ten

The next few weeks pass by much too fast. Benjamin did his Chinese New Year’s trip home, and I really wanted to ask him if he saw any old boyfriends while he was there. But I didn’t. Ryan asked me to come to Bainesville for Valentine’s Day the following weekend, so I could see everyone while he visited Clare, but I said no because I thought Benjamin might call and ask me to come over and help him with his project on the weekend, seeing as it was due a week later. But he didn’t.

He has been filling me in on the progress he’s been making on the project that is going to change life as he knows it in Thompson Mills. He’s been running ideas past me, and last night he practiced his speech with me over the phone. He also tried talking some more about the idea of a Pride parade here, and I keep trying to figure out a way to tell him no, without disappointing him at the same time.

He might stop talking about it after today though.

It’s Art Project Day.

Mine is on the effects of immigration on communities and vice versa. I did a collage of my own drawings as well as photographs from the Internet, showing faces of people who came here from all different countries. I drew my own grandparents as part of it, explaining that they are the reason this is personal to me. Benjamin gave me pictures of his grandparents as well, which was cool. I used a map outline of our region as a background, which was meant to be somewhat ironic seeing as we are still basically homogenous here. A lot of people who move to this country seem to end up in urban areas where there are support systems in place and job possibilities. I was trying to say that we need to offer those same opportunities here so that we create some kind of diversity in small towns. I don’t know if I managed it or not. I suppose my grade will tell me that.

I guess Benjamin’s project is about diversity as well, only an even less popular version of it, in this neck of the woods, anyway. He showed me his finished project, and it’s actually really good. Better than good. Fantastic. He decided to create something much more interesting than our original design. Taking the outline I made for him, he traced it onto a sheet of plywood, which he cut out with his mom’s jigsaw. Instead of just painting words on the outline, he made the color bands out of different sizes and shapes of stones, painting them in various shades of each color and writing the words on the largest surfaces. He did a combination of repeating the core meaning of each color and adding other words that support it. His red section had “Life” a whole bunch of times, but also words like birth and children and grow. And love.

The result is this amazing three-dimensional, incredibly tactile rainbow that Benjamin can barely carry by himself, even with his impressive muscle tone. It’s almost as wide as he is tall and weighs a lot, but it looks great and makes me wish I had spent more time on my own project.

“So, are you ready?” he asks me as we come into the room. His project is at the back of the room on a shelf because it’s too heavy for the easel at the front. He has a detailed report neatly typed out in a folder beside it in case anyone in the class wants to take a look and learn a little more about the symbolism of the rainbow flag. As if.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I answer, not sure if he’s asking if I’m ready to present my work or ready to see him do his. Either way, I’m lying.

“I hope the superglue holds,” he says, grinning cheerfully. “I’d hate for the whole thing to disintegrate in the middle of my awesome speech. Your poster looks terrific.”

“Not compared to your stone rainbow. It’s beautiful, Benjamin. Really creative.”

“Thanks. I wanted it to stand out a little. Wake people up when they see it.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about standing out today.” I sigh a little as I head over to my desk. He seems so happy with himself. I hope everyone isn’t as supremely shitty to him as I’m expecting them to be once the point of his speech gets pushed into their little minds.

The teacher makes us go in alphabetical order, which means Benjamin is about three people before me. I sit through the endless boring explanations of completely unimportant moments in history, my stomach starting to churn a little more energetically as each passing second brings Benjamin’s moment of truth closer. I check to see if he’s as nervous as I am, but he’s just sitting there like he’s actually paying attention to everyone’s work and enjoying it.

“All right, thank you, Susan. Benjamin Lee,” the teacher says in a voice that sounds more bored than she likely realizes.

Benjamin heads to the back of the room and stands by his project. There are a couple of snickers before he starts to talk, which doesn’t bode well. Are rainbows inherently funny for some reason or has the rumor mill already started again?

“My project represents the rainbow flag, which is an important symbol within the LGBTQ+ community. The rainbow flag has become one of the most universally recognized flags in the world, reaching beyond national borders and uniting people of different cultures. It is a symbol of the struggle for acceptance and the celebration of unity and pride. The rainbow represents harmony within the diversity of the community, with each color holding its own specific meaning. I used stones as my medium because they’re totally natural, just like my topic…which has personal meaning to me because I’m gay…and proud of it.”

He just spits it out like a grape seed, ignoring the instant buzz in the room as he continues on to explain the different words he’s used and why he chose them. He then goes into a bit more detail about the meaning of the different colors and how important the flag has become in the Pride movement. It’s all really interesting, at least to me, but I’ve heard it before, and I can’t stop myself from looking around the room as his voice disappears into a faint murmur that blends in with the buzzing in the room and the roaring that’s started in my ears.

Some students are just sitting there, watching with glazed looks on their faces that mean they aren’t as impressed with his stone rainbow as I am and are probably not even listening. Others are whispering to each other and staring at Benjamin instead of his project. A few people are staring at me instead of him, pointing in my direction and making I-told-you-so faces. Some of the girls are watching him and looking like they’re going to cry.

Shit. This is going to be bad. Why did I let him do this? I should have been a better friend. I should have found a way to make him stop before he started.

After ten minutes that seem like ten times that many, the teacher thanks him for sharing his project in exactly the same way she thanked everyone else. She doesn’t seem to see anything monumental in the fact that he just came out to the entire class. She asks if anyone has questions, but everyone just sits there staring at him, so he sits down, smiling at me as he passes. That starts the whispers and pointing all over again, and it occurs to me that I’ve been so worried about the effect this might have on Benjamin that I didn’t realize it would bleed over onto me as well. People aren’t blind around here. Everyone knows that we’ve become friends. Now they’re going to decide that we’re a couple. Two gay guys sitting in a tree.

I might not mind being officially “outed” by Benjamin’s art project if we actually were a couple. I think I could stand up to pretty much anything if we were together.

“That went great, don’t you think?” Benjamin asks as we walk out of the room at the end of class. He seems completely oblivious to Jonathan Avery walking behind us saying “Hey fag” in a soft voice that’s just loud enough for us to hear, but not loud enough for the teacher.

“You did a good job,” I say, as I try to shut out the eyes and fingers and voices.

“Yeah, fag, you did a good job,” Jonathan says, increasing his volume as we get farther from the classroom. He laughs as if he’s said something funny, and a couple of his friends join in.

“Why didn’t you make a rainbow too, Jackie?” This time it’s Peter Bronman. I ignore him, but he won’t let it go. He comes up beside me and shoulder bumps me. “I asked you a question, gay boy.”

Benjamin stops walking suddenly and turns to Peter. He stands there for a second, staring. He’s a least four inches taller and probably outweighs him by fifty pounds of muscle. He just stares unflinchingly, arms folded with one hand loosely curled into a fist. After a few seconds, Peter makes an I’m-too-cool-for-this face and steps back. He probably figured out that it’s not a good idea to get in a fist fight with a fag who looks like he can kick ass.

“Stupid queer,” he says, shaking his head at Jonathan as the two of them take off to find someone else to vomit their ignorance on.

“Well, queer, fag, and gay. Quite the vocabulary for small-town assholes,” Benjamin says pleasantly and quite loudly. A couple of people standing near us laugh. I look over at them and I’m surprised to see that they’re looking at Benjamin as if they actually think he’s funny.

“It isn’t going to end there,” I tell him.

“I don’t expect it to. But they can’t hurt me if I don’t let them. That’s one thing I’ve learned. You need to learn it too, I think.”

“They can hurt you if they punch you.”

“Well, that’s debatable too. But I’ll avoid letting anyone punch me just in case. You worry too much.”

“But what if…?”

“Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself. Are you okay?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, I just realized that by hanging out with me, it’s going to make all those rumors about you go into hyperdrive. So, if you want me to back off for a bit, I will.”

“No!” The word shoots out so fast that he almost has to duck. He smiles as I turn every shade of red that he used on his rainbow. “I mean…you don’t have to. We’re friends, and it’s no one’s business but ours. And if they want to think I’m gay, let them.”

The words come out strong and fearless.

I think I might have to go throw up now.

“That’s good. I’m proud of you. I’m proud of me too. I think I’m going to get an A on that one. See you after school.” He heads off into the crowds changing classes, not the slightest bit worried that his life in this school has just changed for the worse.

“Hey!” Ryan comes wheeling up beside me.

“Hi.”

“So I hear you had an interesting art class.”

“Word travels fast. Class ended like three seconds ago.”

“Long enough to get a few texts out and about. Sounds like Benjamin’s more or less decided to tell everyone he’s gay. And is bringing you along for the ride.”

“It looks that way.”

“Are you okay?” he asks, the hint of worry in his voice instantly putting me on the defensive until I realize that I just did exactly the same thing to Benjamin.

“Yeah, I think I am. I mean, I don’t know how much will change for me. The rumors have been running around so long that most people have already decided anyway. Maybe they’ll stop thinking I’m a perverted drug addict who robs banks and just stick with thinking I’m gay.”

“I still think you’re a perverted drug addict.”

“Good, someone has to know the real me.”

Ryan laughs at me and then sobers up quickly when he sees Cody coming toward us.

“Oh, man, I wonder if Cody’s heard yet. He was telling me last week that he was going to ask Benjamin if he can swim because he noticed how big his shoulders and arms are. Cody’s going to freak out six ways from Sunday when he finds out Benjamin’s gay. He still hasn’t got over finding out about you!”

“That’s true. Maybe we should ask him if he wants to give Benjamin swimming lessons too. He could start a gay swim school. He’d be known as the Gay Coach. A happy little swim coach who’s opened his heart to anyone who wants to find his way across the swimming pool.” I smile sweetly as Cody reaches us. I’m not sure if he heard what I said or not, but he doesn’t look happy. Which I have to confess, makes me extremely happy.

“What the hell? He’s gay? I’ve been making comments about the guy’s shoulders and he’s gay?”

“Don’t worry, Cody. I don’t think it’s catching.”

“First you. Now him. It’s like an epidemic.”

“Definitely. We know two gay guys out of like two hundred plus guys in this school. Definitely taking over.” Ryan shakes his head.

“There could be more guys who just haven’t admitted it yet though, Ryan. Maybe Benjamin will start a trend,” I say seriously.

Ryan nods. “That could happen. You guys should start a club.”

“Actually, Benjamin said there is a rainbow club at his old school.”

“Shut up! Both of you. This is so not funny.” Cody looks like he wants to climb the walls.

“Actually, Cody. I wasn’t trying to be funny. There is a club at Benjamin’s old school, and maybe there should be one here too. I’ll sign you up.” I wave good-bye to Ryan and head off to my locker, leaving Cody sputtering away while Ryan alternates between ignoring him and laughing at him.

Rainbow flags. Rainbow clubs. And according to Benjamin, a rainbow parade.

Thompson Mills isn’t going to know what hit it.

But what worries me is wondering when it’s going to hit back.