Stay Calm!
That night, everyone gathered at town hall. Mayor Maynott tried his best to calm the crowd.
“Please, everyone remain calm!” said the mayor. “Wiley and Grampa have important information regarding the recent attacks by elderly women. Let’s give it up for Grampa! Woo! Woo! Woo!”
“Everybody just relax! There is no reason to panic,” said Grampa. “By the way, an evil alien hairdresser has brainwashed the grandmas of Gingham County and they plan to attack and capture us tonight, right afterAmerica’s Top Supermodels. Then they’ll turn the earth into a giant country diner. We gathered this information last night when we went out at midnight dressed as old women.”
“Yes, it’s true!” said a voice from the back of the auditorium.
It was Madam Greed and her brainwashed grannies. “My real name is Madam Slorzog, and the citizens of my planet, Smorgasborg, are sick of fast-food joints. They want a new diner with down-home country cookin’. The grandmas of Gingham County are the best cooks in the business.”
“Hey!” said Jubal. “It’s only eight o’clock. Weren’t you supposed to attack afterAmerica’s Top Supermodels?”
“I’m TiVo-ing it as we speak,” said Madam Slorzog.
“Wait a minute,” I said. “How did you know we were meeting here?”
“Sorry, guys. It was me,” said Nate Farkles. “Shortly after you left my lab, the grannies showed up and gave me their special brain-washing hair treatment.”
“I thought your hair looked different,” said Grampa. “So radiant and shiny. It’s a good look.”
“But what do you plan to do with the rest of us?” asked little Amy Pennington.
“We’ll probably be forced to work as dishwashers and busboys in their astro slophouse!” I said angrily.
“Oh, it’s better than that,” said Madam Slorzog. “If you look closely at these cookbooks, we’ve crossed out all the meat and replaced it with humans!”
“You mean... you’re gonna eat us?” asked Jubal.
“Yes,” said Madame Slorzog. “It’s all part of our new ad campaign on planet Smorgasborg.’”
“I’d like to take this opportunity to point out that I’m high in cholesterol and full of sharp bones that are easy to choke on,” said Grampa.
