Saturday morning brought gray skies and the threat of rain. Mara secretly hoped the weather might warrant canceling Evie’s soccer game. She’d spent yesterday camouflaging her emotions, first at Main Street Perk and then at the mill. She’d fooled everyone at the coffee shop easily enough. A benefit of not being great at small talk on a good day was that the bad days didn’t look much different.
Josh, on the other hand, had taken one look at her and pulled her in for a big bear hug. “Go home,” he’d told her. “Watch TV and eat ice cream out of the carton or whatever it is women do when they look as awful as you.”
“You need to work on your words of comfort,” she said with a sad laugh. But the fact that he’d been able to make her smile meant the world. She’d convinced him that staying busy was better than wallowing in her heartbreak, and he’d actually put her to work staining the reclaimed wood that covered one wall of the building’s renovated bathroom.
Most of her contributions had been in the area of design or decor, so she’d actually enjoyed the opportunity to pitch in that way. The entire site was taking shape the way she planned, and she felt gratified at how well her vision worked for the project.
A day immersing herself in work had been just what she’d needed, and she’d fallen asleep in Evie’s bed, waking only when the first light of dawn slipped between the gaps in the curtains covering the windows.
Which meant she’d been awake for hours with nothing to do but think. Even baking a batch of chocolate-chip cookies for the team hadn’t taken her mind off Parker. The quiet kitchen only intensified the voices in her head, the ones that accused her of giving up on him without a fight.
Mara had fought for her doomed marriage, but she’d still been left alone in the end. She had to believe she’d done the right thing in breaking up with Parker. The thought of him counseling her ex-husband made her stomach churn with both anger and disbelief.
She wished the anger could stifle the stabbing ache in her heart but knew only time would heal that wound.
She hoped.
“Now I remember why I never liked soccer,” Brynn said with a sigh.
Mara gave her a gentle nudge. “What’s wrong with soccer?”
“The weather,” Brynn answered, resting her head against Mara’s shoulder. “Outdoor sports should be allowed only in the loveliest weather.”
“Good luck with that in Washington.”
“Exactly,” Brynn agreed with a shiver. “How are you doing?”
“Fine.”
“Liar.”
“Evie misses Coach Parker.” Mara pointed toward her daughter, who stood on the far side of the field, arms folded tightly across her chest. The girl looked miserable.
“Is she cold?” Brynn asked.
Mara shook her head then shifted to glance at the parents huddled a few feet away. “There’s another dad helping coach since Parker returned to Seattle. Kind of intense. He yelled at Evie.”
Brynn let out a strangled snort. “Oh, no, he didn’t.”
“It’s okay, Mama Bear.” Mara patted the top of Brynn’s head. “Evie might be shy, but she’s also discovered quite the mulish streak. The assistant dad also yelled at the girl who’s always bullied Evie, and my kid stuck up for both of them.”
“Good for her.”
“Yeah. Josh missed the whole interaction, and he put Evie in on defense. So far, she’s let three balls roll by without moving.”
“A peaceful protest. She’s a nonconformist at age five. I love it.”
“I doubt the other parents feel the same. She might get kicked off the team.”
“Josh won’t let that happen,” Brynn promised. “He’s a stand-up guy.”
“Unlike his brother?”
“I’m sorry you’re hurting,” Brynn said with another shoulder squeeze. “But I can’t believe Parker used you. I don’t want to sound naive. It’s simply not the guy I know.”
“Me neither.” Mara sighed. “I’m worried I didn’t really know him. What if I was too distracted by the chemistry and easing the loneliness of single parenting?”
“It’s so darn lonely.” Brynn’s voice sounded wistful.
“Evie’s hurting, and it’s my fault. I essentially cut her father from her life and now I’ve let her get close to a man I knew wasn’t in it for the long haul.”
Brynn stepped away then turned to face Mara. “Did you actually know that?”
Mara shook her head. “I’m too confused to know anything at this point. Other than I have to do what’s right for my daughter.”
“Okay.” Brynn nodded, almost more to herself than Mara. “First things first. You need to talk to your ex.”
“I called his office and made an appointment to meet with him next week. If he wants to be a real dad to Evie, I’m going to help him.”
“You also need to figure out what’s going on with him and his new wife.” Brynn leaned in. “And with Parker. Attorney-client privilege only goes one way. Your ex can tell you what happened at that meeting.”
“I’m not sure I want to know.”
“Ask anyway.”
Mara sniffed. “Are you this brave in your own life?”
“Heck, no.” Brynn flashed a cheeky grin. “But I did respond to one of my online matches last night. We’re meeting for coffee next week.”
“Nice. I want to hear…” Mara gasped, her lungs constricting, as Evie suddenly ran at a girl from the other team with high pigtails dribbling the ball toward the goal. She’d never seen her daughter move so quickly, and definitely not on the soccer field.
Looking not at all like herself, Evie stole the ball and began to run down the field. The pink tip of her tongue poked out from between her lips as she concentrated on her ball handling. Maybe Parker had missed his calling as a youth soccer coach because Mara barely recognized her daughter.
She could hear the players and parents cheering through the ringing in her ears, but all her attention remained on Evie. When she got close to the opposing goal, the girl planted her feet for an instant then ran at the ball, sending it sailing into the air. It hit one of the goalposts and Mara cringed, her heart in her throat. But instead of bouncing away, the ball dropped into the goal.
Evie had scored.
Brynn shouted and hugged Mara. “She is the second coming of Messi.”
As Evie’s teammates surrounded her, Mara met Josh’s gaze across the field. Grinning, he held up his hands as if to ask how that goal had just happened.
She shook her head as she returned his smile.
A few of the parents congratulated her. Despite the still-intense pain over losing Parker and her fears with regard to talking to Paul, Mara’s heart felt full.
At the end of the game, she hugged her daughter, crouching down so she and Evie were at eye level. “That was an amazing goal.”
Evie nodded, glancing over her shoulder. “I’m going to hang out with my friends,” she said, pointing to where the rest of the team stood together, enjoying cake pops one of the parents had brought for an end-of-game celebration.
“Sure,” Mara said, chest squeezing. “I’ll be here with the other mommies and daddies.”
“Can we call Parker later?” Evie asked, wiping a hand across her forehead. “I want to tell him ’bout scoring.”
Mara’s lungs felt like they’d been flattened by a semi. “We’ll see.” She smiled and ruffled Evie’s hair. “Go get your cake pop, girl.”
“’Kay. Love you, Mommy.”
“Love you, too, Evie-Stevie.”
Mara curled her hands into fists, welcoming the pain of her nails digging into her palms. Her daughter wanted to call Parker. How were either of them going to let him go?
* * *
Parker sat behind his desk the following Tuesday, frustrated beyond belief at how much trouble he was having reacclimatizing to his regular routine.
It was as if he’d been on some stellar once-in-a-lifetime vacation for the past few weeks instead of scrambling to renovate an old lumber mill in a town he’d left in his rearview mirror a decade earlier.
But he couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that his normal life no longer fit the man he was…or more important, the man he wanted to be. Sunshine and blue skies had met him in Seattle, a few more weeks of fall before the winter gray permeated everything. For Parker, the landscape paled in comparison to Starlight, although he understood that had more to do with the depth of his emotional ties than anything else.
He glanced up when someone knocked on his door. Josh stepped into the office.
Parker immediately strode forward and wrapped his brother in a huge hug. “Man, this is a surprise. Good to see you. How are things? How’s Anna? Does she miss me?”
Josh’s eyes widened with shock as Parker pulled away. “Um…you know it’s been less than a week since you left?”
“Yeah.” Heat flooded Parker’s cheeks. He was acting like an idiot, greeting his brother as if they’d been separated for years. It felt like a lifetime ago that he’d driven out of his hometown. Since returning to Seattle, he hadn’t slept more than a few hours a night and he had trouble focusing on anything.
“She misses you,” Josh said gently.
Parker cleared his throat. “Bring her into the city. We can show her the pier and go to the aquarium. I’ve heard it’s—”
“I was talking about Mara.”
“Don’t go there,” Parker said. “You know there’s no chance for us.”
“Never say never.” Josh smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Lucky for you, I have my own woman trouble to deal with at the moment. You’re off the hook for now.”
“Are you dating someone?” As far as Parker knew, his brother hadn’t been with a woman, even casually, since the divorce.
“Jenn called yesterday. She wants to see Anna.”
Parker cursed under his breath.
“My thoughts exactly.”
“Sit down.” Parker walked behind his desk again and slid into the chair. Damn. He could feel the tension radiating from his brother. He’d been so happy to see Josh, he’d missed it at first. He’d missed so much.
“Of course I want Anna to see her mom.” Josh grabbed at his head with both hands, leaving his hair standing on end like Parker remembered from when they’d been boys. “Everything happened so fast when she left. I was dealing with the cancer treatments and then the bills, so I didn’t exactly process any feelings around my marriage. There wasn’t time. I had to keep moving…”
“Moving forward,” Parker murmured, as he’d told himself on the drive out of Starlight.
“Yes,” Josh breathed.
“Do you still love her?” Parker felt compelled to ask. Once again, he realized he’d failed his brother. Almost a month living under the same roof, and they hadn’t talked about the details of Jenn leaving or how Josh felt about it now. Divorce was business for Parker, but if Mara had taught him one thing, it was that the emotional toll of ending a marriage left way worse scars than any financial ramifications.
Much like it had been with their father.
“Not in the way a husband loves a wife,” Josh admitted. “Although I’m not angry, either. I’m…” He shook his head. “Empty.” The word sounded wrong coming from Josh. His brother had the biggest capacity for love Parker had ever seen.
“You’re not empty. I’ve seen you with Anna. Hell, with the soccer team. You connect with every subcontractor that works at the mill. You aren’t empty.” Parker took a breath. “If you’re empty, I must be a cavernous void of emotion.”
Josh laughed. “Only a little.”
“What do you want to see happen with Jenn?” Parker asked after a moment.
“In the divorce we agreed—”
“I don’t care what came before. Tell me what you want, and I’ll make it happen. No offense to my former sister-in-law, but I’ll cut her off at the knees if that’s what it takes to protect you.”
“Stop.”
“I’m serious.”
Josh sighed. “I know, and I appreciate it. Remember what we talked about before you left? You don’t have to be some merciless tyrant. That’s not why you became a family law attorney.”
“Divorce attorney,” Parker corrected.
“Don’t pretend like you weren’t changed by your time in Starlight. By Mara.”
“I’m not discussing her.” Just hearing her name made Parker’s pulse quicken. “If you want help with your ex-wife…in any capacity… I’m here for you. But nothing about my life is going to change.”
“I do want help with Jenn.” Josh laughed without humor. “Not cutting her off at the knees, but I have a tendency to roll over when faced with conflict. I never learned how to manage it with Dad, but now I can’t stop myself.”
A tight ball of regret formed in Parker’s throat. “If you need me to be strong for you…”
“I need you to teach me to be strong for myself and for Anna.”
“We can manage that,” Parker promised.
Josh’s shoulders sagged and when he smiled, it finally reached his eyes. “You help me and I’ll teach you how to be vulnerable.”
Parker barked out a laugh. “No thanks. Full up on vulnerable over here.”
“You haven’t even scratched the surface.”
“Which is just how I like it.”
“You don’t like being alone,” Josh said quietly. “You don’t like living without Mara.”
Parker should have argued but why bother? He wasn’t going to fool his brother.
“Let’s figure you out first,” he answered instead. “Then we’ll worry about me.”