog from my shower. I gathered my clothing from the floor and balled them into a tight ball in my hands. I looked around the bathroom to make sure that I had everything that belonged to me. Satisfied with my observations I walked over to the bathroom door and jerked it open. Kevin came tumbling inside landing on the floor with a loud thud. I burst into hysterical laughter as he struggled to his feet. He had been leaning against the door, and the force of me jerking the door open caused him to lose his balance.
“That shit isn’t funny. Find another time to beat your meat.” he called out, slamming the bathroom door in my face.
“Whatever,” I muttered, still laughing while walking down the hall to my room.
I tossed my dirty clothes in the hamper and continued to get dressed. I pulled a pair of socks onto my feet and walked over to my closet to search for some shoes to wear. I settled on my black sneakers and stepped my feet into them. I left out of the closet and walked over to my dresser. I picked up my jar of coconut oil and scooped some into my hand. I massaged the oil into my hand and rubbed it into my scalp. I liked my head to shine, and coconut oil did the trick. Plus, it was a delicious smell. I searched on my dresser through my colognes trying to decide which scent I wanted to wear. I decided to wear the Eternity by Calvin Cline. I sprayed a couple of squirts since the scent was so strong. I didn’t want to over-do it.
I checked myself out in my full-length mirror, and I looked good. I knew I was going to get some action tonight. I was irresistible. I was a pretty boy, and I loved all the attention I got. I struck a cool pose and smirked at myself.
“Are you done being stuck on yourself?” one of my other roommates named Derek asked, standing in my doorway.
“Whatever man. Don’t hate. I look good, and you know it.”
“Mhmm. Tell yourself whatever you want to hear.” he said, smirking. “Where are you going anyway?”
“Just out to have some drinks.”
“Why are you going by yourself?” asked Derek, walking into my room and leaning against my dresser.
“I want some me time. Y’all always going out, so I want to go out and enjoy myself for once.”
“Man, we can come with you and party together. You know it’s not a party unless we’re there.” Derek replied, getting excited.
“Nah. I’m going out solo tonight.”
“Come on Mel. Don’t be like that. You should let us come with you. We want to party with you too. We’ll have all the honey’s trying to get at us.”
“Maybe another time man. I want some fresh air.”
“Mhmm. You just want to keep the ladies to yourself. Man, you’re selfish.” Derek responded, grinning.
“It’s nothing like that. I want to go out and enjoy a night on the town by myself. If I pick up someone, then that’s a bonus. I don’t always go out with y’all when y’all do your thing.”
“That’s what I’m saying. You never go out with us that much. This would be the perfect opportunity for you to party with us.”
“Not tonight,” I said, grabbing my keys off my nightstand and heading for the door.
“Well, be like that then,” Derek responded, walking ahead of me.
Grinning at his tone of voice, I asked, “You’re not mad, are you?”
“Nah. There’s no need for me to be mad. Go to your lame party. You’re going to wish that we were there with you to liven it up.” He said, exiting my room and heading down the hall to his room.
I closed and locked my room door and walked down the hall to the living room. Marcus sat in his boxers playing a game on the Atari. He quickly glanced at me before returning his attention to his game.
“Where are you headed?” he asked.
“Out for a while.”
“Oh, ok.” he replied, giving his undivided attention back to his game.
“I’ll see y’all later,” I called out, opening the front door and stepping out.
I descended the stairs and walked to the student parking lot. I headed over to my gray 1981 Nissan Maxima and opened the door. I hopped inside and shut the door behind me. I stuck my keys into the ignition and put the car into reverse. I rolled down the windows since it was a nice summer evening. I pulled out of the parking lot and started on my journey. I cruised down the road with the wind blowing in my face. It felt so refreshing. My mind wandered as I thought about where I was headed. Guilt started to plague me slowly. I put on a good act for my roommates, but inside I was struggling. I knew that I was attractive, but the way I felt about certain things made me doubt myself. I liked to party with my friends, but they didn’t have a clue what kind of parties I was actually into
I was kind of confused about who and what I am myself. I had urges to be with women, but not just any women. I loved trans-sexual women. I don’t know why, but it is my truth. I’m not a faggot. Not at all. I’m attracted to trans-women. I have no idea when this started. It seems like it has always been there. If my roommates ever found out what I was into, there is no telling what they would do. They would probably start looking at me differently. I didn’t want that. I have struggled with my feelings all my life. I’ve done a good job of hiding who I am, and I want to keep it that way.
I’ve been with regular women before, but it wasn’t the same. It was always awkward for me. Whenever they wanted to have sex, I would never be turned on. No matter how I tried to urge myself to respond the way I was supposed to it never worked. They usually left angry and pissed off, and I ended up embarrassed. I have kept my secret desires for trans-sexual women from everyone, including my family. No one knows that I have these taboo feelings. Ever since I enrolled at the University of Richmond, I have been sneaking away to my secret playground for which I was headed now. The club called Girls, Boys and Shims was a local gay club that I frequented every opportunity that I got. There I felt like I could be myself. I didn’t have to worry about being judged or looked at with disdain. Everyone that came to party at the club was openly gay or undercover. There would be some straight people scattered in the mix, but the majority of everybody belonged to the LGBT community.
I was in some ways living a double life. When I was with my friends, I pretended to be just like them, but when I was alone, my inner demons exposed themselves. It was hard work keeping up the facade, but I had to do what I had to do to keep myself from being ridiculed. I pushed the thoughts from my mind and focused on my destination ahead. I wasn’t going to worry about anything tonight. I was going to have me a few drinks and possibly meet someone lovely tonight. I pulled into the parking lot of Girls, Boys, and Shims and put the car in park. I pulled down the sun visor to check myself out in the mirror. Satisfied with my appearance, I replaced the mirror. Grabbing my wallet and putting it into my pocket, I stepped out of my car and locked it. I smoothed out the wrinkles in my shirt and strolled purposefully to the front doors of the club. There was a short line waiting to enter, and I stepped in line behind the last person. I stood there waiting as the line slowly moved forward. When I was at the head of the line, I paid my fee to get in, and I stepped over the threshold.
I was hit immediately with the bright neon lights of the place. Purple, green, yellow and blue strobe lights bounced off the walls and ceiling. The bass from the music had the walls vibrating. People were on the dance floor grooving to the music as they enjoyed themselves. Stepping into Girls, Boys and Shims felt as if I was letting go of a heavy weight that I hadn’t known that I was carrying. I breathed a sigh of relief and made my way over to the bar. I ordered a drink and slid onto a bar stool. I spun around so that my back was facing the bar. I wanted to observe the multitude of activity going on. I scanned the club and smiled at all the people getting loose and being themselves. They had no care in the world. They were milling about talking to strangers and having a good old time.
I bobbed my head to the music as I sipped on my drink that the bartender had just slid my way. I searched around looking to see if I found anyone that I was interested in getting to know. I saw a few guys checking me out, but I wasn’t looking for men. After sitting at the bar for a while, I noticed a guy making his way over to me. He was about 5 feet 8 inches, and he had a muscular build. His hair was done in some finger waves, and he was about my complexion just a shade or two darker. He was dressed in some skin-tight leather pants and a leather vest with no shirt. On his feet were some black boots and on his face, was a cheesy grin. He walked up and took the stool next to me.
“Heeeey handsome!” he greeted in his masculine, but slightly feminine voice.
He beckoned the bartender over to him so that he could place a drink order. He also told the bartender to get me another of what I was drinking.
“Hey man. Thanks for the drink.” I Replied.
Making his intentions known up-front, he asked, “So, are you single?”
“Yeah, I’m single, but I’m not interested.”
“But you don’t even know me. Give me a chance to get to know you before you dismiss me.” he said, staring at me and licking his lips.
“Thanks, but no thanks. You’re not my type.”
“Tell me what’s your type, and I promise you I can be it.” he said in his most seductive tone.
“Nah. I’m good. Thanks for the drink.” I said, walking away from the bar with my second drink in hand.
I perused the area looking for a new place to sit. I spotted an unoccupied table off in the corner, and I set off in that direction. I weaved my way through the crowd of people milling about as I came closer to the table. Just when I was about a few steps from reaching it, a gorgeous woman stepped in front of me and slid into one of the seats. I stopped my approach and stared at her in amazement. She was drop-dead gorgeous. My heart pounded fast in my chest as my eyes roamed her seated frame. From what I could see, she was what I liked. Her long, curly hair was swept back into a neat ponytail. She had beautiful brown almond shaped eyes and reddish-brown kissable lips. When she turned in my direction and smiled, her beautiful white smile blinded me for a minute.
“Can I help you?” she asked, noticing me standing there stuck on stupid.
Clearing my throat, I stammered, “u-uh… umm… I was about to sit there.”
“Oh, really?” she asked, one of her perfectly arched eyebrows lifted slightly.
“Yeah,” I answered sheepishly, looking down at my feet. “It’s ok though. You are sitting there now.”
“Oh, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to take your seat. I was so ready to get off my feet from standing in these heels. I didn’t mean to disrespect you.”
“No. No. You didn’t do anything wrong. I guess I wasn’t walking fast enough.” I said, chuckling nervously.
I couldn’t stand to look at her. For some reason, I felt nervous conversing with her. I felt butterflies buzzing around in my stomach. My palms were becoming sweaty, and it seemed as if it had gotten ten degrees hotter in the club. I have never felt like this before. I have no idea what this woman is doing to me. I stood there staring at her. I didn’t know what else to say. My throat had gone dry, and words refused to make their way from my lips.
“Well, you can join me if you would like.” she offered, motioning to the seat across from her. “Or you can keep standing there staring at me.” she added, giggling.
I nodded my head in agreement as I slid into the seat. Sitting across from her my heart pounded faster in my chest. I felt like a little boy with his first crush. I could feel my cheeks reddening from my blushing. Now that I was sitting across from her, I could smell a wonderful scent wafting from across the table. I didn’t know what fragrance she was wearing, but it smelled delicious on her. I moved my tongue around in my mouth trying to gather some moisture, then I opened my mouth to speak.
“What are you wearing? I mean your fragrance. What is it?” I asked, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans.
“Oh, this is Red Door by Elizabeth Arden.”
“Well, it smells good on you.”
“Thank you.” she said, smiling her brilliant smile at me.
We continued to talk and get to know each other for the rest of the night. I didn’t want to talk to anyone else. She held my undivided attention. She was so amazing to me. Despite her obvious beauty, I found out that she had self-confidence issues. She described to me her childhood and how she grew up. It was not a happy home for her. As soon as she got the opportunity, she left home and never looked back. We talked about everything under the sun. She was an interesting person to talk to. Her conversation skills were out of this world. We stayed and chatted until the club closed at three. Before departing, we exchanged phone numbers and promised to keep in touch.