Danny searched the bed for her warmth, but upon catching only cold sheets he raised his head and spotted Marnie slinking into her jeans.
“Don't go.”
“I'll be right back.” She leaned over the bed and placed a kiss on his cheek.
“No. You won't.”
“Took you long enough.” Brian turned his gaze from the fire to greet her.
“I'm here now. What's up?”
“Are you going to marry him?” His eyes looked desperate and childlike.
“That's between Danny and me.”
Marnie still didn't know what to do and the doubt Brian had placed over the situation when he burst into their room only made matters worse.
“What did you want to tell me?” she asked.
“Four years ago, Danny was engaged to Emily. He worshiped the ground that girl walked on and I thought it was going to work out. But I didn't know Emily was an addict too. When Danny got out of his fifth stint in rehab, she convinced him to run away to Lima, Peru, so they could get away from everyone who was trying to help them stay sober.”
He loosened his tie. “They holed up in a condo for two months smoking crack. Robert tracked them down, but he found Emily dead, rotting on a sofa with a needle still in her arm. Danny was sitting in the bathroom getting high. Son of a bitch didn't put two and two together until he'd dried out. He kept insisting Emily was fine. I had to take him down to the morgue, so he could face the truth.”
Brian leaned forward and grabbed her hands in his own. “That thing in there is not my brother. I made peace with that when he started using after my father died. I don't want what happened to Emily to happen to you.”
Marnie yanked her hands away from Brian's. She'd contemplated a few reasons Brian might not want them to be together, but nothing like this.
His angelic features transformed before her eyes. This man was nothing more than a big baby in a suit. How could he be so blind? Watching the love of your life die in front of your eyes would change anyone.
Jessica's words echoed. “He used to be a really sweet guy, but after Emily…”
After Emily his soul was stolen. She knew that feeling. Losing the baby had nearly killed her. All the light in her life extinguished. But when Marnie came up for air, the realization of what she'd done hit her, almost crumbling her. But then Sybil had appeared in her life, offering her a lifeline. Marnie grabbed it, afraid she'd be dead soon if she didn't.
That day in the diner she'd come face to face with the realization that if she didn't honor the baby's death as a need to change her life, she was going to go down as the worst human being in the world. That's when she made the decision to tell her group about the miscarriage, but she'd chickened out. It hurt so much. It felt like she'd let her baby down all over again. But then Danny had showed up and a bit of light had entered her life again.
He'd reached down into her pit of blackness and shame and pulled her out.
How could she be so stupid to think that Brian was good? He was spoiled and selfish. All his brother needed was a shoulder to lean on, and he'd had no one. No one to weather him through the blackest period of his life. And he had the nerve to be confused about why his brother couldn't stay sober?
Brian stared at her, his eyes following her every move. She jumped up and put her nervous energy to use pacing the floor.
“You do understand why I had to tell you?”
“What? Oh, yes.”
No wonder Emily was a sore subject for him. Danny had watched her die in front of him. This explained the near meltdowns he had every time she relapsed. The more Marnie thought about it, the easier it was to understand why he had tried to dump her in Chicago.
She probably posed more of a problem than his simple offer of a sober environment had anticipated. But he hadn't given up on her when she slit her wrists. In fact, he fought with her to stay with him, working so hard he risked his life to save her from that escaped Bengal tiger.
There she was right smack at the beginning of the original problem. She wasn't good for Danny. If he was trying to pay penance for Emily, she was probably the worst candidate. Now that she thought about it, she had relapsed three times, slit her wrists, gotten him in trouble with his brother, and nearly killed. Thinking about the last two years made her dizzy. She had to get out, get away. She glanced at Brian. He stared into the fire, his face calm, but his hands were a different story. His fingernails dug into his knees. Wouldn't everyone be better off if she just disappeared?
“I can pay you,” Brian said.
Marnie's eyelashes fluttered.
“The way I said that sounds awful. But what I mean is that I can set you up. So you're comfortable. Robert told me you're going back to school. I can help you with that. You'll need excellent references if you're trying to get into Stanford. I wasn't joking when I said I want to be your friend, Marnie. Let me help you.”
He didn't believe she loved him. Money means nothing to me.
“I couldn't do that to Danny.”
“He doesn't have to know.”
“His private eye will find me.”
“Not if you change your name.”
A chance to truly start over softened the protest settled on her lips. All she ever wanted since Paul turned her life upside down through alcohol and drugs, was to go somewhere where no one knew her as a whore or a victim. For a while Danny had offered her that security. But then he found out about her past and things changed between them. She hated to endure the pitiful looks he gave her.
But Brian was wrong. She did love him. It wasn't gentle the way she always imagined love would be. It was wild and strong like a tornado. If she did this it would be because she wasn't meant to be loved. People like her didn't deserve his love. He needed someone healthy, who didn't have a mountain of baggage to crawl out from under. Someone who didn't perpetually live under a cloud of bad luck.
“Brian, could you do me a favor? Tell Danny I went down to Gary's. If we're going to do this, I think I should say goodbye first.”