Sebastian pulled Ashley on top of him, feeling her body mold into his. He kissed her, lost in her taste, her warmth, and sweetness. He’d been on a campaign to win her heart, beginning with flowers and chocolates, but that was superficial, he knew. A way to keep him in her mind while giving her the space she’d asked for. But he didn’t miss the fact that each time he’d left her a present, she’d come by in person to thank him.
As if she couldn’t stay away.
He couldn’t fucking believe Veronica had shown up here, but the fact that Ashley believed in him meant everything. She hadn’t hesitated when he’d asked. Her trust told him a lot about how she felt for him now, that she knew that he wasn’t the man he’d been when she showed up in town.
He slid his hands down her curves. “You feel good.” His lips glided over her cheek, traced her jawbone. “I love touching you.” He licked her skin. “Tasting you.”
I love you, he thought, but the words lodged in the back of his throat.
He’d spent so much time showing her that they were meant to be, that he wanted her to stay here with him, without saying the words, hoping for her to come to the conclusion on her own. She was close, and he intended to make love to her until she couldn’t mistake his intent.
Except, he realized, he’d taken the condoms to San Francisco, and she’d packed them in her bag. “We need to go downstairs,” he said. “Condoms are in your apartment.”
She groaned, opening her heavy-lidded eyes and meeting his gaze. “That’s so unfair.”
He chuckled, his body in full agreement with that assessment. “Let’s go,” he said. “I’ll make it worth your while.” Because he fully intended not only to make love to her but to put all his cards on the table when it came to telling her how he felt about her.
Laughing and sexually frustrated, they made their way to her place. Luckily they didn’t run into anyone in the elevator who would take one look at Sebastian and know what they intended to do when they were alone.
Finally they were back at her apartment and in her bedroom. Although he’d planned to take things slow, the undressing came in a rush for them both. Then Ashley retrieved the condoms from the bathroom and tossed them onto the bed before easing herself back against the pillows.
He took in her body, pale, silky skin, gorgeous breasts, tight nipples, and wet pussy just waiting for him, and his cock hardened even more. He grabbed his erection and pumped with his hand, groaning out loud.
“What are you waiting for?” she asked him in a husky voice. She held one hand out to him.
He knelt over her, rubbing his cock along her sex. Her eyes dilated and her hips bucked up, desire sweeping over him, pre-come on the head of his dick. Then he eased himself inside her, gliding in, drawing out the motion, letting her feel every inch as he entered her.
“Oh, Sebastian.” She clasped herself around him, and he was drowning in her damp heat.
But he was determined to make this different than any time they’d been together before. He wanted to shock her into acknowledging her feelings.
“Move,” she said, squeezing him tight.
He chuckled and brushed her hair off her face. “I want to savor you,” he said and began to pump in and out, his gaze never leaving hers.
Never letting her break eye contact with him.
His hips rolled into hers as he drew out and slid back in. Their bodies rocked in unison, the waves of pleasure drawing him under, swamping him with the beauty of what they shared.
“I love you, Ashley.” He kissed her then, his lips soft on hers as they rocked their way to an explosive orgasm, so incredible he felt it in his chest as he gave her his heart.
She gasped at his words, just as her own orgasm hit. “Sebastian, oh my God. I love you, too,” she said, riding out her climax, squeezing him tight, holding on to him, her body agreeing with the words she’d finally given him.
But he knew her well enough to understand that those words didn’t mean he’d definitely keep her here. He still had work to do to convince her that her life could and should be with him. And though it wasn’t a lot, he still had time.
After he disposed of the condom and slid back into bed, she cuddled into him, her soft, sated body warm against his. They didn’t talk, and he didn’t want to ruin the moment. Instead he was content as she drifted off, her breaths soft and even. And because he had her in his arms, he fell into a deep sleep, too.
* * *
Ashley woke up surrounded by heat. She hadn’t felt this good since she’d slept in Sebastian’s bed during their trip to California. She pulled in a deep breath, inhaling his musky, masculine scent, when last night came back to her.
Along with the words they’d shared.
I love you.
Oh my God, that had been the last thing she’d expected to come from his mouth … or to tumble out of hers. But what they’d experienced with their bodies last night had been beyond sex. Beyond anything even in her wildest dreams.
What did she do with that?
How could she give up the life she’d created during her time abroad? Yet how could she leave him behind? Anxiety and panic began to claw at her. She needed to breathe air that didn’t smell like sex and Sebastian in order to really come to terms with what had happened between them, had snuck up on her and taken her off guard.
Before she could figure out how to slip out from under his arm that held her tight to him, a knock sounded on her door, or so she thought. She listened and the sound came again.
“Someone’s here,” she said, waking up Sebastian. “I need to get the door. Coming!” she called out loudly, not knowing if the person outside would hear. She jumped out of bed naked and looked around for her robe, finding it in her closet.
As she slid it on, she stepped back into the bedroom. Sebastian had pushed himself against the pillows and headboard. “What time is it?”
She glanced at the clock. “Eleven. We slept in.”
She rushed to the door and glanced through the peephole. “Oh my God,” she muttered at the sight of Jonathan standing on the other side.
She swallowed hard and tightened the sash on her short silk bathrobe. Knowing she had no choice, she opened the door and greeted him.
“Jonathan!” She couldn’t keep the shock from her voice.
“Ashley, it’s so wonderful to see you.” He stepped toward her, clearly expected a hug or a warm greeting, but she held her ground.
“It’s a surprise to see you. What are you doing in New York?”
“I decided it was enough with the distance. We needed to talk in person.”
“But I told you we were over.” She really was perplexed by his behavior. True, he was persistent when he wanted something, which was why he was so successful in his job, but he wasn’t deaf. She’d been very clear about her feelings.
“I believe that, as soon as you spend time with me again, you’ll see how perfect we are for one another. We enjoy the same restaurants and movies, yes?” He didn’t wait for her to agree. “We both enjoy being home in the evenings with a nice glass of wine. We get along very well. I’m sure you thought about that while you’ve been away.”
“Well–”
“She’s been a little too busy to be thinking about anyone but me,” Sebastian said, striding across the family room and joining them by the still-open door.
She swallowed hard. “Why don’t we take this inside. Jonathan, come in and shut the door.” She glanced at Sebastian.
He wore his jeans, button undone, feet bare, arms folded over that expansive, muscular chest. His eyes were narrowed, stare hard. Her gaze drifted to Jonathan, in his long-sleeve, V-neck sweater, looking buttoned up and stiff by comparison.
Oh God. How had she gotten herself into this situation? She’d been nothing but honest with Jonathan from the minute he’d proposed.
“Who is this?” Jonathan asked, obviously affronted and insulted by the mere fact that a man had walked out of her bedroom, half-naked.
“Sebastian Knight, this is Jonathan Davies.”
Sebastian didn’t extend his hand. Ever the English gentleman, Jonathan did, but Sebastian still didn’t shake his hand. He remained icy.
“I’m not going to ask what’s going on. It’s quite obvious,” Jonathan said, anger highlighting his cheeks. “But I’ve come all this way, and we do need to talk.” His gaze fell to Ashley.
She nodded in agreement. They did. For whatever reason, Jonathan hadn’t taken her words seriously, and he needed to understand, regardless of her situation with Sebastian, she never would have married him.
Blowing out a slow breath, she turned to Sebastian. “He’s right. We apparently have unfinished business.” She hesitantly touched his still-folded arm. “I need to talk to him. Alone.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw on his handsome face, one that only worked when he was furious. One she found endearing and always wanted to touch and smooth out, to calm him down.
Her heart felt torn in two. She didn’t want to talk to Jonathan, she had to. Before she could figure her life out at all, she needed this door to be completely closed.
“Fine. I’m going to get dressed,” he muttered, not at all graciously. Which didn’t surprise her.
Jonathan didn’t say a word while Sebastian walked into the bedroom, returning a few seconds later in his rumpled shirt and shoes.
He started to walk past her to the door, then stopped and turned.
“Sebastian?”
He grasped her forearms and pulled her toward him, sealing his lips over hers. He kissed her hard, his mouth unyielding and possessive. From behind her, she heard Jonathan gasp, but that didn’t stop her body from yielding to him, and when she did, his lips softened, his tongue licking over her bottom lip before he let her go. She gave him whatever reassurance she could with her kiss, but they both knew so much between them was up in the air and uncertain.
Meeting her gaze, he mouthed the words, “I love you,” before brushing past Jonathan and walking out the door, slamming it behind him.
* * *
Dammit, dammit, dammit. Sebastian couldn’t believe he’d fucking left her with that English prick. Yes, he understood she had unfinished business with the asshole, considering he didn’t know how to take no for an answer. And by that kiss, he knew damn well she loved him. But what he didn’t know was where Ashley would ultimately end up. Because despite her feelings, her job, her apartment, her friends, hell, her life was in London. And so was Mr. Nice Guy.
At one time, Sebastian would have gone to Ethan, his older brother and father figure, with his problems, but Ethan was dealing with too much of his own baggage to burden him now. So Sebastian headed to Parker’s apartment and banged on the door.
His brother opened and let him in. “You look like shit,” Parker said.
Sebastian didn’t crack a smile. “I feel like it, too.”
“Want to talk? Or just want company?” Parker asked.
Sebastian groaned. “Both.”
“Soda?”
“Yeah.”
Parker headed to the kitchen and Sebastian to the family room. Parker returned with two cans of Coke, handing him one.
Sebastian popped the top and took a long, fizzy sip. “Ashley’s ex-boyfriend showed up on her doorstep this morning. And I fucking left her alone with him.”
Parker put his soda down on the table. “That was big of you.”
With another muttered curse, Sebastian lowered himself into a chair, took a drink, and put the can down. “I’m not sure I had a choice. She says she’s told him it’s over in no uncertain terms, but here he is because he couldn’t take no for an answer. She wanted time to talk to him, and I gave it to her.”
Parker nodded, eyeing him with concern. “I’ve never seen you torn up over a woman.”
“It’s Ashley. It’s always been Ashley. Since I was eighteen and fucked up by letting Dad send her away. She’s the only woman who’s ever understood me. She sees me,” he said. “She gets me. She makes me whole.”
A shit-eating grin lifted his brother’s lips as he flopped onto the sofa. “Though I never thought I’d see the day, I can’t deny she’s good for you.”
“But she’s not mine. Not the way I want or need. She’s made it clear her life is in London, and with the prick begging her to stay, who knows what she’ll do.”
“Did you ask her to stay?”
He shook his head, his chest squeezing tight. “I was trying to play the long game. She’s been panicked since we got back from California. So I’ve been trying to win her over. Last night I told her I loved her. Stay with me would have been next.”
But he realized now that the long game might have been his mistake and downfall, because she didn’t know for certain he wanted her here, in New York.
Parker let him talk, think, reason through his feelings, something his middle brother had always been good at. Ethan gave directions. Parker listened and let you come to your own conclusions.
So Sebastian continued to reason with himself. Yeah, he’d told her he’d changed, and he’d proven it with actions, but he hadn’t said he wanted a future. “Fuck!”
“Want to go down there and interrupt? Stake your claim?”
He shook his head. Restraint came at a heavy price, but he knew damn well storming in again would be a mistake. “Ashley would kill me. She needs to figure things out for herself.”
And that meant giving her the time she needed with her ex from London.
No matter how much it was eating Sebastian alive.
He rose to his feet. “I’m going to shower and go to the office for a while. I need to keep busy or I’m going to go insane.”
Parker stood. He walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. “I’ve seen how she looks at you. Hold on to hope,” he said.
“Thanks.”
Sebastian headed to his apartment, deep in thought. He didn’t miss the irony of his current situation. For so long, everything in life had come easy for him, especially women. A wink, a smile, a few charming words, and they fell into his bed. Now, the one time he desperately wanted something for keeps, he couldn’t just reach out and take it. The ball was in her court, and he had no choice but to wait.
* * *
Ashley watched Sebastian leave, her heart in her throat, waiting for the slam of the door before turning to face her ex. And that’s what he was, her ex-boyfriend, no matter how persistent or obstinate he chose to be.
“Jonathan,” she said, speaking slowly and carefully. “I realize this is awkward, but–”
“Awkward? You’ve been with another man!”
“But not cheating on you. I ended things. I never wanted to hurt you, but I was perfectly clear that we weren’t going to get engaged, that I didn’t love you the way I needed to in order to say yes.”
A muscle throbbed in his temple. She didn’t find it attractive the way she did when Sebastian clenched his jaw and the tiny muscle there ticked and gave away his anger and frustration.
“I seriously thought if we could just see each other again…”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry but it isn’t happening.”
“But you’re coming back to London, yes?”
Her stomach cramped hard at the question.
Without waiting for an answer, he said, “Maybe we could pick up where we left off before I proposed. Take it slower. You could grow to care for me that way. I’ve thought about it and we could be so good together.”
“Oh, Jonathan. No. Even if I come back to London, we’re over.”
“I see…” His voice trailed off as reality set in. “Well, this is quite embarrassing.”
“I’m sorry you made the trip for nothing.” She didn’t want to rub in the fact that she’d been clear all along.
“Wait. What do you mean, if you come back to London?” He picked up on her choice of words earlier. “Your life is there. Your job. Friends. Your apartment. How could you just leave it all behind and not come home?” he asked, truly stunned at the notion. “Is it about him? Sebastian?”
She rubbed her hands over her burning eyes. “I have a life there, yes,” she said, thinking through her words as she spoke them out loud.
But something Jonathan just said kept circling in her brain. How could you just leave it all behind and not come home? he’d asked.
Where was home?
Was it the apartment she’d locked up and walked away from in London that felt colder and emptier in her mind than the one she was standing in now?
Was it the job there that she liked but could do anywhere? There’s always a job here for you. A place here, Ethan had said. Ethan, the only family she’d ever had. He was in New York. He wanted her here.
Was it the friends she’d made in England, but who she didn’t feel particularly close to? Because she’d never been a girl to make a BFF. Yet when Sierra had walked away after their talk, Ashley had had the distinct feeling that she could be close with her now if she gave the other woman a chance.
Or was home Sebastian? The man who filled the empty pieces inside her. The man who made her smile when she was sad, who understood her past, who she’d always been able to talk to and confide in, from the time she’d been sixteen years old? A man who made love to her so tenderly he held her heart in his hands?
“Ashley? Where in the world did you go?” Jonathan asked loudly, bringing her back to the present. “I said your name quite a few times.” He looked at her, concern on his face.
A face she found good-looking, but not pulse-pounding, life-alteringly handsome. He didn’t make her question everything she’d ever believed about sex and love. Sebastian did.
“I’m sorry, Jonathan. I won’t be coming back to London because it isn’t home. It was a place to live, to stay when I thought I didn’t have anything for me here. But I was wrong.”
“This is about Sebastian.” He sounded defeated.
“In part, yes,” she admitted. “But it’s also about me. And during my time here, I’ve come to realize that I stayed away from these people too long. I didn’t give them a chance to be my family. And they are.”
Shoulders slumped now, he nodded. “I really do hear you now,” he said. “I understand and I wish you well.”
“I wish you the same,” she said. “And I hope one day you find a woman who will make you question everything you ever believed was true about life.”
He looked at her quizzically, confused. She really did hope he figured it out one day, she thought, as she walked him to the door and said goodbye.
Because thanks to Sebastian, she understood so much more now. It had been easy to tell herself she didn’t want a forever relationship, that she didn’t believe in love before she’d experienced those emotions.
Now she couldn’t imagine living without them.
She couldn’t imagine being without Sebastian.
* * *
Sebastian spent a few hours at the office, which was quiet on a Saturday. Nobody was in and he had the place to himself. After going over some paperwork and killing as much time as he could manage, he decided to go home. Throughout the day, he hadn’t heard from Ashley on his phone, and the thought made his stomach churn.
He didn’t know what to expect when he saw her next, but he knew he needed an answer to one very important question. Was she staying in New York or returning to London? Up until now, she’d been adamant about going back.
But last night she’d told him she loved him. Either that changed things for her or it didn’t. But he couldn’t go on living with that uncertainty hanging over his head.
He promised himself that if she told him she was leaving, he’d let her go like a man, without begging her to stay. Because one thing he knew for sure, she had to be the one to come to him on her own. No pressure.
He wouldn’t be like her ex, begging for scraps.
He’d handle rejection like a man.
* * *
When Ashley went to Sebastian’s apartment and found he wasn’t there, she was disappointed. And nervous. Where had he gone after she’d sent him away so she could be with Jonathan?
She didn’t know what was going on in Sebastian’s mind, but she wasn’t going down without a fight. She went to Ethan’s and talked him into letting her into Sebastian’s apartment so she could wait for him.
When time began to pass and the afternoon headed toward evening, she decided she’d make him dinner so they could talk when he returned. But since she hadn’t thought things out, and going through his cabinets she didn’t find much, she had nothing to cook for him but spaghetti and jarred sauce. It would have to do.
She found wine he’d obviously gotten from Sei Bellisimo and poured herself a glass of red, reliving the moments they’d spent together at the vineyard. She realized she was making herself at home in his apartment without being invited. At that thought, she took another long sip and stirred the sauce in the pan.
She had music playing from her phone, soft love songs, to torture herself with as she waited. Finally, she heard the sound of the key in the lock, and her heart began racing in her chest as Sebastian let himself inside.
She shut the stove top off and rubbed her hands on her jeans, blowing out a deep breath.
“Who’s here?” he called out, just as she met him in the entryway.
“Hi.” She treated him to an awkward wave.
“Ashley.” His voice sounded wary, his expression emotionless. “What are you doing here?”
She rubbed her hands on the front of her jeans, on her thighs. “Ethan let me in to wait. You were gone a long time, so I decided to make myself busy and I started dinner. You didn’t have much to work with,” she said, realizing she was so nervous she was rambling.
He tossed his keys on the credenza. “Where’s lover boy?”
“He left. I assume he’s on his way back to London.”
Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “He get the message this time?”
“For certain.” She shoved her hands into her front pockets, feeling awkward because he wasn’t making this easy.
His guard was up, and for that she didn’t blame him.
“Sebastian, I’m sorry about Jonathan. About asking you to leave, but I had to close that door once and for all.”
Without answering, he walked into his family room, and she followed, letting him process her words. Finally, he turned to her, and in his eyes, she saw the pain she’d caused him, in his face, the anxiety he felt thanks to her.
“It’s not the ex that has me worked up,” he said.
She came up to him and put her hand on his shoulder. “Then what is it?”
What could she do to get the soft, tender Sebastian back? The one without walls between them.
“It’s you. It’s all the uncertainty between us.”
She knew then what she had to do. “I love you, that’s certain.” Her hand slid upward, stroking his cheek. “And I realize we both came into this with no expectations. We both agreed we didn’t do relationships. Personally, I didn’t even believe in love, but you taught me that it really does exist.”
He grasped her wrist. “It’s not enough. You’ve also said, over and over, that your life is in London. If you expect me to have any kind of long-distance relationship, you need to know that’s off the table. It’s all or nothing, Ashley. And I want all of you, right here, in New York. With me.”
She blew out a relieved breath. If there was any part of her that worried that, though he loved her, he didn’t want a future, that part was now put to rest.
“I know I’m asking a lot,” he went on, unaware of her feelings. His grip on her wrist tightened with his words. Nerves. She felt his nerves as well as her own. “And I know your life is there. Your home is there, and I’m asking you to give up everything to be with me. It’s selfish. But that’s what I’m asking for.”
She smiled so wide it hurt. “That’s really good to know, because while I was making dinner, I was wondering if me, here, is something you’d like to come home to every night.”
“Wait. What?” He froze, as if afraid he hadn’t heard her correctly.
She met his gaze, willing him to understand. “You’re wrong when you say London is my home. You’re my home, Sebastian. You make me feel things I never believed were possible. Your love is worth giving up London for, because staying here, I get everything.”
He picked her up, surprising her, and she squealed as he spun her around, placing her down on her feet so he could kiss her, long and hard.
“You’re my everything,” he said, his smile as big as hers. “You understand me. You believe in me. You make me whole, giving me something I never understood I needed. And if I could give up my whole life for you, I would. Instead I promise you will never regret staying here.”
“Why would I? You’re here. My family is here. My life is here.”
Suddenly, he dropped to his knees and she gasped. “This is spontaneous, unplanned, and will be a great story to tell our children, but Ashley, I want you to marry me. To be my partner. My better half. My everything.” He reached for her hand and she placed it inside of his. “Ring to follow,” he said with a charming grin. “So what do you say?”
“I say yes.”
Upon hearing that, he rose to his feet, picked her up, and carried her into the bedroom, where he stripped off first her clothes, then his, and proceeded to seal their agreement in the way they did best.
He made love to her.
He made her his.