Parker drove into Starlight as the sky above the town turned from shades of pink and purple to gray. Night settled on the valley like a blanket. His breath caught at the beauty of the mountains outlined like a charcoal sketch against the waning light.
He could appreciate the peace of the hour now, but as a kid he’d dreaded this time of day. It meant his father was coming home and whatever normalcy they’d managed to cobble together could be wrecked the instant Mac walked through the door.
Of course, there were stretches of time when his father’s temper lay dormant. Days, weeks, and on rare occasion a span of months when his father would be normal, like other dads. He’d kiss his wife when he walked through the door, smile and ask about their days in a quiet, steadfast way, and the brothers would begin to believe that maybe things had finally changed.
Until something triggered him, sending them all back into the tailspin of anger. One of the worst stretches was during Parker’s sophomore year of high school. Josh was a freshman and their dad up for re-election. For the first time since he’d become mayor eight years earlier, one of the members of city council had brought up the idea of term limits. Mac had been open to it in public, assuring the civic leaders that he was interested in what was best for Starlight, not continuing his own political dictatorship.
Behind closed doors, he railed and raged, always looking for an outlet for his frustration. More often than not, he’d found it in Josh, who didn’t have Parker’s innate survival instincts. Parker had done his best to protect his brother, but Josh didn’t make it easy.
At the same time, the Dennison Mill shut down, leaving dozens of locals with no jobs. Mac had made it his mission, and a large part of his campaign platform, to sell the property and find an even better tenant. One that would revitalize the local economy.
He’d won the election and there had been no more talk of term limits. But he’d never managed to revive the mill or repurpose the property, and that failure had come to represent everything to him.
His father was gone and the mill finally getting a second life. Despite the struggles that had come with it, Parker was so damn proud of his brother for taking on this project. He had to admit being a part of it helped heal some of the long-buried scars of his past, as well.
He drove through town, hushed and peaceful at this time. The glow of light from the windows of houses he passed seemed to mean more than it did in the city. Here he could feel the warmth emanating from the homes and imagined families or couples gathered around tables for dinner or to watch a football game on television.
Assumptions were dangerous. Parker knew that better than most. People had assumed things about his family growing up that were nowhere near the truth.
Pulling into his brother’s driveway, he blew out a breath. It amazed him that although he thought he’d left his past behind, it was so much a part of who he was—as if it were sewn into the very fabric of his being.
He let himself into the house, careful to be quiet since it was past Anna’s bedtime.
Josh sat in the family room, the TV tuned to football but with the volume muted. Parker had texted to say he was returning tonight and noticed a bottle of single-malt scotch and a two glasses on the coffee table.
“Hot date?” he asked, shrugging out of his jacket as he entered the room.
“I thought the plan was to come back tomorrow morning?” Josh sat forward and poured three fingers of liquor into each glass.
“I didn’t want to fight Monday rush-hour traffic.”
Josh gave him a look that silently called Parker out on the lie.
“You’re still my little brother,” Parker said, taking the glass then lowering into one of the club chairs flanking the sofa. “Don’t make me come over there and prove it.”
“You missed us. Admit it.” Josh grinned. “You’re not the island of emotionless solitude you want everyone to believe.”
“I have a great life in Seattle. I have friends—”
“Acquaintances,” Josh countered. “Who you don’t really care about.”
“I care,” Parker lied.
Josh didn’t look convinced.
“Don’t discount a successful career.”
“It brings you no joy.”
“I’m not Santa Claus.” Parker resisted the urge to grit his teeth. “Joy isn’t on my priority list.”
“Maybe it should be.”
“Where’s your joy?” Parker demanded.
“Anna.” Josh smiled. “Ice cream with the Pink Ponies.” He took a slow sip then set down his glass again. “The girls missed you after the game.”
“That’s the biggest lie you’ve told tonight.”
“You should have seen Evie’s face when the girls were retelling the story of her block. She became a hero in that moment. You would have thought she’d taken a bullet to the stomach instead of a soccer ball.”
A dull ache started in the region of Parker’s heart. There was no way he’d admit how much he would have liked to see her grin. “This is your life,” he said instead. “Not mine. I’m here to help but I’m not going to suddenly become part of this community. We both know I’m only passing through.”
Josh lifted one shoulder, let it fall again. “You still have feelings.”
“I don’t have feelings,” Parker mumbled, aware of how ridiculous he sounded.
“Right,” Josh said with a laugh. “Tell me about your nonfeelings for Mara.”
Parker threw back the rest of the whiskey in his glass, welcoming the way his throat burned.
“I thought so.” Josh leaned forward. “She’s special, Parker.”
“Okay.”
“And she’s been hurt. You had some responsibility in that.”
“I was doing my job,” Parker insisted without much conviction.
“Let’s talk about your job. I remember when you said you were going to become a divorce attorney.” Josh held out a hand and Parker passed him the empty glass. “Although back then you called it family law.”
Parker sucked in a breath. “I know what I said.”
But his brother wasn’t finished. “You wanted to help families navigate the tough times so no one would end up feeling as helpless as Mom did in her marriage.”
“I don’t need you to tell me about my career goals.”
Josh poured more whiskey into the glass and pushed it across the table “Are you sure? Because unless Mara has wildly exaggerated the bitterness of her divorce and her husband’s propensity to be a world-class jerk, you helped put a wonderful woman and dedicated mother into the same predicament as Mom.”
“Mara’s ex wasn’t abusive,” Parker said through gritted teeth.
“Maybe not physically,” Josh conceded. “But you’ve spent enough time with her to understand the number he did on her self-confidence.”
“She’s better off without him.”
“Yes, but it’s been a monumental struggle for her when it shouldn’t have been. Not with the money that man has.”
“She didn’t fight hard enough.”
“Would you say the same thing about Mom?”
Acid scorched Parker’s gut. “It’s not the same and we both know it.” He stood up and stalked to the fireplace, tapping a hand against the brick and wondering how much damage he’d do to his knuckles if he slammed his fist into it. “What’s with the knight in shining armor act?” he asked, turning on his heel. “Are you looking to swoop in and rescue Mara?”
“She doesn’t need me to be her hero,” Josh answered, leaning back against the sofa cushions. The more distressed Parker became, the calmer his brother appeared. It was a strange role reversal for the two of them, and it didn’t sit well. No part of this conversation felt comfortable for him. Why the hell hadn’t he stayed in Seattle? His life might be empty there, but at least it didn’t make his whole body feel like it was on pins and needles.
“Then she certainly doesn’t need me to be anything.”
“She likes you.”
Parker released a breath. “That would be stupid for both of us.”
“No doubt,” Josh agreed easily, “but I can tell.”
“How?” Parker asked, unable to stop himself.
“She blushes every time your name is mentioned and then looks angry because she can’t stop it.”
Parker felt his mouth curve into a smile despite his best effort to keep a straight face. He could see Mara clearly in his mind, her shiny hair and luminous skin flushed an adorable pink. He liked it best when she realized how she was reacting. Her eyes would grow dark and it was difficult to tell whether she was more frustrated with herself or him. Either way, he loved garnering a reaction from her.
“You’re just as bad,” Josh added. “Look at you with the moony eyes.”
“I’m seriously going to kick your butt if you make one more mention of that.” Parker dropped his gaze to the hardwood floor. “I don’t moon at anyone.”
“You have a chance here.”
He stilled then forced himself to meet his brother’s gentle gaze. “A chance at what?”
“Redemption,” Josh said without hesitation.
“I don’t need to be redeemed.” The acid churned again, but this time it felt more powerful. A wave cresting, ready to obliterate everything he’d worked to build in his life. All the walls and the self-control.
“Dad would have said the same thing.”
“Are you comparing me to our father?”
“No. You’re nothing like him.”
The words felt like a balm to Parker’s tattered soul, if only he could believe them. “And yet…”
Josh was at his side in an instant. “You aren’t him,” his brother said, gripping Parker’s arms.
“You’re the one who pointed out how I’d helped ruin Mara’s life. I might have never laid a hand on a woman, but my actions—”
“You’re a good man.” Josh gave Parker’s arms a not-so-gentle squeeze then stepped back. “I couldn’t have made up this much time on the mill renovations without your help. Anna adores you. Mara has every reason in the world to hate your guts, but she can’t because she sees who you are on the inside. We all do, Parker. I only wish you would, too.”
They stood in silence for several seconds. There was so much Parker wanted to say, but he didn’t know how to get the words out without breaking down, and he’d never allow himself to show that kind of weakness. He wanted to believe his brother but didn’t know how to move past all the flaws he saw in himself to become something different. Someone more.
In the end, he shook his head and turned away. “I can’t.” Did he sound as miserable as he felt? He stood staring at a chipped square of brick above the fireplace mantel until he heard Josh leave the room.
When he knew he was alone, he grabbed the bottle of scotch from the table then dropped to the sofa. Closing his eyes, he tipped the bottle to his mouth. He didn’t know how to make himself better, but he could sure as hell find a way to stop feeling so damn much.
* * *
“You look like hell,” Mara said, whistling under her breath then grinning as Parker held up a hand.
“Are you trying to call all the dogs in the state to you with that piercing noise?”
He sat at the desk in the office he shared with Josh, staring absently at the plans in front of him. He didn’t glance up, and Mara wasn’t sure whether to feel sorry for his obvious distress or gloat that he’d chosen Seattle over her and now seemed worse for the wear because of it.
She chose gloating.
“Fun weekend?” She pulled out the chair from the smaller drafting desk, making sure to drag it across the concrete floor so it made a loud scraping sound.
Parker moaned and pressed his fingers to either temple.
“How was traffic coming out of the city this morning?”
“I came back last night,” he said tightly.
“You’re in recovery mode from Saturday night still? That must have been quite a party.” Mara’s sunny mood from the morning plummeted. She didn’t know why his weekend activities bothered her so much, but they did.
It was better, she’d tried to tell herself. She needed a bit of physical distance to help break the invisible thread of connection that linked them together. His life remained in the city, and she would never go back even if the opportunity presented itself. With time and distance she’d realized the person she’d become in her old life wasn’t who she wanted to be.
She’d tried to save her marriage after Evie’s birth had driven a wedge between her and Paul. It had felt strange to keep her devotion to her baby hidden, but she’d done her best to maintain two separate existences. The first was Mara the mom, her heart so full of love for her daughter it felt constantly on the verge of bursting.
The other role became increasingly more difficult. Paul had expected her to go back to work, putting in hours and remaining at his side for events and parties, just as she had before their daughter had come into the world.
Mara had hired a nanny, and ignored the pang in her chest each time she had to say goodbye to her baby. Lots of mothers worked. She could manage it. But it became more. Paul had become increasingly disinterested in her and Evie.
They’d never spoken about it, but Mara had quietly tried to manage what she assumed was the manifestation of his disenchantment with fatherhood.
Now she had feelings for another man who lived a different life than the one she wanted for herself and her daughter. Despite his kindness toward Evie, there was no doubt in Mara’s mind that she couldn’t be what he wanted in a woman, not for the long term anyway.
“I did laundry,” he muttered then reached into the desk and pulled out a bottle of aspirin. She watched as he shook two of the pills into his hand and swallowed without bothering with water to wash them down.
“You’ve got a two-day laundry hangover?” She snorted. “I was born at night, Parker. Not last night.”
“Josh and I had a drink when I got back last night.”
“I saw him outside working on the siding when I came in. He’s fine.”
Parker shrugged. “He stopped. I kept going.”
She stood, stepped closer to the desk. “So you stayed home to do laundry then came back here and got drunk alone in your brother’s house?”
“About sums it up.”
“Why?”
He stared at the desk in front of him for so long, she though he might not answer. When he finally looked at her, the intensity of his gaze made her heart feel like it might skip a beat. “You.”
“Me?” The word came out a croak, and Mara cleared her throat. “What do I have to do with anything?”
“I drank to distract myself from thinking about you.” He pushed away from the desk and stood. “I got so damn drunk that I couldn’t possibly drive. That was the only way I could be sure I wouldn’t show up at your house and admit what an idiot I’d been to walk away from you on Saturday.”
“You’re an idiot?”
“Don’t pretend the news comes as a shock.” Parker walked slowly toward her, and every instinct for self-preservation she had told her to walk away. Or run. That would be smarter.
She didn’t move.
“I’m no good for you,” he said when he was in front of her. “We both know it. I can never be the kind of man you deserve.” He reached out, his thumb grazing her cheek. “Somehow that doesn’t stop me from wanting you.”
Mara’s pulse hummed. “Welcome to the club.” Although his mouth didn’t move, it felt like he smiled at her words.
“I want you,” he repeated. “Nothing I do seems to stop it. We’re here together on this project. I gave my word to my brother. It might be easier for both of us if I could leave Starlight and not come back, but that isn’t an option yet.”
Yet. One word reminded her how temporary Parker’s presence in her life would ultimately be. Her mind raced. Because temporary meant an end date, and an end date meant she could stop herself from truly falling for him.
“What’s option B?” she asked, hoping she already knew the answer.
He lowered his mouth to hers, and her body purred to life in response.
“This would be temporary,” she forced herself to say when he finally pulled back. “No strings.”
He nodded, his blue eyes filled with the same level of passion she knew must be reflected in hers.
Her body liked the idea of it immediately, but a little voice inside her head warned her it wouldn’t be as easy to cut ties with Parker as she wanted to believe.
Mara ignored that voice.
“It’s a deal.” She held out her hand, and Parker grinned as he took it.
“Did we just make some kind of sex pact?” he asked with a chuckle.
“I prefer to think of it,” she told him, “as a mutually beneficial temporary arrangement.”
“That’s a lot of words.”
“You’re an attorney,” she reminded both of them. “You like words.”
“I like you.” The rough timbre of his voice sent shivers rippling down her spine.
She leaned up on her toes and kissed him again. It felt exciting and new to be able to give in to the temptation of Parker. He cupped her cheeks in his hands, as if her mouth on his was a precious gift, one to be cherished. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt cherished.
“You’re the best hangover cure I’ve ever experienced,” he said against her lips.
“You should try a milkshake and a hamburger at the diner in town. It’s a surefire remedy.”
“Great. I’ll take you to lunch.”
Her head snapped up, the lustful haze she’d been in suddenly doused with icy water. “I can’t go to lunch with you.”
“Why?”
“People will talk.”
“Let them talk.”
“Spoken like someone who doesn’t live in a small town anymore. You don’t know how it is around here.”
“I know exactly how it is,” he countered. “We work together, so if you need a reason we’d be out to lunch, there you go. I can do temporary, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be relegated to some dirty little secret. I want to spend time with you. Both you and Evie.”
Her stomach did a series of flips worthy of an Olympic tumbler. “I don’t want Evie to get attached to you,” she said quietly, not bothering to mention she was as worried about her own possible attachment as she was about her daughter’s.
“I’m her coach,” he argued. “And her best friend’s uncle. It won’t seem strange for me to be around.”
True, and she’d been fine when Parker wanted to help coach her daughter. Was this really any different? Just because they’d decided to act on their attraction to each other?
She could handle it, and maybe it would be good for both of them. Mara had no intention of getting serious with a man any time soon. She had little interest in dating even if she had the energy for it.
“Fine.” She took a step back, folding her arms across her chest. “But don’t think you’re going to be Mr. Charm-School and sweep either of us off our feet.”
“I wouldn’t dare.” He winked. “Although you’re only human, so I’m not sure you have a fighting chance with regard to my charm. It’s like a force of nature. I can’t control it.”
She threw her head back and laughed, mood restored.
Josh walked in at that moment, darting a questioning gaze at each of them. “What’s so funny?”
Mara turned toward him. “I’m going to date your brother.”
He gave a grunt of disbelief. “Oh, yeah. That’s hilarious.”
“It’s true, though.” She patted his shoulder. “Just temporarily while he’s in Starlight. Don’t worry. It’s nothing serious. Two consenting adults who—”
“I can’t go there.” Josh held up a hand. “That is the worst idea in the history of ideas.”
Parker shook his head. “Maybe we could have eased him into it?”
“The direct method is better. I stopped playing guessing games when I got divorced. It will be fine.”
“I bet someone uttered those words after the Titanic hit the iceberg,” Josh muttered.
Mara only smiled, refusing to be deterred. Only by bulldozing her way through this could she keep things under control and in perspective.
Temporary. No strings attached.
They all turned toward the window as a large truck pulling a flatbed trailer loaded with lumber trundled into the parking area.
“That’s the wood for the trim.” Parker ran a hand through his hair as he took a step toward the door. “I’ll tell them where to unload and get the sawhorses ready.”
“Coward,” Mara said under her breath as he moved past.
“Yep,” he agreed readily. “See you for lunch.”
“We’re not on the Titanic,” she said to Josh when they were alone.
He raised a brow. “The Hindenburg?”
“We’re keeping it simple. You already know there’s something between your brother and me. What better way to get rid of an itch than to scratch it?”
“That’s also a great way to make it spread.”
She blew out a breath. “We’re not talking about poison ivy.”
“I’m aware, Mara.” He walked to the desk and took the seat Parker had vacated minutes earlier. “You’re both adults. I’m not going to make a big deal of this, but I will tell you to be careful.”
“I’ve got it under control.”
“You’re not as tough as you want people to believe.” He pointed a finger at her. “For that matter, neither is Parker. He’s trying, but I’d guess this is unchartered water for him.”
“Dating?” Mara sniffed. “I doubt it.”
“Dating a woman where he doesn’t call all the shots. My brother and I grew up in the same house. We’ve dealt with the ramifications in different ways. I tend to commit too quickly. I want to save people the way I wished someone would save me. It’s not healthy. Maybe if I didn’t take everything on as a crusade, my own marriage wouldn’t have fallen apart.”
“Don’t you dare blame yourself.” Mara placed her palms flat on the desk and leaned forward. “Your daughter had cancer. Of course you’re going to be a crusader. Any parent would. Your ex-wife’s actions aren’t your responsibility. She left, Josh. It’s horrible but that’s on her. Even if for whatever reason she didn’t want to be in the marriage anymore, there’s no excuse for walking away from Anna.”
“Thank you. Sometimes I go down the rabbit hole and…”
“I know.” She sat down across the desk from him. “I’m the same way. Maybe if I’d been better at balancing things. Maybe if I’d kept Paul happy, my daughter would still have a father.” She held up a hand when he would have argued with her. “I understand what I’m doing with your brother, and the reason I mentioned it in front of you is because we’re friends. I’m due for some fun, Josh. You and I are both due.”
He groaned. “Don’t make me think about you and my brother together.”
“Agreed,” she said with a laugh. “Just know our friendship won’t change.”
“I can’t call you my casual sex sister-in-law?” he asked with a smirk.
“Well, you can.” She plastered on her brightest smile. “But only if you’re looking to get your butt whupped.”
“Just take care of your heart,” he said, suddenly serious.
“I will,” she promised, a lump forming in her throat. She had friends in Starlight. It was home, and as much fun as she knew she’d have scratching all the itches with Parker, she’d never jeopardize the life she’d built for herself and Evie.