AFTER THE AIR RAID DRILL IT WAS ONLY A WEEK UNTIL Thanksgiving vacation, I couldn’t wait. I love Thanksgiving, it is a holiday but there isn’t any praying and you get to eat like crazy. I eat very much for my age. I eat and eat. I eat more than anybody except Shrubs. My dad says, “Even a train stops, Burt.”
The day after Air Raid Drill we had elections for Drinking Fountain Captain in Homeroom and I got nominated by Bobby Cohen who I hardly know, it surprised me. We put our heads down and raised our hands to vote, no peeking. I voted for Ruth Arnold because it is selfish to vote for yourself but Miss Iris said you should, it shows you have confidence, but I think it is bad manners.
I won. I was Drinking Fountain Captain for our class. Every time we had lavatory time I got to stand next to the drinking fountain and hold the handle down and count to three-one-thousand and then tap the children on the shoulder which means time’s up. (I give Shrubs extra though, and Marty Polaski said that if Jessica was in our room I would let her drink up all the water and everyone would die of thirst. I socked him.)
Finally it was Thanksgiving vacation. That day after school I saw Jessica walking out the Marlowe door but she didn’t say anything to me so I didn’t say anything. I watched her walk down Marlowe. Then suddenly she turned and waved at me. So I waved at her. We waved at each other. I smiled. Then she walked back toward me. I was waving and smiling and waving and smiling, but she was waving at Marcie Kane who was standing behind me, not at me. I was embarrassed. I started to go. But then she said, “Don’t say hi or anything, Burt.”
I turned around. I said, “Ok, I won’t.” And I left.
That night I made a puppet. I built him out of pieces of wood my dad had in the basement. His arms were little ones and the rest of him were bigger ones. He had loops for elbows, they screwed in, and his head was a ball that you make Christmas tree ornaments from, I got it from Shrubs last year. I painted him skin colored with red circles on his cheeks. I made yarn for hair, and I sewed him a little suit with red shorts and a white shirt out of rags. I painted shoes on him. It took me all night almost. My dad came down to see, but he let me stay up past my bedtime until I finished because there was no school the next day.
I named him Jerry the Puppet. When he was dry I took him upstairs to the kitchen. It was dark, and my mom and dad were in bed. I folded up a dishtowel and put it on the yellow counter for his bed and then I folded up a washcloth and made it like a pillow for Jerry the Puppet. Then I went upstairs to bed but I thought of something and I came back down. I took another dish-towel and made him a blankee so he wouldn’t be cold. Then I kissed him.
“Goodnight, Jerry the Puppet,” I said. “I’m glad I made you.”
But the next morning I woke up extra early because it was Thanksgiving and I wanted to watch the parade on tv. I went downstairs and turned on Oral Roberts. (I like to watch him, he yells.) I had on my slippers with dog faces on them.
Jeffrey came down. I asked him if he wanted to play Three Stooges with me. I play it frequent with Shrubs. He is Curly. I am Moe. I bop him. Curly is my favorite, he is bald. He goes like this with his fingers, I can do it. Sometimes he is absent and they have Shemp. Shemp looks like Moe only uglier. Sometimes I am him. But no one is Larry. No one ever wants to be Larry.
Jeffrey wouldn’t play. Then the parade came on tv. It was exciting. It had floats. My favorite was Bullwinkle. Who is a moose. He is cartoons. I said, “Hi Bullwinkle!” He waved at me.
Then Mom and Dad got up, they had robes on and we had breakfast and we even got to eat in the den so we could watch the parade. We had pancakes and Little Boys’ Coffee, which is coffee with mostly milk and sugar in it for children. (I gave some pancakes to Jerry the Puppet but he wasn’t hungry.) Then Mom started cooking Thanksgiving dinner.
We have company on Thanksgiving, it is uncles and aunts and cousins on my mom’s side. My dad has a side too only not on Thanksgiving. His side is for Passover. We go to Bubbie’s house. She is my grandmother. Her name is Bubbie. She is very old and talks Jewish which I don’t understand, only sometimes she talks English which I still don’t understand. I feel she should have subtitles. She calls me Baby Cocker because once I went over in my Davy Crockett suit. I don’t have a Zadie on my dad’s side. He is passed away, I never even saw him except pictures. He looks like my dad only brown because of the picture. On my mom’s side I have a grandfather. He is named Gramps. It is Gramps on my mom’s side and Zadie on my dad’s side, only Gramps isn’t dead. Only I don’t have a Bubbie on my mom’s side, she is dead. Her name was Grandma. It is very confusing. I think Gramps should marry Bubbie. They could go to a restaurant and talk Jewish to each other.
For Thanksgiving my mom made turkey. She also made stuffing which I helped her make, I tore up toast. Also she made candy sweet potatoes which are sweet potatoes only like candy and they have a cherry on top which I don’t like so I give them to Jeffrey who gives them to Cleo our dog and she eats them and pukes. This is how we celebrate Thanksgiving.
After breakfast my dad said, “How would you fellows like to go see Santa Claus today?”
I said, “No thanks.”
“Why?” said Dad.
“Because we’re Jewish,” I said. “It’s wrong.”
“Just get dressed, Burt, don’t worry about it,” he said. But I folded my arms up and wouldn’t, I frowned.
So Dad came over and said, “Burt, Santa Claus is for everyone. He is all religions, now hurry up or we’ll be late.”
I said, “So he’s Jewish?”
“Yeah,” said Dad. “He’s Jewish, ok. Let’s go.” So we went.
Santa was at the Ford Rotunda, it is a big building that’s round. It is far. It has cars in it. I asked my dad how Santa got there so fast when I just saw him on tv in the parade downtown and he said he took a helicopter.
At the Ford Rotunda was Santa’s Magic Forest. It had lights and trees with colors on them, you walk through and there are elves that are statues that move like real elves. Also they had a part with reindeers, you could pet them. I couldn’t see the part they have on them for flying, I think it goes in like. I fed one of them a peanut. He ate it. He was brown.
Then we went to see Santa. He was at the end. There was a big line, it went around and around, you couldn’t even see Santa. We waited and waited. Then we got there. Jeffrey went first, he sat on Santa and said, “I want you to buy me a model Thunderbird, you can get it at Maxwell’s, ok?”
Santa said, “Ho ho.”
(I feel Santa is phony baloney because he laughs all the time and I don’t know what’s so funny, to be candid.)
Then Jeffrey said, “I would also like a cowboy shirt and pants and boots with real spurs on them.”
Santa said, “Ho ho.”
Then Jeffrey got off.
I started to walk away but Dad grabbed my hand and pulled me back. I said, “No I have to fix something,” but he said come on. So I sat on Santa. He was hot.
“Where’s Blitzen?” I said.
“Blitzen who?” he said.
“You know.”
He said, “Ho ho.”
“Are you Jewish?” I said.
Santa didn’t say anything.
“Are you?”
Then he said, “Well, I don’t know. Well, yes, I guess Santa Claus is all religions. I guess I am.”
All the parents started to take their children out of line. They heard. Santa said, “I didn’t mean that,” but pretty soon there wasn’t anybody left. My dad grabbed me and we went.
It was warm for Thanksgiving, it didn’t even snow, and by the time we got home it was raining. My mom was still cooking dinner, it smelled an aroma and my daddy read the newspaper and Jeffrey looked at a magazine.
I said, “Mom, how come they don’t have Jessica in the phone book?”
“Who’s that, Honey?”
“Jessica, a girl.”
“They only have daddies’ names in the phone book, Sweetheart, last names,” she said.
I took it out and turned to Renton, it was like a dictionary, I could use it, and there was only one Renton on Marlowe.
I am scared of telephones because once the operator came on and yelled at me for dialing too slow, but I dialed the telephone then. I wanted to tell Jessica that Santa Claus was Jewish.
It rang. Then it stopped. Then it rang, then it stopped.
A girl answered, she said, “Hello?”
“Is this Jessica?” I said, I was nervous, man. “This is Burt from school.”
But her voice was wrong, it didn’t sound like Jessica, and I deduced that she was crying.
“Oh Burt,” she said. “My daddy is dead.”