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“You must be Annalise.” Ezekiel’s soft-spoken voice surprised and unnerved her. Adam’s grandfather was the patriarch of the Hartzler family, as well as an Elder on the Council. He’d come to visit at Adam’s request.
“It’s nice to meet you. Adam speaks highly of you—sir.”
“Relax, child. No need to be nervous. No harm will befall you here.” His gaze shifted to Adam. “She’s quite beautiful.”
Adam insisted they visit with his grandfather, and she understood his hope for guidance from a highly respected relative. But Annalise didn’t want advice from someone who spoke about her as if she weren’t sitting right there.
Adam’s hand closed around hers and squeezed lightly. “Yes. She’s also quite modern in her views. You have my permission to compliment her, Grandfather.”
The man raised a brow. He held a remarkable resemblance to Jonas, but had a streak of white running through his hair. “I see. My grandson is very lucky to have been blessed with such an ... independent and striking mate.”
His emphases on the word independent niggled, but she didn’t know what he was trying to imply. “Thank you.”
They gathered in Abilene’s sitting room. Adam’s mother had been busy preparing food all day, which Adam said was normal, but Annalise sensed he wasn’t sharing something.
“I imagine you have lots of questions about the bonding,” his grandfather said.
Heat rushed to her cheeks. Was this like a sex talk for immortals? “Um, Adam’s been explaining enough.”
Ezekiel chuckled. “I thought a female point of view might also be helpful.” He looked over Annalise’s shoulder and waved a hand. “Rachel.”
A floorboard creaked and a slight woman stepped into the den. She looked like every other Amish beauty on this farm—plain, timid, obedient, with lots of unspoken thoughts waiting to escape.
Ezekiel stepped to the woman’s side. “Annalise, this is Rachel, wife of Samuel Roche. I think you two will have a lot to discuss. Rachel was also English.”
Annalise’s entire demeanor shifted with intrigue. “Hi.”
Finally, a woman she could relate to.
“It’s nice to meet you.” Rachel said.
“Adam and I will take our conversation outside so you two can talk,” Adam’s grandfather announced. “We will not be far.”
“Soooo,” Annalise said, feeling as if she were on some sort of blind date. She didn’t want to bombard the woman with questions, but she had eight million. She should start with something easy. “Do you mind if I ask where you got your apron? You have a bow. I’ve only been able to find the ones that need eight million pins.”
“Only married females can have tying aprons. You’ll have one soon.”
Would she? “Oh. What about mated women?”
She frowned. “Do you not intend to marry Adam?”
She fidgeted, tapping her hands over her knees. The woman looked about Annalise’s age. “Are you related to Adam?”
The woman laughed. “We’re of no blood relation but connected distantly through marriage. I arrived just before the twins were born.”
So she was older than Adam’s thirty-seven years. “How old are you?”
She considered the question. “Well, I arrived in the seventies when I was a teenager... You know, after a while you lose count.”
“And you said you’re connected to Adam’s family by marriage?”
Her gaze turned contemplative. “My husband is the son of Mary Zehr. So my mother-in-law, Mary, is a sister to Faith Zehr. Faith is married to Ezekiel, Adam’s grandfather. So she’s no longer a Zehr, but a Hartzler.”
“Wow. I’ll never wrap my brain around that sort of lineage.”
“You figure it out after a while.”
“You're the first person I’ve met who’s been human. You ... blend in so well.”
“They prefer to call outsiders English and refer to themselves as simply Amish. That way there’s no chance of anyone accidentally overhearing something and getting the wrong impression. Where are you from, Annalise?”
“Bensalem.” Annalise glanced at the door. When was Adam coming back? She wanted him to share her excitement.
“Is that in Pennsylvania?”
“Yes. Where are you from?”
“Quebec. I was nineteen when Samuel found me.”
“How did you know you were making the right choice?”
“It wasn’t easy. I left behind three brothers, my parents, my cat, and a fiancé.”
Her lips parted. “That must have been incredibly difficult.” For once, she saw a silver lining to having no one.
“It was difficult at first, letting go of so many comforts and customs. Saying farewell to family. Samuel was very patient. He allowed me to write to them as often as I wanted. I sent letters for a long time. After a while, it was easier to simply let go. I couldn’t explain my situation, and nothing would have changed my mind. I belong here with the others.”
“No regrets?”
The woman smiled and shook her head. “No regrets. I feared I might grow to resent Samuel, but there is no resentment between us. Only love. And the love of bonded mates is greater than any human emotion I’d ever known.” She laughed. “Of course, he’s very handsome. My fear was never if I could love him. My distress stemmed from culture shock. I mean ... they’re Amish.”
“Yes!” Her eyes widened with excitement. “That’s my thing, too! I don’t know if I can do it. The women here are...” She leaned close and lowered her voice, “So different.” She avoided words like repressed. “And I love my modern comforts.”
“I miss television.”
“Right? And what about other stuff? Shopping, going to the movies, social media, having parties.”
“Samuel takes me on a trip once a year and we do those things. He prefers I behave as a good Amish wife, but he never objects to my modern traits either. And I don’t mind giving him his way most days.”
“You don’t?”
“No. Samuel gives me so much in return. I’d be lost without him. He’s the other half of my soul. Who cares what we wear or where we live? So long as I’m with him and we’re safe to live openly without fear, I’m happy. Living anywhere else would put so much unnecessary stress on a couple. Here, we can feed when we want. We can live without shame or judgment. No one notices that we don’t age. And our men are virile, Annalise. Pregnancy is inevitable. Our children are safe here as well.”
Grace had also mentioned pregnancy. “What if I don’t want to get pregnant?”
She cocked her head. “How would you do that? Can you resist your mate? I couldn’t.”
Anna bit her lip. “I...” The thought of abstaining refused to enter her head. “What about birth control?”
Rachel shook her head. “It won’t work. Their seed’s too strong for any barrier, medicinal or otherwise. Do you not want children?”
“Eventually. But I had other plans.”
She chuckled. “Looks like your plans weren’t God’s.”
She ignored the God comment. “Was the transition hard? I don’t know how I feel about the whole blood and vampire thing.”
Her eyes flashed and she glanced at the door. “We prefer the term immortal. Vampires are ... unruly.”
Annalise leveled her with a skeptical look. “But they’re pretty much the same. The night vision. The speed. The ... diet.”
“Blood’s only unappealing to you because you’re not reliant on it for survival. As soon as that changes, you won’t mind it at all. Your body will need the additional iron.”
She was probably right. Besides, she loved when Adam drank her blood. “I believe that. And honestly, it’s more the Amish thing that’s holding me up.”
Rachel smiled and whispered, “I get it. I still have my prom dress. Sometimes I wear it around the house. Samuel rolls his eyes, but it always ends up in a pile on the floor, so I know he likes when I wear it.”
“What about other stuff? Can you read thoughts or move things with your mind?”
“No, but telekinesis takes time and practice. I’m still very young.”
She glanced to the window, not seeing any sign of the men.
Rachel leaned forward and pressed a hand to her knee. “They’re in the barn. I can hear them.” She winked and tapped a finger to her ear.
Annalise smiled. “So cool. I wouldn’t mind the superpower stuff, but the transition scares me. Does it hurt?”
“If it does, I do not remember any pain. When the body dies our pain receptors die with it, and the cells regenerated have such enhanced sensory, I can only recall waking in a state of awe. It was as if I’d been reborn into a brand-new world.”
Clouds shifted, stealing the light from the moon as a breeze cut through the den. Rain spattered against the glass, the curtain lifting off the sill as the wind picked up.
“A storm’s coming.” Rachel lowered the window as thunder rolled in the distance. “Your man is returning. We should go.”
Annalise stood, wishing they could talk longer. “Can we do this again? I still have so many questions.”
“Of course.” Rachel pulled her into a hug. “I think we will be wonderful friends, Annalise. I look forward to many more chats after you’ve changed.”
“I’d like that.” She released her and followed her to the porch.
The rain pounded on the tin roof as Grace wrestled with drenched laundry whipping on the line. The trees waved toward the east as the wind kicked up.
“It’s really coming down. You should stay.”
Rachel jumped off the lowest step, her bare feet landing in a puddle and her arms spreading wide. “I love the rain,” she yelled, tipping her face to the sky. “The nights are already cooling down.”
Anna supposed she didn’t have to worry about getting struck by lightning or catching her death. While she shivered and tried to stay dry, Rachel looked to be having the time of her life.
“Thanks again.”
She smiled up at her. “I’ll see you soon.” In a flash of splashed puddles and soggy grass, she disappeared.
Annalise glanced back at Grace, who also didn’t seem to mind the rain. Then glanced at the darkening sky. Adam was staring at her from the front walk and she smiled. “There you are.”
He held out a hand. “Come play in the rain.”
She shook her head. “No way. You’re soaked to the bone. Aren’t you freezing?”
He shrugged and tipped his head back. More thunder rolled and the sky flashed white. When he looked at her again, he asked, “You don’t like the rain?”
“Not particularly.”
He nodded as if this somehow disappointed him.
“You’re soaked. Come in.”
Holding her stare, he climbed the porch steps and followed her in the house. He lifted his face and sniffed the air. “Celery.”
His feet left puddles on the floor. Anna reached for a towel. “They’ve been at it all day. It’s all I can smell.”
She mopped up his tracks. He watched her with a peculiar set to his eyes.
Wondering why he was staring at her like that, she said, “Your dripping all over your mother’s clean floor.”
“Celery’s a main ingredient in Amish wedding dishes, Annalise.”
She stilled from wiping the floor and glanced up at him. Rising to her full height, she glanced toward the kitchen and noted the stalks covering every surface. She swallowed. “Who’s getting married?”
His brow creased then smoothed. “No wedding?”
He was playing with her. “Ha ha. You’re very funny. Come on. Get out of those wet clothes before you flood the kitchen.” She reached for the top button of his shirt and stilled, her fingers turning to ice. “Where’s Adam?”
His hand closed tightly over hers, holding her close. “Don’t scream.”
She jerked her arm, but his grip tightened. Her gaze shifted to the empty kitchen. “Let go of me.”
His eyes investigated hers, intense and strangely hypnotic. If Adam found him here, he’d kill him. “You’re not allowed to touch me.”
His jaw ticked. “I want to talk.”
Her heart hammered in her chest. “Your mom and sister are right outside.”
He glanced over her shoulder. “I want something from you.”
“What?” She didn’t trust him. “Adam will be back any second.”
He shook his head. “Adam’s still in the barn.”
“What do you want?”
His thumb dragged over her knuckles and she jerked in panic. “Tell me a secret, something my brother doesn’t know about you.”
“Why should I?”
“Because I asked nicely.”
“Let go of my hand.”
“Does my touch sicken you?” He lifted a brow. “I’m not as evil as I seem. Give me a secret, sweet Annalise. Something that’s just ours.”
“Adam knows all my secrets.”
“Liar.” His hand tightened, not painfully so, but enough to make her breath catch. “He doesn’t know a fraction of them. Surely you could spare one. A little piece of you that could be mine first.”
She didn’t want to give him anything. “If I tell you a secret, will you leave?”
He nodded. “You have my word.”
She scoffed. “Like that means anything to me.”
His brows lifted. “Such sass. Your secret, please.”
She searched her memories for something she hadn’t mentioned to Adam. “I can write my name with my toes.”
When he smiled, he looked so much like Adam it disarmed her. “How incredibly charming. I’d love to see that.”
“You said you’d leave now.”
Thunder cracked close to the house and she flinched. In a blink, she could swear he shifted closer.
His finger lifted the seam of her cape. “Do you like it here, Annalise?”
“I’d like it better if you let go of my hand.”
He took a step back, and her stomach pinched when his eyes glanced away. Only because he looked so much like Adam did the rejection on his face bother her. She reminded herself this man was not worthy of her sympathy. “It was you, in the carriage in my dream last night, wasn’t it?”
He met her stare. “Does it make you wonder how I got there?”
“No. It makes me wonder what I ever did to you to be treated in such a way.”
“You mistook me for him the last time we met.”
“Only for a minute. I can tell you apart.”
“Can you, now?”
She nodded, her jaw tight and eyes narrow. “Adam’s nice to me.”
Again, he broke eye contact. And damn her for suffering another twinge of guilt. “I can be nice, too,” he rasped.
She shrugged. “Fooled me.”
“Keep your disdain.”
“Would you rather my pity? I don’t know what you’re after, but Adam will kill you if he finds you here.” And if he didn’t, he’d kill him eventually anyway. “Why are you doing this to him? He’s your brother.”
He glared at her. “All I’ve ever wanted is what’s rightfully mine.”
What was keeping Adam and the others? Though she stood straight and didn’t flinch under his hard stare, she was freaking out on the inside. Her mind reached for Adam, but she didn’t know how to make him feel her panic, especially when she was pretending to be calm on the outside.
Trying to draw Adam’s attention, she decided to use Cain’s emotions if hers weren’t working. “I belong to Adam.”
His head lifted sharply, his eyes flashing and boring holes through her. “Is that what you think? You forget that I’ve been in your dreams.” He took a step forward and she mirrored it with a step back, her gaze cutting to the window. “I don’t think you're the sort of female to give yourself to a man without holding something back.”
Her legs bumped the kitchen table and her hand closed around the rung of a chair. It was becoming harder to remain calm.
“I’m right, aren’t I?” He reached over her and she held her breath. He lifted a stalk of celery and tossed it aside. “You didn’t even agree to a wedding.”
How did he know that? “I’m marrying, Adam.”
“Don’t lie to me,” he hissed, crowding her until her back arched over the chair. “Even if there’s only ever hate between us, let it be honest.”
Her breath labored. “Fine. I might not marry Adam, but I’ll never belong to you.”
The side of his mouth lifted in a half smirk. “You’ll never fully belong to him either.”
He lifted his hand and she flinched away.
“Be still.” With slow, gradual motions, he pulled a strand of hair free from her bonnet. His head turned as he studied it.
Her shallow breathing gave away her panic. “You said you’d leave.”
His eyes cut to her. “I could take you right now. Adam’s a fool for leaving you unguarded.”
“He’d catch you.”
Cain lifted a brow. “You think he has me beat in every measure of a man?”
“You’re not a man.”
“Careful. You don’t want to unleash my temper.”
“I told you my secret, now leave. No one wants you here.”
His head turned. “You really have quite the mouth on you.” He released her hair, letting the strand fall down her shoulder. “You still don’t get it. I have as much right to be here as him. This is my home. We’ve always shared everything, even.” He dragged a finger down the center of her face. “Right down the middle.” His finger traced her lips and she jerked her head away.
He chuckled. “Well, you know how the story ends.”
“No. Tell me. How does it end?”
He stepped back, and she nearly lost her balance. “Adam wins as usual. Why do you think they’re preparing for a wedding you haven’t agreed to? He’ll do exactly as the Elders say. That’s why they favor him.”
“They can’t force me to marry him.”
He grinned. “You’d be amazed by the things they can force.”
“Adam wouldn’t force me. I trust him.”
“How charming. But Adam’s always wanted an obedient wife. Do you truly trust him not to try to change you? If you did, why not marry him? Or are you too afraid your authority will vanish?”
“Adam doesn’t want to change me,” she argued.
He laughed. “Silly girl. He absolutely wants to change you. He wants to change everything about you, from the way you survive, to the place you live. He even wants to choose the God you trust. I’m the only one offering you another option. I’m offering you a chance to leave and still enjoy all the perks of immortality.”
“Go away.” She took a step closer, set on shoving out the door if she must. “You betray him by even being here.”
He took a step back but continued to smile as if her anger were comical.
“The next time I see you, I’ll be immortal. And I won’t be so calm. How dare you come here and try to change my mind. I’m his only chance of survival. Does his life mean nothing to you?”
He leaned forward, catching the back of her neck and forcing her head to the side. His mouth pressed close to her ear. “Your adrenaline’s making your blood pump faster, sweet. I’d not take another step if I were you.”
She pulled at his arm, but he wouldn’t budge. “Get off of me.”
“Rest assured, this will be the last time you see me.”
“Why should I trust you?”
“Because once I walk out that door, I’m as good as dead.”
The door blew open as rain poured onto the porch. Wind hit her face and she squinted at him. “You think I’m the cruel one, Annalise, but I’m the only one actually giving you a choice. I’m the only one willing to sacrifice my life for your happiness. His shadow’s a cold place to spend eternity. Unless you truly believe you’ll stand as his equal.”
She shoved him toward the threshold. “Even on his absolute worst day, he’s a better man than you!”
The den lanterns flickered as a gust of wind whistled through the house. Cain’s eyes flashed as he bared his fangs. She covered her face and screamed as a deafening boom crashed outside. Squalls screeched along the house, growing until the wind roared like a freight train.
And then ... silence.
Her arms uncovered her head and she blinked at the empty kitchen. Her heart raced as she ran to the door. Wide puddles flooded the yard as water dripped from the trees. Nothing but stars filled the sky.
“Anna?”
She spun and saw Adam running through the side yard. She held up her hands as he hopped the railing of the porch. “Stop!”
He stilled, his eyes wide with concern. “What is it?”
“Adam?”
He frowned. “You’re shaken.”
“Oh, God.” She rushed to him, throwing her arms around his neck. He caught her against his drenched clothes. “He was here. Cain was here.”
“Cain was at the house?” He set her down, his eyes searching the dark fields.
“Listen to me, Adam. Something’s not right. He said things—”
“Do not trust anything he says.”
“Why would he lie to me?”
“Why would he do any of this? He’s not well, Annalise. I forbid you to speak to him.”
Her face hardened and she stomped her foot. “You forbid me?”
“He’s dangerous.”
She scoffed. “You act like I invited him here! If everyone could stop marking their territory around me for one minute and listen to me, you all might actually figure this out! Adam, your brother thinks I was called to him.”
He growled. “You were called to me. This is why I don’t want you speaking to him.”
“What if I was called to both of you?”
“He’s feeding you lies!”
“Put your anger away for a second and think about it. He envies you so deeply. I don’t think he’s doing this to hurt you. I think he loves you, Adam.”
“No. He’s trying to end me.”
“Then why is he leaving?”
Adam pulled her close and stared into her eyes. “Listen to me, Annalise. My brother’s mind is poisoned. He’s dangerous and confused. If you were truly called to him, he’d never be able to walk away.”
“What if the stories are wrong? I saw him in my dreams, Adam. How come none of the Elders can explain that?”
“They’re not the same dreams.”
“He was there! He shared them with me. Why won’t you believe me?”
“The Elders—”
“Fuck The Elders! I’m telling you—”
His hand closed over her mouth. “Hush. You mustn’t say such things, ainsicht.”
She pulled his hand away and scowled. “Cain said you would do this. He said you would trust them over me.”
“He’s poisoning your thoughts against me.” His fingers forked through his hair. “I must catch my grandfather before he leaves.”
She caught his sleeve. “Don’t you dare go running off for another secret meeting with the men! I’m supposed to be your mate. Start treating me that way.”
“I do.”
“No, you want to decide everything without my input. Tonight you even decided if your grandfather could compliment me to my face or just assess me like he was looking over a horse.”
“That’s not true.”
“It’s also not a total lie. This is a partnership, Adam. That’s the only way it’s ever going to work for me. I’m sick of feeling like my opinion means less than everyone else’s around here.”
“Ainsicht, you’re opinion means more to me than anyone else’s. How could you say such a thing?”
She glanced over her shoulder toward the kitchen. “Why are they making so much food?”
His face shifted, a mask of secrets sliding over his eyes.
“Is it wedding food?”
“They only want to be prepared in case you change your mind.”
“Adam! They’ve been working all day! Do you know how that makes me look?”
“I will tell them there’s not going to be a wedding.”
She rubbed her head. “You should have told them that the first time they assumed there would be. God! Why would you let them believe otherwise?”
“Because I believe otherwise.”
Her gaze jerked up from her fidgeting hands. “Excuse me?”
“I believe you’ll want to marry me, Anna. Once we’re bonded, there will be no unlocking our souls. It’s pointless for us to avoid the inevitable.”
“Is it pointless to wait for a girl to accept a proposal, which, by the way, hasn’t happened?”
He tipped his head. “Is that what you want? A proposal?”
“It would be nice.”
He took her hands. “Annalise Snow, will you let me love you for the rest of my life? Will you let me worship your soul, honor your body, and nourish your life in every possible way a male can see to a female’s needs? Will you take my name and bear my children and love me even in my most unlovable moments? Will you make a life with me, where you’re always my first priority, my first thought, and my last? Will you give me forever to prove that I’m deserving of your heart?”
She blinked at him, unsure how anyone could respond to such words. “You guys don’t do the down on one knee, ring thing?”
His mouth hooked in a smile of full on male arrogance. “We’re a bit more complicated than that. But if it pleases you...” He dropped to one knee. “Annalise Snow, will you marry me?”
She blinked at him. “I wasn’t... I hadn’t prepared...”
“Ask and you shall receive, ainsicht. I’ll deny you nothing.”
Only an idiot would turn down such promises. So what was wrong with her? She pulled him to his feet and paced to the railing. “No one’s ever...”
His hands closed over her shoulder, the dampness of his clothes seeping into her back. “I love you, Annalise. And if it takes the rest of my life, I promise to work every single day at earning your love in return.”
Her head lowered. He already worked his way into her heart, but how much of that was some predisposed biological chemistry, and how much of it was love. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. I don’t trust myself. I don’t want to hurt you, Adam.”
“There’s nothing you could do that I wouldn’t forgive. Nothing you could ask that I wouldn’t do.”
She turned to face him and drew in a galvanizing breath. “What if I want to help Cain?”
He staggered back as if she slapped him.
“You just said, there’s nothing I could ask that you wouldn’t do—”
“And this is what you took from that?” he snapped.
“If you can’t keep a promise you made five seconds ago, what good are all the promises of your proposal? This is why I think it’s too soon to get married.”
His jaw twitched and she sensed his anger. It was the first time it hit her so precisely. “You take advantage of my love.”
“Your love has conditions.”
“My love is bottomless! You’re the one building walls between us. Cain is a serpent spreading poison!”
“He’s your brother! What if he’s telling the truth and I am called to both of you? He could die, Adam!”
“The moment he endangered you, he was already dead in my eyes.”
He was wrong. Everything inside of her screamed this was a mistake and they needed to find his brother before he got too far.
“He could have taken me, Adam. No one was around. I was helpless. He could have grabbed me, and left, but he didn’t.”
He paced, frustration emanating from his clipped movements. “You ask too much of me.”
“You’re the one who said I could ask for anything.”
“Not this.” His face wore a hardened mask that told her he’d never budge. “I will not risk losing you to a brother who betrayed me.”
“Then you don’t trust me.”
“I trust you—”
“If you trusted me, you’d believe that my mind’s made up. I chose you, Adam. I don’t want Cain. He can’t make me change my mind any more than you can. But you don’t believe that, because you don’t think a woman can actually decide for herself. Deep down, no matter what I say, you still think you’re wiser than me.”
“That’s not true.”
“Prove it. Prove that I’m your equal, and that you trust my judgment. Put everything on the line, and show me that you see me as an equal.”
“And if I do?”
Her shoulders drew back, and her chin lifted. “Then I’ll marry you.”
He studied her for a long moment. “Marry me first. I’ll not have this rivalry between us. We have trust or we have nothing. I love you, Annalise. Even if you weren’t my called mate, I’d find it impossible not to feel something for you. If helping Cain is what it will take to prove my feelings for you, if it will prove I value you as my equal and will do anything for you, then so be it. But I want you as my wife. It’s the only way I can do this. I need to know you’re irrevocably mine. You say nothing will change our path. Prove it. Marry me before we bond.”
“You’ll forgive your brother?”
“I’ll try to help him. Forgiveness is a separate matter.”
And after all this, it might not matter anyway. What if Cain could not be saved? “Okay. I’ll marry you.”
He didn’t grab her or kiss her. He simply nodded his acknowledgement of their deal, the distance between them proof that their conditions had cost them both. And when he turned away, she worried he might be right. She may have just invited a serpent into their home.