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Traci
“I DON'T THINK HE WOULD mind if I rode Jinx, do you?” Milo asked Traci as he gathered the horse’s reigns in his fist and climbed atop the saddle.
“No that's exactly what Josh would want,” Traci said, setting her boots in the stirrups and patting Bebe along her mane.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“Yes, I'm sure. Take me there.”
Milo had explained that Bebe, the twenty-five-year-old Arabian mare, was for green riders. He would ride Jinx, the nineteen-year-old thoroughbred, recently retired from the track and fostered by a family living in a wild patch along the Appalachian Mountains. Josh had bartered the horse’s release, rigged up a trailer, made it through one of the worst mudslides to hit Elbon Valley to bring Jinx back home, and had ridden him every day. Traci was amazed at how well Milo understood tac and grooming as he chatted with her while managing their way through the woods.
“The horses already know the trail,” he shouted to her. “All you have to do is hold on and watch for overhead branches. They’re not smart enough to figure out how tall you are above the saddle, but they’ll be safe along this trail. Stay close to me.”
Milo kept checking on her welfare as they sauntered along slowly. He wasn’t convinced that she was ready to go forward but she insisted it was time to face everything. Anticipation for the next day was bombarding her emotions. She needed some time to breathe in what was becoming her life, her new life. “Every step better ...” she reminded herself with each flutter in her stomach. They reached a clearing that she had only seen once. It was a magical place, just as she remembered. The mist never left because the canopy that shrouded the field was so thick, it was like walking through a cloud. They dismounted and Milo settled the horses along the remnants of a split rail fence. The heels of her boots sunk into the soil and the earthy scent resurrected peaceful memories. They glanced at each other and smiled.
“Too bad there’s no internet service up here,” Milo teased.
“Josh would’ve never let that happen. You know how he felt about that sort of thing. What did he always say? ‘If you let the outside world in, they’ll turn your world inside out.’”
“Yeah, he said that a lot.”
“You can always come into town. You’ll have your learner’s permit soon and Randall can teach you how to drive.”
“But I don’t have a car.”
“You can set a little money aside here and there, and then buy a used car. Nothing fancy to start with, but Randall will help you fix it up. He’s really good with cars.”
“Yeah, sure.”
“He’s trying, Milo.”
“I know, you’re right. That would be great. I appreciate it, honestly.” He gave her a small nod and his sweet smile.
“Randall never had a little brother, but that’s what it feels like.” She smiled and looked at the ground between them. “Neither have I, but here we are, right?”
“Yeah,” he smiled and looked away. “Here we are.”
Traci cupped the side of Milo’s cheek. Wishing with all her might that she could freeze time for him, this man-child before the world pressed the weight of adulthood upon his shoulders. She wanted him to still hope and reach for better than anyone had shown him. And believe that he could have it. That he deserved to have it. For the first time in her life, she thought about the world, not in a generic sense. But, a world with Milo in it, right smack in the center of it. She placed her hand on his cheek and tried to imagine into the future. Who would he become? His eyes welled over. She let go and turned away to give him the privacy of his emotions. His tears were hidden from her now and that saddened her deeply. “He has to grow up,” she thought and pushed back her own tears.
They walked toward the tall wooden arch modeled after the Torii gate that Josh had described seeing while he lived in Japan. Milo explained that everyone at the campground had pitched in to pay for the dedicated space. Dave had even sold his car. The others that had no money helped strip and cut the wood and build the shelter and bench.
They approached the granite memorial stone embedded in the ground.
Joshua Barnett St. John
The Greatest Hero the World Never Knew
Traci walked over to the stone, took out her green Sharpie and wrote in the top right corner the letters L and T with a jagged line in-between.
“What does that mean?” Milo asked.
“Lightning and Thunder.” She stepped back. “I was lightening, and he was the thunder.”
They sat on the bench and stared at the memorial. Traci waited for the sorrow to come, but it didn’t. She didn’t miss Josh because it was like he was there, embracing them in the mist. This was his place, all he wanted in life and the best of him was still there. The community.
Milo was part of that community now. Traci reminded him that he had to study. And that life had so many unexpected twists and turns but he could make it a good life. She wasn’t sure if any of it made sense, but it was from her heart. One thing was for certain, they were tied to each other for life. She promised to video chat with him each day to make sure he got his assignments done. Moe had set a small computer station aside in the tavern for him. It was the supply room, but whatever. Ms. McGee would check on him too.
“We’ve got you surrounded.” She joked with him. He was getting so tall, maybe he could be a basketball player.
“Everybody that’s tall don’t wanna play basketball.”
“Of course, you’re right. When you decide, let me know. Promise?”
“Yeah, I promise. Right now, can we just sit here?”
“Yes,” she took in a deep breath. “Yes, we can.”
One day she would ask him what happened to his parents, and what sent him into this solo orbit so young. But today was not that day. Today was about letting out everything bottled up inside her, now that the way was becoming so clear.
“You know, I was always looking for someone to fight for me. Josh. Myra. Even Randall.” She looked down at the wet blades of grass adhered to the toes of her boots, then rested her hands on her knees and drew in a deep breath. “When I saw Charlotte Carter with that gun, all I could think was, ‘what if she takes him away from me, you know? Who would be left to fight for me?’ What a weird thing to think, but that was it. And in a split second, it was over. I don’t think I even knew what was going to happen next. I saw the gun in my hand. And, I saw her fall down in a heap covered in blood. But ... something just clicked in my head that I had to be the one to fight for myself.” She pointed to her belly and looked deeply into his eyes. “Me. Maybe that’s why it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. Josh can rest easy now, in my mind anyway.” She looked up through the crown of trees as Milo whispered ...
“I will always fight for you.”
