CHAPTER 37
Mom studied the new clue.
She passed it to Tommy, who passed it to Storm, who passed it to Beck and me.
“One hundred and three above?” mumbled Beck so the paratrooper couldn’t hear. “That sounds like the temperature of that mosquito-riddled African jungle we nearly died in!”
“But it didn’t go down to thirty-five below, ever!” I mumbled back. “Not even at night when we were so cold we were shivering.”
“So?” said Dragunov. “Have you solved the riddle and discovered where you will find our missing masterpieces?”
Mom smiled. “Colonel, it’s not that simple. This is only one clue of many that we need to analyze, consider, and—”
The colonel tugged off his ski mask so we could see how mad he was.
“Find our treasure now! No more talking. You twirl your tongue like the cow twirls its tail!”
“I beg your pardon?”
“It’s another Russian saying, Mom,” Storm informed her.
“Well, it’s not a very pleasant one.”
Six soldiers knelt in the snow. They weren’t praying. They were aiming their rifles at us!
“You will follow the clues and take us to the secret treasure-hiding place right now,” threatened the colonel, “or else!”
Mom grinned. Propped her hands on her hips.
“Or else what?” she asked. (See, I told you she didn’t threaten easily.) “What are you going to do, Colonel? Order your men to shoot us? With the whole world watching?”
“Pah. The world is not watching.”
“Yes, it is.” She gestured toward the crisp blue sky. “There’s a CIA drone overhead right now. It’s recording every move we make. And every one you make too.”
“I do not believe this. Why would the CIA send a drone to watch over you?”
“It’s part of the benefits package,” I said, since I’m the best at spinning stories and making junk up. “When you retire from the CIA, which Mom just did, you can sign up for their drone-protection plan.”
“You are like your mother, little boy,” snarled the Russian. “You lie with every word.”
“Did you just call my twin brother a liar?” asked Beck angrily.
“He did,” I said. “But first he called me a little boy!”
“That’s even worse.”
“I know. Makes me a little liar!”
“And we’re both the same height!”
“So you insulted my sister too!”
Yep. The two of us were in total Twin Tirade mode, but this one didn’t get a number because we weren’t directing it at each other. This one was just for the Russian bullies in the white snowsuits. Our faces were so hot, we melted every snowflake that dared to come within an inch of our skin.
“Enough!” shouted the colonel. “Silence! Rope is good when it is long; speech is good when it is short!”
“Did you memorize a Russian proverb book on the flight up or what?” snapped Beck.
“Zamolchite! Zatknite!”
“Oh, they’ll shut up,” said Mom, who knew enough Russian to translate that one. “The second you quit hassling us!”
Mom was totally backing us up as we faced off against the elite Russian menace. It was so cool. In a totally life-threatening sort of way.
“Your youngest children are very cute and clever, Mrs. Kidd,” said the colonel. “But in Russia, we do not care for cute or clever. So we will shoot them. Then we will shoot you and the other two. Then we will bury you and your four children under the ice.”
“Whoa,” said Tommy. “Sounds like you’ve blocked out a pretty busy afternoon, dude. Did you guys bring shovels and ice picks? For the burying part, I mean.”
Before Dragunov could threaten to throw our bodies to the sharks instead, a chirp-chirp sound rang out cheerfully.
The colonel held his hand out while glaring at us. One of his soldiers gave him a sleek black communications device with a stubby antenna: a satellite phone!
“Da? Ochen’ khorosho, gospodin. Ya zdelayu, kak vy skazali. Ya by predpochitayu, chtoby postrelyat’ ikh vsekh. Khorosho. Ya ne eto zdelayu. Khoroshevo dnya.”
“What’d he say?” Mom asked Storm.
“That he’ll do what the caller told him to do even though he’d rather shoot us all. Then he told the caller to have a nice day.”
The colonel tossed the satellite phone back to his radioman.
“So,” he finally said to Mom, looking disappointed that his superiors wouldn’t let him shoot us. “Do you have a plan as to where you will search next?”
Just then, several dogsleds appeared on the horizon.
“Of course,” said Mom. “In fact, here come our rides now.”