Sadie
“Just a little farther,” I said to Arya as we made our way through the stables at my family’s ranch.
“Where are we going?” She looked around the stables. “We’re not going to go riding, are we?”
“No.” I laughed as I looked at the sleeping horses. “They wouldn’t be happy if we dragged them out now. No, we’re going to one of the barns at the back here,” I grinned at her. “I know, not exactly a bar, but I’ve got a bottle of wine, and an old stereo up there so we can listen to some music. And I’ve got fairy lights. It’s pretty nice.”
“Wow, I can’t wait to see it!” Arya beamed. “Sounds cool.”
“Yeah, my dad let me renovate it and decorate it when I turned 18. I think he wanted to make sure I stayed close to home. Which was nice of him, I guess.”
We made our way to the end of the stables, and then I pushed the door. “Come on, this way.” We walked out of the stables and towards the large red barn. I opened it, stepped inside, and turned on one of the lights.
“Wow!” Arya’s eyes widened as she looked around.
I looked around the barn with fresh eyes and smiled. The fairy lights were twinkling. I had an old brown couch on one side. Next to that, was a reclaimed-wood table. On top of it sat an old record player with a stack of records that I had ordered throughout the years. On the right side of the barn, there was a fridge, a small stove, and a large countertop that my father had made for me especially. There was a large white-wool rug on the hardwood floor.
I smiled as Arya walked over and ran her fingers along the reclaimed-wood table.
“This is real wood. I love this place! It’s gorgeous. You could live here.”
“Yeah,” I said, “probably. I’ve slept in here a couple of nights.”
“Oh?” she looked at me in surprise.
“Just so I could get my own space, you know.” I held up the bottle of wine. “So, you want a glass? It’s a Cabernet Sauvignon.”
“I would love a glass, thank you,” she nodded. “Can I help?”
“No, it’s okay. Have a seat.” I opened the wine bottle and poured two glasses. I handed a glass to Arya and sat next to her on the couch.
“Cheers!” I held up my glass, we clinked, and I took a long sip of the wine. “Mm, I love red wine.” I laughed. “Well, actually I love white wine, too, and rosé. I guess I just love all wine.”
“Wine is very nice,” she said, “just like this barn.” She looked around again. “I can’t get over how beautiful it is. It looks like something I’d see in a magazine.”
“Thank you. Not many people have been here, actually.”
“Oh?” She turned to me in surprise. “You don’t have parties here every weekend?”
“No,” I shook my head, “it’s my safe space. The only person that’s been here, actually, is Wyatt.”
“Ah, makes sense,” she nodded. “He’s your best friend?”
“Yeah, he is but he still doesn’t know everything about me.”
She took another sip of her wine. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I sat back against the couch. “You want to know something, Arya?”
“What?” she said.
“So, I know that all the Hamilton boys think I’m this happy-go-lucky, fun-loving girl and that I want love so badly and romance is all I care about and I live in dream world. And maybe there’s some truth to that. But…” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, feeling the familiar heat pass over me.
“Hey, are you okay?” Arya touched my hand lightly.
“Yeah, sorry. So, when I was eleven years old …”
“Yeah?” Arya said softly.
“I found out that my dad was having an affair,” I took a deep breath, “I couldn’t believe it.”
“How did you find out? Your parents told you?”
“No,” I shook my head. “He was actually having an affair with someone that worked here, on the ranch,” I looked into my wine glass. “I didn’t know her well, but one day, I walked into one of the stables and I heard a noise and I saw them.” I shuddered a little at the memory. “And I screamed and my dad saw me and … It was kind of a big thing, you know.”
“Oh, Sadie. I am so sorry.”
“It’s okay. I mean it wasn’t okay, everything was kept hush-hush, my dad didn’t want anyone to know, my mom didn’t want anyone to know. No one knows,” I sighed. “It sucks. I never even told Wyatt because I didn’t want him to judge me.”
“Why would he judge you, Sadie?”
“I don’t know. When I was younger and I’d look at his picture-perfect family and, well, I just wanted the same thing for myself. I think that’s why I spent so much time over at the Hamiltons’ ranch because they had the family life I’d always wanted. But honestly, I don’t even know if I believe in true love anymore. I don’t even know if I truly believe that there’s one person for everyone and that we each have a soulmate out there somewhere.”
“You know what I believe?” Arya said after a pause. “I believe that there are several people that could be the one. There are several people that could be our soulmates. And it’s okay if it doesn’t work out with one of them because they’re not the only one out there for you.”
“What if there’s no one out there for me?”
“Oh, Sadie, why do you think that?”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “It’s just that all my life, I’ve always been the ugly duckling. And I know I’m not ugly. I know that many men find me attractive, but I guess I’ve always been in the shadow of the Hamiltons …”
“You know what I think it is?” Arya said.
“No, what?”
“I think is that guys are scared to approach you because you have seven older brothers who would absolutely murder anyone that treated you badly, and no guy wants to be murdered.” She gave me a wry smile. “Trust me. If guys have any sense that you’ve got people backing you up, they back off if they don’t have the right intentions. And let’s be real, guys in high school and guys in college? They often don’t have the right intentions.”
“I know, but,” I sighed, “it just sucks, you know? When is it going to be my time?”
“Have you thought about leaving? Going to live somewhere else?”
“Yes … but I don’t know that I could leave Wyatt and our friendship. He just means so much to me.”
“At the end of the day, Sadie, what do you want more?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you want your friendship with Wyatt, or do you want a man that truly loves you?”
“Can I have both?” I asked. “Can’t they actually both be the same person?”
“So, you do like Wyatt?”
“Yeah, I thought I was pretty obvious about that.”
“Well, I had my suspicions, but when you said you didn’t want to make a big deal out of the kiss, I didn’t really know what to think.”
“I know. I’m all over the place. And I don’t want to be all over the place. I don’t want to make Wyatt feel like he needs to be with me or do something with me just because we kissed.”
“Let’s not talk about Wyatt anymore,” she said. “Let’s think about something else. You wanted to focus on a career, right? You wanted to focus on the big thing in your life aside from love?”
“That’s true.” I took another sip of my wine.
“So, what do you want to do, Sadie Johnson? Who do you want to be? Where do you want to go in life? What do you want to be remembered as? You want to be remembered as a mom? You want to be remembered as a wife? Or do you want to be remembered as someone who changed the world?”
I chuckled. “I never thought about it like that. “Of course, I’d love to be remembered as someone who changed the world, but how would I do that?”
“You can change the world in small ways, not just in big ways. In fact, you can change the world by just helping one person. That one person could go on to do brilliant things and say it was all because of Sadie Johnson.”
“You’re right. I always looked at things in such a micro or macro way, but everything’s not black and white. It’s not all or nothing. I can do something that benefits a small community or a small group of people or …” I paused. “I did have one idea but …”
“What?”
“So, you know when you and Eloise came to Horseshoe Ranch?”
“Yeah?”
“I thought about how horrible it was that you guys were in that position …” I hesitated, not wanting to offend her.
“It’s fine, Sadie. Go on.”
“I thought maybe I could do something to help single mothers.”
“That sounds like a brilliant idea. What would you do?”
“Well, I’ve worked on a ranch all my life, and I have a lot of skills that correlate to ranch life, but also could correlate to the real world. I have carpentry skills. I mean, I’m not a carpenter but I know how to build a thing or two. And I know how to work on a farm and take care of daily tasks, and I thought maybe I could teach at a non-profit and give women skills that they might not have so that they can find jobs that usually go to men. We always have so many ranch hands that are men, and we hardly ever have any who are women. But why shouldn’t women have the same opportunity, you know?”
“I think it’s brilliant, Sadie,” Arya grinned at me. “And you see? I feel special.”
“You do? How?”
“Because if I hadn’t come with Eloise, then maybe you wouldn’t have gotten that idea, right?”
“That’s true.”
“So, my presence sparked something in you that made you want to go on to help others?”
“Yeah, it did.”
“And your presence in someone else’s life could spark that in them and lead to even bigger things for someone else they know.”
“You’re right … So, you think I should go ahead with it?”
“I do. Do you know how you would start to teach these classes?”
“I figured I could call around some nonprofits and see?” I shrugged. “I don’t really know.”
“Well, I’d be willing to help you, if you want. I can make some calls and help you figure it out.”
“Oh, would you, Arya? That would be absolutely amazing?”
“Of course,” she said. “I think it’s a wonderful idea. And actually…”
“Yeah, what is it?”
“I might want to take your class as well. I’d love to learn some new skills.”
“Oh my gosh, you don’t have to take a class. I can teach you—”
“No, I want to take it in the class in a formal setting,” she insisted. “I think it will be fun. And I’ll get to meet other women who are in a similar situation to me, and it will be a real bonding experience.”
“Yeah. Wow, you got me excited, Arya! I’m really, really excited about this. I wish I could make the calls now, but it’s night.”
“I know. What does Wyatt think about it?”
“Oh,” I said, wrinkling my nose, “I kind of didn’t tell him.”
“Oh? Why not?”
“Well, he’s got so much on his mind, and I didn’t want to be a burden to him. Plus, since the kiss, we haven’t really spoken.”
“Oh, no. It’s not awkward, is it?”
“Well, he’s called and texted me a couple of times, but I haven’t answered because I just don’t know what to say.”
“Oh, Sadie, you can’t do that! You have to speak to him if there’s something on your mind.”
“I know, I know,” I interrupted her, “but I don’t want to think about it right now. Can we just drink our fears away for now?”
She laughed. “Sure.”
“And I can put on some music. I’ve got some old Johnny Cash records.”
“Sounds amazing,” she said. “I love ‘Ring of Fire.’”