The hammering on her door forced Marnie to roll out of bed and tear off her pink night mask. The loud knocking had awakened her. A glance at the hotel's alarm clock told her in lime green numbers it was 6:30 a.m. She was all for fleshing out an exit plan, but did it have to start so early?
The knocking turned into full force banging, forcing her to run to the door. This idiot was going to wake up the whole floor. She quickly yanked open the door, causing a wind to form that brushed strands of her hair across her face.
“Hey, sis.” Adam caught her in a bear hug and then quickly brushed past her into her room.
Marnie shut the door and followed him to the sofa.
He reached over and brushed her hair out of her face.
“How'd you know I was here?”
“Um, Danny gave me his cellphone number. I called to see if you guys had caught your flight and he told me you were still here.” A frown crossed his face. “Is this a problem?”
“No, no. I was just surprised, that's all. I'm really happy to see you.”
A smile from ear to ear replaced the frown. “Me too.” He playfully punched her right arm. “You kind of ran out pretty fast last night.”
“Oh yeah, well Mom and…”
Adam laughed. “Yeah, I know they can lay it on pretty thick.”
“So, I never asked you how everything is going for you,” Marnie said.
“Really good. I mean things went a little rocky for a while after you left, but it eventually got better. I met Angie once we moved to Chicago and we had Marnette. I'm pretty happy right now. The icing on the cake is seeing you.”
“Aww! Did you ever think when we were kids that you'd be saying that to me?”
“No! I was a horrible little brother.” Adam's face darkened on the memory.
Marnie smirked. “No, you weren't.” She pushed his shoulder playfully.
“No. I… I was and I'm really sorry.” Adam's voice began to quiver as he continued. “I came here ‘cause I really wanted you to know that it might not have seemed like it, but I really did love you. And I'm sorry I didn't have your back. I should've believed you.”
“Adam that was a long time ago.”
“But I think about it every day.” Tears began to stream down his face. “You ran away because no one believed you. I know you're fine, but since the day you left I thought about you every day. I worried about you. I didn't know if you were okay or what.”
“Why do you believe me now?”
“Because they came to our house.”
Marnie's eyebrows shot upward.
“Two weeks after you left, this foreign guy knocks on the door. I had no idea who he was when I let him in. Next thing I know, I'm in a choke hold. He's screaming ‘where's my money?' Dad comes into the living room and he's begging him to let me go.”
Marnie stared at him, hanging onto his every word.
“So Dad says ‘I don't have it. We agreed on four weeks.' And he says ‘Your daughter wasn't good enough for four weeks, she only bought you two.' Then he proceeds to cut into my arm.” Adam rolled the sleeve up on his right arm to reveal a 180 degree scar wrapped around it.
Marnie gasped. Her heart thumped hard in her chest. Blood pumped in her ears, deafening the sound of her own breathing.
“The police got there before he could finish. Mom called them while she was upstairs. Paul admitted everything to Mom and me. He said he'd borrowed the money because he lost his job and he used you to buy him some time. He didn't know you were going to be raped multiple times by different men.” Adam glanced at her and shrugged.
Marnie wrapped him in a tight hug. It couldn't have been easy for him to come tell her this. She wished she could cry with him, but numbness claimed her body instead.
“If you let me, I want to make it up to you,” he said.
“You don't owe me anything, it wasn't your fault.”
So she hadn't made it up. All these years, she had felt like she'd done something to deserve being brutally raped. Adam had given her the best gift ever, and he didn't even know it. A sense of freedom wafted into the room. She wasn't a slut. Or was she? That night was one incident, but it didn't explain the recurring real life nightmares of continually being violated by men and sometimes women. Those were her doings. Knowing she wasn't crazy didn't change a thing.
“Do you think we could hang out sometime? I'd really like you to get to know Marnette.”
“Huh?”
Adam's voice snapped her out of her momentary reverie.
“Hang out?”
Marnie couldn't imagine why Adam would want to hang out with her, much less, let his daughter visit with her. She could see it now. She'd probably shoot up in the bathroom while Marnette played on the couch. She looked down at his arm. She was an irresponsible sister and would make a terrible aunt.
“I don't think that's a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“Because I'm no good for you, and I'm not going to be around much longer to hang out. I think you should leave.”
“Marnie, I don't understand.” Confusion was written on his face.
She was a cold‐hearted bitch and there was no point in pretending to be anything but herself. How else could she have left him behind to nearly die? She was doing him and his family a favor. She was poison and she didn't want to tarnish his life.
Marnie got off the couch and went to grab the door.
“Marnie, what did I do wrong?”
“You stopped by.” She pushed him out the door and slammed it in his face. This was for his own good. A sob escaped her lips as she leaned her head against the door. Finally, she could cry, but there was no relief from the tears, only pain.
How could she have left him? The question screamed over and over in her head. She was so selfish. All she cared about was herself. She couldn't be a sister, much less an aunt. He was better off—the whole world was better off. Especially Danny. She couldn't believe how angry she'd gotten last night. She could have killed them. Why had she wanted to hurt him when all he'd tried to do was help her?
“Argh!” an anguished cry escaped her lips.
Surely there was an escape from all this misery? She couldn't fathom it anymore. The truth was out. She hated everything about herself, especially the pain she caused the people who cared for her. She had nothing to offer them.
Marnie walked into the bathroom and locked the door. She stood over the sink looking at herself in the mirror. She hated the reflection looking back at her.
“Disgusting,” she hissed.
She gripped the edge of the bowl with both hands on the sink and rammed her head into the mirror. The glass cracked and shards fell into the sink and onto the floor. She brushed the tiny shards out of her hair. Warm liquid hit her lip. Upon tasting it, she discovered her suspicion of blood was correct.
It didn't matter now, though, she'd come too far to turn back. She picked a large glass shard from the sink and held her left wrist on the edge. She began to furiously slice at her wrist. A bit of blood trickled. She held her wrist up, but the blood flow was very slow. If she didn't slice it again, it could take forever. Here was her final solution, no drugs, just eternal bliss. She could finally, get away from it all.
She bit her lip steeling herself against the pain.
“Come on you're not a loser, finish this.”
She took another swipe at her wrist. The blood drizzled thicker and quicker than before. She winced as she cut across the exposed flesh. Marnie tried to do it on the right hand, but had trouble gripping the glass in her left. She swiped the wrist, barely managing to draw blood. It was done, she could finally be free. Why hadn't she thought of this solution before? She sat on the floor in front of the sink, waiting for the blood to be drained from her body. A small smile crept to her lips. She would have peace at last.
“Adam, wassup? Your sister's in room 5139.” Danny said upon answering the door.
“I know I just saw her. Could I come in for a second?” Adam asked. He looked pale.
Danny stepped aside to let him enter. “You want some coffee?
Adam nodded.
“Help yourself,” Danny said.
“Gimme a sec ‘cause I was in the middle of shaving.” He slapped the aftershave on his face and cleaned the blades of his razor.
“How can I help you?”