The day we had waited for had finally arrived. It was the day we walked across the stage to receive the diplomas that we had worked so hard the last four-years for. Although this was supposed to be a happy occasion, for me it was anything but. I was in a state of melancholy since Karmen had ended things with me two-weeks ago. She wouldn’t answer any of my phone calls, or she wouldn’t answer the door when I showed up at her apartment. I even went so far as to go to her job, but she refused to see me. It was over between us. She didn’t want to have anything else to do with me. I didn’t want things to end though. I loved her, and I wanted her to come back to me. I wanted her to give me another chance. I didn’t mean to do what I did. The incident with Whitney was not what I had intended. With that situation, I certainly was drunk. I knew what was going on, but I was still too under the influence to protest as I should have.
I have been walking around in a cloud of despair. My heart is torn between being with Karmen and keeping my sexuality a secret. What was someone to do in a situation like this? There was no right or wrong answer in this situation. If I were to come out in the open with Karmen, then I would be shunned by my family and friends and even society. If I continued to keep my secret, then I would lose the woman that I love, and I will have to live in misery for the rest of my life. Either option was not a good one for me. I sighed deeply as I continued to get dressed. I slipped into my black slacks and buttoned my white dress shirt. I buttoned the sleeves on the shirt, then I slipped my black dress socks on my feet. I went over to my closet and chose my shiny black loafers and stepped into them.
I walked back over to my bed and picked up my black belt and looped it through my pants. I looked at my tie for a minute, then decided not to bother with it. I sprayed a few squirts of my cologne and I was ready. I grabbed my keys, cap, and gown, and headed out of my room. Just as I was shutting my door, Kevin was making his way out of his room also.
“Today is the day man.” he said excitedly.
“I know,” I responded, smiling faintly.
“All our hard work has finally paid off.” he continued, not noticing my mood.
I walked down the hall and stepped into the kitchen. I grabbed an apple out of the fruit bowl and took a bite. I walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch. I glanced down at my watch and noted the time.
“Y’all hurry up. It’s already 8:30. We’re supposed to be at the coliseum by nine.”
“I’m coming,” shouted Derek.
“I second that,” Marcus responded, walking out of his room brushing his teeth.
“Y’all better make it snappy,” Kevin said, snapping his fingers for effect.
I sat slouched on the couch eating my apple as I waited for the fellas to finish getting ready. I was already ready to get the whole graduation program over with. I wanted to wallow in my self-pity without any interruptions. After waiting another five-minutes, Derek and Marcus finally emerged dressed and ready to go. They both held their white cap and gowns in hand as they headed for the door. We descended the stairs and walked across the parking lot to my car. On our way, we encountered other graduates rushing about trying to get last minute stuff done before they made their way to the Coliseum. We all hopped into the car and drove to the Richmond Coliseum. When we pulled up, there was a long line of cars waiting to park. There was an officer standing in the middle of the street who was directing traffic.
We inched along until we finally made it to the front of the line. The officer pointed us in the right direction, and I pulled into a parking spot. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as I opened my door and stepped out. The fellas clambered out of the car, and we made our way into the building. We searched through the huge halls until we found someone who could direct us in the right direction. I thanked the woman, and we proceeded down the hall until we found where our class was located. Everyone was chatting excitedly amongst themselves as they waited for the program to begin. I dawned my cap and gown and Derek, Marcus and Kevin did the same. There were multiple colleges graduating today, so we were on a tight schedule. They wanted everything to run smoothly, so we were lined up alphabetically by last names and the degree we were receiving.
The double doors were finally opened about thirty-minutes after we had been standing in line. We were guided in, and we were escorted to our assigned seats across the stage. Since my last name started with an A, I was on the first row. The coliseum was alive with chatter as family members searched for their graduates and tried to find their seats. There were hugs passed around and shouts of congratulations to the assembled graduates. I knew my father and mother would be in attendance and I smiled for the first time today. My mother was so proud of me, and so was my father. Neither of my brothers had finished high school, let alone gone to college. I looked out at the thousands of people assembled to see their loved ones walk across the stage to receive their diplomas. Even though I was in a state of depression, I was also proud of myself. I had done it. I had finished college.
The crowd quieted down as the program started. The president of the college came on stage and congratulated all the graduates, and he gave us some words of wisdom to take with us on our new journey that we were about to embark on. He talked about the history of Richmond University and how it came to be the wonderful institute of learning that it was today. After he finished speaking, a chosen student came up and sang the Lord’s Prayer. When he was done, he received a standing ovation for his heavenly voice. I sat there on stage getting antsy with all the activity. I was ready to receive my diploma and get out of here. Some other people came up and said some other stuff that I thought was insignificant. The dean then walked up to the podium to award students who excelled in particular areas such as making Dean’s list. Finally, it was time for the graduates to walk across the stage. I sat up straight in my seat to be sure that I didn’t miss my name being called.
“We are so proud of every one of our graduates today. We are proud that they chose our institution to receive their education at. I know things weren’t easy, but you stuck with it, and you have made it this far. This isn’t the end. This is only the beginning of your journey of life.” the president spoke, “Thank you for being a student. Thank you for being a graduate of Richmond University. Now, let the fun begin. As I call your name, please stand and walk across the stage to receive your diploma. Ables Amber.”
A white girl with big glasses stood up and made her way across the stage. She shook the president’s hand before making her way back to her seat.
“Abrite Anthony. Akin Akeila. Aderson Barbra. Adler Samuel. Agon McKenzie. Ahart Bernard.” he went on calling out the names of the graduates.
I sat there impatiently waiting for my name to be called. It seemed as if it was going to take forever. The president went on and on announcing graduates, and they stood and walked across the stage to receive their diplomas. Finally, after what seemed like an hour, he got to my section of the alphabet.
“Anderson Monique. Anderson Phillip. Andid Hannah. Andiel Jacob. Andler Jesse. Andoria Michelle. Andotley Elijah. Andrate Felicia. Andres Melvin.”
I hopped up excitedly from my seat and strutted across the stage. I had a huge grin plastered on my face as I reached out and shook the president’s hand. He handed me my roll of paper, and I walked back to my seat. What they gave us wasn’t our real diplomas. We would get them once everyone had walked across the stage. I sat back down and waited for the rest of the names to be called. Once all two-thousand names had been called there was one last announcement before everyone would be dismissed.
“As you all know, it is our tradition to play a video of the highlights of our graduate’s time here at Richmond University. There have been so many fond memories of our students as they pursued their degrees of choice. I would like to call Kendrick Matthews up on stage. He is the media coordinator here at the University of Richmond. He works magic with a camera.” the president said, chuckling at his own statement.
A black boy who was wearing his graduation attire made his way up on the stage. He pulled a tape from a bag he was carrying and inserted it into the VCR that had been rolled onto the stage. A huge projector screen had been mounted on the stage so that everyone could view the video. Kendrick pressed play, and the movie started. Immediately the screen filled with the face of a person. You couldn’t see their face clearly until they came close to the camera. When I saw who it was my mouth dropped to my knees and my heart dropped to my feet. There on the screen was Karmen. She was talking as she stood in front of the camera.
“Well, I know some of you are wondering what this is all about. I will tell you. My name is Karmen McNeil, and I have been dating Melvin Andres for the last year. As you can tell by looking at me, I am a trans-sexual female.” she explained, showing her naked body to the camera. “I have not undergone my complete transformation yet, but I plan to. The reason I am making this video is because I am tired of Melvin denying me and I am tired of the way he treats me. He doesn’t want anyone to know his deep dark secret, but I am here to expose him. He claims that he loves me, but he does nothing but hurt me when he pretends that he doesn’t know me. He has played with my heart for far too long. He doesn’t know that I am recording this video, but I am going to hang on to it in case I ever need it. For proof, if you catch my drift. Shhh. He’s coming out of the bathroom now.” Karmen said, putting the camera down on the dresser.
My heart leaped into my throat as I watched a naked me walk across the screen. I remember that night clearly. I watched in shocked horror as Karmen, and I made love. I heard all the words I said to her that night. I saw the things we did to each other, and so did everyone else in that coliseum. Tears ran down my face as my truth was played on wide screen for the entire graduating class to see. There were shocked gasps and whispers as everyone watched transfixed at the activity playing out on the big screen. Instead of someone rushing to turn it off, everyone’s eyes were glued to the screen in horrified fascination. Our moans and groans filled the silent room as everyone watched on. My tears continued to fall as I listened to myself express my love for Karmen while we made love. This was it for me. My life as I knew it was over. I looked around at the faces glaring at me in disgust. Some of the boys who had been sitting next to me got up quickly as if I had some contagious disease.
I stood up from my seat and sprinted from the room. I ran down the hall and out the front door with my tears steadily falling. Even though I was running away from the situation, our moans of pleasure continued to echo in my head as I ran. I tripped and fell, but I got up and continued running. I had to get away. I had to get far away from here. I would never be able to show my face in Richmond again. Everyone knows my secret. If they don’t already know from watching that video, they will know soon enough. I had to escape. I arrived at my car and quickly jumped in. I shoved the keys into the ignition and started it up. I jammed my feet down on the accelerator and screeched out of the parking lot. The moans and groans continued to torture me as I drove with no clear destination in mind.