Chapter Ten

As Katie walked away, Rafe swore softly beneath his breath but remained where he was. She vanished up the path leading to Marchand Hall, swallowed up by the swaying palmetto and palm leaves, leaving him as alone as a man on a deserted island. Was it possible to never learn one’s lesson? Was it entirely possible that he was stupid enough to let her walk out of his life yet again, when he’d sworn to himself that if he should ever cross paths with her, he’d do his damndest to win her back?

Triumph had sped through him when she’d melted into him, when she’d returned his kiss with such feverish intensity that he’d wanted to pull her down onto the sand and pin her beneath him forever. He wanted nothing more than to make everything right between them. It would be the most important first step he’d ever taken, and the waiting drove him mad. Trouble was, not only did he not know how to do it, Katie had made herself fairly clear that it might not even be possible.

“Son of a—” He plunked down on the sand and stared out at the water. In the distance, heavy gray clouds loomed, rolling toward them like a thick fog. After Katie had left him, he’d searched for her in Hispaniola, Puerto Rico, and every other island he could think of in the West Indies. All for naught. She had been nowhere to be found. But that hadn’t meant he couldn’t keep looking for her—and he had. However, he’d given precious little thought to what he would do after he found her, aside from furiously apologizing for his weakness and cowardice. She had to know, even if she didn’t care, what it took for him to swallow his prickly male pride and ask—no, beg—her forgiveness. If it meant dropping to his knees before her, he’d do it.

Of course, in all of his scenarios, her reaction was vastly different from what had actually happened.

He hadn’t thought it would be this difficult to win her back. Obviously, he was an idiot. He’d hurt her and done so terribly, and had no idea how to right it.

Then there was Sally to consider.

He groaned, letting his head fall forward into his hand. “What a mess.”

“Talking to yourself again? People are going to think you’ve lost your mind.”

His groan deepened as Serena dropped down beside him in a flutter of pale peach muslin. He adored his sisters, but they were busybodies, and the last thing he wanted, or needed, was Serena butting into his problems. This just wasn’t something he felt like sharing, especially with his family. “What do you want?”

“A fine greeting and a good morning to you, too, Rafe.”

He peered over his arm to find her squinting at the water. “Where’s Elena?”

“I haven’t the foggiest. She might still be abed for all I know.” Serena shrugged, her chin propped on her folded arms. She glanced over at him, then just as quickly looked back out to sea. After a beat, she asked, “Are you really going to marry Sally?”

He swallowed another groan. “Who told you I was?”

“Lucita. She was apparently talking to Lady Edna’s maid yesterday. The entire staff is practically buzzing with anticipation, and yet I’ve seen no wedding preparations and the bride doesn’t act like a bride.” She turned her squint to him. “So, what’re you waiting for? Have you even asked her yet?”

“I hadn’t realized it was any of your concern.”

“No.” Her nose wrinkled, even as a flush swept through her cheeks toward her hairline. “I don’t suppose it is, but I am curious. I know she always carried a bit of a torch for Aidrian, and with him off the table I suppose she had to find someone else. Trouble is, why did she choose you?”

“I thank you for that, Rena.”

The color in her cheeks deepened. “I didn’t mean it like that and you know it. It’s simply that we’ve all known each other a long time and you’ve never given any indication that you had any desire to marry. Anyone. Never mind Sally.”

“Well, I suppose it’s time I started thinking about it, and perhaps Aidrian’s marrying had something to do with that. It’s got me thinking about my life, what I want from it. And just because I haven’t said anything about it, doesn’t mean it hasn’t been on my mind.”

“If you say so.” She offered another careless shrug. However, he knew his sister, and she wasn’t nearly as carefree as she wanted him to think.

It was his turn to twist around. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She continued staring out at the water. “It means ‘perhaps’. Nothing more and nothing less.”

The wind grew stronger still, and since she hadn’t troubled with her bonnet, strands of her hair flew around her face. It whipped about, pulling free from its braid, and she clawed a handful out of her eyes, spat another lock from her mouth. “If you don’t mind my saying, you don’t act much like a willing groom either. Is this wedding your idea, or was it Mami’s? I know how…persuasive she can be at times.”

“Why would you ask me that?”

“Because, as I said, you’ve never given any indication that you were the least bit interested in marrying. And I don’t think you’ve been pondering it either, no matter what you would have me believe.”

“Did you ever stop to think that might be because it isn’t anyone’s concern but my own?” He didn’t even try to keep the irritation from his voice. “I didn’t realize I had to let everyone in on, or approve of, my plans.”

“Rafe, I didn’t mean—”

He got to his feet, brushing the sand from his breeches. “Of course you didn’t. No one ever means to butt in, and yet it doesn’t stop every last one of you from doing it.”

She scrambled up, lunging at him to catch him by the wrist. “Rafe, please, I honestly wasn’t trying to butt in. I’m concerned. That’s all.”

He was about to jerk free, but as quickly as it flared, his annoyance receded. A dull headache nipped behind his eyes. “I know that. And I appreciate it. But I’ve made such a mess of things, it doesn’t matter if I make one more mistake, does it?”

“Now you’re just pitying yourself, and there’s nothing pretty about that.” She released his arm, but not before giving it a gentle squeeze. “What’s going on?”

Four years separated them, but that didn’t matter at the moment. Aidrian was the one he usually unburdened himself to, but Aidrian wasn’t here. He was home on St. Phillippe with his wife and their babies. A flash of envy as strong and sharp as a saber sliced through him. He could have had what Aidrian had, except he wasn’t half as honorable as his brother. Aidrian wouldn’t have let Katie leave St. Phillippe. He wouldn’t have let her leave alone. He’d have fought for her, just as he’d fought for Vanessa.

The way Rafe would fight for Katie now, if she would only let him.

He stared down at Serena as an idea took formation. “You’re a girl.”

“How nice of you to notice,” she retorted dryly.

“No. No, that’s not what I meant. You understand how women think.” The long look she gave him suggested he’d definitely lost his mind. “I haven’t gone mad, and I’m not quite the idiot everyone thinks I am. I just don’t understand how women think, and you do. I need to pick your girlish brain.”

“My girlish what?” Serena’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t think I like this, Rafe. What are you talking about?”

“Just listen and it’ll all make sense.” He took her by the wrist to tug her back onto the sand beside him. “At least, I hope it does. And try not to get too angry with me.”

“Why am I going to get angry?”

He drew in a deep breath, ready to spill his guts, and hoped he didn’t add Rena’s name to the list of women who despised him. Before he could turn coward again, he blurted, “Katie.”

“Katie.” Serena’s forehead wrinkled and her eyes took on a puzzled look. Then they widened. “One of the maids? What about her?”

He sighed. “She’s the woman from Kingston. The one I brought back to St. Phillippe from Jamaica.”

Serena sucked in a sharp breath, holding it in her mouth by pressing a hand to her lips. He nodded, and she peeled her hand back to breathe, “The one who helped Vanessa? The wh—” He scowled at her, and she clamped her lips together, her eyes nearly popping from their sockets as she swallowed the rest of the word and whispered, “The one Mami tossed out?”

He nodded. “The very same.”

“But that’s a good thing, isn’t it? I mean, you moped about her for weeks and now she’s here and you’re here.” Serena’s horrified expression vanished, replaced by a smile. Her words practically toppled over one another in their haste. “And now you don’t have to mope! And she isn’t a…well…that anymore. She’s a respectable lady’s maid now and no one seems the wiser to what she once was. But—” she frowned, “—where does Sally come into all this?”

“She doesn’t. Or she wasn’t supposed to.” He rubbed his forehead with a tired hand. “Katie wants me to leave her be. She wants me to pursue Sally.”

Always the voice of reason, Serena cocked her head to the side. “Oh, well, you can hardly blame her, Rafe. You didn’t exactly prove yourself to her, did you?”

That she was right didn’t make hearing it any easier. He scowled at her. “I know. I know. Trust me, I’m very much aware of how I failed her. I know it’s my fault. I was a coward, and that cowardice cost me. Now I have to find some way to get her to forgive me.”

“How do you plan to do that? If it were me, I don’t know that I’d be so inclined to forgive you. Men are such fools sometimes.”

“So what do I do? I don’t know how else to let her know how much I regret it, how to get her to trust me. But—” he held her stare easily, “—you can’t let on that you know who she is, and you can’t mention we’ve had this conversation. No one can know who she is.”

“Well, I should say not. I can’t imagine Lady Marchand would be too keen on keeping her in service here.” She glanced up toward the house nestled in the green canopy. “So, what have you done to earn her forgiveness?”

“Nothing yet, aside from apologizing as much as I can.”

“Oh, there’s your first mistake, Rafe. Words are just words. They can be all too easy to say, and ring hollow when you’ve already wounded her with sharp-tipped barbs, or worse, with silence. It’s going to take much more than that.”

“And that’s why I need your help.”

She smiled, her eyes dancing with delight. “I should ask Elena to help, since she loves playing matchmaker so much. But remember, you’re going to have to do whatever Katie wants in order to make her want you again. Whatever it is, you will do it and do it with a smile. Otherwise you’re going to spend the rest of your life miserable, and most likely with Sally Hamilton as your wife.”

She caught him by the shoulder and rose up onto her toes to brush his cheek with a kiss. “And you might get on my nerves, but you’re still my brother and I don’t wish to see you any more miserable.”

With that, she took herself off, whistling something horribly cheerful as she wound her way back to the path and out of sight. Of course she would do whatever she had to do. Serena enjoyed a challenge and rarely was pessimistic enough to think she couldn’t succeed.

Perhaps it was time he tried doing that himself for a change.