“Melvin, I don’t care what you are saying. I am going with you today. I am tired of your excuses. We are going to your parents’ house together. Me and you. This is the last time I am going to argue with you about this.” Yelled Karmen.
“But Karmen. You said that you understood my situation.”
“Yes, I did understand your situation in the beginning. We have been seeing each other for almost a year now, and you still have not told anybody about us. I am tired of being your dirty little secret. Either you are with me or not. I will not do this anymore. I am going with you to your parents’ house, and that’s final.” she shouted, slamming the bathroom door.
I sighed loudly as I plopped down on the bed. I wish we didn’t have to go through this every time I went to visit my parents. If it wasn’t Karmen nagging me about meeting my parents, then it was my mother wondering when she was going to meet the lady in my life. I rubbed my hand over my face in frustration. Living a double life was stressful. I didn’t know how much more of this I could take. Karmen wasn’t making it any easier for me either. She always insisted that we be seen out in public together. She was jealous of the girls that always tried to push up on me. She wanted it to be known that we were together and I wasn’t having that. There was no way in the world that I was going to let anyone know that we were together. I blew out a long breath, then stood to my feet. I walked in the direction of the bathroom. I could’ve sworn that I heard sniffling. I leaned my ear against the closed door and listened. I could hear Karmen crying softly.
With guilt tugging at my heart, I asked, “Karmen are you alright?”
All I got was silence.
“Karmen baby, are you ok? Why are you crying?”
“Go away.” she whimpered, her words muffled by her sobs.
“Baby, I’m not going away. Come out and let’s talk about this.”
“There is no need to talk anymore Melvin. I am going with you today, and I mean that. Either I go with you, or we are through.”
My heart skipped a beat at the finality of her words. No. I couldn’t let her break up with me. I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if Karmen left me. I loved her too much to let her go.
“Karmen, please, open the door.”
“No. I refuse to keep letting you treat me like this. You should’ve never approached me if you weren’t sure this was what you wanted.”
“Karmen, you are what I want,” I said, leaning against the door.
“Then why can’t people know about us?”
“Because—“
“There isn’t any because.” she shouted. “You’re always telling me that you love me, but you don’t want to acknowledge me to anyone.”
“But I do love you.”
“Humph. You sure have a great way of showing it. I get it though. You only love me in secret. When you’re around your family and friends, you’re a “normal” heterosexual man.”
“Karmen, it’s not like that.”
Yanking open the bathroom door angrily, she asked, “Then what is it like?”
“It’s hard to explain,” I said, lowering my head in defeat.
“Well, you better make up your mind what you want. I won’t let you continue to use and toy with my feelings. If this isn’t what you want, then let me know, but stop playing these games. I don’t have the time nor the patience for them anymore. I’ve been easy on you for too long when it comes to this. It ends today though.”
Sighing, I finally asked, “Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah. Give me one minute to fix myself up and then I will be ready.”
I walked back over to the bed and sat with my head in my hands. I had no idea what to do. I do love Karmen, but there was no way in hell I was going to do what she wanted me to. There wasn’t that much love for her in my heart to put myself out there like that. I couldn’t do it. I would figure out a way to satisfy Karmen and keep my secret life hidden from everyone else. I didn’t know how I would do it, but I had to keep Karmen around. She emerged a little while later from the bathroom with her face freshly made up. She was looking good.
I looked her over in admiration. She looked damn good to still have male genitals. She was wearing some black boot-cut jeans and a white three-quartered sleeve button down blouse. Her long, curly hair was parted down the middle and hung down her back. She wore four-inch high-heeled black stylish boots. She walked over to the dresser and grabbed her leather jacket and slung it over her shoulder. It was a cool autumn day, so the jacket was necessary. I wore a black hoodie, blue jeans, and black sneakers. I grabbed my keys off the nightstand and headed for the front door. Karmen followed behind me as we left the apartment.
We descended the stairs and made our way over to my car parked in the parking lot. When we reached it, we both opened our doors at the same time and slid into the car. I fastened my seatbelt and took a long, deep breath, then I started the car. Karmen turned to me with a smile and said,
“Don’t look like that baby. Everything is going to go fine.”
I didn’t respond as I pulled out into traffic. Millions of thoughts were swirling around in my head. I glanced over at Karmen, and she looked like a woman to me. Would she look like a woman to my mother though? I didn’t know. Only time would tell what would happen from this encounter. I silently prayed to myself as we made our way to Norfolk, Virginia.
******
I pulled the car into the driveway of my parents’ two-story beige and brown colored single-family home. This was the home that I grew up in. Nothing but good memories lingered here for me. I looked around at the well-kept yard and small garden my mother had started on the side of the house. Everything was spotless. I unfastened my seatbelt and looked over at Karmen. I smiled weakly as my stomach churned. My insides had a field day as my lunch from a couple of hours ago sloshed around. My palms grew moist as my nerves played havoc with my guts.
“Are you ready?” I asked.
“Yes, I’ve been ready.”
“Please, don’t start Karmen. Let me do the introductions. I don’t need you saying anything that isn’t necessary.”
Karmen didn’t respond. She rolled her eyes and stepped out of the car. I stepped out and wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans and shut the door. We both walked up the walkway that led to the front door. When we reached it, I glanced one more time at Karmen before I pushed the doorbell. We stood there waiting for a few seconds, then the door was opened by my mother.
“Hey, baby!” she greeted happily.
“Hey, mom.” I replied.
“It’s so good to see you. You’re getting even more handsome every time I see you.” she said, pulling me by the hand into the house.
“Mom, this is Karmen. Karmen this is my mother, Josephine.” I said, grabbing ahold of her and pulling her inside.
“So, you’re Karmen?” my mother asked, leaning in to give Karmen a hug.
“Yes,” Karmen answered, smiling shyly.
“Come in. Come in.” my mother said, gesturing for us to follow her to the living room.
“Thaddius, guess whose here.”
“Who?” I heard my father’s gruff voice ask.
“Melvin’s here, and he brought his girlfriend, Karmen.”
“Oh, my boy’s here? It’s about time. Come on in here and give your pops a hug.”
I walked silently over to my father and bent down to give him a hug. I ushered Karmen over and placed my father’s hand in hers. He rubbed her arm gently.
“Pops, this is Karmen.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Karmen.” my father said, rubbing Karmen’s hand. “You have such soft hands.”
Karmen looked at me with a questioning look in her eyes. She could tell by looking at my father that something was wrong with him. I hadn’t told her that my father was blind. He had lost his sight while he was in the military twenty-years earlier. He was injured when a torpedo exploded on the boat. He was hurt badly and was in a coma for nearly six months. The damage that the torpedo had done to his face caused him to lose his vision. My father was now disabled, and he received a nice disability check every month, and he also received benefits from the government since he was a disabled veteran.
“It’s nice to meet you too, Mr. Andres. You have a lovely home.” Karmen replied.
“Oh, I owe all of that to my wife, Josephine. She’s into all that decorating and stuff. I’m just a blind old man that doesn’t even know what color he’s wearing.” he said, laughing.
Everyone burst into laughter right along with my father. I led Karmen to the sofa that was directly across from where my father was lounging in his favorite recliner. We both sat down, and my mother took a seat in another chair. I looked around the living room, and I could see that nothing had changed much since I left. The furniture still looked the same just a little worn.
“So, Karmen where are you from?” my mother asked.
“I’m from Richmond. I was born and raised there.” Answered Karmen, crossing her hands in her lap.
“Oh, ok. Do you have siblings?”
“Yes, I do. I have three other siblings, but we aren’t close.”
“Are your parents’ still living?”
“Yes, ma’am they are.”
“Oh, that’s good. How long have you and Melvin been together?”
Karmen glanced at me, then returned her attention to my mother. I sat there listening to the exchange of conversation. As long as Karmen stuck to answering my mother’s questions without adding anything extra, I didn’t feel that I needed to intervene.
“We have been seeing each other for almost a year.” Karmen answered.
“And we’re just meeting you?”
“Yeah,” Karmen answered softly.
“So, do you love him?”
Karmen glanced at me again, then answered,
“Yes, I do. I love Melvin very much, and he loves me too.”
“I see.” my mother commented, looking at me strangely.
“Now, that’s enough Josephine. Let the kids relax for a while. You can finish your questioning later.” my father spoke up.
“What?? I’m just getting to know Melvin’s friend.” my mother responded.
“So, pops what are you watching?” I asked my father changing the subject.
“Oh, just this here episode of Seinfeld. This is a funny show.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ve watched a few episodes myself.”
Karmen and I sat there watching TV with my father while my mother went into the kitchen to start dinner. We talked and laughed with my father as we enjoyed the show. Karmen needed to use the restroom, so I guided her down the hall to the half-bathroom located on the first floor. There was also a full bathroom upstairs, but since we were in the living room, there was no need to go all the way up there. Karmen handled her business, and we returned to the living room. About an hour later, my mother announced that dinner was ready. I grabbed hold of my father and guided him to the dining room. I pulled out his chair and helped him sit down. Once he was settled, I pulled out a chair for Karmen, then I took my own seat.
I looked around at the array of dishes that covered the table. There was meatloaf, white rice, green beans, corn, yeast rolls, and apple pie for dessert. I rubbed my hands together greedily as I picked up a plate to serve myself.
“Ahem.” my mother said, clearing her throat.
I froze in mid-air with the plate hovering over my spot.
“Aren’t we forgetting something?” she asked, looking at me pointedly.
“Oh,” I said, putting my plate down in front of me.
I bowed my head and waited for my mother to begin grace.
“Oh, heavenly father. We are coming to you to ask you to bless this food for the nourishment of our bodies. We ask that you bless every one of us at this table tonight. Lord, we ask that you shower your mercies upon us and keep us grounded in your word. Lord, I thank you for your blessings in my life, and I give you nothing but the glory. All these things I ask of you in your son Jesus’s name. Amen.”
“Amen.” Echoed around the table.
For a few minutes, all that could be heard was the sound of utensils scraping against bowls and pans as we all served ourselves. My mother served my father his food. Karmen watched in amazement as my mother showed my father where his food was located on his plate. She used a clock to symbolize in what direction a particular item was. We all talked and enjoyed our dinner. My mother asked more questions of Karmen, and she answered them without hesitation. When we were done eating, my mother asked me to stay back and help her wash the dishes. Karmen offered to help assist my father back to the living room as I cleared the table.
“Young lady you are so sweet.” I heard my father say as they left the dining room.
My mother stood at the sink running water inside for the dishes. I took the plates to the trash can and scraped any remaining food off them and stacked them on the counter. Once the sink was full of suds, my mother dumped a few of the plates into the water.
“So, Melvin what is going on?” she asked as she washed the dishes.
“Huh? What do you mean?” I asked confused.
“What is going on with you?”
“Nothing. Everything is good with me. Why do you ask?”
“Melvin, do you think I’m stupid?” she asked, turning sharply in my direction.
“Mom, what are you talking about? I do not have time to try and figure out your brain teasers. Just spit out what you have to say.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that Karmen was a man?” she asked in a harsh whisper.
I turned to stone immediately at her words. My blood froze in my veins as my heart pounded rapidly. It was as if time was standing still. The question kept repeating in my mind as I stared at my mother in shocked horror. Why didn’t you tell me that Karmen was a man? Why didn’t you tell me that Karmen was a man? Repeatedly it replayed like a broken record. My heart beat picked up speed every time the question repeated itself. I was beginning to feel faint as I clung to the counter to keep my balance.
“Wh-what? What are you talking about?”
“Melvin that is a man you are with. Your father may not be able to see it, but I’m sure if he could see he would know that person in that living room is not a real woman.”
“Why would you say that?” I asked breathlessly.
“At first I thought maybe she was just a little mannish looking. Some women for some reason look masculine, so I excused it. But if you look closely at her features you can tell that she is a man. Not only that, I could see her print in those tight ass pants she’s wearing. I don’t know how you didn’t see it.”
I was stupefied. I didn’t have anything to say. So, my mom knew my secret. What to do now?
“I don’t know what you are doing with that tranny, but you better get rid of her quick. Is this like an experiment or something to you? Why would you be with someone like that? Melvin, you know we didn’t raise you like this.” she said with tears in her eyes.
“Mom, I’m sorry,” I said, putting my head down.
“Don’t be sorry. Get rid of that Karmen or whatever her name is. The way you are living isn’t right. I won’t tell your father about this, but you need to get yourself together and find a nice girl to settle down with and marry.”
“But mom—“
“Don’t but mom me Melvin. It isn’t right. It isn’t natural. I don’t even want to think of you being with a man.”
“I know it isn’t right, but I can’t help how I feel. I love her.”
“You love her?” she asked with her face frowned in disgust, ”No wonder you didn’t want us to meet her. I’ll admit she sounds and looks like a woman, but you can still tell that she isn’t a woman. Then to top it off you can see her thing print in her pants. There is no hiding that. I have no more to say on the subject.” she said, continuing to wash the dishes.
We finished washing the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen in complete silence. My mind was baffled. I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to puke everything that I had eaten. The thought that my mother knew my truth was not settling with me. How did my mom know? If she could tell that Karmen was a man that easily, then I’m sure everyone else could. I’m glad I never took her around my friends or anyone else I knew. This can’t get out. No one can ever find out about this.