IT was dark when Pippa retired to her cot. She wanted nothing more than to sleep and clear her brain of thoughts.
She’d been putting off reaching out to her mother because she knew the Zander question was inevitable and she just didn’t want to deal with that one.
But she knew her mother would by now be worrying about her, so she sucked it up and dialed her number.
“Mom?” she said when her mother picked up.
“Andi, dear, I’ve been worried sick about you,” she said.
“I’m sorry about that. I sort of left my last place unexpectedly and needed to get a new SIM card in my phone for Kenya, and then I got busy so I forgot to let you know.”
“Forgot to let me know but yet you told Zander?”
Andi’s eyes opened wide. What the hell?
“Huh?”
“Well, that nice young man Alexander seemed to know where you were.”
“When did you talk to him?”
“I texted him after I couldn’t get hold of you. I was worried for your safety.”
Andi shook her head. Mothers.
“Mom, I’m fine. I wish you hadn’t done that.”
“Why not?”
“Because.”
“Because? You mean you’re giving me vague, evasive, one-word answers now like you did back when you were a teenager?”
“No,” Andi said. “It’s just complicated. I really didn’t want to involve Zander in things.”
“In what things?”
“Well, like conversations with you, for starters,” she said. “There’s just no reason for you to be chatting with him.”
“That’s nonsense,” her mother said. “Like I said, I was worried about you and thought he might be able to give me information. Turns out I was quite right and he did that very thing.”
Andi growled and buried her face in her pillow, which of course made it hard to talk. “My life is an open book.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Enough about me, how’re you doing?”
“Everything’s pretty much the same here. I’ve been seeing that nice man Anthony. The one who wears the fedora I told you about? We go out to dinner once a week, and he eats here every Sunday night. He’s not your father, but he’ll do.”
“Not my father? I would think Frankenstein would be an upgrade from that man.”
“You know I try to be fair and give him the benefit of the doubt.”
“Yeah, and whole lot of good that’s done. The man has a child he’s never acknowledged. What a jerk.”
“Yes, but Andrea, that’s his loss. I got to have you all to myself. So in a way he gave me a gift.”
Andi didn’t want to mention that little part about her not having grown up with a loving father. It never seemed a good time to remind her mother of that. Maybe that absentee-father thing was at the root of her man issues. Man issues? Did she actually have them? Or were they just Zander issues? And if not that, was it more like she was motivated by fear, just as Pippa had said. Or was it choice D—all of the above?
“Why can’t you just be mad at him? Or at the other two bozos you settled down with? Why do you just chalk it up to experience and move on? Doesn’t it make you furious?”
This was so not the conversation she’d planned for tonight.
“Honey, I learned long ago that I could allow myself to be eaten away by anger, or I could move on. I made the choice to not dwell on the negative, appreciate what good came of those relationships, and the rest? Well, that’s all water under the bridge now, so why let it get to me?”
Andi shook her head. Was it admirable of her mother to do this, or just sad?
“But they treated you disrespectfully, and they promised you they’d stay, and they left. They played around with other women and left you holding the bag.”
“Andrea, dear, have you learned nothing from me? Life happens. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. And from each event comes lessons learned. Sure I’ve been hurt, and sure I’ve been treated wrongfully. But I’ve had a pretty good life so far, and I’ve benefited in some way from each of those relationships. So I don’t dwell on the bad of it and instead choose to focus on the good. I hope you can learn at least that from me. Besides which, I got you, so clearly I haven’t made a whole lot of mistakes.”
Andi figured this as not hers to argue. It was her mother’s life, and she needed to let it be. “I hear you, Mom. And I respect your decisions. And you did win the lottery with me.” She laughed.
“So what happened between you and that nice Zander?”
Andi thought if she heard that nice Zander one more time, she was going to scream. But was it because he actually was nice? Not to mention an amazingly selfless lover and a sweet and generous friend? And because she was being a complete chickenshit by avoiding the man? She decided to come clean with her mother.
“Okay, fine. I’ll clue you in. Zander and I started a relationship. He’s a really kind, lovely man. We spent some time together. And he took me skydiving—”
“Skydiving. Even though I asked you to be safe.”
“Yes, and it was exhilarating. So much fun. Besides, I know Zander checked with you first, so don’t act surprised. Anyhow, we stayed at a lovely country inn, and he invited me to his brother’s wedding and bought me a gorgeous gown to wear to it. It was magical.”
“So you’re not with him because?”
Andi sighed. “It got complicated.”
“Complicated can always be boiled down to simplistic if you just untangle the yarn one knot at a time.”
Andi shook her head. “It’s not always that easy, Mom. He’s got a very different life from mine. He has all these expectations for him, and he’s got a family that has to consult each other’s calendars. And he has photographers who stalk him and take pictures of him.”
“Yeah, I think we’ve seen those.”
Andi blushed. Now she gets embarrassed about Zander’s naked pictures? “I don’t even mean them. I mean like paparazzi, who want to know everything he’s doing and with whom.”
“All of the time?”
Andi paused. Hell if she knew. “I have no idea. But I know when I was with him they found out, and then it was on the news and they followed me.”
“But when you met him at the train station in Rome, wasn’t he on his own?”
“Well, yes, just him and a friend.”
“And were there swarms of photographers with him then?”
“Well, no.”
“And so he doesn’t always have photographers hounding him, right? Just sometimes?”
“I don’t know! Why are you splitting hairs?”
“I’m not splitting hairs, Andrea. I’m pointing out to you that maybe you’re overreacting. Maybe once the media finds out that you’re with him, then they’ll move on to their next target. So maybe it’s a brief distraction and one you have to figure out how to deal with, but is it a reason to never be with a man you might fall in love with?”
Andi gasped. “I’m not in love with Zander!”
But was she? Was that the scariest part of it all? Giving her heart to a man, especially when it was a man who’d failed to give her his from the time of her birth?
“I didn’t say you’d fallen in love with him. But I know you enough to think you could easily do so if you’d stop letting your mind tell you what to do.”
“I’m just being realistic.”
“Sometimes realistic means you miss out on some wonderful things in your life.”
Like a handsome prince who swept her off her feet.
“But I’m needed here.”
“Do you seriously think that everyone there wants you to miss out on a chance at a wonderful relationship? And surely you can return there with Zander. Maybe the two of you can do some good there?”
Andi hadn’t even thought about that. After all, Zander had already established himself as a regular presence, apparently. But would that be the same thing? And if she took a chance and things fell through, then what? It would feel weird to return here under the circumstances, as if it was Zander’s territory or something.
“I don’t know, Mom. My head is full of shoulds and shouldn’ts and I just can’t even figure it all out anymore.”
“Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith, sweetie, and then it all works out. Don’t not do something just because you don’t know what’ll happen.”
“All right. I’ll think some more about it. But it’s late and I’m tired, so I’d best get some sleep. I’ll be up by dawn tomorrow.”
“Andi?”
“Yeah, Mom?”
“Zander told me to tell you he’s been thinking about you.”
Andi gritted her teeth, feeling manipulated.
“I love you, Mom. Good night.”