After Brice left Gabrielle, the trip back through the woods to his cabin was a long one. He’d told her that someday she’d see she belonged with him, but as the shadows of the trees closed in around him, he began to doubt the truth of that. The Shakers’ hold over her was too strong, too constant. If only he could be with her where he could talk to her and see her, then he could surely make her understand. But they had her locked away from him, out of reach of his words. Soon he’d be even farther from her when he joined up with the militia, but in spite of the way that tore at his heart, he had no choice about going to war.
Maybe she was right. Maybe it had been wrong for him to ask her to come away from the Shakers when he was planning to go to the war. He could make her no real promise that he’d return. A man never knew what would happen when he stepped out on the war trail. He’d been selfish, thinking only of his own needs. His desire to carry her love with him and the sure knowledge that she’d be waiting for his return had overpowered his common sense and sent him through the woods to lie in wait of her. Now he could carry the truth of her love with him but no certainty that she’d ever be waiting for his return.
Why was it that every person he loved was taken from him? He wished he’d never let Gabrielle awaken the feelings he’d so carefully buried in his mind after Jemma died. He’d never intended to let love darken his life again. The lines of his face tightened. He’d shut her away just as he’d shut away the memory of Jemma after her death.
He tried to push all his thoughts of Gabrielle from his mind, but her beautiful blue eyes were before him full of a love she believed was wrong. He remembered the soft warmth of her skin under his fingers and how he’d wanted to touch and cherish every inch of her. The feeling was too strong to deny. He couldn’t give up. Not while there was yet a chance. Nothing but death could defeat him.
When he came out of the woods into the clearing around his cabin, he spotted the boy outside waiting for him in the moonlight. He’d grown fond of Nathan since he’d come away from the Shakers to stay with him. But tonight he wished the boy were already asleep. Brice needed time alone.
“You stayed out a long time, Doc. I was beginning to fret a little,” Nathan said.
“You don’t need to waste your time worrying over me, boy. I learned to take care of myself a long time ago.” Brice’s voice was rough with the edge of anger.
Nathan didn’t pay it much mind as he looked back at the woods. “You didn’t take your horse.”
“I didn’t go far.”
“All that lays over that way is Harmony Hill.”
“I don’t need a bit of a boy telling me where I can walk in the evening if I take a mind,” Brice said with a frown.
“No sir, you don’t, Doc, and I wasn’t meaning to be doing that.” The boy stared at the woods as if he could see through the trees and beyond to the Shaker village. After a long minute, he said, “It’s just that I can’t keep from wondering sometimes what’s going on over there.”
“You can hear whatever you like if you go into town and ask. There are always plenty of travelers who stay with the Shakers when they pass through. Some folks can’t turn down a free handout.”
“True enough,” Nathan said. “But I wouldn’t be hearing anything about the one I’d most want to hear about. Gabrielle.”
Brice was sorry he’d been so short with the boy. He sat down beside Nathan on the steps. “Don’t you ever wonder about others of your family? Your ma and pa? Are they with the Shakers?”
“Pa is. My ma, she died a few years back. I miss her some, but Pa, well, he wasn’t ever the same after he got religion. I had a sister and brother, but they died of the fever when they were just little things. And Pa, I guess he the same as died to me when we joined up with the Shakers. We haven’t said more than a dozen words to each other since. It’s only Gabrielle I think about.”
“I thought you’d about gotten over her,” Brice said.
“In a way I guess I have, Doc. But in another way, I don’t know if I ever will. I can’t rightly believe yet that she turned me away. I’d been so sure so long that she’d jump at the chance of leaving with me.”
Brice wondered for the first time what the boy would have done if Gabrielle had followed him back to his cabin tonight. He’d never told the boy how he felt about Gabrielle, not wanting to crowd in on the boy’s hurt, but maybe he should have. Brice hesitated a moment and then said, “You told me once she was beauty.”
Nathan looked at him as if hearing something different in his voice, but Brice didn’t turn his face away. The shadowy moonlight must not have revealed the truth of his feelings as Nathan looked away and up at the sky. “That and more. She’s everything I ever dreamed of.”
Brice thought of telling the boy of his own love for the young sister, but something stayed his tongue. Instead he said, “Sometimes you have to let loose one dream before you can capture a new one.”
Nathan didn’t say anything. Just kept staring at the moon and the few stars bright enough to shine along with it. Finally Brice asked, “How are your legs doing?”
The boy answered a bit too quickly. “They’re fine. I could run five miles if I had to.”
Brice reached over and grabbed the boy’s leg. “That doesn’t hurt?”
The boy couldn’t keep from flinching a little, but he said, “Not all that much, Doc. I’m plenty well enough to be going with the militia if that’s what you’ve got in mind.”
“I’m not sure you should be going at all. I can find you a place to stay while I’m gone. You’re a good worker. The Shakers taught you well, and I know this man over around Sowderville who would take you in and maybe even pay you a little for your work.”
“I won’t be wanting to do that. I’ve already decided to answer the militia call whether you go or not, Doc. So if you’re thinking I might be a hindrance to you, I can just join up on my own. I’m old enough.”
“Old enough maybe, but the question is, are you well enough?”
“I figure I can do whatever I set my mind to. Pain or no pain.”
Brice had to smile a little. The boy had a stubborn streak. “Your legs don’t hold you back much,” Brice admitted.
“They won’t hold me back fighting those redcoats either.”
“War’s sometimes more about dying than fighting,” Brice said. The boy was too eager, too young. Younger even than most boys his same age because of the years he’d spent shut away with the Shakers.
“You ever go to war, Doc?”
“Not as a soldier. But I watched the warriors go out of the village to fight when I was a boy living with the Indians, and I saw them come back. Or I saw some of them come back. Never all of them.”
“You were with the Indians?”
“For a while. They took me when I was six. Tried to turn me Indian and for a while I thought maybe they had. It wasn’t a bad life. Hard, but not bad. Alec Hope and some other trappers traded for me and brought me back to the white settlements after a few years.”
“No wonder Hope said you owed him. Rescuing you from the redskins like that.”
“You’ve been listening to Hope too much. Not all Indians are bad or even against us. There will be some Indians fighting on our side as well as against us when we get up north. Not as many, but some.”
“You think it’ll be a long fight, Doc?”
“Who can say? Maybe and maybe not. One thing for sure, it’s a long way up there to Detroit, and through some rough country.”
“I can do it, Doc.” The boy’s voice was eager. “I know I can. My grandpappy used to tell me I had the makings of a soldier when I wasn’t much higher than his knee.” When Brice didn’t say anything, Nathan went on. “Aren’t you excited about going, Doc?”
“I’m a doctor, Bates. Sworn to save lives if I can. I’ll be doing most of my fighting with the scalpel, and I don’t suppose any doctor ever looked forward to cutting off legs and arms even to save a man’s life.”
His words didn’t dampen the boy’s spirits. “When are we planning to move out?”
“Right away. There’s nothing here to hold me. My patients can get along with one of the other doctors around. Some of the folks in town might be glad to see me gone.” Brice laughed shortly. “Your Elder Caleb will probably do a special dance when he hears I’m gone.”
Nathan laughed with him. “He didn’t talk too nice about you when he was here. He thinks you planted the devil’s seed in my head.”
“Maybe I did, Bates.” Brice frowned at him. “I doubt I’m doing you any kindness by letting you come along with me.”
“I’m going whether I go with you or not, Doc. I don’t aim to be left behind, but I would count it a favor if you’d let me tag along with you. Leastways till we get to where the army’s gathering.”
“You can come with me, but it’ll be no favor.” Somewhere over in the direction of the settlement, a dog howled. Then another dog picked up the lonesome sound from a different direction. After a moment Brice said, “We’ll go out to old man Moore’s first thing in the morning. He owes me for nursing his little girl through the fever. He can spare us a horse.”
“I’d rather have a gun than a horse.”
“You’ll have a gun, boy. When the time comes.” Brice stood up. “First things first. Right now we both need to get some sleep before the sun comes up and catches us still perched out here on these steps like two old crows.”
The next morning, it didn’t take long to collect the horse from Moore. It was old and low on spirit, but it would rest the boy’s legs. Next they stopped at the cabin of a woman Brice had treated for hysterics last summer. She hadn’t had any money or anything to barter, but she was a good hand with a comb and scissors.
“Come for your haircut, Dr. Scott?” the woman asked as she set a chair out in the middle of the yard for him. “Seems like it was just the other day that I cut it for you.”
“I’m going away for a while, Tyney, so I’m thinking you might need to trim off a little more to last me till I get back. Then the boy here could use a touch of your scissors.”
Tyney pulled her scissors out of her apron pocket. She lovingly ran her fingers along their edges. She’d told Brice she’d brought them with her when she’d come out of Virginia seventeen years ago as a bride. They were her most treasured possession along with the Bible that had her mother’s handwriting inside. She looked at Nathan and said, “He looks to be one of them Shakers.”
“He was. That’s why he needs the haircut, Tyney. So folks won’t see that right off. He’s decided not to be a Shaker anymore.”
“I always figured them to be a little on the strange side anyways. What with their dancing meetings and all.” She pointed to the chair. “Go ahead and sit, Doc. I’ll get you first.”
Brice sat down and let her snip the hair off his neck. He could do it well enough himself, but Tyney had more than her share of pride. She needed a way to pay off her doctoring bill. Besides, it gave the woman a break from the monotony of her hard life, shut away from most of her neighbors by distance and trees.
She fussed over him. “I just don’t see how you get along out there in that cabin of yours, Dr. Scott, without a woman to see to you. Why, I bet you haven’t had a proper meal in days.”
Brice smiled. “It’s just that all the good women like you have already been snapped up, Tyney. Now if Sam wasn’t around, we might have something to talk about.”
She gave his shoulder a little shove. “Go along with you, Doc. A young man like you wouldn’t have the time of day for an old woman like me.”
When she’d finished cutting and combing on his hair, she brushed the loose hair off his shoulders and back before she said, “Since you’re already here and all, would you mind to look at little Maysie? She’s been a mite peaked the last few days, and Sam brought home news from town that there was fever going around.”
“I saw her run around the house a bit ago. She looked fine. Anything special she’s complaining about?”
“Nothing I can put my finger on.” Tyney rubbed her hands on her apron and said, “Oh, you know me, Doctor. Sometimes I worry when I ought to be praying, but Maysie’s my only little one. You know the boys are all about grown, and it don’t look likely that the good Lord will be blessing me with any more young’uns. It’d just make me feel lighter if you’d give her a look over before you go.”
Brice touched her arm. “Sure I will, Tyney. I’d have been by before now if you’d let me know you wanted me to.”
“I reckon I still don’t have nothing to pay you. There just ain’t never no leavings for extra.”
“The boy here could use an old shirt if one of your boys has one he can spare.”
Tyney eyeballed Nathan. “I guess as how he’s not much littler than my middle boy. I’ll give you his extra shirt before you go.”
Nathan spoke up. “I can’t take your boy’s extra shirt.”
Brice sent the boy a sharp look. “You let me and Tyney handle this, boy.”
But Tyney laughed. “I reckon the boy don’t understand how things are out here away from the Shakers’ town. You go on along and look to Maysie, Doc. I’ll explain things to him. Sit down here, boy. What’d you say your name was now?”
“Nathan Bates, ma’am,” the boy said as he sat down.
“Well, Nathan, you see it’s like this. I always was right handy with a needle and scissors, and it just so happens that I’ve got a piece of goods I’ve been wondering what to do with. I’ll have my boy a new shirt whipped up in no time flat.”
Brice left them alone and went around the cabin in search of the little girl. Maysie was always shy when he came around, but he had his magic ingredient in his pocket. He’d have her out of hiding quick enough.
He spotted a flash of blue behind a tree to his left, but he didn’t look in that direction. Instead he settled down on the ground close by and took out the licorice stick he kept for just such occasions. No more than two minutes passed before Maysie sidled around the tree to stare at him with big eyes.
Brice broke off a piece of the licorice and put it in his mouth before he said, “I don’t suppose you’d like a piece, would you, Maysie?”
She shuffled her feet a minute before she whispered, “I might.”
He patted the ground beside him. “You have to sit down to really enjoy licorice.”
She crept over to him and sat down obediently. He handed her the candy and studied her while he got her talking about a bird that flew past them. Finally he asked, “Has anything been bothering you? Your ma tells me you haven’t been feeling as pert as usual.”
Maysie sucked on the licorice stick before she answered. “I been getting all wore out.”
“You mean when you’ve been helping your ma with the washing or fetching wood?”
“Ma don’t make me do much.”
“I see.” Brice put his hand on the little girl’s forehead. She didn’t feel hot. “Does anything hurt you? You have a pain anywhere?” Maysie looked thoughtful before she said, “Sometimes when I swallow my throat feels too little.”
“Not all the time?”
Maysie shook her head.
“How about opening your mouth and letting me take a peek inside? See if any frogs are hiding out down there.”
Maysie giggled before she stretched her mouth wide open.
“Nope, no frogs.” Brice couldn’t see any redness. He let her shut her mouth as he felt around on her neck. “How about now?” he asked. “Is it hurting now?”
“Uh-uh,” she said. “Mostly it just hurts when I’m feeling wore out, and I’m not wore out now.”
Brice smiled and kept talking about whatever came to mind. The licorice. An ant crawling by. The wind in the trees around the little cabin. The child was young for hysterics like her mother had had even though the symptoms were some the same. Even so, he didn’t like the look around Maysie’s eyes. He had to agree with Tyney. The child was peaked, but he couldn’t be sure what was causing it. If he hadn’t been leaving with the militia, he’d plan to check on her every few days to see what developed before he gave her any medicine. But he was leaving.
After a while, Brice patted the little girl on the head and said, “I guess I’d better be moving on.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out another licorice whip. “I’ll be leaving some medicine with your ma. Now it doesn’t taste as good as this, but you be a big girl and swallow it down for your ma and that will make you both feel better.”
Maysie clutched the licorice close to her and watched him with big eyes, her shyness falling back over her as he stood up.
When Brice went back around to the front of the cabin, Tyney had finished Nathan’s haircut and had him wearing the new shirt. She’d given him her boy’s best. That was easy enough to see, and Brice hoped the boy had had the sense to be grateful without embarrassing her again.
Tyney smiled at him. “The boy here looks like any other boy now, don’t you think, Dr. Scott?”
“You’ve got a way with the scissors all right, Tyney. I don’t know how I’ll make out without you up north.”
“You going north, Doc?”
“Afraid so. Me and the boy here are going with the militia now that Congress has declared war.”
“War!” Tyney spat out the word. “That’s all Sam and the boys talk about these days. As if we hadn’t seen enough wars whilst we been in this place.” She looked up at Brice. “But I reckon I don’t begrudge them that do go a doctor to see to them up there.”
“I hope you can keep your boys home,” Brice said.
“Oh well, they don’t none of them want to listen to their old mother. But what about my little one? Maysie?”
“I don’t know, Tyney. She does look pale.” Brice took a bottle from his saddlebags. “This tonic might help her. It could be that she’ll be back to her old self in a few days.” Brice didn’t want to worry Tyney when he really had nothing to go on, but at the same time he had to caution her. “But if she doesn’t get to feeling better, you take her on to another doctor. There’s one over toward Danville that has good hands.”
“You talking about McDowell? The one that cut on that poor woman and on Christmas Day at that.” Tyney clucked her tongue. “I couldn’t hardly believe that story when I first heard it. Him cutting her open and all.”
“She lived, Tyney. That’s the important thing to remember.”
“I reckon that had more to do with God’s will than with what he done. Anyhow I’ve heard tell he’s a poor fever doctor.”
Brice smiled a little. “They say the same about me.”
“Maybe they do, but I know better, Doc. I don’t know nothing ’bout this McDowell except what I don’t want to know.”
Brice sighed. “All right, Tyney. Dr. Johnson in town might do just as good.” He was the least dangerous of the doctors around and had a kind heart. “The time might come when you need him before I get back, and then again it might not. Most likely Maysie will snap right out of whatever’s bothering her.”
Tyney looked at the bottle in her hand. “I’m beholden to you, Dr. Scott.”
As he rode away, Brice had an uneasy feeling about the child and Tyney too if Maysie were to really take sick. It was proving harder to leave behind his patients than he’d thought.
“She was a nice woman,” Nathan said. “Appeared to set a lot of store by you, Doc.”
“I doctored her through a rough time a while back.” Brice hoped if she needed help again she’d be able to find it while he was gone. But he couldn’t worry about maybes. He knew he’d be needed where he was going.
Then the thought of Gabrielle pushed in to join his worry about Tyney and her little girl. He was deserting Gabrielle in her time of need. The child’s death was a heavy stone in her heart, and she had wanted to lean on his strength and love. She had wanted to put her hand in his and let him lead her away from the Shaker life. He had seen it in her eyes. Yet he had walked away and left her there. What else could he do? He’d offered her everything he had and she had turned him down. Because of the war. She hadn’t been able to understand that a man had to answer the call of his country in times of war whether he wanted to or not.
By the time he came back from the North, Gabrielle could be far beyond the reach of his love. The old sister would have complete power over Gabrielle now. She would pull Gabrielle back into the Shaker way and build a wall around her that Brice might never be able to breach. A deep sorrow spread through him. If only he wasn’t so bound to duty.
Brice turned his horse north. “Time to be finding the militia, boy.”
Nathan let out a war whoop, but Brice settled into a dark study. Each step his horse took tore at him as he longed to turn back to his cabin, back to Gabrielle before it was too late.