CHAPTER 33
As soon as Howard woke up, Mary Dell got in the car and drove to the post office, hoping she wasn’t too late to intercept the delivery of her foolishly and hastily penned letter.
The Too Much, Texas, post office wasn’t an actual building but a small room in the back of the Tidee-Mart, fronted by a single-window counter, partially covered with wire mesh: a one-woman operation. Wanda Joy Cleary, the postmistress, kept short hours that could change without warning, depending on her mood.
Back in the sixties, some enterprising young congressman who was trying to make a name for himself as a cutter of government waste had proposed closing this and a number of other rural postal outlets, but things didn’t work out quite like he’d planned. The residents of Too Much, patriots all, were all for cutting wasteful government spending, as long as the waste in question was cut out of somebody else’s community, and it didn’t take them very long to make this clear to the young lawmaker.
Maida Simpson, Wanda Joy’s mother, who had also been postmistress in her day, started a protest campaign that involved mailing boxes of horse dung to that up-and-coming congressman. The population of Too Much didn’t even add up to six figures, but the amount of manure required to make a stink isn’t as much as you might believe. The congressman got the message. Too Much got to keep its post office. And Maida Simpson got to keep her job, which she passed on to her daughter upon her retirement.
When Mary Dell walked up to the counter and rang the service bell, Wanda Joy was not in a good mood. Of course, no one in town could remember ever seeing Wanda Joy in a good mood, so ringing the bell probably made no difference in the tenor of their exchange. But the second she pressed down on the metal clapper, Mary Dell knew that she’d made a mistake.
Wanda Joy, who was sorting mail with her back to the counter, was clearly visible through the metal mesh window. When Mary Dell tapped on the bell, the postmistress’s shoulders jerked. She turned her head briefly to scowl in Mary Dell’s direction, then went back to sorting, ignoring her for a good seven minutes.
Wanda Joy was never seen without a piece of gum in her mouth, not since the day that she’d read an article that said chewing could help relieve feelings of hostility. The speed and pressure with which Wanda Joy chewed her gum was generally a pretty good indication of how hostile she was feeling. As she walked to the counter, she was chomping on a Juicy Fruit at a pace of approximately ninety-seven chews per minute.
“There was no need to go bangin’ the bell. I’m not deaf, you know.”
Mary Dell hadn’t banged the bell. She’d barely tapped it, but figured there was no point in arguing, not if she wanted to get her letter back.
“I’m sorry. You had your back to me, so I thought maybe you didn’t know I was standing here.”
“I knew,” she growled. “But I was busy doing something else. I’m only one person, you know. I’ve only got two hands.”
“Of course you do. I can see that.”
“Well, I should hope so. You’ve got two eyes in your head, don’t you? People come in here and bang on that bell like there was some sort of emergency, like the building was on fire or something. Startles the bejeebers out of me. How would you like it if somebody went around ringing bells at you all day long?”
“I see your point, Wanda Joy. It won’t happen again.”
“Well, I should hope not.”
Wanda Joy pulled a metal wastebasket out from under the counter, spat her gum into it, took a fresh piece out of the breast pocket of her blue blouse, unwrapped it, and started chewing again.
“May I help you?”
“Yes,” Mary Dell said as she jiggled Howard’s umbrella stroller back and forth. He had just begun to fuss; the motion of the stroller sometimes soothed him. “I wrote a letter last night and changed my mind about mailing it. I’d like to get it back.”
“Why?”
Mary Dell’s personal correspondence was none of the postmistress’s business, but Wanda Joy wasn’t chewing nearly as quickly now. Perhaps she was warming up to her.
“It’s just that . . . well, I never should have written it. That’s all. To tell the truth, I almost don’t remember writing it. Not most of it. I sure don’t remember mailing it.” Mary Dell chuckled. “But I guess I must have because I couldn’t find it anywhere.”
Wanda Joy’s chewing slowed to an almost bovine pace. Her forehead creased with curiosity.
“You don’t remember writing it? Or mailing it? Did you fall and hit your head or something?”
“No. Nothing like that. It’s just that . . . well, I was upset last night. Somebody wrote me a nasty letter. Actually, it wasn’t even a nasty letter, it was just a form letter. But this was the fourteenth time and . . .
“Anyway,” Mary Dell continued, deciding that Wanda Joy, who was an active member of the strictest Southern Baptist congregation in the county, didn’t need to know about the allergy pills or the two bottles of beer, “I’ve changed my mind. So I’d like my letter back.”
Mary Dell held out her hand. Wanda Joy narrowed her eyes and chewed her gum a little faster.
Just then, Howard started to howl. Mary Dell tried jiggling the stroller back and forth more vigorously, but she knew it was no use. When Howard started to cry like that, it would take more than a little stroller jiggling to calm him down again. She’d fed him before leaving the house, so he shouldn’t be hungry already. Maybe his ear was still bothering him. Or maybe he didn’t like Wanda Joy. She couldn’t blame him for that.
Wanda Joy pushed herself up on her tiptoes and peered over the counter to the stroller below and the screaming infant sitting in it. She squinted, peering over the tops of her glasses. “Something wrong with him?”
Mary Dell felt her jaw clench. “Not a thing. He’s absolutely perfect.”
She unbuckled Howard from his stroller and picked him up. “Wanda Joy,” she said, raising her voice so she could be heard over the baby’s screams, “are you going to give me my letter or not?”
“No.”
“Why? You haven’t sent it out yet, have you?”
“No. Matter of fact,” she said, turning her head toward the table behind her, “it’s sitting in that stack right there. But I can’t give it back to you.”
“What! Why not?”
Wanda Joy cracked her gum. “Because,” she said smugly, clearly enjoying her power, “it doesn’t belong to you anymore. The minute that letter went into my mailbag it became property of the United States Postal Service. I can’t give it back to you. That would be mail tampering, which is a federal offense.”
“Oh, come on, Wanda Joy! You’ve got to be kidding. It’s my letter! I wrote it, and if I’ve changed my mind about mailing it, I don’t see how that concerns you or the federal government! Besides . . .”
Mary Dell’s protests fell on deaf ears, not that it was very easy to make herself heard over Howard’s cries, but Wanda Joy wasn’t listening anyway. She turned her back on Mary Dell and returned to the task of sorting the mail.
If Mary Dell could have reached through the service window and grabbed her letter, she would have. If not for that metal mesh covering on the window, she might have been able to do just that. Her letter, addressed to C. J. Evard with purple ink in a somewhat wobbly, inebriated version of her own handwriting, was sitting right there in plain sight, mocking her. Mary Dell was convinced that Wanda Joy had placed it on the top of the stack just to frustrate her.
It worked. Mary Dell was frustrated and angry. It was impossible for her to lay her hands on that letter or Wanda Joy, so she did the only thing she could do. She smacked the service bell as hard as she could.
Ding!
Wanda Joy’s shoulders jerked, just like before, but she didn’t turn around, just kept sorting the mail at a deliberately slow and infuriating pace.
Mary Dell smacked the bell again.
Ding!
Wanda Joy spun around and glared at her.
“Stop that!”
“Give me back my letter, and I will!”
“No! I already told you . . .”
Ding! Ding! DING!
Glaring and with her jaw working as fast as pistons on a Ferrari, Wanda Joy stormed to the counter, reached overhead, and pulled down a grimy-looking white window shade with the word “CLOSED” written on it in red marker and underlined—twice.
Mary Dell didn’t care. She smacked the bell again and again, the musical ping of the bell punctuating Howard’s cries. It was a pointless gesture, she knew that. No amount of bell banging was going to change Wanda Joy’s mind. That letter was as good as delivered. C. J. Evard would read it, and she’d be left looking like a fool, again. Not that she ever had or would meet C. J. Evard, but she didn’t like looking foolish, not even to strangers.
On top of that, she’d probably ensured that her own mail would never be properly delivered again. Wanda Joy was not going to forget this anytime soon, but Mary Dell deserved to be heard! It was so unfair! Everything was just so unfair!
Behind the counter, a door slammed. Wanda Joy left the building, exiting through the back. Mary Dell brought her hand down onto the bell one last time, cupping the top of it, causing the tone to turn flat. Her defiance quickly gave way to deflation, and she was left standing at the counter, staring at the shuttered window, and feeling foolish.
Howard was still crying, and Mary Dell shushed him, bouncing him slightly in her arms and patting his back.
“There, there, darlin’.”
Mary Dell felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. It was the store clerk, Bob Mayfield, the same man who’d been so amused during her run-in with Marlena Benton. He didn’t look amused this time. He looked concerned.
“Miss Mary Dell, are you all right? Is there anything I can do to help you?”
“I’m fine. Sorry to make a scene, but that Wanda Joy . . .” Mary Dell stopped herself. There was no point in getting worked up again. “Anyway, I apologize. Next time I come in, I promise to buy my groceries and leave. No fuss.”
“Oh, that’s all right,” Bob said with a twinkle in his eye. “It’s more interesting when you come in, Miss Mary Dell. Sort of livens things up.”