Tanner knew he shouldn’t be driving. It was late and he was tired.
But what else could he do? He couldn’t go back to the ranch and face Keira. Not after what she’d told him. Not after he’d been going on and on about how he was going to dedicate this season to his brother.
No wonder she wanted him gone.
He stared at his headlights illuminating the darkened road. Vegas was still a twelve-hour drive away. He wouldn’t get there tonight.
But once he hit the open road, he couldn’t stop. He needed to clear his head, to find a place in his mind for what Keira had told him. To figure out if he still had a place in her life.
She didn’t want him around and he didn’t blame her. He didn’t deserve to be around her, either.
His thoughts jumped back and forth between the year he’d just spent seeking a way to make peace with the guilt that drove him so hard. Guilt over the death of a man he didn’t know anymore.
David had been his brother.
And he’d done this horrible thing to the woman he loved.
How was he supposed to carry on? And yet, what else could he do? He felt as if the events of the past year inexorably drew him on to Vegas. The end of his long journey.
The original plan had been for him to leave tomorrow anyhow, headed down a journey that was the culmination of a year’s work. He’d made so many sacrifices to do this. His health, his business, any kind of personal life—all pushed aside and neglected for this one goal.
The memory of David had been with him every time he’d strapped David’s saddle on the heaving sides of a bronc. Every time he climbed on and got himself ready. Every time he got hurt and got up and rode again.
Every win that took him closer to absolving him of the guilt that haunted him from the moment he’d gotten that phone call.
And then Alice, telling him that the future of the ranch also hung on an eight-second ride.
What was he going to do about that?
Trouble was, he knew he couldn’t go back, not after what Keira had said.
Why should she want him around, a daily reminder of what had happened?
But another part of him knew that wasn’t entirely true. They’d had some wonderful times together the past few days. Each moment he was with her he felt as if he had come back to where he belonged.
But how could he face her when the main reason he’d come to her ranch was for her father to fix the saddle of the man who had hurt her so badly. All so he could finish a year dedicated to that same man.
For now, he had no other place to go and nothing else to do so he kept driving and, when he hit the interstate, he turned his truck toward the road that would take him to Vegas.
* * *
“Hey, Sugar, what do you think? Felt good to get out, didn’t it?” Keira petted her dog on the head, then unwound the scarf she’d had wrapped around her neck and head.
Last night, after telling her parents about David, they had prayed together, cried together, then Keira had retreated to her bedroom. After a fitful night she awoke as soon as the sun was up and went for a walk.
She had just returned, but instead of going to the house to face her parents and Alice, she had come here to the shop, hoping to lose herself in her work.
She hung up her scarf and coat, shivering as she walked over to the furnace to turn it up. As she did, her foot scuffed a piece of metal that clanged off the base of the workbench. Puzzled, she picked it up and her heart dropped.
A D ring from a saddle. The only saddle she’d been working on the past while was David’s.
She closed her eyes, took in a few long, slow breaths to still her roiling emotions.
You are all I need, Lord. You know who I am. You know my name.
She tossed the ring in the garbage. It made a ting on the metal and Sugar walked over as if to investigate. he gave a short whuff, trotted back to his dog bed and dropped onto it, head resting on his paws.
“Yeah, that’s the last we’ll see of David’s saddle,” Keira said to her dog as she walked around the workbench to the stack of leather.
She squeezed her fists, trying not to think of Tanner. She knew he was leaving for Vegas and why would that change? He had a job to do. Besides, she had been the one who had told him to leave.
Again, she pushed the thoughts aside and started working. The monotony of laying out and cutting the same patterns again and again, the snick of the scissors through the thick leather and then, the steady tempo of the sewing machine as she worked created a rhythm that banked the worst of her pain.
She knew it would come back, but for now her work kept her mind busy enough to reduce Tanner to a shadow in the background.
She worked all through lunch, ignoring the rumblings of her stomach; thankful her father had left her alone for now.
But then, later in the afternoon, the door of the shop creaked open and Sugar let out a welcoming bark.
Keira couldn’t help it. Her heart jumped with hope and she spun around. But it was only her father stepping inside.
“Hey, you. Guessed you wanted to be left alone, but I needed to see how you’re doing.” He kept his distance, as if waiting to see what she needed.
Keira tamped down her foolish reaction, and the unwelcome disappointment that followed it. “I’m trying to catch up in time for the next show. Thanks for asking.” She gave him a tight smile. “I know this is hard news for you, but I’ve been living with it for the past five years.”
“I know, but still...” He let the sentence drift off as he came closer then stopped by the workbench, restacking some of the leather pieces that had slipped off the pile. He cleared his throat and Keira steeled herself for whatever it was he had to tell her.
“You need to tell Alice,” Monty said.
“Tell her what?” Keira snipped an errant thread and set the piece she’d been working on aside.
Monty sighed. “I’m not sure. But I believe she needs to know. Not to show her what a snake David was, but to let her see that she’s been wrong to treat Tanner as she has.”
“Do you think telling her what David did to me will change that?”
Monty sighed. “I don’t know. I just feel so strongly about what has happened to Tanner. I want to make it right. Everyone in the valley knows it wasn’t right for Tanner to be skipped over.”
Keira looked down at her hands, absently pushing back a cuticle as she considered what her father told her. “She might not believe me,” Keira said, stating the other possibility. “And I can’t face that.”
“I understand, honey. But I do believe parents know when their kids did right and when they did wrong.”
“Do you believe Lee ran over Abby Newton’s father? Do you believe he did what he was accused of?”
Her father’s gaze narrowed and for a moment Keira felt she had overstepped her boundaries. “He was in the driver’s seat of his truck when the sheriff found him. He was tried by a judge and found guilty,” was her father’s evasive reply.
Keira looked away. “Well, I don’t believe he did it, regardless of what Cornell Newton said he saw. Why would Alice think any different if I told her what David did? It would be my word against the memory of a son she spoiled and idealized. No eyewitnesses at all.”
The only sound in the silence that followed her words was the deep breathing of Sugar, oblivious to the upheavals in the lives of his masters.
“Another thing, I know I’m supposed to be forgiving,” Keira continued. “I want to forgive her and...David. But it’s so hard. I know that lack of forgiveness had kept me away from church for a while and I don’t want what happened to me to define my life. If I can’t forgive her or David, I feel like what happened will always be attached to me. Like a barnacle I can’t get rid of.”
Her father walked over to her, knelt down beside her and gave her a quick, hard hug. “Don’t carry that weight so hard, my dear. God knows how you are feeling about this. He understands your pain and He knows how hard it can be to forgive. This is a huge thing you’ve had to deal with. Forgiving this is going to take time and that’s good. To forgive too quickly is to skip over the process of healing you need to go through and to minimize this horrible thing that happened.”
Keira rested her head against her father’s shoulder. “Thanks, Daddy,” she whispered. “How did you get to be so wise?”
“Not so wise, honey,” he said, and Keira heard the regret in his voice. “If I was wise I would have seen what was going on. I might have intervened when you and Tanner were fighting, made room on the ranch for you both. I guessed I had kept hoping Alice would do the right thing.” Then Monty pushed himself to his feet. “Which is why Alice needs to know.”
“Maybe, but even if I tell her and she agrees to do the right thing, what difference will that make?” she asked, suddenly weary and wrung out. “Tanner’s gone. I doubt he’s coming back.”
“Don’t ever underestimate that man,” he said quietly. “He’ll do what’s right.”
Monty laid his hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, catching the sorrow in his eyes. “I always said I didn’t want to be the kind of person who was blind to his children’s faults. Heather and Lee haven’t made good choices. Lee was living a life that didn’t honor God or us, and Heather always went her own way. Maybe you made a couple of bad choices, too, but you, of all my children, did not deserve to have this horrible—” his hand tightened on her shoulder a minute, then released “—horrible thing happen to you. And if it was my son who did it, I would want to know.”
Keira’s only response was a tight nod.
“We’re going to eat supper in a few minutes, then we’re watching the National Finals. Just thought I would warn you.”
“Thanks,” was all she said. “I’ll see how I feel.”
Monty patted her once more on the shoulder, then left.
Keira sat a moment, staring into space, her heart aching. She didn’t want to watch Tanner compete but at the same time, part of her wanted to have a different picture in her mind than of the anger in his face.
She wanted to see him smile.
Wanted one good memory to tuck away for the time ahead.