42

Tears

I don’t know how I found the guts to go in to school on Monday. I was totally dreading it. As I walked towards our form block I could see Lily and everyone in a huddle round Nadima. But long before I reached them, Lily broke away and came up to me.

‘Nadima asked me to give you this,’ she said, handing me the pink and silver BFF bracelet. I shoved it in my bag and then slipped off to the girls’ loos, locked myself in a cubicle and sobbed and sobbed.

It got worse.

Mrs C called me out of registration, took me to her office and treated me to a full lecture.

‘Jaz, you have been incredibly insensitive and tactless. You’ve treated Nadima as if she was one of your “campaigns” or a school project!’ she told me.

‘I was trying to help them,’ I said quietly. ‘They’re refugees – they need our help.’

‘But not like that! There’s a difference between giving them support and making them feel like a charity case. You insulted her family! In front of the entire school.’

‘I know. I’m sorry,’ I said. I bit my lip and to my horror felt tears sting my eyes.

I think Mrs C was surprised I wasn’t arguing back at her like I usually do. Because then she started being nice to me, which made it even worse.

‘Jaz, you’re not insensitive and you’re not stupid. You’re a lovely, kind, bright girl and you absolutely have your heart in the right place. I think it’s wonderful the way you and Nadima have overcome a huge language difficulty and become friends. I really do.’

I burst into tears. She handed me a tissue.

‘But you must stop charging in like a bull in a china shop. It’s good to want to help people, but you mustn’t assume people need you to fight their battles for them. Especially when you’re only a twelve-year-old girl and they’re adults. And particularly this family – who have confronted and survived more terrible problems and disasters than you can begin to imagine. Most of all they need our friendship and support – not our charity.’

I nodded. I couldn’t speak.

She got me a cup of tea and let me sit in her office until the bell went.

I headed off to geography. Up ahead of me in the corridor, Nadima was walking between Lily and Kara. Elly and Chloe were walking behind them. They were all laughing. I wanted to go up to Nadima and ask if we could talk. But I couldn’t get near her. So I left it until we could talk in class. But in the lesson, Mr K told us to get into groups of four to design a weather station.

Kara’s hand immediately shot up. ‘Sir, can we be a five so that Nadima isn’t left out?’ she asked.

‘Yes, good idea,’ he said.

So guess who was left out? You do the sums. I ended up with Ryan and Liam and a couple of other boys.

I was desperate to talk to Nadima. So when the lesson ended and everyone was going out, I went up and put my hand on her arm.

‘Nadima?’ I said.

She turned to look at me. The others stopped just behind her and stood watching, so I added, ‘Can I talk to you?’

I thought the others would be tactful enough to drift off. Fat chance. Kara even pushed closer.

‘Yes?’ asked Nadima, politely.

‘I just wanted to say sorry,’ I mumbled.

She gave me a quick nod. ‘OK. Yes. Thank you.’ Then she went off with Kara and everyone, and just left me standing there.