“Joanna, could you arrange to be off Thursday this week?” Jake asked.
“I think so,” she replied. “Why?”
“I’m not going to work that day. Do you think Aaron would be interested in spending it with us?” Jake placed the morning newspaper on the coffee table.
Us. She hadn’t heard him use that word lately. It had a nice, but rare sound to it. “I’m sure he’d love to. I’ll ask the group supervisor if she’ll approve it.”
“Can you take care of it today?”
“Yes, I’ll check into it,” she answered, watching him straighten the knot of his gray tie in the living room mirror. “But it might be more special for Aaron if you took him by yourself. He’s too used to having me around.”
“No, I want you to come.” Their eyes met in the reflection of the glass. “How about the zoo?” he asked.
“That would be fine. He’ll enjoy being with you no matter where you take him.”
“Maybe the zoo in the afternoon, and then we’ll take him to Gallery Lane,” Jake said. He picked up his jacket and headed for the front door.
“Gallery Lane?” Joanna repeated.
“It’s a mall with restaurants and shops not far from the zoo. Haven’t you been there?”
“No, I’ve never heard of it.”
“Then Ina’s not doing a very good job showing you around this area,” he said with one corner of his mouth lifting into a grin. “We’ll try to correct that. I’ll see you later.”
“Bye,” she called after him and watched him walk out toward his car. Then she closed the door. A day with Jake and Aaron? That could be wonderful. On the other hand, it could also shatter what was left of her heart into a thousand piercing pieces. She gave a soft sigh and headed toward the kitchen.
“Is Dr. Barnes gone?” Ina asked at first sight of Joanna.
“Yes, Ina, he just left.” She began to help clear away the breakfast dishes.
“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” Ina said. “That’s what I get paid to do around here. Be a housekeeper. Remember?”
“I don’t need to be at work for an hour, and the nurse doesn’t want me up there with Aunt Mae right now because she’s sleeping. I may as well help you.”
But Ina was still frowning. “Did you know that Jake had a phone call this morning from a Dr. Karen Kingsley? She said she was a friend of his.”
Joanna placed some cups in the sink. Karen Kingsley? The name sounded vaguely familiar. Maybe she’d been one of the doctors who had volunteered occasionally at the clinic?
“She’s coming for a visit. They sounded very friendly on the phone, Joanna. He seemed glad she called.”
Joanna’s smile was sweet but sad. “It’s okay, Ina. You don’t need to protect me from anything. Jake is entitled to his friends, girlfriends…whatever. He doesn’t belong to me. He never did.” She picked up the orange juice and margarine to put them into the refrigerator.
“What we need around here is a little honesty. If you don’t tell him how you feel about him, I’m going to.”
“Don’t you dare!” Joanna returned with a startled look. “You’d embarrass me half to death, Ina. Jake knows enough about my feelings.”
“But if you’d try a little harder—”
“I’m not going to try anything,” Joanna defended quickly. “I’m not beautiful, brilliant or particularly successful at anything, and I’m not going to pretend. Jake will either love me some day the way I am, or he’ll never love me at all. That’s all there is to it.”
“Oh, please. I don’t think you’ve revealed a nickel’s worth of your feelings. I’m not saying you need to pretend you’re something you’re not. But I don’t think either one of you is a bit truthful with yourselves or each other, and if you can’t have a little honesty, then you won’t have anything.”
The silverware tumbled noisily into the sink. “He’s taking Thursday off this week, and we’re going to spend the day with Aaron.” Joanna tried a change of subject. “I think we’re going to the zoo.”
“Tell him how you feel. Here at home, Thursday at the zoo, today at his office. Somewhere. Sometime!”
“I can’t,” Joanna replied sharply. “Neither one of us would know what to say next, Ina. He’d just reiterate to me that it would never work. That night of the blizzard, he made it clear that he’d never…”
“Never what?”
“Never have anything to offer me. Nothing lasting, nothing beyond friendship,” she answered quietly. How could those words hurt so much now? This was something she’d faced squarely. And almost accepted. Hadn’t she? “And I respect that friendship enough to leave bad enough alone—if you know what I mean.”
“But Joanna—”
“I love him, Ina, but Jake was my friend before things took a romantic turn. If I tell him something he doesn’t want to hear, it will only ruin what we already have. And I won’t risk that.” She couldn’t risk that. It meant too much.
“Try anyway, Aaron. It’s a long drive to the zoo,” Joanna said as she picked up the small red jacket from the foot of the boy’s bed. The room Aaron shared with Freddie was tiny but brightly painted with vivid blues and yellows, and balloons cut from red felt hung on one wall—not unlike a room Joanna had known as a child.
“Ready, Jo-Jo!” Aaron came rushing out of the bathroom and reached for the baseball cap on top of his dresser. “Let’s go!”
Aaron raced ahead of her, rushing through the doorway into the living area. “Where’s Doc?” He looked around the empty room.
“He’s at the front desk picking up your medical card,” Joanna answered.
“What’s that?”
Joanna handed the jacket to Aaron as she explained, “It’s a piece of paper that gives us permission to take you to a hospital if you’re not feeling well while you’re with us.”
“But I feel okay,” Aaron assured her, “and anyways, I won’t need no hospital. I’ve got Doc with me.”
Joanna gave a soft laugh as they walked through the activity area toward the front office. Smithfield was quiet this Thursday afternoon. Most of the children were away on field trips, and the ones who had stayed behind were involved in arts and crafts activities in the recreation center.
“Doc!” Aaron shouted when he neared the front office and caught sight of Jake standing in the lobby.
“Aaron, honey, this is an office where people are working, so we need to be kind of quiet,” Joanna said softly, tugging on his baseball cap and pulling it down on his forehead.
“Jo-Jo, don’t!” Aaron said, but he was laughing even as he protested.
Joanna opened the heavy glass door to the front office, and Aaron hurried inside. But a shyness came over him, which Joanna had seen settle over him before. He stood several feet away from Jake, looking up at him through apprehensive green eyes.
“Hi, champ,” Jake said, coaxing a smile from the freckled-face boy standing awkwardly in front of him. “No hug for me, huh?” Jake knelt down, and Aaron rushed toward him, wrapping his little arms around Jake’s neck. “Now that’s what I call a hug. Are you ready to go, champ?”
“I was born ready!” Aaron exclaimed as he released his grip on Jake. He pushed hard against the glass office door, but it was so heavy he barely budged it.
“Here, I’ll get it.” Jake pushed the door open with one hand. “Better save your energy for the zoo.”
Aaron raced ahead of them toward Jake’s automobile, which was parked in front of the building.
“I guess we’re the ones who should be conserving our energy, if we’re going to keep up with him all day,” Jake commented quietly to Joanna as they watched Aaron pull open the car door.
“You ought to try taking fifteen of them somewhere,” Joanna remarked.
Jake laughed. “I like kids, Jo, but I have no self-destructive tendencies.”
She smiled and tipped her face to the sun. “It’s a beautiful day.”
“Perfect,” Jake commented and inclined his head toward the car. “Shall we?”
Her smile widened. “Let’s go.”
“How long till we get there?” Aaron called out to them, his enthusiasm evident in every syllable of his speech.
“About half an hour,” Jake answered.
“Hello, Barb,” Joanna called to the small, dark-haired young woman who was walking toward them from the parking lot.
“You’re not working today, are you?” Barbara asked as she neared them.
“No, we’re picking up Aaron for the day. We’re going to the zoo. Barbara, this is Dr. Jake Barnes. I think you’ve met him—”
“No, actually, I haven’t,” she said and extended an arm for a handshake. “I’m off on Wednesdays, so I’m not here when you are, Dr. Barnes. It’s good to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you, Barbara,” Jake responded, and then turned his attention to Aaron who had come running back to Jake and stood tugging his arm.
“There’s Freddie comin’ back with his volunteer. Can we talk to him before we go? Can we?” Aaron pleaded.
“I don’t see why not,” Jake answered, glancing at Joanna for her reaction.
“That’s fine,” she replied, waving at Freddie who was across the parking lot from them.
“Excuse us, ladies,” Jake said, and the two of them walked toward the car that had just pulled into the parking lot.
“It’s nice to finally meet him,” Barbara remarked as she and Joanna watched them walk away. “But, wow!” she added. “I see now why so many eyebrows shot up when you said you were living with Dr. Barnes.”
“Barbara, please keep your voice down.”
“You say you’re sort of renting a room from him?”
“No, not exactly. I’m just staying in his house until my aunt is well enough to return home. It’s going to be quite a while before I can afford to start repaying him.”
“I can think of ways to—”
“Barb,” Joanna said sharply, bringing an abrupt end to the statement. “There’s nothing going on between us.”
Barbara looked at Joanna in bewilderment. “Are you really serious? There’s nothing going on between you and this great-looking guy you’re living with?”
“The only thing going on is that we’re taking Aaron to the zoo together,” Joanna assured her.
Barbara glanced from Joanna to Jake. “If you say so…,” she remarked as she walked away.
“I think we’re ready,” Jake said to Joanna as he opened her car door. Aaron bounded into the back seat.
“Freddie thinks this is a neat car, too,” Aaron commented when Jake started the engine, and they were on their way.
Nearly thirty minutes, much conversation and lots of laughter had passed by the time they pulled into the zoo parking lot.
“Okay. Rule number one is, you must stay with us,” Joanna stated.
“Do I hafta hold your hand all day?” Aaron groaned.
“No, but I don’t want you out of my sight. Understood?”
“Yes, ma’am,” came Aaron’s reply.
“If you break that rule, then we’ll have to hold hands.”
Jake laughed quietly, drawing Joanna’s attention his direction. “Punishment I think I could withstand,” he said, his quick gray eyes filled with humor. He reached across the seat to squeeze Joanna’s hand.
She had to look away. Her stomach had that silly fluttering feeling in it again. Schoolgirlish stuff, she thought. Something she didn’t want to deal with today. “Rule number two, Aaron—keep your hands away from all cages. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“But, Jo-Jo, I just want to—”
“No arguments. Hands off the cages.”
“Okay, okay,” Aaron reluctantly agreed. “No argument from me ’cause you’re a real good arguer.”
“I know she is,” Jake commented, still smiling. “I argued with her about moving here.”
“And you won?” Aaron asked.
“I won,” Jake replied.
“Did you kiss and make up?”
“Aaron,” Joanna said firmly as she clamped a hand lightly over his mouth. “That’s enough.” Her face grew warm despite the cool temperature.
“Did you?” Aaron persisted, the words barely distinguishable beneath Joanna’s palm.
“No,” Jake answered. “Not then.”
Joanna flashed a disapproving look in Jake’s direction, releasing Aaron as she did so. “We weren’t really angry with each other, Aaron.”
“We rarely are,” Jake acknowledged quietly. “Are we?”
“No,” she admitted, her pulse skittering.
“Let’s go!” Aaron insisted. He climbed up front to get out of the car, so Joanna opened her door.
It was a cool but sunny day in March, and they spent several hours looking at giraffes, gazelles and gorillas galore, lions and rhinos, monkeys and bears and animals Aaron had never heard of. Joanna had a small disposable camera that she had purchased for Aaron. He took lots of pictures of his favorite animals.
“Look! We can pet those,” Aaron exclaimed when he saw the children’s zoo. “Can’t we?” He looked up at Joanna.
“Sure can,” she replied as she pulled change from the pocket of her red-floral-print skirt and dropped a coin into the feeder. “Put your hand under here,” she instructed him, and when she turned the metal dial, tiny food pellets filled the child’s hands. “Go ahead, you can feed them. They won’t hurt you,” she said, looking toward the small goats that had crowded by the gate. Aaron walked into the midst of the greedy crowd and sprinkled a few pellets on the ground quickly rather than allowing them to eat from his hand.
Jake and Joanna stood leaning against the heavy wooden rail fencing. They watched Aaron move hesitantly through the flock of animals all clamoring for his attention and a bite of the food he held tightly in his small fists.
“You’re surrounded, Aaron. I think that means it’s time to surrender,” Jake suggested.
“That’s worse than walking into Smithfield with a candy bar in your possession,” Joanna commented with a light laugh.
Aaron tossed the remaining pellets into the air and came scrambling out of the fenced area toward the railing where they were waiting.
“Didn’t you enjoy that?” Joanna asked quickly, noticing the frown on his face.
“Yep,” he said, adjusting his ball cap. “But I need more of that stuff they like.”
“Okay, champ,” Jake replied, and he pulled a couple of quarters from his pocket. “Here you go.”
Aaron took off his hat, letting the pellets from the machine fall into it; and he was soon back in the midst of the petting zoo, laughing and enjoying himself with the other children that had joined him.
“I suppose he’d do that all day, if we let him,” Jake said, observing Aaron’s happy antics.
“Until we ran out of quarters,” Joanna confirmed.
“Do you think a hamburger and a chocolate shake would entice him away from here? I haven’t had any lunch.”
“It’s nearly five o’clock,” Joanna responded. “Aaron, honey, come on. Let’s go,” she called out and then turned to Jake. “You shouldn’t skip meals, Jake. You must be starving.”
He laughed quietly at her statement, and Aaron came running up to him. Leaning over, he picked up the boy. “You’re beginning to sound like Carmen. She’s usually the one who lectures me about skipping lunch.”
“Who’s Carmen?” Joanna asked immediately. That was a name she couldn’t recall hearing him mention.
“Our receptionist at the office. The one you didn’t like very much,” he managed to say without smiling, but Joanna had the feeling it required a lot of effort to do so.
“Oh, yes.” How could she forget? “The one with the gorgeous Pacific-blue eyes.”
“They’re blue, are they?” He avoided her gaze as they walked toward the zoo exit, and she knew it was deliberate.
“Jake, be serious. They’re the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. You had to notice them when you hired her,” she said. That among other things, Joanna thought to herself. Carmen was an incredibly attractive woman. Then a thought occurred to her. Maybe those extraordinary eyes were the result of colored contact lenses. Not that it mattered much. Everything else looked very real.
“You’ll have to blame Andrew for Carmen’s presence in that office. He’s the one who hired her, crime that it was.” And this time, Jake’s mouth did give way to a smile. A wide one. He looked her way. “C’mon, let’s go eat. I am starving.”
“I don’t suppose you could fire her on the basis of being too distracting to work around,” Joanna remarked as she kept pace with Jake’s stride.
“I don’t think so,” he answered after stalling for a moment as though he were considering the possibility. “She does a pretty fair job at the front desk, and she’s pleasant enough, considering she’s a person with no discernible sense of humor.”
That made Joanna smile. “See, I knew I’d find a flaw in there somewhere.” She slipped her arm through Jake’s. “No one’s that perfect. Let’s go eat. Now I’m starving, too.” She shifted her attention to Aaron. “Did you have fun today, hon?”
“It was cool! This zoo is the funnest one I’ve ever been to. There’s more stuff here than any other.”
Jake said, “Now that your animal friends are well fed, how about you? Are you hungry yet?”
“Yes, I’m hungry,” he answered and then wriggled from Jake’s arms to walk beside them. “Can I take my jacket off, Jo-Jo?”
“No, hon, you’d better leave it on.” She touched his forehead, feeling a slight dampness of the hair at his temples. “I don’t want you to catch cold.”
“I wanna hamburger and some fries with lotsa ketchup,” Aaron requested.
“I think what you mean is lots of ketchup with a few fries,” she said with a light laugh. “I’ve seen you eat French fries.”
“Either way, we’ll find what you want, champ. Just stick with us,” Jake assured him as they walked toward the car.
“Hamburger with what?” Jake asked when they stood at the counter in one of the many small restaurants that lined the Gallery.
“Pickles, ketchup, mustard,” Aaron rattled off the items as though he’d placed that order numerous times, “and large fries.”
“With ketchup,” he and Jake said simultaneously.
“And I want white soda to drink,” Aaron added, fiddling with the straw dispenser.
“It’s clear, Aaron. Not white,” Joanna remarked, removing the half-dozen straws Aaron had in his hands and placing them on the counter.
“Clear as opposed to brown,” Joanna said with a smile in response to Jake’s glance her direction.
“Okay,” Jake said. “What about you? There are dozens of things to choose from. You don’t really want a hamburger, do you?”
“No, I’d rather look around,” she answered.
After they had purchased Aaron’s meal, they found a place to sit at one of small round tables in the center of the Gallery.
Joanna opened a couple of ketchup packets for Aaron to prevent it from being squirted everywhere. “There are so many restaurants here, Jake.” She did not really know what she wanted to try. “What do you like the looks of?” She glanced up in question to his lack of response, only to find he was looking directly at her. Some undefinable emotion darkened his eyes, his expression.
“What’s wrong?” she asked softly.
Just then, Aaron bit into his sandwich. “Mmm…”
Jake shook his head. “Nothing,” he responded. “What would you like for dinner?”
Food was the last thing on Joanna’s mind as she sat looking up at him, wondering what troubled him so. There was a deli behind where Jake was standing, and the colorful red-white-and-blue sign caught her attention. “How about a sub?” She motioned toward the nearest shop.
“That sounds good,” he said, glancing at the restaurant. “What do you want to drink? Clear soda, too?”
“No, thanks. I’d prefer lemonade if they have it.”
He was smiling, but he was not happy, and Joanna wished she could understand why.
The subs served on warm homemade bread tasted delicious. And for dessert, they enjoyed hot fudge sundaes while Aaron worked his way through the large vanilla ice cream cone he’d requested.
After they’d browsed through practically every shop on the premises, Joanna purchased a half-dozen peanut butter cookies from one of the bakeries for Aaron to take back to Smithfield with him. Then it was time to leave.
“Not yet!” Aaron protested loudly as they started the drive toward home.
“Sorry, honey, but you need to get home to get ready for bed. It’s getting late,” Joanna explained.
“We’ll spend another day together soon, Aaron,” Jake added.
“Promise?”
Jake glanced in the rearview mirror, seeing Aaron’s hopeful expression. “I promise.”
Aaron was silent for a moment before asking, “And you keep your promises?”
“I do,” Jake said solemnly.
The reply seemed to satisfy Aaron because in a matter of minutes, he was curled up in one corner of the back seat, sound asleep.
“He had a wonderful time, Jake,” Joanna commented softly while they drove down the highway. She glanced back at the sleeping boy.
“I hope he did.”
“I know he did,” Joanna confirmed. She folded her hands together in front of her, resisting the urge to touch the hand that rested on the gearshift near her leg.
Jake nodded, but he said nothing as he guided the car onto the next exit ramp.
Having Aaron walk into Smithfield was impossible, so Jake gathered up the groggy boy in his arms, carrying him inside the building.
“You’ve got a sleepy one on your hands, I see,” Barbara remarked when they entered Aaron’s living area.
“He’s had a big day,” Joanna explained.
Jake placed the child on his narrow twin bed, and Joanna handed the cookies over to her co-worker.
“Here, Barb, you’d better put these in the office. If Freddie gets into them, there will be war.”
“I’ll take care of him from here, Joanna. Go on home,” Barbara said. “And have a great evening,” she added with a suggestive lift of one eyebrow in Joanna’s direction when Jake wasn’t looking.
“See you in the morning,” Joanna replied with a quick frown, and within minutes she and Jake were in the car again.
“It went well, don’t you think?” he asked.
Joanna stared out the window into the darkness. “Yes, Aaron loved it…and so did I, Jake.” She tilted her head to see his reaction. “Thank you for planning this.”
“My pleasure,” Jake responded without taking his eyes off the road.
Leaning her head back, she relaxed against the headrest and closed her eyes as they rode along in silence—the comfortable silence she’d grown accustomed to sharing with him.
“How was the zoo?” Ina greeted them at the front door in her housecoat and fuzzy slippers.
“We had a wonderful time,” Joanna said. “Aaron really enjoyed himself. We all did. And Gallery Lane is marvelous, Ina. So much food, so little time.” She gave her friend a hug.
“That’s great,” Ina enthused. “There’s a fresh pot of coffee and a German chocolate cake in the kitchen if you have any room left for dessert.”
“I’ll have coffee,” Joanna said and she walked toward the kitchen. “Jake?” she looked back over her shoulder at him. “Would you like something?”
“No, thank you,” he replied, picking up the mail stacked by the telephone. “I have a few things to take care of.”
“Well, I’m going upstairs to see how Mae’s doing,” Ina remarked. “Maybe she’d be interested in a bite of cake. And that nurse, too. What’s this one’s name?” she asked with a frown as she headed up the staircase.
“I’m not sure,” Jake said. “I didn’t meet her when she came in this morning. Good night, Ina.”
“Good night,” she answered.
Joanna soon came out of the kitchen with a cup of black coffee in her hands. “I’m going to tell Aunt Mae about our day, and then I have some studying to do,” she commented. She saw that Jake was thumbing through mail and still had a stack of telephone messages waiting for him as she started up the staircase.
“What are you studying?” he asked without looking up.
“It’s for church. We’re reading Galatians,” she answered before taking a sip of coffee.
“Living by faith, not the law,” Jake stated.
Joanna choked on the coffee she was swallowing, coughing hard.
“Are you okay?” he asked, staring up at her where she stood about halfway up the staircase.
“Yes,” she said with difficulty, coughing again. “How did you know that?”
“Know what?” His mouth quirked with humor as he placed the mail on a small table nearby.
“About Galatians!” she exclaimed. “How did you know?”
“I read it,” he responded, his mouth giving way to a generous smile. “You told me a few things about Ephesians one night before you left for church, so I decided to do some reading on my own.”
“That’s…wonderful,” she stammered, “that’s amazing. I’m just so surprised.”
“Obviously,” Jake agreed with a quiet laugh and reached for the phone messages.
Then Joanna remembered Bible study. “Maybe you’d like to come with me on Wednesday night. Pastor White is the teacher.”
“I can’t this week, Jo. There’s a meeting at the hospital that I need to attend, but I will go with you sometime.”
“Promise?” she echoed Aaron’s word.
“I’m being asked to make a lot of promises today,” Jake said when he looked back into her shining eyes—dark, gentle eyes he could spend the rest of his life looking into. “Yes, I promise.”
“And you keep your promises?” She saw his smile fade.
“I do,” Jake answered. He thought of marriage vows and broken hearts as he watched her turn and continue up the stairs. Joanna opened the door to her bedroom, smiling down at him before she disappeared inside.
Then Jake quietly asked the real question that stood between them. The one that only time would answer.
“Do you?”