Chapter 31

This is Gemma Kane, speaking with Alonzo Jesse Balter, the pastor at Lighthouse on the Rock Apostolic Church, in Topeka, Kansas. Today is Wednesday, May 24, 1961, and the time is 1:30 PM.

Gemma: What a lovely church. Catholic cathedrals are beautiful, but I can see how you feel closer to God in a smaller place like this.

Pastor Balter: We believe in a personal connection to Jesus. An intimate space is conducive to that.

Gemma: I’m surprised that you’re still the pastor after all these years.

Pastor Balter: (Chuckles) My wife has been urging me to retire for the last ten, but you never retire from serving the Almighty.

Gemma: What brought my mother to your church?

Pastor Balter: Anger at her own. Lighthouse had outgrown this place—it was even smaller then—so we started to build a new church down the street from Heart of Mary, where Tazia was a member. Imbued with the Lord’s power, we never considered that our faith wasn’t welcomed by others. People at your mother’s church threatened to burn ours down. She came here to warn me.

Gemma: (Shakes head) Seems like folks in Topeka often threaten to burn things down.

Pastor Balter: The Plains are dry, so it’s a surefire means of destruction. (Ducks) Sorry, my wife threatens to clip my tongue if I don’t stop making puns. I’ve prayed to change my ways, but, so far, the Lord has been silent on the matter.

Gemma: (Grins) So what happened between the churches?

Pastor Balter: We faced off. Us with construction tools, them with sticks and torches. I told your mother to stay away, but she was stubborn. Worse than that, reckless. She should have worried what would become of you if something happened to her. I told her she was being irresponsible.

Gemma: What did she say?

Pastor Balter: Nothing. She took you to a safe place, then showed up alone at Heart of Mary.

Gemma: Mmm. It seems she didn’t fear physical confrontations, even if she avoided emotional ones.

Pastor Balter: To be frank, it was wrong of your mother to sacrifice your wellbeing for her own moral principles. That’s not what God asks of us. I assume that goes for Catholicism too. (Frowns) I won’t deny she was brave, though, standing up to the deacon and his men at her church. I don’t know who your father was, or how to help you find him, but the inheritance you get from your mother alone is enough to bless you in this world and welcome you into the next.

Gemma: Thank you for your kind words. Back to the two churches, did my mother succeed?

Pastor Balter: Not at first. We abandoned the new building, or things would have gotten uglier. That defeat turned out to be our salvation, though, because it restored our humility. Instead of erecting a grand structure, we added on to this one without getting too full of ourselves again.

Gemma: How did my mother take her failure?

Pastor Balter: I prefer to call it a temporary setback. A few years later, after hail destroyed Heart of Mary, Tazia convinced the Catholics to let us help them rebuild. (Laughs) She knew enough to give up on the men and instead rallied the women, for the sake of the children. Our churches remained friendly for a long time after that. We stood with the Negroes when they battled to get their children a decent education. Held a big social together when the Brown decision came down.

Gemma: My mother would be pleased to know the Catholics were on the right side of that cause.

Pastor Balter: Her faith went deep. I told her she was filled with the Word of Wisdom, a bridge between Heaven and Earth. (Rubs upper lip) I was struck by her curiosity about our religious beliefs and practices. Not that she was looking to convert, but I think she had her doubts.

Gemma: (Astonished) My mother had doubts?

Pastor Balter: Doesn’t everyone? In my experience, the deeper the faith, the more probing the questions. Tazia was searching, not deserting. (Smiles) You on the other hand would have gladly come over to our side. Ours is a joyful service. You were infatuated with the laying on of hands.

Gemma: (Blushes) I guess many people are intrigued with the ... unusual parts of your practice.

Pastor Balter: No need to apologize. The difference is that children don’t judge the way adults do. Except for your mother. She was the most tolerant, and courageous, woman I ever knew.

Gemma: I’m beginning to see how extraordinary she was for her time. Truth be told, I always saw something cowardly in her taking flight, but now I appreciate her gutsiness not budging in the face of prejudice. (Puzzled) Running, but also staying. How would you explain the paradox?

Pastor Balter: In both cases, Tazia was defending something.

Gemma: I can see the stakes when she stayed, but what was she defending when she ran?

Pastor Balter: You. (Looks at beatific picture of Jesus above our heads) Your mother never backed away from a fight, but ultimately, I believe she desired peace. Kansas has always been a battleground state. Perhaps she ran in search of a more serene life. (Smiles) I hope she found it?

Gemma: I think she finally has, these last two years.

Pastor Balter: I’m glad, and I trust that, whatever your own search reveals, you’ll respect it.

Gemma: (Reluctant to make a hard-to-keep promise, especially in a House of God) I’ll try.

Pastor Balter: (Nods) Good enough. You know, Heart of Mary Church closed a few years ago. Membership dwindled until they had to be absorbed into another congregation. We don’t have a relationship with that other church, but you’re welcome to come to Lighthouse on Sunday.

Gemma: Thank you for the invitation. I like to think I’d attend with the same childhood openness as I did forty-five years ago, but I’m afraid I’d bring an adult sense of irreligious curiosity.

Pastor Balter: (Spread hands) Either way, we’d love to have you. If it weren’t for your mother, this building that’s been our home for seventy-five years wouldn’t exist. Older worshipers still talk about her. (Smiles) Perhaps the laying on of hands will heal whatever sits uneasy upon your soul.

The interview ended at 2:00 PM.