Gee, Your Hair Looks Horrific!
“If you say so!” said Madam Slorzog. “Now I’ll show you the awesome power of my Warm Sierra Brain Wash!”
Then she said something in her native Smorgasborgian: “Clapto Sluggus Niptuk!”
The grannies’ hairdos started to pulsate and grow to a gargantuan size!
Then Gramma’s hair sprouted giant slimy tentacles. Cleta Van Snout’s hair sported a huge laser-shooting eyeball and Willie Mae Brown’s hair shot out bolts of electricity! All the old ladies had killer monster do’s!
The monster hair was too much for us to deal with. The town was at the mercy of Gramma and her big-haired buddies.
“Well, I guess this is it,” said Grampa. “Captured like wild animals, only to be served up in a cosmic cafeteria. I only hope they turn me into an attractive entrée with lots of gravy!”
“Wait a minute!” I said. “I’ve got an idea. It’s time to fight hair with hair. Merle, I need one of your world-famous hair balls, quick!”
Most people don’t know that Merle can sometimes hack up a hair ball on command. He can also juggle kitty-litter clumps and meow the alphabet.
Merle snorted and wheezed, then leaned over and hacked up an impressive hair ball with extra mucus.
I took the bottle of Warm Sierra Brain Wash and dumped all of it on the hair ball.
Then I chanted, “Klapto Sluggis Niptoor something like that!”
The hair ball began to grow and jiggle.
Then it grew to an enormous size and came to life!
Merle commanded his mutant hairy offspring to attack Madam Slorzog. The gloppy beast engulfed her in one swoop.
“Yikes!” she yelped. “You may have captured me, but you still have my alien-grandma army to deal with!”
“Just leave that to me, sister!” It was Leslie the hairdresser, and she was armed with mousse, hair gel, and super-hold hair spray. “Here ya go, people! Aim for their noggins! These ladies are about to have a bad hair day!”
We used the hair gel, mousse, and hair spray to immobilize the wild hair monsters. Gramma’s hair tentacles froze up under the weight of the mega-hold hair spray.
Cleta tried to zap us with her hair laser, but Leslie’s gem sweater was impervious to her dangerous beams. Leslie retaliated with a healthy dose of hair spray.
With their big hair immobilized, the grannies were powerless. That’s when Grampa and Javier jumped in with the hair clippers.
“Let’s get rid of those hair don’ts!” said Grampa as he sheared off the monstrous hair from Gramma and the gang.
Without their alien-infested hair, the grannies snapped back to normal, and boy, were they mad about their shaved heads.
“Sorry, ladies,” cried Madam Slorzog. “I was just following orders. The leader of Smorgasborg wants restaurant construction completed by next month. In fact, he’s arriving tomorrow morning to check my progress and he wants a taste test.”
“If it’s a taste test he wants,” I declared, “then it’s a taste test he’ll get! Come on, everyone, we’re heading to the Gingham County Elementary lunchroom! I know just the lunch lady who can help us.”
“Vera, the lunch lady?” asked Jubal. “Haven’t we had enough slime and suffering for one day?”
