AIDEN needed a fucking cigarette in the worst way. He didn’t have any, wouldn’t buy any, and hadn’t indulged in seven years, but still.
Argh.
“Daddy! Daddy, no! No baths!” Linds screamed at him.
He closed his eyes and counted to ten. Bee was cutting a tooth, and Linds had taken advantage of his exhaustion and his distraction to paint herself with markers.
Everywhere.
His phone rang, the theme from Call of Duty winging out. That meant it was Dev. He’d assigned the ringtone when they’d exchanged numbers last night, and he was amused as hell at himself for it.
“Hey. Can you—”
“Daddy! No! No!”
“—give me a second, man?”
“Yeah, call me back when you can. Good luck.”
“Yeah.”
He grabbed Linds up and dumped her in the tub, which was when Bee started to cry.
He went to get her, and Linds started screaming and splashing water everywhere. God, sometimes it was driven home how much easier it would be to not be on his own.
He rubbed Orajel on Bee’s sore gums and sat on the toilet, staring his older daughter down.
She finally ran out of steam, sitting in her bath and sniffling, hiccupping.
The temptation to ask if she was quite done was huge, but he resisted. Pick your battles, he told himself.
With the Orajel doing its work, Bee was soon asleep in his arms. And Linds finally grabbed the soap and grudgingly ran it over her body. Then, once the colors started to run, making the bubbles different colors, she started giggling. Thank God.
He got Bee into her crib, then went to check on Linds, made sure she did her teeth, and read her a story.
God, it had been a long day. A really long day.
He called Dev once he got settled with a beer in hand and a cold washrag over his eyes.
Dev picked up right away. “Hey, Aid. I was beginning to wonder if I should mount a rescue mission.”
“Yeah. Markers and teeth and baths and I have a killer migraine. What’s up?”
“I wanted to thank you for yesterday. Hell, I was going to call first thing this morning, but I thought that made me look a little desperate for adult company.” Dev chuckled softly. “Of course it was probably the truth. Look, if you need to go lie down or something, I can talk to you another time.”
“I’m good. I have a beer, a cold cloth, and I’m going to call for a pizza.”
“Ah, the supper of champions.” There was a squawk in the background.
“How’s things for you, man? U doing okay?”
“He’s starting his evening wailing. Let me put the white noise machine on. I went shopping today and found one that didn’t cost the earth.”
“Oh cool.” He grabbed his headphones while Dev was gone, put them on, and ordered himself a pizza on the web.
Dev’s sigh heralded that he was back. “He quieted down right away. I think it’s a miracle.”
“I’m so glad you thought of it, man. It’ll save your sanity.”
“I didn’t think of it. It was you. Or Zack. Can’t remember who, but I owe one of you my sanity.” Dev laughed. “Anyway. I wanted to thank you for yesterday. I had a great time.”
“I did too. Seriously.”
Dev was dear. Cute as hell—lanky and dark haired with pretty blue eyes.
“Maybe we could do it again sometime? I’d invite you here but it’s not exactly kid-safe yet. Or maybe we can go shopping for the things I’ll need to childproof and you can give me a hand.” Dev laughed. “Or you can invite me over for dinner again.”
“Sure. Anytime. Hell, you could come now, but I know it’s late.”
“Because just after eight is late when you’re a single dad.” He could hear the laughter in Dev’s voice, but it wasn’t aimed at him. Or rather, he was pretty sure it was aimed at both of them. “If I came over now, it would have to be a sleepover.”
A sleepover. Huh. He thought about it, then nodded. “Sure. The babies did fine and we can veg out, make pancakes for Linds in the morning.”
“Seriously? I was teasing, but if you want to, I’d love to come. I’ll pack up some stuff for U and my sweats and we can be there within the hour. Should I bring anything?”
“You want to bring some Coke? I have a leftover cake.” He texted the pizza place and added a pie.
“You got it. See you soon.” Dev sounded happy.
“Cool. See you.” He hung up, then called Logan, waiting for his best friend to answer.
“Hey, A. How’s it hanging?”
“You know that Dev guy? I invited him over to spend the night.” He couldn’t believe it.
“You what? You? Seriously?” He could hear the shock in Logan’s voice.
“I did. I mean, I did. What was I thinking?”
“I don’t know—I guess that depends on why you invited him over.”
“We had a decent time last night. He seemed lonely. We played first-person shooters for a few hours. I don’t know.”
“So you just want some adult company? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Unless he’s an ax murderer, but I don’t know that I’ve heard of one with a baby as a prop.”
“I just…. He’s a nice guy. Cute. Sweet. He sounded lonely, and I have a vicious headache and I wanted… companionship.”
“Yeah? I guess there’s nothing wrong with that.”
Logan didn’t get it. He had one kid for one day a week. He worked in an office. He had a life.
“So you like him?” Logan asked.
“Yeah. I mean, I don’t know if there’s chemistry or anything yet, but… I like him.”
“So hang out with the man with the baby. Give me a call in the morning if you want. To make sure you weren’t ax-murdered.”
“I will. I will. You want to meet for lunch in a couple days?”
“Sure. I’ll have Markus check my schedule and set something up.” Logan’s assistant was the keeper of the calendar, and Logan counted on him to keep his appointments.
“Good deal.”
“Are you cooking for him?”
“I ordered pizza.”
“Isn’t that like the food of love for you geeky types?”
“Shut up.” Food of geeky love. Asshole.
Logan chuckled softly. “Calling it how I see it.”
“Teething. It’s the food of choice for teething-baby dads.”
“Ew. I wouldn’t want to have to go through that again.”
“I don’t want her to have to go through it.” It broke his heart, listening to her scream.
“Every kid does, though, don’t they?”
“Yeah. Yeah—at least they don’t remember it.”
“Yeah. Damn, that’s my call-waiting. I need to get that. You have fun tonight, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“Night, Logan.” He didn’t dignify the rest with a response.
Logan’s laughter seemed to fill the air as he cut the call off.
Aiden closed his eyes, waiting for either food or company.
The doorbell rang, and he was pleased to see his company had come first, Dev carrying U in the car seat, bulging diaper bag over one shoulder.
“Come on in.” He held the door open wide, offered Dev a smile.
“Thanks. I really appreciate you letting me come over. Especially given you’ve never had to experience my screamer at two in the morning.”
“Bee’s teething. You may regret coming.”
“Dueling screaming babies. Joy.” Dev shrugged as he followed Aiden to his guest room. “I don’t know, though. Having another grown-up there makes a huge difference.”
“Yes. I have the porta-crib put up in here.” He was lucky he still had it.
“You rock. Thank you. I’m going to leave him in his car seat for now. Let sleeping babies lie and all that.” Dev set U’s car seat down on the floor, the baby shifting but not waking.
“Did you bring the white noise machine or should I get an app on my phone?”
“No, I brought it. It seemed to be working, so I didn’t want to go without.” Dev began unpacking the diaper bag.
He nodded and sighed as the doorbell rang. “Pizza. Be right back.”
A quiet “no problem” came from Dev as he headed back to the front door.
He paid the bill and put the pies on the table, grabbed plates and forks.
Dev joined him a moment later, wearing a Dr. Who T-shirt and a pair of sweats. “I hope you don’t mind, I made myself comfortable.”
“Not at all.” He waved to his own pajama pants and T-shirt. “You can see I dressed for supper.”
Dev laughed. “It’s a good look.”
“It’s my favorite fashion.” He twirled, finding it easy to play.
Dev clapped his fingers against the base of his other palm. “Very chic.”
“Thank you. Thank you very much.” He found himself cackling, laughing hard.
“So what kind of pizza have we got?” Dev opened the boxes.
“I got a pepperoni and mushroom and a supreme. Is that cool?”
“Perfect. We eating here in the kitchen?”
“Yep. Have a seat. Are the Cokes cold or should I get ice?”
“They’re cold. Took ’em out of my fridge.” Dev grabbed a slice of the pepperoni and mushroom and cracked open his can.
“You rock.” They ate the first few pieces, then slowed down. “How was your day, man?”
“Not bad. Did some shopping—the white noise generator. Bought some new clothes too—I think he’s growing. How about your day?”
“Miserable. Utterly sucktastic with the teething and the way that Linds got into the markers.”
“That sucks, man. I don’t know what I’m going to do when he starts teething.”
“Orajel. Frozen washrags. Baby aspirin.”
“I am sure I will be hitting you up for a lot of advice given Bee is just that bit older than U. You’re going to be a valuable asset.” Then Dev laughed. “Oh man, that sounded so weirdly businesslike, didn’t it?”
“A little, but I’ll take it on advisement,” Aiden teased back.
Dev laughed easily and kept eating. They both had several slices, and by the time Aiden was done with his last piece, he looked over at Dev, finding the guy sitting there with his eyes closed.
“You want to come lay down on the sofa for a few?” It was a little early for bed. “Or we could go downstairs and watch a movie.”
Dev blinked and shook himself. “Sorry, sorry. A movie sounds good.”
“Come on downstairs. I’ll turn the baby monitors on.”
“Sounds perfect. You are my hero.”
“I’m just a gay dad in need of a good night’s sleep.” Which he knew Dev understood.
“All that and you’re giving another gay dad hope, so yeah, my hero.” Dev gave him a wink and grabbed another Coke before heading downstairs.
They put on The Matrix and settled on the sofa, which was covered in pillows and blankets. About ten minutes in, Dev shifted, head landing on Aiden’s shoulder. He sighed and cuddled in, letting himself doze right off.
It was so comfortable, comforting. He could feel the warmth of Dev’s body, even though he was asleep. It felt easy, and he let himself enjoy it.
Dev woke up with a snort as the movie ended, snuggling and wiping his face. “Oh man. I totally fell asleep on you. Did I drool?”
“No, you did fine.” He hadn’t seen more than five minutes of the movie himself, he didn’t think.
Dev chuckled and sat up straight, stretching. “Man, now I’m all awake.” He glanced at his watch. “Of course, it’s not even eleven yet.”
“You want another Coke? I’m going to check on the kids.”
“Yeah, sounds good. I ought to look in on U. He’s usually screamingly awake at this point.
“I’ll peek at him.” He levered himself up, and about that time, Bee began to cry. “Be right back.”
“Lemme know on the monitor if you need me to come and help with anything.”
“Will do.” He sprinted up the stairs and grabbed Bee before the cries became screams. Little U was frowning in his chair, and Aiden reached down and snatched him up as well.
U seemed tiny in comparison to Bee. He’d bet U was going to need a feeding if he woke up. Dev had mentioned something about one at midnight and another around six. Which wasn’t bad at all, except for the being up with colic half the night too.
He went to the kitchen to make bottles and realized his hands were full. “Uh, Dev? You hear me?”
He heard Dev come barreling up the stairs. “Is everything okay?”
“Shh. Shh. Yes. I just can’t make bottles.” No wonder U couldn’t rest. Dev was all frenetic energy where that baby was concerned.
“Oh, okay, good. I was dozing off again when I heard the voice of God saying my name. You want me to take babies or make bottles?”
“Make bottles, would you? I think your boy will go back down with one, and Bee needs to try and suck a little.”
“Poor thing.” Dev proved to be a dab hand at making bottles, getting two whipped up quickly.
They did a bit of a dance, trading babies and bottles and in no time were sitting at the table, each with a feeding baby in their arms.
Bee fussed and gnawed, her little blond eyebrows drawing together.
“She’s a feisty one,” Dev noted as U quickly drained his bottle like he hadn’t eaten in years.
“She’s hurting. Stupid teeth, huh, sweetie?”
“Did Linds have the same experience teething?” Dev asked, transferring U to his shoulder and patting his back.
“I didn’t have her when she was teething. She was two, already had a mouth full.”
“Ah. And she hasn’t lost any baby teeth yet, has she?”
U gave a tremendous burp, and Dev laughed. “You are my burping champion, aren’t you?” Dev looked back at him. “When I first had him, he used to make himself cry whenever he burped until I started talking to him right after, making sure he knows everything is still okay.”
“Rock on. I love that. I talk to the girls all the time.” He thought it was important.
“Yeah, well there’s also the fact that if we don’t talk to them, who will we talk to?” Dev chuckled. “Hell, I used to talk to myself all the time. Now at least I don’t look crazy.”
Bee was pushing at the bottle, then spit it out. He squirted a little teething gel on his finger and rubbed the sore spot, eyes going wide as he felt the edge of that little, sharp tooth. “There’s a tooth there, kiddo. A real tooth!”
Dev chuckled. “Are you surprised? She’s been loud enough about it, eh?”
“I knew it would come, but I admit to despairing a little bit.”
“She’ll live, though.” Dev assured him.
U began to squawk and Dev stood, bouncing the baby on his shoulder. “Hush. Hush, baby boy. No crying.”
Dev sighed as the squawking continued and he began walking around the room, murmuring to baby U.
“Trade with me a minute?” Aiden asked, curious if a calmer energy would soothe the boy.
“Sure!” Dev handed U over and took Bee. He rocked her gently, looking into her eyes. “Hey, little lady. That stuff made a difference for your poor gums, didn’t it?”
She belched, and Aiden rocked little U, hummed softly under his breath. The little boy calmed a little, the crying turning into hiccupping breaths.
Dev chuckled. “You’ve got a champion burper here yourself, Aiden.”
“She’s a queen. She’s going to be a trucker, I have no doubt.”
“U seems to like you. Not as much as he liked Zack, but more than he likes me. Maybe he’s gotten bored with me.”
“You get tense when he cries.” He knew all about that.
Dev blinked. “Well, yeah, because he gets going and doesn’t stop.”
“Hey, I’m not making a judgment call. When Linds came home, she cried every time I touched her.”
“But you’re saying he’s crying because of me—he isn’t. I’m picking him up once he starts crying.”
“No, but he’s still crying because he senses your stress. Or more likely—he’s not crying now because he knows I don’t care if he’s wailing.”
“You do too,” Dev countered. “You’re a good guy who’s not an asshole.”
“I mean I know they cry. A lot. All the time.”
“And it doesn’t stress you out?”
“Not right now. If you’d given him to me two hours ago, he would be screaming.” He winked, hoping Dev got it.
Dev’s eyebrows joined together over his nose. “I gotta think about that.”
“No stress.” Which was the whole point, wasn’t it?
Dev laughed softly, like he was on the same wavelength. “Is Bee usually up for a while in the evening? When U isn’t suffering, I usually put him on the ground and play with him. All the books say he needs stimulation.”
“A bit. She likes music, she likes baby yoga, and she loves to be rocked.”
“Baby yoga? Isn’t she too small for yoga?” Dev began rocking her.
“Lord no. There’s this huge thing—I put it on streaming and fake it.”
“I guess it isn’t any crazier than babies in the water, and I take himself every week.”
“Yeah? I need to take Linds.”
“Does she like the water?” Dev sounded surprised.
“She likes baths.”
“I gotta admit it sure didn’t sound like it when we spoke on the phone.”
“No. That was because she was ‘decorated.’” He rolled his eyes and nuzzled U’s questing fingers.
“Ah—you ruined her artwork.”
He nodded. “Worst. Daddy. Ever.”
“Oh, I think you have some competition for that title. I mean, I can’t even get U to stop crying in the evenings.”
“Eh. We all share it. All of us.” That was one of a thousand things he’d learned at the coffee shop. They all were amazing, and they all sucked.
“So what you’re saying is nobody’s perfect.” Dev grinned, patting Bee’s butt.
“Shi—shoot. We’re all trying our best. That’s it. Literally. Just our best.”
“So I need to stress less to get those kind of results, eh?” Dev nodded at the quiet baby in his arms.
“Yeah, it can’t hurt, huh?” Everyone said stress was bad, full stop.
“It’s a matter of whether I can manage it or not. You wanna trade again?”
“Surely.” He eased the near-asleep U into Dev’s arms and took his wide-awake, perky littlest girl.
Dev blinked down at U, looking rather amazed. “He’s going back to sleep. Without crying for a couple of hours and then needing playtime.”
“Yay!” Aiden whispered, tickled.
Dev swallowed, then gave a short laugh and shook his head. “Now I’m stressing about being stressed and waking him back up again. How crazy is that?”
“Deep breaths, huh? That’ll do it.”
Dev nodded and began taking these loud, deep breaths, the guy trying so hard.
U blinked at him, then farted, the sound shocking and loud enough that Bee laughed. Dev burst out laughing too, but poor little U started crying, his little face scrunching up and going red as he started wailing. “No, no, sweetie, no, it’s okay. It’s okay. No stress, okay? No stress.” Dev began bouncing again.
“Breathe. It’s okay. You’re cool. He’s cool. La la la.”
Dev chuckled for him, but that clearly had relaxed him, because the baby hiccupped a few times, calming down again. “Well, he’s awake but not crying at least. We should go do that playing thing before he changes his mind.”
Bee gurgled and cooed, and he thought about crying. Thank God that tooth had cut.
“Downstairs for the playtime?” Dev asked, rocking U and rubbing his belly, the little boy content.
“Yeah. Linds needs her sleep.”
“Yeah. She’s gonna wake up when she wakes up, eh?” Dev put U over his shoulder, holding on with one arm. “I gotta get his toy from the bedroom.”
“Sure. I’ll meet you downstairs.” He headed down and put Bee on a blanket on the floor, settling next to her. He loved seeing her relaxed, not hurting. She kicked her legs and reached for him, cooing and gurgling.
Dev was with them a moment later. He set U on the floor and put one of those Fisher-Price activity centers over him. “He loves the colors and the noises.”
“Oh, those are great.”
Bee stared at the toy, wide-eyed.
Dev made one of the rattles on the thing spin, the colors flashing as it went around, something inside the rattle making noise. It had U’s whole attention, and his feet kicked excitedly.
Bee reached out, grabbing one of the legs, trying to drag herself closer to it.
“That’s not yours, sweet girl.”
“Hey, U can share. I don’t think he’s old enough yet to be greedy.” Dev rubbed U’s belly and pushed the dangle that had several plastic stars attached to each other, catching U’s attention.
Aiden stabilized the toy and let her drag herself closer, let her build strength.
“Look at her go,” murmured Dev. “She’s really strong. Is she trying to crawl yet?” Dev let U catch on to the bottom star, then tugged gently, then a little harder, but not so hard that it would pop out of the little hand.
“She’s wanting to, yes, but she’s still mastering rollover.”
“I can’t decide if it’s going to be harder or easier when U gets mobile. I guess harder, but by then he shouldn’t be colicky anymore, and he’ll be able to play with stuff himself and sleep longer.”
“I think every age has its thing. They told me two was supposed to be hard, but three has been more temperamental so far.”
“Yeah, they call them the terrible twos, don’t they? My books have been split on that. Some say yeah, they’re awful, others say it starts in the late twos, but it’s really the threes where things flare up.” Dev kept playing with U who was utterly entranced by the toy, but it was nice to have another grown-up to talk to, even if half his attention was elsewhere.
“Three has been less fun, or at least less patient. She gets mad so easy.”
“She’s pushing boundaries too, I bet. From what I’ve read, you have to pick your battles, but once you do, you have to hold your ground.” Dev shook his head. “That sounds really easy to say, and I’m betting it’s really not so easy to do.”
“Nothing about being a dad is easy except loving them.”
“You mean it’s not just me?” Dev didn’t sound like he was joking. He sounded like he really did need the reassurance.
“No. Ask Logan, Zack, any of them. This is hard. We’re teaching these little people everything about being alive.”
“It’s kind of overwhelming if I think about it much more than day by day,” Dev admitted. “It’s eighteen years of my life devoted to being a dad. Or more.”
Aiden could tell Dev loved the little guy, though; it was written all over his face as he cooed at U and stimulated him with the toys.
“Yeah. I get it. Meghan was devastated when she had to give them up. Linds was hard, but she didn’t even get to hold Bee for more than a couple minutes in the hospital.” She was a danger to the kids and to herself and she knew it.
“That really sucks. Does she get visitation or anything? Or are they yours no matter what?” Dev tickled U’s feet, laughing when U did.
“If she gets out, I’ll let her visit with someone watching, but they’re mine, one hundred percent.”
“That’s good.” A hunted look flashed across Dev’s face, but he didn’t say anything, just kept playing with U and Bee.
“You okay, honey?”
“Yeah.” Dev sighed. “No, maybe not entirely. I’m not worried about Terry coming back for him so much as I am my mother showing up and demanding him. I can’t help but think if she knew he was with me, she’d be furious.”
“Well, you need to call Logan, huh? Get your rights settled.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I do. I’ve been thinking too that maybe I should hire a detective to find Terry. To make sure she’s okay and to talk to her about adopting U so that it’s not a shock to her. Plus, I have to admit there’s a part of me that’s worried she hasn’t come back because something happened to her.”
“I bet Logan knows someone you can ask. You’re not alone.” He wasn’t sure whether Dev had been, but the guy wasn’t alone now.
“I appreciate that, Aiden. More than you know. And I will, I’ll call him first thing Monday morning. Like I said, I’m more worried about Mom when it comes to legal rights than Terry.” Dev sighed, then picked up U and hugged him close.
“Well, you have a friend in me. A good friend.”
Dev reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezed. “Thank you. I mean it. A great big thank-you.”
“No worries. Wanna start another game up while the babies are playing?”
“Yeah, that’d be great.” Dev gave U a rattle in his hand, laughing softly as U kicked out with his feet and his hands, making noise.
“He’s gorgeous. Seriously.”
“He is, isn’t he?” Dev grinned. “Doesn’t look anything like anyone in my family, to be honest.”
“He’s a love. He’s genuinely dear.”
“So are your girls. Seeing Linds makes me look more forward to seeing U get older.” Dev sat on the couch and grabbed a controller.
“She’s got so much personality.” He loved them both, but he suspected Bee was going to be more easygoing than her sister.
“Yeah, she sure does. I kind of feel like I know a little bit about your sister from knowing her.” Dev shrugged. “Maybe I’m full of shit, I don’t know.”
“Meghan is a neat lady, but she’s sick. I mean, really, genuinely ill. I hate it for her, but she hates it too.”
“If I’m being too nosy, say so, but what’s wrong with her?” Dev scrolled through Aiden’s games as they talked, then picked a two-person driving game.
“She’s psychotic, and she suffers from hard-core paranoid delusions—demons, strangers wanting to hurt her.” He shuddered.
“Oh, that’s rough.” Dev reached out and put a hand on Aiden’s shoulder, gave it a squeeze. “I’m really sorry.”
“I am too. Genuinely. She’s a good person in a shitty situation.”
Dev squeezed his shoulder one more time, hand warm, right somehow. “At least her kids are with family instead of in the system.”
“God yes. Or worse.” She’d almost killed Linds by the time he’d found them. He’d never thought the bruises around her baby neck would fade.
Dev’s hand remained on his shoulder, and he wasn’t inclined to shrug it off. He leaned toward Dev, soaking up the contact. Dev slipped his arm around Aiden’s shoulders and they simply sat there together as the babies cooed and rattled, playing.
“Thank you for coming over, Dev. You rescued a shitty day.”
“And you saved me from a shitty evening, so you’re welcome and thank you back.” Dev met his gaze and smiled, looking right into him for a moment.
They grinned at each other, then Bee blew a raspberry and U cracked up.
“Did you hear that?” Dev asked, getting that “oh look at the cute thing my baby did” face.
“I did. Goofy babies.”
“Amazing babies,” Dev countered, eyes shining happily. “They’re going to be best friends, those two.”
“I bet they are.” He could see that—Bee and U growing up with friendly dads.
“It would be nice for them to have friends right from when they were babies. I had a friend like that until I was fifteen and his folks moved to Calgary.”
“Are you in touch with him now?”
Dev shook his head. “No, we totally lost touch. Like entirely.”
“You tried social media?”
“I figured we lost touch and that was it, really.” Dev shrugged. “Better not to find out he’s homophobic too, you know?”
“I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.”
“No, you’re all right.” Dev settled into his gamer pose, low on the couch, legs spread. “You ready to get trounced?”
“Right. We’ll see how that works.”
Dev laughed and hit Start and they were off, the babies next to them, wriggling away. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had such a fun, relaxing evening. Aside from last night, that was.