The crisp night air was damp with the scent of rain that had fallen earlier in the day. Jake draped an arm around Joanna’s shoulders as they watched the cab drive away. Then together they walked through the moonlight and stepped onto the porch.
“Why didn’t you leave a light on?” Joanna asked.
Jake slid the key into the lock. Then he turned to her. “If I’d left one on, then I wouldn’t be standing here in the dark with you now, would I?”
Joanna smiled, looking into the deep gray of his eyes. “Had this all planned, did you?”
“Nothing with you is planned. It just seems to happen.” He cupped her chin tenderly in his warm hand. “You are much too beautiful, you know.”
She spoke his name, whisper-soft, and Jake leaned toward her, his mouth brushing hers for a light, teasing moment.
“I love you,” he murmured against her slightly parted lips, and Joanna echoed the words she knew she would tell him again and again. Then slipping his arms around her, he drew her close. Jake’s hands rested firmly on the hollow of her back as his mouth claimed hers in an unhurried kiss she melted into until he slowly brought it to an end.
“Remember the first time we kissed?” she asked.
“Remember?” he repeated the agonizing word. “I spent two years trying to forget.” He searched her eyes with the memory fresh in his mind. “Kissing you that night, Joanna…wanting you seemed like the most natural thing in the world.”
Joanna’s lips curved into a subtle smile. It had felt that way for her, too, she recalled clearly. Lifting her hand, she touched his cheek, and the slight narrowing of his eyes quickened her pulse. Jake’s fingers were warm and strong as he caught her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm.
“It had always been you, Jo, right from the beginning. I just didn’t see it until…”
“Until we kissed,” she finished the statement he had failed to complete. She stared into silvery eyes that confirmed her words as Jake’s hands returned to her waist, drawing her closer.
He felt her relax, settling more fully into the warmth of his arms, and he held her snugly to him. “I tried not to think about you after I left Charleston. I wanted to forget.”
“There was no need to forget,” she whispered through the shadows.
“But you were so young,” he said with quiet regret.
“I was twenty years old then, Jake. Not a child.” She tilted her head back to meet his gaze.
He looked again into the eyes that had never been far from his memory, and the pain reflected in his expression startled Joanna. “I never wanted to love someone…anyone so much that—” He paused. “Not someone so young.” Jake released her suddenly and turned away, and Joanna watched his hands move to touch the cold, white porch railing rather than the love that waited by his side.
“Please, Jake.” She reached for him, placing a hand on his arm. “I want to understand.”
“I watched what happened with my father,” he began in an unsteady voice. “I never wanted to love anyone so much that if I lost—” He stopped abruptly, standing silently for a moment.
Joanna squeezed his arm gently, wishing he would continue.
“I could see myself loving you—losing you—living my father’s life all over again.” He bowed his head. “He loved my mother too much.”
“And she died? Are you afraid I’ll die young like your mother did?” Joanna asked, her question barely audibly.
“She didn’t die, Jo,” came his quiet admission. “I’ve let people think that for so many years, sometimes I almost believe it myself.”
Joanna studied Jake’s shadowy profile in what little moonlight the heavens offered. “That’s why there was no tombstone next to your father’s,” she thought aloud.
Jake nodded. “She was everything to Dad…the center of his life,” he explained, slowly and deliberately. “Then one day, she left. Just walked out.” He paused again and the silence seemed to last forever. “I was only a child, but I remember the way it changed Dad. He was never the same. Never happy. Not once after that.”
“I’m so sorry.” Her mind flashed back to the loss of her own parents. But she had always known they loved her; they had not willingly deserted her. “How could a mother leave her little boy?”
“How could she leave the husband who loved her?” was Jake’s sharp response.
It was not the deserted little boy of Jake’s past that hurt the most. It was the memory of his father’s heart, broken right before his eyes, that haunted him.
“She was young, Jo, like you are,” Jake said with a sad shrug. “Too much younger than Dad, too young to know what she wanted in life.”
Joanna leaned against him, resting her cheek on his arm. She knew exactly what she wanted. The love of this gentle man.
“All this time, since that first moment I kissed you, I’ve been afraid that…”
“Afraid to love me, afraid I would leave you,” Joanna finished the thought.
He did not respond. He did not need to. She understood.
Joanna raised her hand, brushing his face softly with her fingertips. “I’m not like your mother, Jake. I’m young, but I know what love is. I know what I want.”
He turned to search her face through stormy eyes. “It’s never been like this for me,” he began and then cleared his throat. “God knows, I never wanted to love anyone this way.”
“But I want you to love me,” Joanna pleaded as she slid her arms around his waist and eased into his embrace. “I’ve waited so long.”
Jake’s arms closed so tightly around her, she could barely breathe, and they held each other in the early hours of a damp spring morning.
“You’re shivering,” he said. “Let’s go inside.” Jake pushed open the front door, letting the warmth from the house flow over them. He reached for the switch and turned on the dim light in the hallway. Taking one of Joanna’s hands in his, he sat down on the steps leading to the second floor of the house.
Joanna sat down close beside him, her heart aching within her as she viewed the weariness in his face. The shadowy need of a shave. Eyes, warm and tender, but tired.
“You would never have come back to me, would you,” Joanna stated softly, “if it hadn’t been for Aunt Mae…your concern for her? You wouldn’t have come back to South Carolina. Or me.” She studied his face. He would not have returned. She could see it in the honesty of his eyes.
“I’d said goodbye to you once, Jo. That was difficult enough,” he answered.
“But you came—”
“Mae had always treated me like a son. When her doctor called me—”
“Her doctor? Natalie Eden called you?”
Jake nodded. “She didn’t think Mae would live long.”
“And she knew I wouldn’t tell you,” Joanna responded. “I remember when she asked if I had called you. I was so upset about Aunt Mae’s condition, I didn’t think much about Dr. Eden’s question at the time. But now, looking back on it, I think she needed an excuse to contact you.” Joanna tilted her head a little to the side as she studied Jake’s solemn expression.
“She didn’t mean anything to me, Joanna.”
“You wanted to marry her—”
Jake gave a quiet laugh. “Where did you get that idea?”
“From her.” Joanna pulled her hand away, clasping them both in front of her. “She said you wanted her to go with you when you moved away. She told me that a few days after you’d said goodbye to me at the day care center.”
Jake gave a quiet groan. “That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”
She stared at him. “Saying goodbye to me?”
“Yes,” he answered. “You. Not Natalie Eden, not anyone else.” His voice was tender, almost a murmur.
She slipped her arm through his and kissed his shoulder, her heart brimming with love.
“When Mae asked me to promise to take you home with me, I had no idea how difficult it would be having you in my life again.” He tugged lightly on a lock of blond hair. “This was only meant to be temporary, you know. There wasn’t supposed to be an ‘us.’”
“But I’m so glad there is,” she said with a softness in her tone that drew a tender smile from Jake. Leaning into him, Joanna kissed his cheek. She liked the slightly rough feel against her lips, and she watched the corners of his mouth ease down.
“Joanna, after I talked with Pastor White today, all those fears I had about loving you didn’t seem so overwhelming.” His eyes swept over her face. “I thought of how much I love you, how wrong I’d been not to tell you,” he said gently. “No more secrets, Jo. Don’t be afraid of the truth.”
But the truth, she wondered. What did it entail? She’d watched several of Jake’s relationships run their course in the early years of knowing him. And there was Natalie Eden. They couldn’t pretend she didn’t exist. For Joanna, the past had no holds on her heart. Not until Jake. But his past wouldn’t be so simple.
“Being in love with someone,” Joanna began, her voice shakier than she would have liked, “I suppose it’s difficult to ever really forget.” She let her gaze drop from his.
“Yes, it is,” he agreed with certainty. “Especially when it happens only once.”
Joanna glanced up. “Jake…honestly?”
“Honestly.” His mouth curved into a reassuring smile. “I won’t lie to you. Not about anything, Jo. I know you love me, but you need to trust me, too.”
“But you were angry when you found out that Natalie was going to marry Daniel,” she reminded, bitterly recalling Ina’s words.
“I was jealous of both of them,” he replied. “I’m tired of seeing others start out on these lifelong relationships with no worries about what tomorrow will bring,” he admitted. “I knew then that I wanted a future with you, but I was too afraid to hope for it.”
“I didn’t know,” Joanna answered. “I thought you wanted Natalie—”
“No, I wasn’t interested in her. Nothing happened between Natalie and me. Nothing. I let you think there was something between us for a while only because I wanted you to forget me. To get on with your life.”
“But I could never forget you.”
He reached for her hand, grazing her knuckles with a kiss. “If you had, I’d be a lost soul. In every way imaginable.” But he could see the uncertainty in her eyes. The doubts that lingered. “I know there are times that Natalie stretches the truth for her own convenience, but I promise you, Joanna, I did not ask her to marry me or to move back here with me. In fact, I suggested that she consider moving to Indianapolis to go into practice with Daniel. He’s been in love with her for years.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I thought you were in love with her.” And because of that Joanna had told Ina she was leaving, she remembered clearly. Jake had heard her say it. “I did exactly the thing you’d been afraid I would do, didn’t I? I left.”
Jake didn’t reply. He didn’t need to. The pain in his eyes was the only confirmation she needed.
“Oh, how could I have done that?” she asked. “I ran away from you, from what we had together.”
“I wanted to explain, but you said you were leaving. All I could think of was my father….”
“I’m sorry,” she moaned, leaning her head against his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Jake. I was just so hurt, so jealous.”
Jake kissed the top of her head. “You had no reason to be. There’s no one you need be jealous of.” He hesitated. “Look at me, Jo.”
She tilted her face to do as he asked, and he saw her questioning eyes, so young and innocent. He touched her forehead in a light kiss and looked away. He was thirty-four years old. He’d lived most of those years doing whatever he pleased, and Joanna knew that. She knew the man he had been as well as she knew the changed man he was tonight, sitting with her now. “I can’t undo the past, Joanna. God knows I would, if I could.”
Joanna blinked hard, resisting the tears welling up in her eyes. Jake slipped his arms around her and held her close.
“You’re everything good and lovely and…I have no idea why God would allow you to love me the way you do.”
Her tears overflowed. “Jake, don’t say—”
“It’s true. You deserve far better.” He paused, hugging her tighter and pressing his mouth against her temple in a kiss. His warm breath stirred her hair. “But, for some reason, He’s entrusting you to me and I’ll be grateful to Him for the rest of my life. What I’m trying to tell you is…I love you, more than I can say. I always will.” How he wanted this woman. To have and to hold. From this day on. “Joanna—”
Just then the phone rang. Loudly. They both looked toward the intrusive noise.
Joanna’s hand flew to her mouth. “I forgot to call Aaron.” She stood up and hurried to the phone. “Hello. Barb? Yes, we’re okay,” she said and continued on with the conversation while Jake watched her, studying her changing expressions as she spoke to Barbara.
“No, no, it wasn’t Jake’s plane. He’s safe…he’s fine. I know it’s against the rules to ask this so late, Barb, but could I talk to Aaron for a minute?”
“I wish you would,” Barbara replied. “No one else can do much with him tonight. Hold on.”
Joanna could hear Aaron’s little bare feet padding across the floor. Then he grabbed up the receiver, fumbling with it noisily against the desk.
“Jo-Jo? Are you okay?”
“Yes, honey, everything is okay,” she answered, smiling at the sound of his sleepy voice.
Aaron sniffed loudly. “You left—”
“I know I did, and I’m sorry that it scared you. It was something I had to do. I didn’t have any choice.”
“Yep. Kinda like me being in that play tonight?” He sniffed again.
“Yes, exactly.” She laughed softly. “You didn’t have any choice about being a sunflower, and I didn’t have any choice about going to the airport tonight. I was worried about Jake, and I had to find him.”
“Is Doc there? Was he crashed in the plane like Freddie said?”
“No, sweetie, Doc’s fine,” Joanna responded, and her eyes followed Jake down the staircase as he moved toward her. “He’s right here with me, Aaron.”
“Yes,” Jake agreed quietly as he approached her with the hint of a smile on his lips. “Doc is right here where he wants to be,” he added, gently pushing a handful of blond hair away from her neck. His mouth felt moist and warm against her skin.
“Come see me, Jo-Jo. You and Doc.”
Joanna could feel her own pulse beating in her throat as delicious sensations shot through her. “It’s too late tonight, Aaron,” she replied with some difficulty, “but tomorrow we’ll come out to see you.”
Jake abandoned the softness of Joanna’s neck and slid an arm around her. “Let me talk to him,” he said, lifting the phone from her hand. “Hello, champ. How are you?”
“Okay, but when you weren’t here tonight, I got real scared something happened to you.”
“No, I’m all right. There was a problem at the airport, and I had to stay for a while. I’m sorry I missed your play.”
“That’s okay. Sometimes you gotta help people because you’re a doctor.”
“I’ll make it up to you. I’ll try to come to the next one you’re in.”
“If I’m lucky, I won’t ever have to be in any more dumb plays. I hate bein’ a sunflower,” Aaron responded.
“Sunflower, huh?” Jake repeated while Joanna tenderly traced the angular line of his jaw with one finger. “I’ll bet you were the best sunflower in the bunch.”
“I was the only one that got to talk.”
Jake laughed quietly. “Good for you, Aaron. Maybe you can say your lines for us tomorrow. Jo-Jo and I will be out to see you after lunch, but it’s late now. You’d better get back to bed.”
“Okay, good night, Doc.”
Joanna took the receiver, “Aaron?”
“Good night, Jo-Jo.”
“Sleep well. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yep. See ya then.”
Barbara instantly was on the other end of the phone. “Joanna! I’ve got a message for you that you’re not going to believe! I just found it here on the desk. It’s from some woman who said she worked at the ticket counter at the airport.”
Jake turned his attention to Joanna’s mouth, touching the corner of her smile with a warm thumb.
“A message?” Joanna responded.
Jake’s eyes brightened. “Ask her to read it to you.”
Joanna searched his gaze, wondering about that sudden glint of amusement she’d found there. “Barbara, what does it say?”
“You’d better sit down for this. Are you sure you’re ready?”
It was more suspense than Joanna could tolerate. “Barb, just read it.”
“Here goes…it says, and I quote, ‘Jake said to tell you it wasn’t his plane. He’s all right, and he wants to marry you.’ Joanna, this man wants to marry you!”
Jake smiled at her, his fingers touching her ear as he tucked away a stray curl. His voice, infinitely tender, nearly melted her heart. “Will you?”
“Yes, Jake. Yes,” she said through fresh tears of happiness. “I thought you’d never ask.”
“Joanna?” Barbara’s voice interrupted them. “This guy wants to marry you! I thought you just sort of rented a room from him or something.”
“So did I.” Joanna smiled at the man she knew she would love for the rest of her life. And beyond.
Jake drew her close.
“But, Joanna,” Barbara persisted. “What about this message? This is pretty rare. Do you want me to save it for you? Don’t you want to read it?”
“Barb,” she began as Jake’s hand closed over the phone. He tugged it away from Joanna’s hand, holding it several inches from her. His gaze, devastatingly direct, offered the promise of all their tomorrows. “I don’t need to read the message,” Joanna added quietly. “I can see it in his eyes.”
“Goodbye, Barbara,” Jake added before the receiver went back into place.
“Marry me, Jo,” he whispered before his mouth settled over hers in a kiss more possessive than any she’d known. And nothing felt more right than being in this man’s arms.
“When?” she asked after she caught her breath.
“Tomorrow. The next day. However soon we can arrange it.”
Joanna’s eyes shone with pleasure. “I love you, Jake. I love you, I love you, I love you.”
“And you’ll never leave,” he stated, not wanting to hear those words spoken as a question. A possibility. He was trusting her with his heart, his life. Everything.
“Never,” she promised. “Never. There’s a Bible verse that says, ‘The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.’ And they have for me. I’ve waited for years to discover that the Lord has allowed you to be within my boundaries. I’m not going anywhere without you,” she assured him and watched his mouth slant into a familiar smile. The warmth returned to his gaze.
“There is one place I need you to go without me.” He cupped her chin tenderly in his warm hand. “To your room for the night.” His smile widened. “And lock the door.”
“Don’t trust me?” Joanna teased.
“I don’t trust me,” Jake answered emphatically. “A day or two, Joanna. Then you’ll be my wife. I’m going to do this the right way, God’s way, even if it kills me,” he added with a quick kiss to her forehead. “Now, go.”
She laughed softly. A couple of days could feel like a long time, but sometimes God takes the long way around, she’d learned. At least it seemed that way, this side of heaven. This time the journey had taken her from South Carolina, right into the heart of Indiana…and Jake Barnes. And Joanna couldn’t think of any place she’d rather be for the next hundred years or so.