Alex sat in the back corner of the Moondoe. His leg was shaking and the coffee he was holding vibrated in his hands. He put his cup down and brought his hands to his lap, where he began fiddling with his scarf. He reminded himself to take deep breaths — in through the nose and out through the mouth — and tried to steady his racing heart.
Alex bit his nails and focused on the swirling bits of cinnamon floating around in his coffee. He noticed a shadow pass over his table.
“Hey . . .”
Alex’s eyes shot up, his heart about to burst from his chest. Then he realized who had spoken to him. Grey eyes creased joyfully, a coy grin spreading across thin lips. Jake Greenspan stood in front of Alex. He ran a hand casually through his hair.
“Oh, hey, Jake,” Alex responded, smiling at his classmate. He was a little relieved that it was just his English partner. It was still fifteen minutes away from his meeting time with Dorian, and he wasn’t quite ready for their encounter.
“What’ya doin’?” Jake asked. He pulled out the chair in front of Alex and sat in it, not even bothering to ask for permission.
Alex rolled his eyes and grinned. “Oh, just waiting for a friend.”
“I can help you find them,” Jake offered, his face lighting up. “What do they look like?”
Alex watched Jake’s eyes as they scanned the room. He couldn’t suppress a chuckle at how silly Jake looked.
“Honestly?” Alex tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “I don’t actually know.”
“So . . .” Jake cocked an eyebrow and the corner of his mouth twisted in a smirk. “You’re waiting for someone and you don’t even know what they look like?”
Alex gave a nervous chuckle and nodded his head in agreement. “Pretty much, yeah. I know, it’s kinda weird.”
“Eh . . .” Jake shrugged, picking at the black nail polish on his fingers. “I’ve seen weirder.”
Alex couldn’t hold back his laugh this time. Watching Jake relax in front of him helped put Alex’s mind at ease.
“So . . .” Jake looked back up at Alex. Their eyes met, the blue-grey of Jake’s irises shining with something that Alex couldn’t quite place. “If you don’t know what they look like, how do you know I’m not the person you’re waiting for?”
Alex smirked and rolled his eyes again. “I sincerely doubt that.” He secretly admired Jake for his brashness. “What are the chances of that actually happening?”
“I dunno, Tristan. They seem pretty high to me.”
Alex froze.
It felt like he was hit by a truck. His stomach dropped and his heart sped up. Everything in his body suddenly tensed.
It couldn’t be.
It couldn’t be.
There was no way that Jake and Dorian were the same person. If they were . . . If Dorian was Jake . . .
Without realizing what he was doing, Alex stood up. He bolted for the door, leaving his coffee and Jake behind at the table. He pushed past crowds of people. He needed to get out. He needed to escape. He needed fresh air.
“Tristan? Tristan!”
Alex hardly heard the voice behind him calling his nickname. All he could think of was Jake’s face looking at him, the sly grin. The knowing grin. The grin of somebody who had already figured it out and was waiting for his grand reveal.
“Alex, wait! Hang on!”
Alex spun around when he felt Jake’s fingers graze his wrist. He was outside, in front of dozens of people, but he didn’t care. Nobody else was important. The only thing on his mind was Jake. Dorian.
“You knew!!” Alex hollered. His fists clenched, nails digging painfully into his palms.
Alex watched as Jake’s face suddenly faltered, his expression changing to reveal a sense of dread and unease. “Alex, please! You’re shouting, there are people arou —”
“You knew this whole damn time, didn’t you?!”
Jake’s eyes darted around as he tried to find his words. Alex could practically see him stumbling around in his own head. “No, Alex! Not this whole time, I pro —”
“When did you find out?”
“Tristan,” Jake pleaded. He tried to take a step towards Alex, who immediately backed away. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”
“When did you find out, Jacob?!” Alex’s tone was sharp and venomous. Everything about Jake disgusted him at that moment. He knew.
Of course he knew. Dorian always figured things out. He figured everything out.
“I . . .” Jake’s voice dropped and his eyes fell. There was something so sad about his expression, Alex almost felt bad for yelling. Almost. “I figured it out when we met for coffee. To work on the project.”
All week.
“You’ve known for that long, and you never said anything?!”
People were staring. Alex could feel their eyes on him, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything except Jake. Lying, manipulative Jake, who hid the truth from him for a whole week.
“I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable! I wanted to make sure we met on your terms!” Jake looked like he was on the verge of tears, but Alex ignored it. No amount of begging or reasoning would change what Jake had done.
“You watched me fall for you . . . twice!” Alex knew this wasn’t the kind of discussion to have in public. But he didn’t care. He didn’t care that people were watching and judging. He just stood there, trying to wrap his head around everything that was racing through his mind. “You watched as I had a crush on you in real life and you just . . . What . . . Let me squirm?! Let me be uncomfortable, thinking I was falling for another guy?!”
“It wasn’t like that, Tris!”
“What was it like then, Jake?” Alex was shouting, unable to control his anger, to keep his frustration inside. He couldn’t believe that his Dorian would do that to him. “When I told you I had a crush on someone in real life and you thought I would leave you, what was that? Were you just pretending to be mad?! Pretending you didn’t know that it was you I was falling for?!”
“I didn’t know for sure!”
“Bullshit! You knew! And you let me dwell on it! You let me panic! You knew it was eating me up inside and you said nothing!”
“Alex, please! I didn’t mean to make you feel that way! That wasn’t what I wanted!”
“Screw what you wanted! And screw you!”
Alex spun around and stormed off. He shoved himself through the crowd of people that had gathered around them. He could hear Jake calling for him, but he ignored it. He couldn’t deal with Jake. He couldn’t deal with anyone. He couldn’t believe that Jake knew.
23