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The morning comes like a cold and brutal slap to the face.
I slept with Slater.
I had way too much to drink, and then there was that nightmare - and he was there, and he made me feel so safe and warm, and he smelt so good, and one thing led to another and I let it happen. I wanted it to happen. But it was not healthy, or good, for either of us. Because he’s already dealing with enough, and that kind of encouragement from me, when I’m still so damaged, was unfair.
Because, if I can’t follow through with this mix of strange feelings I get when I’m around him, then how will I ever be able to live with myself if I have to hurt him? He’s already been through enough, and he’s so broken because of me. If I give him hope, and then snatch it away, I think it could very likely be the thing that just sends him over the edge.
And hurting him, hurts me.
So much.
But I’m confused, so damned confused.
I don’t know what I think or feel right now. I know last night was amazing, and he put together some little pieces in me that were floating around, desperate to find a place to call home. They found that place, in Slater, but it doesn’t take away the fact that I’m still missing memories, and that Slater and I are still strangers, as far as I remember.
When I woke this morning, I was alone, which I’m thankful for because I don’t know what I’m going to say to him. Should I just come right out and tell him how I feel? That would be the best option. The most honest option. But also, the scariest - because, if I’m being truthful with myself, I don’t actually know what I feel. All I know is I need to figure it out, and soon.
I get dressed and then walk out into the living area, and then through to the kitchen. Slater isn’t there when I get in, so I make myself a coffee and glance around. Perhaps he’s working, or at the club, or maybe he’s trying to avoid me, too. That would make sense. I imagine he’s probably equally as confused with everything as I am.
I take my coffee out to the back porch, my head aching from all the drinking we did, and stop when I see Slater standing out there with an attractive woman. She’s touching his arm, running her fingers up and down it, her long blond hair flowing down her back. He is saying something to her.
And then, out of nowhere.
He smiles.
He smiles down at her.
A real smile.
A smile I haven’t seen.
Hell, I haven’t even seen him come close.
But he’s smiling at her.
And something inside me cracks. Something inside me just falls apart. It’s something I didn’t even know I had, it’s something I didn’t even know I felt. But there it is, slapping me in the face with its sudden onslaught. It’s an emotion I’m not familiar with, and I have to grip my chest to try and stop it. My skin prickles, my cheeks burn, and I feel tingly all over. But there’s also this lump in my throat, and my heart is racing.
Jealousy.
Is it jealousy?
I don’t know.
He reaches up and tucks her hair behind her ear, and she laughs softly. She’s so beautiful, and so...not damaged. She looks like sunshine, like she could light up any room. She’s perfect. And she’s making him smile. He looks at ease with her, like she could take away his pain. He doesn’t need me. That much is clear. I’m just a broken piece of his past that he needs to fix in order to move on.
Because the way he’s smiling at her, tells me, he obviously didn’t miss me as much as he says.
My heart shatters and I turn, catching his attention. He calls out my name, but I’m moving, quickly. I don’t know why it bothers me so much. I don’t know, hell, my mind is spinning in a way I can’t control. My body is spiraling, desperate for me to make it stop. Tears I didn’t even feel rising, burst forth and run down my cheeks as I make a quick dash for the front door.
I get out, launch down the front steps, and then I just run. I run with everything I have, as fast as I can, my mind completely spinning on me, making me want to vomit with its intensity. I can’t think straight. Hell, I don’t even know why I’m thinking this way, let alone how to control the disgusting mess of thoughts rushing through my head right now. I don’t even remember Slater, so why in the hell did seeing him smiling at another woman hurt so much?
Why does it even matter?
What the hell is wrong with me?
I hiccup, and disappear down a side alley, running down some back streets until I make it closer to a group of shops across the road from a park. I head straight towards the park, and its security. I need to find somewhere to try and calm myself down. To try and understand what the hell is going on in my head. To try and make sense of the mess that I’ve been dragging around with me for so long.
I hit the park, find a soft spot behind a tree, and drop to my knees, clutching my head in my hands, wishing my mind would stop spinning. I cry out, frustrated, and grip my hair. Why can’t I remember anything? Why am I feeling a certain way, and yet I don’t understand why? What is wrong with me? Damn everything that led me up to this point. Damn it all to hell. I wish it would all just go away.
I press my back against the tree, bring my knees up to my chest, and drop my head into it. And then I try, I try so damned hard to just breathe through it. I can do this. I’ve got this. Everything is okay. I tell myself this over and over, breathing as deeply as I can until the agonizing burn in my chest eases, and only then do I take a shaky breath and look up. I’m alone, but I know running out was a bad idea.
I know it was, and suddenly, I’m terrified.
I don’t have a phone, so I can’t call anyone.
But I can’t go back to Slater’s house.
I’ll go over to the shops over the road, and call Erin.
I stand and walk with shaky legs over to the closest café. I go inside and up to the counter. The young woman serving, takes one look at me, and her face falls. “Are you okay?”
I nod. “Yeah, sorry. I’ve lost my phone, and I don’t know how to get home from here. Am I able to call someone?”
She nods. Reaching over to a spot beside the counter and pulling out her cell phone. “Of course. Here.”
I take it, thanking her profusely, and dial the number for the bakery. Lucky for me, I know it, or I’d be in a world of trouble. Tatiana answers, and at the sound of my voice, passes me over to Erin right away.
“Ellie, what’s wrong?” Erin asks the moment she gets the phone.
“I ran out of Slater’s, I’ll tell you why later. I’m at a café. I need you to come and get me. Please.”
“Shit,” Erin says. “Damn, Ellie. You shouldn’t have run off on your own. I’m coming. What’s the address?”
I give her the name of the café and then hang up, glancing at the girl. She smiles, and asks, “Would you like a drink?”
“Yes, please. Just water.”
“On the house, take a seat.”
I sit down and stare at my hands, trying to gather my thoughts. The chair across from me moves, and I look up expecting to see the waitress, but I see him.
Everything in my world comes to a screeching halt, and for a moment, all I can do is sway, unable to move, unable to do anything but stare. My blood is running on complete ice, and my body feels like it’s shutting down. Fear, unlike any I’ve ever felt, grips me and makes me want to vomit right here in the café.
“Hello, Raven.”
He looks exactly the same. The face of my nightmares. The lines around his cold, empty eyes have grown, making him look older. But he’s still big, and still powerful, and still in control, because my body won’t move, it won’t react, it won’t do anything but sit and stare, terrified into freezing completely.
“It was a mistake running from that house. You didn’t think I wouldn’t be watching, did you?”
“G-g-g-get away from me. I’ll scream.”
He smiles. But it’s cold. “If you so much as move, I’ll shoot every person in this café, and it’ll be on you. I have a gun in my jacket, and you know, oh Raven, you know I’ll use it.”
The waitress walks over, and places a glass of water on the table in front of me. My eyes are on his, and he’s daring me to scream, to make a scene, to do something. I know he would hurt someone to get to me, but I also know he’s not stupid. I’ve spent enough time with him, to know how far he’ll take a threat. In this case, I don’t believe he’ll shoot up an entire café. His face would be all over the news, and he’d never get his hands on me then.
No.
He’s not stupid.
But he thinks I am.
I’m not, but what I am, is terrified.
I have one chance to get out of here. And one only.
I have to pray I’m right, and that he won’t do anything stupid.
I take the glass and look over to the waitress, forcing a smile. “Thank you.”
“Would your friend like a drink?”
She glances at him, and he studies her, seemingly the friendliest man on this planet. “No thank you, my dear.”
She nods, and disappears.
I want to scream after her, to tell her I’m not okay. Instead, I sit here, terrified, not knowing how the hell I’m going to get out of here.
“We’re going to stand and walk out of here, and you’re not going to say a word. Do you understand me?”
I want to vomit.
To scream.
To cry.
But I don’t, I simply nod.
I pick up the glass of water and take a sip just as he’s standing. I move quickly, splashing it in his face. He’s startled, enough that his hands automatically go up to his face and he’s disorientated for a split second. I use that second. I turn and run behind the counter. The girl who served me makes a startled sound, and tries to call out to me, but I don’t stop. I dart around the back and into the closest thing I can find, a small office that is unattended. I step in and lock the door, pressing my back against it.
Then I wait.
He’ll either come out here and get me.
Or he’ll hurt someone.
Worse, he’ll do what he threatened.
A few minutes later, someone knocks on the door, and the voice of the waitress can be heard through it. “I’m going to have to call the police if you don’t come out, I’m sorry...”
“That man,” I say through it, my voice trembling. “Is he gone?”
“The one at your table? Yes, he left straight away.”
Is she lying?
“Is he with you?” I croak. “Is he making you say that?”
“No, he isn’t. Should I call the police? Is he dangerous? I’m calling them.”
I stand and turn, opening the door. She’s alone, thank God. “Please don’t, I’ll go and see them myself. I’m sorry. That man...he’s...he scares me. He’s an ex. And he won’t leave me alone. I didn’t mean to disrupt your day.”
Her eyes scan me, and then the office, and I know she’s checking to see if I’ve stolen anything.
I don’t blame her.
I really don’t.
I’m acting crazy.
“Is he dangerous?” she asks.
“I don’t think so. But, he is obsessed with me and won’t leave me alone. I’m sorry. I didn’t...I didn’t expect him to follow me in here. I’ll leave.”
It’s not the entire truth, but if I tell her he’s dangerous, she’s going to have me out of here in a split second. I wouldn’t blame her. But, until Erin gets here, I’m not stepping out of this office.
Her face softens, and she reaches out, touching my arm, “No, it’s okay. I’ve been in a similar situation. I understand fear, more than most people.” I doubt it. But I nod anyway. “I’ll go out, make sure everything is clear. You called someone for a ride, are they far away?”
“She should be here any moment,” I say, my voice still shaking from fear.
“I’ll go and check, stay here. I’ll lock the front doors for a while, so he can’t come back in.”
So thankful to this stranger, I nod, and a tear rolls down my cheek.
She smiles warmly, and then disappears back out front. I stay, frozen in spot, until she comes back with Erin by her side. As soon as I see my friend, I exhale and then cry. It’s pathetic, weak even, but I’m so damned grateful to see her right now.
“Shania told me what happened. Ellie, are you okay?”
Shania has been helping me, and I never even stopped to ask her name. I feel rude, but I hope she understands.
“Yeah,” I say, swallowing back my tears. “He came right in and sat by me...he...”
I don’t go on, because Shania doesn’t need any more drama when she hears what he threatened me with. I’ll tell Erin later, when we’re alone.
“Okay, you can tell me later. Let’s get you out of here, okay?”
Erin looks to Shania, “Did you see where he went?”
Shania shakes her head. “Only that he exited quickly after she splashed water on him. I couldn’t even get over and ask if he needed assistance. Sorry.”
“He wasn’t out front when I came in,” Erin says, “but I don’t trust it. I’m calling Slater.”
“No,” I cry out loudly. “No, please. Call Malakai. Don’t call Slater.”
Erin frowns, but nods.
Ten minutes later, the small café is filled with three gorgeous bikers, who have everyone stopping what they’re doing, and staring. They fill the small, petite space, and dominate it. Malakai, Mason and Koda all came to assist me out of here. Shania stares at them, her mouth slightly agape, her cheeks rosy.
“Thank you,” I say to her. “I’m so sorry I caused such a disruption.”
She waves a hand, and smiles, “I understand it, believe me. I hope you’re okay. And I really hope he leaves you alone. Being afraid of someone is an awful feeling.”
I have a feeling maybe she really does know.
And if she does, I feel for her.
I smile at her, weakly, and then turn to Malakai who is waiting for us.
“You ready?” he asks.
I nod.
We exit the café, me basically surrounded by the three big men until we reach Erin’s car. We get in, and they tell me they’ll meet us at the bakery, because I refuse to go back to Slater’s house.
As soon as the door is shut, Erin turns to me. “Now, talk.”
So I do.
I talk.
And I tell her everything.
~*~*~*~
