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Adam paused at the fetid odor of wafting testosterone that surrounded her place of work.
Annalise paused, one hand on the door, her eyes waiting for him to tell her it was safe. “What is it? Do you feel something?”
It had been a simple question with a simple answer, but taken aback by her reliance on him, he struggled to answer. She was coming to trust his instincts and the idea that he would always protect her.
“It’s nothing to worry over.” He reached for the door and held it for her.
Tobacco scented air greeted as they stepped into the dimly lit bar. His hand closed around her hip, tucking her into his side.
She laughed and patted his hand. “Loosen up, caveman. Why don’t you wait in that booth while I talk to—”
“No.” His eyes narrowed. He didn’t like this place. He didn’t like the way the men watched her or the way the bartender wanted her.
“Adam. Let me do this.”
Once again he had a strange inclination that something had changed. She’d been acting different since they left the Mennonite house two nights ago. Every so often he’d glimpse a resoluteness in her eyes that hadn’t been there before.
He saw the same glimmer now and wondered what she intended to tell them. “Do not take long.”
“Don’t be pushy.” She took a step and he pulled her back, spinning her towards him.
His lips pressed to hers and he whispered, “Then don’t push me.”
Rolling her eyes, she gave him a little shove on the chest, her gaze playful. “Sit. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Never taking his gaze off her, he lowered into the booth and scowled when the men noticed her return.
“I ... had the flu.” The more she repeated the lie, the easier it came.
He didn’t condone her lying at all, but for their situation, it seemed a necessary evil. When the bartender finally saw her, he tensed.
“Anna? Where have you been? We’ve been calling you.”
She paused and Adam saw in her eye that this had not been the greeting she’d expected from the man. She angled her head toward the back of the bar, and he followed her.
They stood in the doorway where Adam had a clear visual of them. The music and conversation impeded his ability to clearly hear what they said, but he caught enough to know she was saying goodbye.
He frowned as a wave of upset stole over her and the scent of her tears reached his nose.
“We knew this moment would eventually come,” he heard her say. She rose to her toes and a growl rumbled in Adam’s chest as she hugged the other man.
Without thought, he was on his feet, moving toward her. She saw him coming and hustled to meet him halfway. The guy watched her and frowned.
“What are you doing? You promised you’d wait.”
“He’s touching you,” he growled through clenched teeth.
“Adam, I got this. Go sit down.”
“He should not be touching you.” His vision shifted to a predator’s stare as another growl escaped. Men continued to ogle her in that dress. “We shouldn’t have come here.”
She gripped the front of his shirt, yanking him close, and hissed, “Adam, pull it together. You’re making a scene.”
Nostrils flaring, he drew in an unsteady breath and nodded. “Hurry.”
“Go sit down. I need a few more minutes.”
He didn’t have a few more minutes. The scent of other men, their thrumming curiosity and probing focus... It baited him in a dangerous way. “Anna...”
“I know. We’re almost finished. I need you to give me five minutes, Adam. Please.”
That softly whispered plea undid his coiling possessiveness enough to allow her a brief reprieve. “Don’t let him touch you again.”
Unsteady on his feet and bombarded by the drunken emotions floating through this place, he took a seat by the door.
In a mix of conversation, more lies left her lips. “Upstate. It, um, turns out that I have some family there.”
Every time she made an excuse for her absence, she followed it with a goodbye. His heart raced as he realized, she wasn’t taking time off, but giving her notice—leaving the job for good.
His spine tightened. Why would she do that unless she had no intention of returning? What did this mean?
As he tried to follow her emotions and understand what she planned, he kept getting distracted by the numerous hugs the men offered. At first, she kept her distance, blaming her distance on the flu and claiming she might still be contagious, but some men were more zealous than others.
When a burly fellow wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off ground, Adam nearly flipped the table springing to his feet. His heartbeat pounded in his skull as his lungs burned as though filled with fire.
A growl ripped from his throat, as he saw the lush curve of her bottom peek from beneath the hem of her dress as the man returned her to her feet. He was at her side, before she had her balance, pulling her away from the man.
“We’re leaving.”
The man frowned. “Who are you?”
Adam’s eyes flashed, his glare cutting to the man’s gullet. His claws pressing at his fingertips, threatening to come out. “I’m no one you need to remember.”
“This guy bothering you, missy?” another man asked, and Adam pulled her behind him.
“It’s fine, Gus.” Her nails dig through his sleeve. “But we have to get going.”
“You’ll come back and visit.”
“I’m sure.”
He seethed as she dragged out the goodbyes. One more person laid a hand on her and he’d lose it. His control frayed like a rolling ball of yarn spinning undone.
With her nails still embedded in his arm, she jerked him away from the men and growled, “Could you make any more of a scene?”
“They were touching you.”
“They were saying goodbye.” She pushed through the door and let go of him. “I wanted five minutes to say goodbye and you couldn’t give me that!”
His chest heaved with agitated breaths. Her skin reeked of other men and her breasts were nearly spilling out of that undergarment she called a dress.
“This might mean nothing to you, but it meant something to me, Adam! They’re my friends! Those men are like family to me.”
Her words pelted him, but her voice hummed as if only a distant echo. Sharp ringing vibrated in his ears until he could only make out the movement of her lips and her anger.
She shoved his chest and pivoted. The sight of her marching away snapped a trigger and he pounced.
His hand muffled her scream as he jerked her into his arms and dragged her to the shadows. Her heels kicked into his legs, only heightening his need to dominate her and subdue her struggles.
Hidden by the trees, he dragged her to the ground and pinned her arms with one hand, his legs trapping hers. She screamed again—
“Silence.”
Her voice held with silent panic as he yanked the futile strap of her dress away and plunged his teeth into her frantic pulse. Her body stiffened as he gorged himself. Her blood laced with adrenaline, spiking his own as his hips bucked over her.
She smelled like them.
His fingers gripped the top of her dress and pulled, ripping the front open. Snapping his head back, bearing his fangs, he hissed. Moonlight bathed her naked breasts as blood trickled from her throat.
Her mouth moved, forming the shape of his name, but no sound came out. Releasing her wrists, he cupped her breasts, licking his blood-stained tongue over her flesh and marking her with his scent.
His body throbbed. His instincts insisted he claim her.
Tugging his pants open, he shoved at her legs, kneeing his way between her thighs. Sharp nails cut his face as she clawed at him.
He growled and caught her arms, shoving them roughly into the dirt. His eyes flashed with rage. How dare she fight him?
He tore at her dress until only tattered threads clung to her skin. The more she fought him, the more his determination to take her grew. An overwhelming need to show her she belonged to him, to take away any other choice and force her surrender took hold of him.
Stronger than any instinct he’d ever suffered, he released his cock and used his weight to pin her down. He needed to get inside of her, penetrate her soul, fill her, and complete the bond.
Drawing his wrist to his mouth, he sank his teeth into the flesh at his vein and ripped open his skin. “Be still.”
Her frantic eyes widened as he held her beneath him, hand knotted in her hair, his blood seeping from his veins, ready to mix with hers.
Adam... Her mouth shaped his name again and he stilled, the slightest caress penetrating his haze.
A tear rolled from the corner of her eye. He followed the clear droplet as it passed her ear, diluting the crimson tide flowing from her pulse.
Sadness. It beat at him.
He jerked back and gasped at her shivering body. Her clothes were in tatters, her box of personal belongings scattered in the dirt. Her hands shook violently as they protectively covered her naked breasts.
“Ainsicht...” What had he done? Glancing down his front, he still held his hard flesh in his hand. He let go, throwing his arms in the air. “I didn’t. Tell me I didn’t.”
She gasped in a breath and rolled to her side, coughing as her voice suddenly returned. Pain exploded in his groin as she kneed him.
“You fucking asshole!”
He rolled to his knees, gasping through the pain, needing to see the damage he’d done and make sure she wasn’t hurt. “Anna, please...”
“Don’t touch me!”
She stood, her motions unsteady and her breathing sharp and panicked. Moonlight cut through the trees, painting her ivory skin silver. Leaves and dirt clung to her flesh.
He gripped his temples, unable to face what he’d done. “Please, Anna. I didn’t mean—”
“Just ... shut up.” She turned and walked away from him.
His voice withered to a shameful boulder that lodged in his throat. He stayed on his knees, gathering her keepsakes and returning them to the crushed box, supplicating himself for her forgiveness, knowing he didn’t deserve it.
She should run away from him. Leave him in this place. In the shadows to rot.
Shame filled him like poison, a lethal venom seeping from his pores. How could he have hurt her when he’d promised to always protect her?
He didn’t know how far he’d gone, only that he’d terrified her, used compulsion to silence her. He was a monster.
Pine needles rasped under her approaching footsteps, but he couldn’t face her. Shoulders heaving, his shut his eyes, his head lowered.
“I need your shirt.”
He jaggedly pulled off his shirt and offered it to her.
“Can this get infected?”
He frowned and glanced at her.
She used the shreds of her dress to blot the blood on her neck. His shirt draped over her, several times her size. She wasn’t crying, or even glaring. Her motions were purely mechanical.
“Did we...”
“No,” she said, with enough scorn for him to understand she would never be this calm if they had. He deserved her anger.
Lowering his weight to sit on his heels, he apologized again. “I’m sorry. I don’t deserve your forgiveness—”
“No, you don’t. But it does neither of us any good to dwell on what might have happened. Put your hands behind your back and keep them there.”
He glanced up at her. “Excuse me?”
“Hands behind your back, Adam. You need blood and I’m done listening to excuses. And I’ll be damned if I let you close to me right now. Arms back and stay still.” She pushed up the loose sleeve and held her wrist an inch from his mouth. “Well?”
He blinked up at her, undeserving of her gift. “I can’t.”
“What do you mean you can’t? You need this.”
“I hurt you. I don’t deserve your forgiveness—”
“Who said anything about forgiveness?”
A scratch coiled around her leg and there were twigs in her hair. “What’s happening to me?” His voice shook as he stared up at her, wondering if this was the beginning of the end. “I could have...”
He looked away, unable to bear the consequence of his actions. If she hadn’t broken through the haze, they wouldn’t be here. He’d be taking her through the bonding and she’d have lost all choice in the matter. How long until he lost himself again?
“We waited too long,” he whispered. “You’re not safe with me.”
She cupped his face. “Adam, listen to me.” She forced him to look into her eyes. “I haven’t been safe with you since the day we met. But I’m here. I’ve been here. I’ve gone along with everything you asked, and this is where we are now. You’re right. We don’t have any time to waste. You need blood and I need pants. One thing at a time.” She lifted her wrist again. “Feed.”
He looked at her, truly seeing her strength for the first time. More than a fragile human, this female had a spirit stronger than steel. And when he felt weak and weary, she acted as his backbone, reminding him to rise and face whatever lies ahead.
He carefully turned her wrist. His thumb pressed gently over her pattering vein as he looked into her eyes. “Thank you.”
She gasped as he bit into her flesh. Her tension melted away as he pulled from her vein. His eyes relaxed, and he watched her through a half-lidded stare.
Her head rolled back on her shoulders and she moaned softly. The heat of her blood soothed his agitated beast inside, and a low purr emanated from his chest.
Her lips parted. A breathy sigh mixing with the soft sipping sounds of his throat.
Her chest lifted as her breath quickened. She stared at him through her lashes, her eyes telling him she was close.
It hadn’t been his intention, just the natural consequence of feeding from one’s mate. But as her head lulled and her cry of completion met his ears, her sweet cream bathing her thighs and tingeing the air, he groaned. The heat of his seed covered his hand, and he retracted his fangs, licking away any drops of blood at her wrist.
He looked at her as her head tipped with curiosity. He wanted to hold her. Kiss her. But he knew she was still very angry with him. He was angry with himself.
“So, I guess that happens every time,” she said, voice low and raspy.
He dropped his gaze to the mess in his hand. A strange sensation crept up his spine. “I know you only wanted to feed me.”
Silenced stretched and when he looked at her again, something dark and threatening hid in her eyes.
“If you ever take away my ability to speak again, I’ll leave you for dead. Understand?”
He nodded. “I’m—”
“Stop apologizing. I know you didn’t mean it.”
“Do you?” His sorrowful eyes searched hers.
“Yes. Now, come on. These woods freak me out.”
He followed at her side, unsure why she hadn’t left him there when she had the chance. Her car, though not the most dependable vehicle, provided some needed privacy. As soon as they were inside, she turned to him and said, “We’ll go home tonight, and you can send someone else to get the buggy tomorrow. I’m not wasting any more time.”
His head cocked, misunderstanding her meaning. “Here or home, my state won’t change.”
“I know. But the sooner we bond the sooner you’ll have your control back.”
She put her hand on the gearshift and he caught her fingers, shoving the car back into park. “What did you say?”
She glared out the window. “You heard me. I’ll do it. I made up my mind.”
“Annalise...” He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her. This was amazing. He was saved. “Even after what just happened...” His head shook in awe and disbelief. “You honor me.”
She wouldn’t look at him. “Don’t get too excited.”
“I promise to be a good husband and always—”
“I’m not marrying you, Adam.”
“But you just said—”
“I said I’d do the bonding to save your life.” She finally looked at him. “But I’m not marrying you.”
His jaw locked. “A bond is stronger than a marriage.”
“Not where I come from. Marriage is as big as it gets, and I’m not ready to promise the rest of my life to someone, especially someone I just met. You need me to stay alive and I’m okay with that. I’m even okay with the whole immortality thing. But I’m not Amish, and I don’t believe in arranged marriages, so that’s where my generosity ends.”
He folded his arms over his bare chest. “Drive.”
“You can’t get mad at me. I just said I’d save your life.”
“And I heard you. It’s impressive.”
“What is?”
“How you could offer something so selfless and life altering, yet diminish the gift at the same time.”
She scoffed. “Are you kidding me?”
“Why would I kid? Nothing about this is amusing, Annalise.”
“I must be out of my fucking mind,” she grumbled, and he’d heard enough.
Climbing out of the car, he slammed the door.
“Hey!” She jumped out of her seat and yelled across the lot as he walked away. “Where the hell are you going?”
A split second later he had his hands on her, clutching her arms tight as he towered over her. “Have I not warned you about such filthy words?”
What did she say? Shit? Fuck? Hell if she could remember. “Damn it, Adam.” She shoved him. “You don’t scare me.”
“I don’t want to scare you! I want to marry you, but you’ll have none of that!”
She shoved off the car and yelled in his face, “I’m pretty sure sacrificing my life to save yours trumps marriage!”
“You think—”
They both stilled as a door opened and a patron stumbled out of the bar. Adam put a finger to his mouth and gave her a stern look not to make a sound.
She scowled but for once in her life obeyed. Her bare legs were exposed to the world and this was not the time or place to discuss such important matters.
Keeping his voice at a whisper, he hissed, “We’ll discuss it when we get home.”
“Fine,” she snapped through gritted teeth.
“Get in the car.” He wouldn’t move until she was safely inside and covered.
“You get in the car.”
He jerked open the car door and hardened his stare. “Do not tempt me, woman.”
Her eyes flared as a wave of fury flowed from her, hot and volcanic. “Or what?”
He gritted his teeth. “You’re infuriating. You do not obey, even when it’s for your own good. Do you want that man to see you in nothing but my shirt? Perhaps you’d like to shout more profanities and draw even more attention to yourself!”
She rose on her toes, putting her nose to his. “If I’m so fucking difficult, why don’t you beg someone else to save your life? I’m not a goddamn dog who obeys!”
He wanted to throttle her. His palm itched to redden her hide for speaking such filth to him. Her English ways were a tragic comparison to the female grace he’d seen growing up.
He shoved back from the car, giving her space. “Do as you please. I’ll not waste my time defending the modesty of a female who sees my concern as a punishment. And I’ll not have a wife who speaks to me with such disrespect.”
He rounded the car, without glancing back, and climbed inside. Ridiculous. Foolish, stubborn English woman...
This was not the end of the conversation, but he was through listening to her insults. She could be soft as a flower and cutting as a razor.
At this point, an eternity together might be the death of him anyway. And while he saw the greatness of her sacrifice, he could not fathom how anyone would expect him to bond with a female who refused his name. It was unheard of. And what of their children? Should they all be bastards, flinging profanities, in the image of their mother?
She returned to the driver seat and he glared out the window. Her heavy breathing matched his own, paced and full of anger. She stretched behind the seat, digging around for something.
“Could we please just be on our way?”
“I need music,” she snapped and shoved something into the consol.
Noise drummed from the front of the car. His eyes widened as a sense of impending doom accompanied the tune, beating taps raised his heartbeat as something zinged in the air. Noise—not music.
She backed out of the parking space with a sharp jerk of the wheel and shift the car forward as a voice belted the words, “Killing in the name of.”
She turned a knob and the explosion of drums and angered lyrics deafening. His body shifted as she yanked the car onto the main road and sped into traffic.
His nails gripped the door as the car gathered speed. The voice screamed angrily. Swearing and banging and raging in a volcanic eruption of noise that blew from every angle of the car until he covered his ears and stared at her in horror.
She couldn’t possibly think this was music.
She clung to the wheel in a white knuckled grip, her eyes unblinking as she wove through traffic, forking onto an open highway and pushing the car to a speed he worried might cause an explosion or lose a tire.
As she sped past other cars, he saw her teeth were clenched. She wore a wild look in her eyes. The Elders failed to prepare him for an episode like this. He had no idea what was happening.
The voice raged in a collision of noise, screaming again and again, “Fuck you I won’t do what they tell me!”
Her volatile emotions bounced from indignant to apologetic to boiling. Ricocheting in a tornado of female fury he had no shelter from.
And then ... silence.
The song ended and he panted. His fingers unclenching from the door and upholstery as he blinked at her.
Her emotions cooled to a simmering hiss as she blew out a calm breath and slowed the car to a reasonable speed. Her muscles relaxed into the seat and she sat back.
Adam stared, unblinking, as if he’d just witnessed some sort of exorcism. If this was the so-called music she hoped to play at the farm, he’d have to dig a hole in the deepest part of the woods and bury her radio.
His head lowered in defeat. They had so many differences. Perhaps she was wise not to marry him. Perhaps this was the modern way of bonding, the way the new world operated. He certainly didn’t believe all the immortal males on other continents vowed an eternity to one female.
Perhaps his Amish views were clouding his salvation and he should be grateful for her presence so far and not expect more than what he deserved. But be it his faith, or culture, or just his foolish heart, he couldn’t imagine bonding with her and not sharing a home, a name, and a family as well.
Those were his only gifts to give. If she rejected them, she rejected him. And while he loved her for her willingness to help him, he didn’t want her choice to be made from pity. He wanted it made from love.
Keeping his motions slow, he bravely reached for her hand. Her eyes jerked from the road, her stare cutting to him.
“I’m sorry I lost my temper,” he whispered.
Her hand tightened around his. “Me too.”
“Please don’t ever make me listen to that again.”
She laughed. “You don’t like Rage Against the Machine?”
“I don’t like whatever that just was. And I don’t like when we argue.”
She glanced at him and smiled. “Me neither. But Adam, this expectation you have that I’ll blindly obey you... You have to get it out of your head.”
“I’m trying to bend with you, Annalise. But sometimes you can be so stubborn.”
“You can’t force me, Adam. I’ll fight you every time. Girls have bad situations thrown at them from the minute they’re born. My mom raised me to stand up for myself and stand by my beliefs. And I’ll never lose that part of her inside of me.”
“I’m not asking you to change your beliefs. I’m only asking you to respect mine. Your swearing is an abomination.”
She laughed. “Seriously?”
“Yes. I abhor hearing such words come from your mouth, and sometimes I think you use them just to upset me.”
“Well, maybe I do. But I don’t think the F word is as offensive as a man ordering a woman to obey, simply because she’s a woman.”
“I can see where I might have overstepped.”
“Might have?”
He let out a frustrated breath. He’d always dreamed of having a female who deferred to him. Someone who trusted his judgment enough to let him lead. God was a comedian.
“I will not order you to obey me if you mind your language.”
“You will not order me period, Adam. It’s as simple as that.” She pointed back and forth between them. “Equals.”
But they weren’t equal. She had abilities he did not and vice versa. Equality was a modern concept that distorted the basic nature of men and women. Biologically speaking, they were created with opposing abilities. Not only that, until they completed the bonding, they weren’t even equal species.
He opened his mouth, prepared to argue the point, and his gaze fell on the scratch at her thigh. All ego disappeared as he measured the reddened stripe with his eyes, smelled the tear in her delicate skin, and sensed the trauma he’d put her through all over again.
They were not equals. She was so much better than him. He’d attacked her and she still stood up to him.
Lifting her hand to his lips, he kissed her fingers. She was his brave little English woman. It would be a tragedy to take the fight out of her.
“You’re right,” he said, holding onto her hand as they drove. “We should be equals.”
Life would be better with a partner who challenged him. Because no matter how much she infuriated him, if she ever traded her defiance for indifference, he’d be lost. She argued because she cared—because she was trying to find a way to make this work.