This week, Agnes gave her presentation about Billie, and it seemed like it was going okay—she knew so much about how to care for a baby bird and her poster was really cool, with 3D parts and even a painted image of Billie in the corner. But then Lee started making tweeting noises from the back of the room. Mr. Perl silenced him, but after that I felt like I could hear every little twitter, and it was like the whole class was laughing at Agnes in a quiet way.
Finn and Bryce started talking about going to the mall after school on Friday. They kept bringing it up, saying they were going to get new sneakers and also probably see a movie or something.
Now it’s Thursday, and when we get off the bus to go home, instead of waving and heading toward his own neighborhood, which is down the hill from Butler Towers, Finn says, “Hey, Mattie—wait,” and I stop walking.
I see out of the corner of my eye that Agnes is going inside, and I watch her stay still in the lobby, not looking back, but waiting for me to come in too, so that our out-of-school friendship can resume.
When I turn to Finn, he’s standing very close to me. My arms are holding a book to my chest, and his coat sleeve is almost touching mine. I can see the shadows of his eyelashes on his cheeks and a tiny chapped part of his lip as he says, “Do you want to go to the mall with me and Bryce tomorrow?”
“You and Bryce?”
“Yeah, he’s asking Shari to go, and I thought I’d . . . you know, ask you.”
He looks down and shifts his feet in the snow, stepping back a little.
“Okay,” I say.
His head snaps up, and I’m hit with the warmth of Finn’s big-toothed grin. It makes me smile involuntarily back at him.
And we don’t say anything for a minute, just smile at each other. Until he says, “Awesome,” and I say, “Yeah,” and then a squishiness that isn’t all bad overtakes me and I turn to go into the building. When I look back at him, he’s still standing there grinning at me, and it makes me feel like I am lit by the brightest part of the sun.
Agnes is waiting in the lobby, and she says, “How was your day?” like she does each afternoon.
But I don’t feel like cooking or cutting paper hearts with Agnes today. I want to talk to Shari and tell her that Finn asked me to go to the mall and find out if Bryce asked her and what she said, and if the four of us are going to the mall together, what does that mean?
In the elevator, Agnes is telling me about how she wants to paint more pictures of Billie and all I can think about is the curve of Finn’s smile. I try to replay each word he said to me, and I want to write it down so I’ll always remember.
But there’s no avoiding Agnes.
Upstairs in my apartment, she gets out the ingredients for a recipe she wants to make and tells me to prep the carrots, so I start peeling. She’s talking, but I’m not listening, and it doesn’t seem to matter. She just keeps going. I tune in for a minute, and she’s saying something about the shapes of the clouds and how they fit her moods perfectly each day, and I just say to her, “I have to do something.”
I walk out of the kitchen, leaving half the carrots unpeeled, and go to the computer in the living room, where I open my email to message Shari.
MMM: did b ask u?
SHARSTAR: y! F and u?
MMM: y!
SHARSTAR: do u like him?
MMM: do u?
SHARSTAR: idk
Suddenly, I feel Agnes’s breath on my ear and I turn around to see her leaning over.
“Is that Shari?”
“Yes,” I snap at her, closing the laptop.
“What were you typing about?”
“Nothing,” I say. I’m mad at Agnes, and I’m not even sure why.
“Okay.” She shrugs. “Then let’s finish!”
She’s smiling her big smile and is not upset or anything at being left out of the conversation with Shari, and I don’t get Agnes at all.
But I want her to go home. So I say, “I’m done. Why don’t you go to your own apartment now?”
“We’re making a recipe,” she says matter-of-factly. “We have to finish.”
That’s when Mama comes in and says, “Agnes, maybe you and I can work on the food and let Mattie have time on her own.” I wonder how much she’s heard, because she seems to know a lot.
“Okay,” says Agnes. She walks back to the kitchen without looking at me.
Mama smiles. “Chat with your friend,” she says. “I’ll prep.”
She starts to walk away, but then I shout-whisper, “Mama!” and I wave her back over to me, so she leans in close.
“Can I go to the mall with Shari and Finn and Bryce tomorrow after school?”
“Of course, baby,” she says. “Do you need me to drive you?”
“No, we can take a bus from school that lets us off near there, but can you pick me up after?”
“Sure,” she says. Then Mama looks toward the kitchen. “Is Agnes going?”
I shake my head no, and I can tell that Mama understands that not only is Agnes not going but she doesn’t know about this.
Mama nods and heads into the kitchen.
Maybe I should worry about how Agnes will feel, but maybe she won’t even care. She doesn’t seem to mind that we’re not friends at school, and this is with school friends, so it’s not part of our thing.
Besides, I want to keep hold of the warm, bright feeling that’s been buzzing in my skin since Finn smiled at me this afternoon.
So I open up the laptop and find Shari again. I type, i think I like f.