Parker arrived at the soccer field the next afternoon, nerves flitting through his stomach the same way they did when he went into court for a big case. Excitement and anticipation shot through him. Bizarre when a soccer game between two teams of kindergarten girls shouldn’t mean anything to him.
The stakes couldn’t get much lower, and still he didn’t know how to turn off his emotions. The idea made his skin itch. He’d never had an issue with feeling too much—with feeling anything really—before returning to Starlight. This place was doing a number on him, and he had to find a way to get it under control.
But right now he had a team to support.
He jogged over to where Josh stood with his team in a huddle. One of the moms had made matching pink bows for the girls, since they’d voted on Pink Ponies as their team name. Instead of athletic jerseys, they had T-shirts with a drawing of a pony wearing shin guards on the front. Josh wore an XL version, and Parker tried to ignore how ridiculous his brother looked since Parker was sporting an identical shirt.
“Do you have it?” Josh asked, shading his eyes from the noonday sun. They’d lucked out with another day of gorgeous fall weather, although the forecast called for rain to start later.
Parker nodded and pulled a stuffed animal out of the plastic bag he carried. “Girls,” he said, keeping his voice serious. “This is our mascot, Penelope the Pony.”
“Hi, Penelope,” the girls said in unison, as if they were greeting a living creature instead of a toy.
“What’s a math cot?” one of the girls asked.
“Penelope will bring us good luck.” Parker gave the stuffed horse a small shake. “I’m going to put her on the goal so you all know where to shoot.”
He and Josh had realized at practice yesterday that the girls had a tendency to head for whatever goal they noticed first after a ball came to them. No one played the position of goalie at this age, but if they scored for the other team, it would count against them.
“Yay, Penelope,” Anna shouted, and her teammates cheered.
Josh clapped a hand against the clipboard he held. “The most important thing we’re going to do today is have fun,” he told them. “You go out there and try your hardest, remember you’re all on the same team, and have fun.” He glanced toward the referee, who motioned the team forward. “Let’s go play.”
The girls filed after him onto the field as their fans clapped from the sidelines. Parker fell in step next to Evie. “You doing okay?”
She gave a tight nod.
“How’s the stomach?”
“It’s not pukey.”
Her voice trembled slightly, but a nonpukey stomach was a decent start.
“Remember what we talked about yesterday as far as dribbling and defending. You’ve got this, kiddo.”
They lined up across from the opposing team, girls from a neighboring town who wore uniforms of pale blue with their numbers outlined in gold glitter. The referee, an older man with a shock of white hair and an easy smile, went over the rules for conduct and asked the girls to repeat the code of sportsmanship.
A month ago, Parker would have laughed at the absurdity of his current situation. Usually he slept late on Saturdays if he didn’t have plans. Maybe he’d go for a run or to the gym. One of the guys he knew from another firm had a boat, so sometimes they’d head out fishing or he’d meet up with friends for a game of pickup basketball.
Countless times, he’d driven past community fields around various Seattle neighborhoods and had never given an ounce of thought to the kids playing on recreational teams. Hell, he’d never even realized he liked kids. Now he couldn’t imagine a better way to use his time and it still baffled him how the slower pace of life in Starlight fit him.
Because of the age of the girls, one coach from each team was allowed on the field to offer encouragement during the game. The starting lineup took their positions with Josh near the midfield, while Parker and the subs watched from their makeshift bench, which consisted of a row of camp chairs they’d pulled out of Josh’s garage.
Parker’s chest tightened as he watched his brother interact with the girls, cheering them on when they had the ball and keeping things positive at the times when the other team had possession.
It quickly became apparent that Anna and Caroline were the stars of the team. Parker didn’t think much of the girl who’d tormented Evie, even if she did have some impressive ball-handling skills for a kindergartner. But he loved watching his niece play; her enthusiasm and fearless attitude blew him away. No one who didn’t know her history would ever have guessed what she’d been through.
How could his former sister-in-law have walked away from this?
Yes, cancer was huge and scary, especially in a child. But Anna was doing great now and he couldn’t imagine any mother willing to miss out on these moments.
The game was adorable. A few girls remained focused on the ball while others played patty-cake-type games or rolled around in the grass. He did what he could to keep the team sharp, subbing in girls at regular intervals so everyone got a turn.
“You’re up next,” he told Evie near the end of the first half.
She shook her head. “Not yet.”
He glanced down, alarmed at the girl’s pallor. “Pukey stomach?”
“A little, but I don’t want to go in yet.”
“Evie, you did well yesterday. You’ll be great out there.”
She grabbed his hand, squeezing his fingers like she was adrift in the ocean and he was her only lifeline. “Not yet.”
“Okay. It’s fine.” He caught Josh’s gaze and subtly shook his head. His brother nodded, and the game continued.
Evie didn’t let go of his hand, and he gently rubbed his thumb back and forth against her soft skin, hoping to reassure her. At halftime, the girls who’d been playing came off the field. The whole team gathered at the sidelines, one of the moms coming over to distribute bags of orange slices.
With Evie occupied in the team huddle, Parker separated himself from the group and got Mara’s attention.
“Evie looks petrified,” she said when she’d walked over to him.
“A little freaked out,” he agreed. “But she’s managed not to toss her cookies.”
“Is she going to play?” Mara wrung her hands together, a frown line forming between her eyes.
“I hope so, but I don’t want to force her.”
“This is horrible.”
“She’s fine.”
“She’s going to be traumatized.”
“I won’t let that happen.”
He heard her sharp intake of breath and quickly amended, “We won’t let that happen.”
Mara nodded. “Thanks for helping her. I trust she’s safe with you.”
If she’d handed him the Nobel Prize, he couldn’t have been prouder.
“I need to get back to the team.”
“Sure.” She reached out and placed a hand on his arm. “Thanks again, Parker.”
The second half went much as the first had, with girls alternating between concentrating on the game and picking the proverbial daisies. With two minutes left on the clock, he crouched next to Evie. “Are you ready?”
She bit her lower lip and swallowed hard then nodded.
He patted her shoulder. “I’m going to put you in for Caroline on offense.”
The color left her face in an instant. “No.”
“It’s going to be great. You’re ready, girl.”
“Not Caroline,” Evie pleaded. “If I mess up her position, she’ll be so mad.”
That was part of the reason Parker wanted to make the substitution. He believed in this sweet, insecure girl and knew succeeding as a sub for one of the team’s power players would turn the tables in her self-confidence.
But he also understood the damage it could cause if things didn’t go well.
“How about defense?”
Evie nodded eagerly.
Parker made the substitution and watched with the barest hint of trepidation as Evie ran onto the field. This was safe, he figured. So far Caroline and Anna had kept the ball on the opposite side of the field, giving the goal watched over by Penelope quite the workout. At this age, there was no official score but Parker was keeping count in his head, and they were up four to three.
The game continued until the final minute, when a player from the Thunder Bolts dribbled the ball around Caroline then passed it to one of her teammates. The girl who should have intercepted the pass was twirling in circles so the ball sailed right past her.
The Thunder Bolts’ player seemed shocked when the ball rolled to a stop at her feet but immediately turned and headed toward the goal.
“Oh, no.” Parker glanced toward the sidelines where Mara looked about as pukey as Evie had felt earlier.
When he turned back, Evie’s eyes had gone wide as the other player barreled toward her. Despite her obvious fear, the girl remembered their lesson from the night before.
She bent her knees and assumed a defensive stance. The offensive player gave the ball a huge kick, and it sailed into the air right toward Evie.
Parker half expected the girl to duck or dive out of the way, but she shifted slightly to her left to guard the goal more fully. The ball knocked into her stomach with enough force to send her back a step but then bounced off and rolled out of bounds just as the referee blew the whistle to end the game.
The fans erupted into cheers and applause as he and Josh shared a relieved smile. Only then did he realize Evie hadn’t moved. She stood stock-still for another few seconds then fell straight back onto the grass.
Mara’s terrified shout registered in his ears, but he was already running onto the field. He and Josh reached Evie at the same time.
The girl was gasping for air, tears running down her cheeks. “Get everyone back,” Parker said to Josh, dropping to his knees. “She got the wind knocked out of her. That’s all. She needs space.”
He murmured reassurances to Evie as Josh ushered the rest of the team away. Mara was on the girl’s other side a moment later.
“Can’t breathe,” Evie managed to say.
“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he told her. “Close your eyes and breathe in and out. Steady now.”
“Mommy’s here.” Mara leaned in close, running a gentle hand over Evie’s face. “You’re going to be fine.”
Even though he knew Evie wasn’t truly hurt, Parker hated the worry lacing Mara’s tone. She’d trusted him to keep her daughter safe and the girl had been injured.
Talk about traumatic.
He might enjoy helping to coach the girls, but clearly he was ill equipped to make the right decisions. Why hadn’t he just let Evie sit out this first game?
“Let’s sit up,” Mara said gently. “Keep breathing.” She wiped the tears from Evie’s cheeks as they helped the girl to her feet.
Parker waved to Josh and gave him a thumbs-up.
“You all right there, munchkin?” the referee asked, rubbing a hand across his belly.
She nodded and the ref chuckled. “You made one heck of a block,” he said before heading back across the field.
Evie stilled then looked from Parker to Mara. “I blocked the ball?”
Parker felt his mouth drop open then shut it again. “You sure did,” he told her. “It was a really hard kick, too.”
“I know,” Evie agreed. “I lost my breath.”
“It’s okay, baby girl.” Mara hugged Evie to her side. “You don’t ever have to play soccer again. I know I said it would be good for you but—”
Evie pulled away. “I can’t quit.” She pressed a hand to her stomach. “I blocked the ball. Right, Coach?”
“Yes,” Parker agreed slowly. “We have some work to do on technique, but I’m proud of you, kiddo.”
She grinned. “I need to be with the team. Coach Josh is talking to them.”
Mara made a soft snort of disbelief as the girl skipped over toward the rest of the Pink Ponies.
“What just happened there?” she asked after a moment.
“Your kid discovered her inner athlete,” he suggested.
“I didn’t think she had one of those.”
“I knew it all along.”
“Thank you,” Mara said softly. “For everything you did for her.”
He shrugged, suddenly uncomfortable with the emotion lacing her words. He liked Mara more than was smart for either of them. He wasn’t a long-term bet for a single mom who’d been burned by a nasty divorce. A divorce he’d had a large part in facilitating. This role of coach and family man was playacting, even if it felt right.
“No biggie,” he lied. “Tell Josh I’ll see him tomorrow, okay?”
“Tomorrow?” She frowned. “You aren’t going to the ice-cream celebration with the team?”
It scared the hell out of Parker how much he wanted to join them, which made his decision easier than he would have thought.
“I’ve had my fill of white-picket-fence life for a while. I’m heading back to Seattle for the night.” He forced a laugh, dropping just the right amount of derision into his tone. “I need to have some real fun…trade in the ice-cream parlor for a bar. Starlight’s small-town sweetness is making my teeth ache.”
With every word he spoke, the storm clouds in Mara’s gaze darkened. He was torn between being the man she wanted him to be and reverting back to the coldhearted jerk so familiar to him. Parker had a good reason for his cold heart. At least that’s what he’d convinced himself through all these years. A few mind-blowing kisses weren’t going to change anything.
“Real fun,” she repeated, as if she were turning the words over in her hands to examine them.
“You know what I mean.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “I do.”
The tiny section of his heart that had opened to this woman wanted her to argue. To push him to do the right thing.
But she was too proud for that, and he admired her all the more because of it.
“Enjoy your fun,” she said, making her displeasure in his choice clear.
He could think of nothing he wanted to do less than get in his car and drive away. He turned and walked toward it anyway.
* * *
Mara got out of her car and handed a cup of coffee to both Josh and Brynn the next morning.
“Tell me you brought muffins, too?” Josh rubbed at his eyes.
“Almond poppy seed,” Mara confirmed, reaching into the backseat for the bag.
Josh gave her a quick hug. “You’re the best.”
Brynn chuckled. “Late night?”
“Sort of.” He shrugged and pulled a muffin out of the brown bag. “Anna has night terrors sometimes. They started after Jenn left. The doctor says she’s still processing the loss.”
“I’m sorry,” Brynn said. “Tyler has been sleeping with me since Daniel died. I know I should make him stay in his own bed, but I can’t bring myself to do it.”
Mara sighed. “I wish Evie wanted to cuddle or had bad dreams or something I could fix.” She shook her head. “Never mind. Forget I said that. I’m a horrible mother. Of course I don’t wish for her to have nightmares. She’s stoic, and I don’t know how to help her. We haven’t even been through half as much as either of you, yet I feel like I’m the most out of control.”
Josh and Brynn stared at her for several long moments, and then both of them burst into laughter. “If you think I’m in control,” Brynn said, wiping at her cheeks. “You need to peek a little closer.”
“Look around to see how not in control I am at the moment.” Josh held out his arms. “I’m a pathetic grown-ass man who’s relying on my brother to help bail me out of my mess.”
“I’m a pathetic divorcée who lives with my aunt,” Mara muttered.
Brynn leaned in like she was sharing a secret. “My kid is ten years old, and I’m still wearing nursing bras because I haven’t had a reason to buy new ones.”
Josh paused with the muffin halfway to his mouth. “That’s too much information.”
“But you win in the game pitiful one-upmanship.” Mara put her arm around the other woman’s shoulder. “Also, we’re going to set up a date to go lingerie shopping.”
“Can I come with you?” Josh asked with an exaggerated eyebrow wiggle. “You’ll probably want a man’s opinion.”
Brynn laughed. “That’s a strong no.”
“Gross,” Mara added. “It would be like modeling for my brother.”
“Speaking of brothers,” Brynn said, looking at Josh. “Where’s yours? I thought he might be here for the planning.”
“He’ll be back tomorrow,” Josh said around a bite of muffin. Funny, he didn’t seem bothered by Parker’s absence the way Mara was.
“He had to go back to the big city.” Mara hated the feeling of rejection she couldn’t quite shake. “There wasn’t enough to keep him entertained in Starlight.”
Brynn gave her a questioning look, but Josh didn’t seem to pick up on her irritation. “He’s doing me a huge solid with his help. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking buying this property in the first place. As if I didn’t have enough reminders of my dad around town…”
“It was a big deal when the mill left and the town council couldn’t find another business to take over the property.”
“The one glaring failure of his years as mayor that he always thought would ruin his legacy.” Josh balled up the muffin wrapper and tossed it into a nearby trash can. “He couldn’t ever let it go, and now I’m stuck in the same position.”
“But you’re turning it into something new,” Mara reminded him. “You’re going to be a success here, Josh.”
“And then what?” he asked. “I’m a contractor, not a property manager. Once this place is up and running, I want to move on to the next project, but a retail space like this is going to take daily oversight.”
“Hire me,” Brynn blurted.
Mara turned to her friend. “I thought you were a teacher?”
Brynn kicked at the dirt with the toe of one boot. “I’m not anything. I don’t even have a college degree, but I want to go back to school. The district normally hires subs with more education, but they know me so they’re making an exception.” She looked from Mara to Josh. “I want a career, not just to be someone’s substitute. I could do this, Josh. I know it.”
He ran a hand through his already messy hair. She had no doubt Josh would do the right thing and he didn’t disappoint her. “I need income from the retail spaces to make it work. Mara’s given me a new design that will make things run more smoothly, but we still need to fill the space.”
“You’ve got the coffee shop,” Mara said.
Brynn glanced toward the main building. “What about a space for local artists? A cooperative of sorts, filled with gifts and crafts.”
“I like it,” Josh admitted.
“I can talk to Betsy at the community center gift shop.” Brynn clapped her hands together. “She knows everyone in the area. We’ll find tenants, and I’ll keep them happy. I’ll work so hard. I promise I won’t let you down if you give me a chance.”
“Let me put together some numbers and see what it would take for me to pay you a decent salary.”
“I’ll work for free,” Brynn offered.
“You need to be able to support Tyler,” Josh reminded her. “No mother should ever be in a position where she can’t make the right decisions for her family.”
“I wish your brother had half your character,” Mara told him.
He frowned. “He’s the one who told me. There was a time when our mom wanted to leave, but she had no support system and no money of her own. She was stuck married to my dad, and we all paid the price.”
Mara felt like she’d just been slapped across the face. How was it possible Parker could say those words yet still do what he’d done to her in court?
“Then maybe someone should needlepoint that sentence and frame it for him so he doesn’t forget when he’s destroying someone’s character in court.” She forced a laugh, as if she were making a joke.
“He isn’t perfect,” Josh admitted. “The way we were raised took all the ‘fun’ out of dysfunction. We were in survival mode more often than not, and it was only exacerbated by the fact that most of the town thought our dad was the second coming. It was tough, but he’s trying to do better.”
Unbidden, a vision of Parker with Evie popped into Mara’s brain. He’d certainly tried hard enough with her daughter.
“I always thought he took the easy way out,” Josh continued. “He left Starlight and never looked back. But he also never dealt with his issues. I hope working on this project will be as cathartic for him as I need it to be for myself.”
“You’re doing the right thing,” Brynn said, placing a gentle hand on his arm.
“Most days it doesn’t feel that way, but I appreciate the thought nonetheless. Now let’s take a look at what progress we made this week. I think we’re at a place where you’ll be able to see the vision.”
As they followed Josh into the mill, Mara tried not to think about Parker and what he’d survived from his childhood. It made it too difficult to stay angry with him, and she understood her anger was the only thing saving her from wanting more.